A National Emergency: Save The HoHo's !

I can handle inept presidents and other crooked politicians. I'm able to work through awkward social situations. I can put up with the constant increases in prices, but don't take away my HoHo's (especially Shanaynay and Sasquatchia) and keep your hands off my Twinkie!

Hostess Brands is preparing to refile for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection just two years after emerging, The Wall Street Journal reported Monday. The Journal said people familiar with the matter said the company is facing a cash crunch with more than $860 million in debt, high labor expenses and rising ingredient costs.

This is a national emergency! Take to the streets, people and demand the Hostess continues it's tradition of turning children into little fat asses and continue on to become chunky adults.

I can see it now, my fellow indulgers. A world without HoHo's? Nay, I think not. Men, take your Twinkie in your hand and stand up for your rights. Ladies, take to the street and shout out to the world, "Save the Ding Dongs!" It's the American thing to do.......

If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq Theater of operations during the past 22 months and a total of 2112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000 soldiers.

The firearm death rate in Washington, DC is 80.6 per 100,000 for the same period. That means you are about 25 per cent more likely to be shot and killed by thugs living in the US capital than you are in Iraq.

Conclusion: The U.S. should pull out of Washington, DC.

The News As I See It: Mitt Romney says that Obama's promises are like Kim Kardashian's wedding vows. Obama shot back and said Romney's positions last about half as long as a Kim Kardashian wedding. Too bad the both of them weren't using revolvers.

Analyzing the rest of the GOP field, I think that:

Newt Gingrich had a horrible week in the Iowa caucuses because only 13 percent of his ex-wives voted for him. Ron Paul looks like a guy you'd keep overnight for observation. Rick Perry decided he would stay in the race, so there is still plenty of time not to vote for him.

The remaining Republican candidates went to New Hampshire hoping to get enough political contributions to pay for the bus ride to South Carolina.

Herman Cain is back. He's planning to tour the country in a bus, which sounds like his wife has kicked him out of the house.

Mexico has just completed construction of a bridge that is one of the world's highest. In fact, it clears the fence along our border by a good 50 feet.

According to the National Enquirer, John Edwards has proposed to his mistress, Rielle Hunter. He gave three reasons for wanting to marry her: He loves her, she's the mother of his child and of course, a wife can't testify against her husband.

It's being reported that after Tiger Woods' ex-wife, Elin, bought a $12 million mansion in Florida, she had it demolished. Here's the amazing part: She did it with a 9-iron.

This Date In History: 1935; Amelia Earhart became the first person to fly solo from Hawaii to California. 1964; The first government report regarding the dangers of cigarette smoking was issued by the U.S. Surgeon General, Luther Terry.

1973; Baseball's American League adopted the "designated hitter" rule which allowed another player to bat for the pitcher. 2002; The first al-Qaeda prisoners arrive at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. 2003; Outgoing Illinois governor George Ryan cleared the state's death row by commuting the sentences of 167 inmates.

Picture Of The Day: Paper artist Calvin Nicholls created the owl and the porcupine. There is nothing simple or ordinary about his paper art. Where we would simply use a piece of paper and a pair of scissors, Calvin uses everything you could possibly think of to carve, cut and rip perfect details onto his creations. The motifs are all wildlife, and that must be one of the hardest categories of things to make with paper since there are sometimes impossible details on animals.

As for the picture of Snoop Dogg, my only advice is that Texas has a way of dealing with people caught with weed...

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I saw a commercial that said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers." So I did, and it was a load off of my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, but I didn't know what they were. 2) I ate one anchovy and that is why I did not eat two anchovies. 3) I was walking down the street with a friend, and he said, "I hear music." I said, "Yeah, that's the way I receive too." 4) Sometimes I get really lonely, especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee. 5) Whenever I'm walking somewhere and someone hands me a flyer, I feel like they're telling me, "Here, go throw this away.".....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Capricorn - January 11th: It's going to be a good day, Tater! Let it all hang out (well, almost all) and have a great day. Take the time to hug someone dear to you tonight. Chance of romance is 84.7 percent. It would have been 85 percent, but I've got a feeling you're gonna wear that ugly shirt again.

Birthdays: My pal Richard - Happy Birthday Bud 19XX, Alexander Hamilton, statesman 1755, Ezra Cornell, financier 1807, Sir John Macdonald, statesman 1815, Alice Paul, activist 1885, Alan Paton, novelist 1903, Jean Chrétien, politician 1934, Mary J. Blige, singer, songwriter 1971.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she told him her story. After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 50 years old, she has two grown children and four grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up, said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

An old man, very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of cologne, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an attractive woman. The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt and my pal Garnett for their contributions to today's stories.

A guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. When he opens the door, he encounters two sheriff's deputies, one of whom asks if he is married and, if so, whether the deputy can see a picture of the wife. The guy says "sure" and shows him a picture of his wife.

The deputy looks carefully at the picture, takes of his hat and then gravely says, "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck." The guy says, "I know, but she has a great personality, is an excellent cook and lets me play golf whenever I want to!"

Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on the television.
The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.

Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain. Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch.

Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you just don't get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead."

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home, reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers, and demonstrated with her hands the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, then demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.

Then the third old lady, adjusting her hearing aid, chipped in, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."

That's it for today my little tadpoles. Remember, light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. AREA 51 is tonight's destination. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !