tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53048916018024567652024-03-13T03:38:07.015-04:00Jimmy's JournalJimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.comBlogger1308125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-21900591212140590412018-06-29T19:19:00.000-04:002018-06-29T19:19:05.402-04:00If You're Old Enough To Remember Seeing The Beatles Arrive In America in '64, It's Time To Have Your Yearly Prostate Exam<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The Beatles arrived on Pan Am Flight 101 at New York’s John F. Kennedy Airport. on February 7, 1964.They didn’t really know what to expect. Even though they had a No. 1 hit with "I Want to Hold Your Hand," they’d heard enough stories about other British musicians who failed to connect in America.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">An emotional crowd of somewhere between three and five thousand greeted the Beatles at the airport and "Beatlemania" had arrived. It was the first visit to the United States by the Beatles who had just scored their first Number One U.S. hit six days before with "I Want to Hold Your Hand."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">At Kennedy, the "Fab Four" dressed in mod suits and sporting their trademark pudding bowl haircuts nearly caused a riot when the boys stepped off their plane and onto American soil. Two days later, Paul McCartney, age 21, Ringo Starr, 23, John Lennon, 23, and George Harrison, 20, made their first appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Although it was difficult to hear the performance over the screams of teenage girls in the studio audience, an estimated 73 million U.S. television viewers, or about 40 percent of the U.S. population, tuned in to watch. Sullivan immediately booked the Beatles for two more appearances that month.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The rest, as they say, is history. The Beatles went on to become one of the most influential sounds in music and the number one band in sales. It was the best of times, back in the day, and I can say I was there to enjoy it......</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>After 30 years on the bench,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Justice Kennedy is retiring from the Supreme Court. He's 81 years old, so he's going to go from sitting around in a robe all day to sitting around in a robe all day.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>According to a new study,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> older people who have sex regularly tend to have better memories, while the people who walked in on them just want to forget.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>I read a very interesting story</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> in the newspaper today. For the younger readers, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1613;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> London's Globe Theatre burned down during a performance of Shakespeare's Henry VIII. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1767;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The British Parliament approved the Townshend Acts. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1972;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The Supreme Court ruled in Furman v. Georgia that the death penalty could constitute "cruel and unusual" prompting some states to revise their laws.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1995;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The shuttle Atlantis and the Russian space station Mir docked, forming the largest man-made satellite ever to orbit Earth. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>2003;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Actress Katharine Hepburn died. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: <span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The boys deplane.....</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">My girlfriend told me to stop pretending to be a flamingo, I just had to put my foot down. <span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> One thing that both White and Black people know, but Spanish people do not, is that chicken is food, not a roommate. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> As kids, we all used to skinny dip. Nowadays, most of us just chunky dunk. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> Did you ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and blaming it on the republicans? </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> They asked me who my friend was and I said, "His name is Sanjay although you may know him as Mike from Microsoft customer service."<span style="color: #ffd966;">.....and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Cancer - June 29th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Although you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, bear in mind that you can catch even more flies with manure. Take the time to shave closely tonight as the evening is showing signs of becoming memorable. Chance of romance is partly cloudy with a chance of reins, a whip and handcuffs .</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>:</span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"> <span style="color: #33ccff;">George Goethals, engineer </span><span style="color: red;">1858,</span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> George Ellery Hale, astronomer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1868,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> James Van Der Zee, photographer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1886,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Antoine de Saint Exupéry, aviator </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1900,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Slim Pickens, cowboy and actor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1919,</u></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">I met a beautiful girl last night in the </span><span style="color: magenta;"><u>Area 51</u></span><span style="color: #33ff33;"> bar. She just walked up and said, "Hi, my name's Carmen." I said, "That's a beautiful name. Is it a family name?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">She said, "No, I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most, cars and men. What's your name?" I said, "B.J. Titsenfishing."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Aunt Clara went to a new doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation. She said to the doctor, "It's terrible! I haven't moved my bowels in more than a week."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The doctor said, "I see. Have you done anything about it?"
Aunt Clara replied, "Oh, yes. I sit in the bathroom for a good half of an hour in the morning and then again at night."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The doctor said, "No, I mean do you take anything?" Aunt Clara answered, "Just a magazine..."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner. The attorney asked, "Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse? The coroner replied, "No, I did not."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The attorney asked, "Did you listen to the heart?" The coroner answered, "No, I did not." The attorney: said, "Did you check for breathing?" The coroner said, "No."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The attorney said, "So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?" The coroner replied, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess its possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A woman stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting one Sunday morning, took the microphone from one of the church ushers and bared her soul to the congregation. "I want to tell you about the awful accident that my husband, Jim, suffered this past month."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">She continued, "He was riding his motorcycle, lost control and hit a tree. He was rushed to the hospital and could have died, but thank the Lord, all he suffered was a broken scrotum."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The congregation gasped in horror. The men in the congregation were obviously uneasy and writhed in their seats. She continued, "Jim has been in terrible pain all month since the accident. He can hardly lift anything, he's in a lot pain and he has missed work because of it."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">His wife added, "Worst of all, we can no longer cuddle and have intimate relations. He is in constant pain, a pain so terrible that our love life has all but slipped away into oblivion. I would like to ask you all in the congregation to pray for Jim and pray for us, that his broken scrotum will soon heal."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A dull murmur erupted within the congregation as the full impact of this terrible accident sank in and the men in the congregation were visibly shaken up with the thought that, "There, but for the grace of God, go I."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Then, as the murmuring settled down, a lone figure stood up in midst of the congregation, worked his way up to the pulpit, obviously in pain, adjusted the microphone to his liking, then leaned over and said to the congregation. "My name is Jim and I have only one word for my wife. Honey, the word is 'sternum'." </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little rosebuds Remember, memory is what tells a man his wedding anniversary was yesterday. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Blogger by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page. You may be asked to join blogger, but it's free with no obligations,</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-74704037029994760952018-06-22T14:57:00.000-04:002018-06-22T16:18:44.255-04:00Crappola: "Only $19.95" And Other Rip-offs<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP2NSR5eT7QCzDj64pAU-J9GHzgGi0MZUO5TQeYG9fpA3fCO7yOft05bhk7F6klce0NoC7sVVxTmH25R_l-sdyiIgd9kpL2JZJXFhvc9i-vJ4ubXPJcbLj9C-JlCcHS9E7y-56PftEEaE/s1600/Dogs+01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="289" data-original-width="567" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP2NSR5eT7QCzDj64pAU-J9GHzgGi0MZUO5TQeYG9fpA3fCO7yOft05bhk7F6klce0NoC7sVVxTmH25R_l-sdyiIgd9kpL2JZJXFhvc9i-vJ4ubXPJcbLj9C-JlCcHS9E7y-56PftEEaE/s1600/Dogs+01.jpg" /></a></div>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">If it's "only $19.95" and "not sold in stores", don't buy it. If your attorney advertises on TV at 3 o'clock in the morning, get a new attorney. If your prescription drugs are advertising and the side effects include: death, blindness, tuberculosis, liver damage, anal leakage, loss of sense of humor, et cetera, ad nauseum, don't buy it.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Lets begin with the "Only $19.95" game, Why don't they just charge $20? Because the price looks cheaper, but let's face it, it's $20, plus shipping and handling. Ten year guarantee! Really? A corporation cost less than $500 to create and it's usually "offshore" Yeah, that'll be a successful lawsuit.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">If the spokesperson speaks so shrill and loudly, you check to see of your cat got it's tail stuck in the door, just change the TV channel. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">"Act now and we'll double the offer, Just pay shipping and handling". Guess what that will cost? Another $20! There is no such thing as a free lunch!</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Attorneys</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> who advertise on TV in the AM are usually the bottom of the barrel. Owning a real estate company, I have dealt with attorneys all of my career. I never met (or used) those who do their own advertising on TV. The major issue always seem to be how much money they earned for a client, Good attorneys are more prone to look out after your interests.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Drug companies</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> drive me crazy with their new drugs. Whoever creates the names of these products should be sent back to school to learn English.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Since most people over 50 usually have one malady or the other, I sometimes listen to the information. The final straw is when they list possible side effects and one quickly decides that the thirty-odd side effects do not justify using the drug.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Banks</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> are starting to offer services through virtual assistants like Amazon Echo, which backfires when you ask Alexa for your account balance and she just starts laughing.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>In November,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> people in California will vote on whether they want to break the state up in to three smaller states. The states would be Northern California, Southern California, and Kardashistan.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Microsoft</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> is working on technology that removes the need for cashiers and checkout lines. This cutting-edge technology is known as "shoplifting."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Sonic</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> has introduced a new flavor of its iced slushes. Apparently, they've run out of ideas because this new flavor is Pickle Juice. This is great news for people who are hot, thirsty and well into their second trimester.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Sonic says if this goes well, they're all set to unveil their next exciting flavor, Cabbage Drippings. Sonic claims the new flavor has "a distinctly summer vibe to create new summer memories." Memories like, "Hey! You remember that time I threw up at Sonic?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1815;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Napoleon abdicated his throne for the second time after his defeat at Waterloo. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1870;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The U.S. Justice Department was created. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1874;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Dr. Andrew Still became the first to practice osteopathy. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1944;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the G.I. Bill of Rights.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1969;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Singer-actress Judy Garland died. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1987;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Actor-dancer-singer Fred Astaire died. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>2011;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Legendary Boston crime boss,James "Whitey" Bulger is found and arrested by federal authorities in Santa Monica, Calif.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: <span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Child with body guards.....</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">The guy who named peacocks was never allowed to name anything again. <span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> My parents moved a lot when I was younger. We kids always managed to track them down though.
</span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> Life tip - Buy a birthday card with your morning bottle of wine and people will think it's a gift. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> Cuisine is something like food, but the portions are smaller and the prices are higher. If you desire authentic French cuisine, the waiter will insult you as you are served. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> It takes over five words to say "I love you" in Hawaiian. All it really takes is a pineapple and fifty dollars for those in the know<span style="color: #ffd966;">.....and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Gemini - June 22nd</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">With every passing moment you are pissing away your life reading nonsense on the Internet. For this reason, </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">any film you watch over the coming weekend will stay with you forever. Please ensure the film is not Tomb Raider.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>:</span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"> <span style="color: #33ccff;">Julian Sorell Huxley, biologist, author </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1887,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Anne Morrow Lindbergh, author </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1906,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Joseph Papp, stage producer, director </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1921,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Bill Blass, fashion designer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1922,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Dianne Feinstein, senile senator </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1933,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Kris Kristofferson, composer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1936,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Meryl Streep, ultra liberal actress </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1949.</u></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">Adam was hanging around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that she would be called "woman."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">God said, "This pretty woman will gather food for you, she will cook for you and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you. She will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">God continued, "She will praise you!
She will bear your children. and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will <u>never</u> have a headache and will freely give you love whenever you need it."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg." Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A Jewish man is walking on the beach when he discovers a strange bottle. He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish. He says, "Peace in the Middle east, that’s my wish."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The genie looks concerned, then says, "No, I’m sorry, that’s just not possible. Some things just can’t be changed. Do you have another wish?"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The guys says, "Well, my whole life I’ve never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says, "How would you define peace?" </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench. Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've been reading this Sex book and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm'. Mutual orgasm here and mutual orgasm there. That's all they talk about."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?"
Mabel thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her head and said, "No, I think we had State Farm."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A mother of five decides to get plastic surgery on her privates so her husband can enjoy the snugness she had in her youth. So, she heads off to the doctor for the procedure. Once the procedure is done, she wakes up to find three roses on her bed and asks the nurse who sent them.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The nurse says, "The doctor wanted you to know he appreciates the business, so he left you a rose. Then your husband came in with a rose, stating that he can't wait to feel the results of the surgery, so he left a rose, too."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The woman asks, "What about the third rose?" The nurse says, "Oh, that's from Ed in the burn unit. He wanted to say thanks for the new ears." </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little butter cups. Remember, pepperoni, cheese, anchovies or jalapenos added to jokes upon request; your mileage may vary; no substitutions! I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Blogger by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page. They may ask you to join, but it's free.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-41001923767836664772018-05-19T14:15:00.000-04:002018-05-19T14:15:41.033-04:00Harry And Meghan<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">This is yesterday's post, but I was waiting for messages to the Royals from my inside contact....Harry's best man and football team Captain. He toasted Harry and Meghan, "My apologies from the rest of the team. They couldn’t all be here today, good luck with Harry. We found him to be useless in most positions, but wishing you all the best for tonight."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">He continued, "I do hope that you and Harry enjoy your honeymoon in Wales. I assume you’re going to Wales. When I asked harry his plans for after the wedding, he said he was going to Bangor for a fortnight?</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A lot of celebrities were at the royal wedding this today, like Serena Williams and the Spice Girls. But Yanni had to RSVP no. He said, "I think I got the invitation by mistake. This envelope was addressed to Laurel.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u><span style="color: cyan;">IKEA's</span></u> launching a new credit card that offers rewards and perks for frequent customers, but it is a bitch to put together!</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1642;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The city of Montreal was founded by the French. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1804;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Napoleon Bonaparte was proclaimed Emperor of France by the French Senate. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1896;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The Supreme Court affirmed racial segregation in Plessy v. Ferguson as "separate but equal."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1920;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Pope John Paul II was born near Krakow, Poland. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1953;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Jacqueline Cochran became the first woman to fly faster than the speed of sound. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1974;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> India became the 6th country to become a nuclear power. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1980;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Mount St. Helens, in Washington state, erupted after being dormant for 123 years.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1994;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Israeli troops withdrew from the Gaza strip after three decades of occupation and Palestinians took over. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>2000;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> A bill was finally passed that removed the Confederate flag from the South Carolina statehouse. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>2004;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Sonia Gandhi stunned her party, the Indian National Congress, by refusing to accept the prime ministership of India.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: <span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Meghan and her mother</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigTQydcNVrA7TTTv2tmaUYA8oqr6Jme2hpo-A5PG5skRSyRN6OloDUgfhYwILZyVuXciU59hekuOV0a15mFw7RlRtedx4Pg96LsemRjR9VFnAEKQA5JhvXJSQoBKwcSh_ZPekuwknihcQ/s1600/Meghan+Markle+mother.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="626" data-original-width="634" height="393" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigTQydcNVrA7TTTv2tmaUYA8oqr6Jme2hpo-A5PG5skRSyRN6OloDUgfhYwILZyVuXciU59hekuOV0a15mFw7RlRtedx4Pg96LsemRjR9VFnAEKQA5JhvXJSQoBKwcSh_ZPekuwknihcQ/s400/Meghan+Markle+mother.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">I went for a run today. Of course it was a beer run, but I was really sweating. <span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> According to Webster's dictionary, Duckling means "little duck".
As a result, I no longer eat dumplings. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> Pretty much everything I know about Caribbean geography, I learned from that Beach Boys song "Kokomo." </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> I wonder why women don't get a wax during an epidural? it's genius and there's a ton of time to kill anyway. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> If you don't think learning to spell is important, order a fragrance using the word "colon" instead of "cologne" on Ebay<span style="color: #ffd966;">.....and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Taurus - May 18th </u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Life can be as romantic as you wish to make it. Like the old saying goes, a man with three fish has enough in his heart to help him build a picnic chair. You think I made that up, don't you? I work my fingers to the bone looking for old sayings and reading the stars and this is the thanks I get? That's it! No soup for you!!!!</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>:</span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"> <span style="color: #33ccff;">Omar Khayyam, poet and mathematician </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1048,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Bertrand Russell, philosopher </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1872,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Margot Fonteyn, ballerina </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1919,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> John Paul II, pope (1978–2005) </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1920,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Reggie Jackson
baseball player </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1946.</u></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"> </span></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> </span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">An old drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you Sir?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The drunk mumbles, "Yessh! Ssomebody sstole my car." The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?" The drunk replies, "It wasss on the end of thisshh key."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">An Italian, a Frenchman and an Englishman were discussing their previous night's lovemaking. The Italian said, "I rubbed fine olive oil all over my wife, then we made wonderful love. She screamed for five minutes."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The Frenchman said, "I rubbed sweet butter on my wife's body, then we made passionate love. She screamed for half an hour."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The Englishman said, "I covered my wife's body with lard. We made love and she screamed for six hours."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The others asked, "Six hours? How did you make her scream for six hours?" The Englishman replied, "I wiped my hands on the drapes."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?" She replied, "A can of peaches."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied, "six." The judge then said, "I will give you six days in jail."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. The judge said, "What is it?" The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."<span style="color: #33ccff;"> </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A guy in a bar keeps hitting on an a lesbian who is waiting for her date. He just won't take no for an answer. The lesbian smirks and says, "Tell you what, I'll sleep with you if you can name one thing a man can do for me that my vibrator can't!"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, let's see your vibrator buy the next round of drinks!"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little rose buds. Remember, Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-46400952869718581902018-05-04T20:50:00.001-04:002018-05-04T20:50:37.158-04:00Beware The Flying Cockroach<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbNXU9KXhy6vGQEUo7AiM0089MCsU6h35yDJKVIWiyF11MM4ZeV1n-alt62e9kLudJHehho5GDZVbWARxJKZglZGBPRUVh3OC5GzX7MptghSKIRwSKVoXf95x_XkWqO5MEeUBamwhqFQ8/s1600/z2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="308" data-original-width="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbNXU9KXhy6vGQEUo7AiM0089MCsU6h35yDJKVIWiyF11MM4ZeV1n-alt62e9kLudJHehho5GDZVbWARxJKZglZGBPRUVh3OC5GzX7MptghSKIRwSKVoXf95x_XkWqO5MEeUBamwhqFQ8/s1600/z2.png" /></a></div>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I read a joke on Facebook today about cockroaches and those who fear or dislike them. Personally, I like most critters, but I'd rather fight a bear than have an encounter with a big cockroach. Here in Florida, the common variety is called a palmetto bug and the damned things can fly.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I rarely see a bug in my home, but when I do, it's usually the 14 pound variety. The other day, I see my cat Scooter stalking something with Samantha (my other cat) seemingly aiding and abetting him.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Curious, I investigate the commotion and find a large cockroach casually crawling around the kitchen. Samantha hangs back as Scooter lightly pats and toys with the critter.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Irritated, I grab a paper towel to catch and remove it, but Scooter picks it up with his mouth and high-tails into the bedroom and under the bed. I have no intent to get on the floor and look for the roach because some are known to carry guns and knives.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I go back to the living room and sit down to plan how to resolve the matter. I look up to see Scooter exiting the bedroom, sans cockroach, which means the little bastard is still under the bed. Declining to back into the bedroom, I grab a beer and sit in my recliner opting to sleep there until the cats finally do the intruder in.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The next morning, having forgotten the whole incident, I go into the kitchen only to find the roach dead on his back and both cats sitting proudly beside their kill.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>A study reveals</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> A study reveals that the best way to add years to your life is to exercise, lose weight, and not drink too much. To which all of America replied, "What else you got?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Starbucks</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> should have a separate line for people who don't know what they want or how the world works.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u><span style="color: cyan;">The Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton,</span></u> had the Royal baby, walked out and showed it to everyone, then went home?! I had Taco Bell yesterday and couldn’t get off of the couch.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u><span style="color: cyan;">There's a whale in France</span></u> that can say hello out of its blowhole and I still can't manage chrysanthemum on the first try.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><u><span style="color: cyan;">1809;</span></u> Mary Kies of South Killingly, Connecticut, became the first woman to be granted a patent. The patent was for the rights to a technique for weaving straw with silk and thread. <u><span style="color: cyan;">1821;</span></u> Napoleon Bonaparte died on the island of St. Helena<span style="color: cyan;"><u>.</u></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: cyan;"><u> </u></span><u><span style="color: cyan;">1891;</span></u> Carnegie Hall (then known as Music Hall) opened in New York City. Peter Tchaikovsky was the guest conductor. <span style="color: cyan;"><u>1925;</u></span>
John Scopes was arrested in Tennessee for teaching Darwinism. <u><span style="color: cyan;">1961;</span></u> Alan Shepard became the first American in space.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><u><span style="color: cyan;">1981<span style="color: #33cc00;">:</span></span></u> Bobby Sands of the Irish Republican Army died in a prison hospital on the 66th day of his hunger strike. <u><span style="color: cyan;">2004;</span></u> Pablo Picasso's "Boy with a Pipe" became the most expensive painting ever sold.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: <span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Thoughts for consideration.....</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">If growing up in the '60s taught me one thing, it’s that my friends and I should have found that missing boy on the milk carton by now. <span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> Some days you’re the dodgeball, some days you’re the face. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> I chaperoned my nephew's field trip to the farm today. Didn't lose any children, but this fluffy kid has been clucking the whole bus ride home. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> At this point, the only guy on the Internet that I trust with my personal data is that Nigerian Prince. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we lay making love, I thought. "These Taser guns are well worth the money."<span style="color: #ffd966;">.....and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Taurus - May 5th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">The light is coming closer and soon you will see exactly what the future holds with a special someone. The light is a little bit blinding though, so you might want to duck out of the way when it gets within touching distance or possibly even turn around. But don't turn around for too long or the light will be gone. I'm pretty sure it's a light. I've discussed it with a other astrologers and it's either a light or a locomotive. Just in case, get out of the tunnel.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>:</span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"> <span style="color: #33ccff;">Soren Kierkegaard,
philosopher and religious thinker <u><span style="color: red;">1813,</span></u> Nellie Bly,
journalist <u><span style="color: red;">1867,</span></u>
Tyrone Power,
actor <u><span style="color: red;">1914,</span></u>
Arthur L Schawlow,
physicist <u><span style="color: red;">1921,</span></u>
Tammy Wynette,
country singer <u><span style="color: red;">1942,</span></u>
Adele,
singer <span style="color: red;"><u>1988.</u></span></span></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">A customer asked the clerk, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?" The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">He continued, "If I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?" The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Two men are talking and one man says to the other, "I went for my routine checkup today." His friend asked, "Is everything okay?" </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The man said, "Everything was going fine until he stuck his finger up my ass."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">His friend smiled and said, "That's normal procedure." The man replied, "So you don't think I should change dentists?"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">A man is walking home alone late one foggy night when behind him he hears: Bump... Bump... Bump...</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him. Bump... Bump... Bump...</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him. Faster... Faster!... Bump... Bump... Bump...</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket.... Clapping-Bump... Clappity-Bump... Clappity-Bump...</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">On his heels, the terrified man runs. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding, his head is reeling, his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud crash the casket breaks down the door, bumping and clapping toward him.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket......and (wait for it)....the coffin stops. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A ragged, old, derelict shuffled into a down and dirty bar. Smelling of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window, handed it to the bartender and said, "I'd like to apply for the job."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">He continued, "I was an F-4 driver, flying off carriers back in 'Nam, but when they retired the Phantom all the thrill was gone and soon they cashed me in as well. I learned to play the piano at Officer's Club happy-hour, so here I am."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The barkeep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off. So, why not give him a try?</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The seedy fighter-jockey staggered his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced.
What followed was a rhapsody of soaring music unlike anything heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn't a dry eye in the place.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The bartender took the old fighter pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played. ''It's called 'Drop your Skivvies, Baby, I'm Going Balls To The Wall For You' "he said. After a long drink from the beer, leaving it empty, he added, "I wrote it myself."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player just went on into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping. After he finished, the fighter pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second proffered mug, and told the crowd the song was called, "Big Boobs Make My Afterburner Light Up."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">He then launched into another mesmerizing song and everyone in the room was enthralled. He announced that it was the latest rendition of his song,"Spread 'em Baby, It's Foggy Out Tonight and I Need To See The Centerline", then he excused himself and headed for the bathroom.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">When he came out of the bathroom, the bartender went over to him and said, "Hey, fly boy, the job is yours, but, do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out?" The old fighter pilot replied, "Know it? Hell, I wrote it!" </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little tinker toys Remember, livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-55283189531382881092018-04-13T19:14:00.000-04:002018-04-13T19:14:37.703-04:00Under Fire: Sitting In The Big Boy's Seat<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I don't know what pisses me off more - Cory Booker's ignorant questions to Secretary of State nominee Mike Pompeo or the babbling questions by Congressional morons to Mark Zuckerberg.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The amusing thing in the questioning of Zuckerberg (who bluffed or spun his way around most of the questions) was that he sat on a four-inch-thick cushion to boost his height during his Senate testimony.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Cory Booker, a presidential wannabe, was way out of line with his racial and sexual questioning and methinks he was just looking for TV time.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Meanwhile, Senator Bob Menendez of New Jersey, wagged a finger at Pompeo about integrity. It hasn’t even been five months since a mistrial was declared in Menendez’s corruption trial, so many don’t see him as one who should be questioning the integrity of others. </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u><span style="color: cyan;">Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg</span></u> completed two days of his congressional testimony about security breaches. Things got a little tense when Zuckerberg referred to each senator by their PIN number.<u><span style="color: cyan;"> </span></u></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u><span style="color: cyan;">The city of Anchorage, Alaska,</span></u> has voted down a bathroom bill that discriminates against transgendered people. Residents said, "You know, it’s so cold here in Alaska we can’t tell what genitals you have anyway."<u><span style="color: cyan;"> </span></u></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u><span style="color: cyan;">A 112-year-old-man in Japan</span></u> was just named the world's oldest man. He's very happy. He said he'll remember this moment for the rest of this week.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1598;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The Edict of Nantes gave religious tolerance to the Huguenots in France. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1742;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Handel’s Messiah was first publicly performed in Dublin, Ireland. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1964;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Sidney Poitier became the first African American to win the Academy Award for best actor.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1970;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Apollo 13 announced "Houston, we've got a problem," when an oxygen tank burst on the way to the Moon. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1975;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Civil War began in Lebanon when gunmen killed 4 Christian Phalangists who retaliated by killing 27 Palestinians. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1997;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Tiger Woods became the youngest person to win the Masters Tournament.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>2994;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Barry Bonds hit his 661st homer, passing Willie Mays to take third place on the lifetime list. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>2012;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Kwangmyŏngsŏng-3, a North Korean Earth observation satellite, exploded shortly after its launch. The U.S. and other countries called the launch a violation of United Nations Security Council rules.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: <span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The mere idea of sitting in a padded chair cracks me up. It's tantamount to the proverbial "comb over".</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">Okay ladies, warm weather is here. Time to
de-Sasquatch-ify your legs. <span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> Love comes in all shapes and sizes. By the time love came to me, all the good shapes and sizes were taken. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> If stupid was a disease, people would be dropping dead all over the place. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> It gets scary when I start making the same noises that my coffee maker does. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home.....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Capricorn - April 13th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">The temperature will affect you this week in ways that I simply cannot foresee. I believe it will be the kind of temperature that requires the movement of clothing, either on or off, because it will be either hot or cold.....or possibly somewhere in between. You and biscuits are going to be inseparable today. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>:</span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"> <span style="color: #33ccff;">Thomas Jefferson, 3rd president of the United States </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1743,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Butch Cassidy, outlaw </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1866,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Samuel Beckett, playwright </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1906,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> 1906 Eudora Welty, novelist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1909,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Ben Nighthorse Campbell, U.S. senator </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1933,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Seamus Heaney, poet </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1939.</u></span></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different.
Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan." The teacher asked, "Why aren't you an Obama fan?" Johnny said, "Because I'm a Libertarian."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The teacher asked him why he's a Libertarian.
Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's a Libertarian and my Dad's a Libertarian, so I'm a Libertarian."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan."<span style="color: #33ccff;"> </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">During a recent press conference, a reporter with MSNBC hollered from the press corps, "Where is President Trump hiding his tax returns?"
Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, astutely responded, "We've found a very secure place and I'm certain they won't be found."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The reporter asked sarcastically, "And just where is that?" Mrs Sanders grinned sardonically and said, "They are underneath Obama's college records, his passport application, his immigration status as a student, his funding sources to pay for college, his college records and his Selective Service registration. Next question?"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The woman gave the officer her license.
The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Some of you may or may not be aware that as you get older, your brain occasionally goes on vacation without letting you know. You eventually learn from this. Then, when you suddenly find yourself wondering where you are and why are you're there, you don't panic.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Rather, you stand there for a moment or two and try to retrace you last known position hoping to recreate the thought you may or may not have had. Additionally, you learn not to wear your dazed and bewildered look as this can lead to having predators follow you like buzzards over a dying animal. It also stops other seniors near you from laughing or pointing at you.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Early signs of this malady usually begin with simple things like looking for five minutes for your glasses only to realize that they are on top of your head. Another frequent mishap is to go from room A to room B and upon arrival, not having the slightest idea of why you are there.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Occasional loss of thought and the innate inability to remember some one's name are a constant bother especially when you can remember the words to every song written since the beginning of time.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">But fret not my little puppies. In order to reach this stage, you have to have lived a long, full life with beautiful memories and a lifetime of both good and bad memories, usually more of the former and less of the latter. The best part is that eventually, you'll be able to hide your own Easter eggs and meet new friends every day..... </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little chicklets Remember, If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, call them up later when you’re drunk. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-23938694110166586832018-04-06T20:36:00.000-04:002018-04-06T20:36:09.346-04:00Diversification Doesn't Change the Product <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcs6XVWosR32jQJ1nIKHXWU6ZqN0G6bljOozdW92hfBzXSIJsoFNXQ2qLgK5ZHVJot9htFIiPW1EmfKrgQG-IY0otIbhRiVvkoj5d8XJ7Beho_1rk2dOOGOKSWnNvlubkPZw8RfE5gN1I/s1600/google+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="177" data-original-width="442" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcs6XVWosR32jQJ1nIKHXWU6ZqN0G6bljOozdW92hfBzXSIJsoFNXQ2qLgK5ZHVJot9htFIiPW1EmfKrgQG-IY0otIbhRiVvkoj5d8XJ7Beho_1rk2dOOGOKSWnNvlubkPZw8RfE5gN1I/s1600/google+1.jpg" /></a></div>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Television and it's commercials are driving me crazy. I have become accustomed to the rhetoric of the fake news media, but now I'm seeing a multitude of no-talent shows and commercials that seem to have an agenda with diversification...brainwashing, if you will.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Shows are becoming boring, non-scripted crapola about pawn brokers, deeps sea fishing, dirty jobs and the like. These a merely slot fillers where the networks can pay low salaries and still get in their tainted, left leaning commercials. Fortunately there are still a few good shows that are worth watching.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Commercials are slanted with unreal diversification. Apparently, no commercial can contain one group of people. Watch the commercials and you'll see a hodge podge of ethnicity. I have all kinds of friends, but I have never seen such a ridiculous combination of characters in any public setting. I don't really object to the characters, but I do reject the underlying attempt at brainwashing.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The entire feeble attempt at disguising the underlying attempt to push diversification in commercials reminds me of the Google logo. Both disgust me.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u><span style="color: cyan;">The makers of Pokemon Go have announced</span></u> that they will use the app to encourage and reward players for walking around and picking up garbage on Earth Day. While the makers of Tinder have ALWAYS encouraged people to pick up garbage.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Mahatma Gandhi</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> often walked barefoot which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, making him rather frail and with his odd diet he often suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>My girlfriend and I</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> went camping this weekend in her SUV and two raccoons got in the car. Long story short, if you see two coons speeding in a 2011 Jeep Cherokee, email me.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><u><span style="color: cyan;">1830;</span></u> Joseph Smith and five others organized the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Fayette, New York. <u><span style="color: cyan;">1862;</span></u> The Battle of Shiloh in the American Civil War began.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><u><span style="color: cyan;">1896;</span></u> First modern Olympic Games opened in Athens, Greece. <u><span style="color: cyan;">1909;</span></u> Robert Peary and Matthew Henson became the first to reach the North Pole. <u><span style="color: cyan;">1917;</span></u> U.S. declared war on Germany and entered World War I.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: <span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">One can dream, can't one?</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX35oRylxsrMVQ5uUB6FfLSvFlncNKAg2pbbVhzHmP1UXTSmRg57yCwQUhXOFZvqAXN6pvhzZJoLJY_iLw-kjDZajI4WyBhvbkZmmi1Yk_lw2txQbziB5pHzNH7NuthMqRe82trm4ppbQ/s1600/Hillary+Clinton.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="520" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX35oRylxsrMVQ5uUB6FfLSvFlncNKAg2pbbVhzHmP1UXTSmRg57yCwQUhXOFZvqAXN6pvhzZJoLJY_iLw-kjDZajI4WyBhvbkZmmi1Yk_lw2txQbziB5pHzNH7NuthMqRe82trm4ppbQ/s1600/Hillary+Clinton.jpg" /></a></div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">I like to make shopping lists. I also like to leave them laying on the kitchen counter and then guess what's on the list while at the store. It's a fun game. <span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> A man started choking in the line at Wendy's today. Luckily the manager jumped into action and opened another register. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> The waiter, I mean "barrista", said, "It's pronounced poor-shah, not por-shh." I said, "Ok, got it doo-shah." </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> If you play a game with your girlfriend where you pick one person you’d be allowed to sleep with, choose a celebrity and not "Liz from Accounting." </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> I caught a cold and my doctor recommended coffee enemas. I can never go back to Starbucks<span style="color: #ffd966;">.....and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Aries - April 6th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Most of your body is going to become an erogenous zone later this week and the slightest, even accidental, touch may cause you to wet yourself. Thank goodness for Depends, huh? </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>:</span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"> <span style="color: #33ccff;">Raphael Santi, major Italian Renaissance painter <u><span style="color: red;">1493,</span></u> James Mill,
philosopher, economist and historian <u><span style="color: red;">1773,</span></u>
Anthony Fokker,
aircraft manufacturer <u><span style="color: red;">1890,</span></u> Andre Previn,
conductor, composer and pianist <u><span style="color: red;">1929.</span></u></span></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">Some women were gathered and the subject of the conversation turned to sex and then birth control. The first woman says, "We're Catholic, so we can't use it." The next woman says, "I am too, but we use the rhythm method." </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The third woman says, "We use the bucket and saucer method."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The other women asked, "What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?"
The woman replied, "Well, I'm five foot eleven and my husband is five foot two. We make love standing up with him standing on a bucket and when his eyes get big as saucers, I kick the bucket out from under him."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Bambi, a blonde in her third year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her U.S. government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Bambi pondered the question, then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware." </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" Mabel pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A young couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an unfortunate incident occurred. Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet to pee and neglected to notice that the seat was up. When she sat, she kept going!</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">She was just the right size and shape so that she became jammed into the toilet past her waist with her legs sticking straight up in front of her. She cried for her husband, who rushed in, and for the next hour tried desperately to free her.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">During the process, they removed her sleeping gown, but this only left her naked and still stuck, with a particular part of her anatomy prominently visible between her splayed legs.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Finally, the couple resolved to call a plumber, despite the embarrassing nature of their problem. When the plumber arrived, the young man let him in, but as they were walking to the bathroom, the young man realized that his wife was exposed in a very compromising and humiliating way.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Thinking fast, he ran ahead of the plumber, grabbed a stuffed bunny from the bedroom and placed it over his wife's exposed privates. The plumber walked into the bathroom, took a long look and said, "Well I think I can save your wife, Buddy, but the rabbit's a goner." </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little tadpoles. Remember, a word to the wise isn't necessary. It's the stupid ones that need the advice. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-39312618312620887102018-03-30T19:58:00.001-04:002018-03-30T21:01:48.574-04:00"Roseanne" Viewers Top 18 Million<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrzOwdTP8jZ86yg-WasJbjws6llZi73jgoTT_K51MMMn_Ipr010h17YptoN7vmbecRiy2-o65EmYBfImODLk-wwLwOhNKlPNbgl3anq87SfAlhtaqWWir_RfFluxFDt7KhFn-G31Hags0/s1600/Roseanne.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="307" data-original-width="430" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrzOwdTP8jZ86yg-WasJbjws6llZi73jgoTT_K51MMMn_Ipr010h17YptoN7vmbecRiy2-o65EmYBfImODLk-wwLwOhNKlPNbgl3anq87SfAlhtaqWWir_RfFluxFDt7KhFn-G31Hags0/s1600/Roseanne.jpg" /></a></div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">ABC Television executives finally learned that a different group of people live between Manhatten and Los Angeles as witnessed by the 18 million viewers who tuned into Roseanne Tuesday night.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The show is centered on a struggling Midwestern family, with Roseanne Barr, its star and co-creator, playing an unabashed Trump supporter who spars with her liberal sister, played by Laurie Metcalf. The show especially reverberated among heartland viewers.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The top markets for the debut read like a political pollster’s red-state checklist: Cincinnati; Kansas City, Tulsa.
Liberal enclaves like New York and Los Angeles did not crack the top 20.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Some TV watchers are wondering if the successful reception will pave the way for the return of another show that highlights a conservative lead character: Tim Allen's "Last Man Standing," which was scraped from the TV schedule by ABC despite high ratings.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">ABC claimed there was no room in the schedule for the comedy. Allen, like his character on the show, is a Republican, and many speculated the cancellation had something to do with the views expressed on-screen.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u><span style="color: cyan;">Facebook</span></u> announced major changes to its privacy settings. Apparently, they’re going to start having some. With so much ado about Facebook hacks, I think I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits.
Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: "You are now friends with Benefits."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>The Russian presidential election</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> was recently held and to get people to vote, Russian officials were offering prizes like Apple Watches. It sounds fun — until you open the box and your Apple Watch is still attached to a hand. Putin was elected to his fourth term in office, handily beating his closest rival, a poisoned corpse.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Former FBI director, liar and leaker,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> James Comey’s memoir has already topped Amazon’s list of best-sellers, almost a month ahead of its release, due to pre-orders. You can find it in your local bookstore blocking Hillary Clinton’s book.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1842;</u></span><span style="color: #33ff33;"> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Anesthesia was used for the first time in an operation. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1856;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The Treaty of Paris was signed, ending the Crimean War. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1867;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> A treaty for the purchase of Alaska from Russia for the sum of $7.2 million, approximately two cents an acre, was submitted to the U.S. Senate.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1870;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The 15th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution went into effect, guaranteeing the right to vote regardless of race. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1964; </u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;">The game show Jeopardy debuted on television. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1981;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> President Ronald Reagan was shot in the chest by John Hinckley as he left a Washington hotel. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>2002;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The Queen Mother Elizabeth of England died at the age of 101.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: <span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">This</span></span></span></span><u></u></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia. <span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> I have no tattoos or body piercings, however, I do have several scars from bite marks on my shoulders. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> Saying it's McDonald's fault because your kids are fat is like saying it's Hooter's fault because your husband likes big tits. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> I've always wondered why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> I don't always whoop, but when I do.....There it is<span style="color: #ffd966;">.....and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Capricorn - March 30th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">This weekend you're going to get a giddy feeling that will emotionally elevate you to heights you've never before dreamed of. The world will become your oyster, flowers will bloom in your presence, children will miraculously stop crying in your arms and dogs will quit yappin' after midnight except for that noisy little bastard that lives on the third floor balcony.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>:</span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"> <span style="color: #33ccff;">Francisco Goya, artist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1746,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Anna Sewell, author of Black Beauty </span><span style="color: red;">1820,</span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Paul Verlaine, poet </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1844,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Vincent Van Gogh, Dutch painter </span><span style="color: red;">1853,</span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Sean O'Casey,
dramatist </span><span style="color: red;">1884,</span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Warren Beatty, director, actor, producer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1937,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Celine Dion, singer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1968.</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">Three ladies are playing the fourth hole at a members-only golf club when a naked man with a bag over his head jumps out from behind the trees and runs across the green.
The three ladies are in total shock at the size of his manhood!</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The first lady says, "Well, he definitely isn't my husband."
The second lady looks at his manhood and says, "He isn't my husband, either."
The third lady takes a good look and says, "He's not even a member of this club!"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Vern was teeing off from the men's tee.
On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Joy, was teeing up on the
woman's tee directly in front of him.
Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple,
killing her instantly.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A few days later, Vern got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.
Coroner: "Vern, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force trauma to the
head.
You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?"
Vern: "Yes, sir, that's correct."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Coroner: "Well, inexplicably I found a golf ball wedged up her ass."
Vern: "Was it a Titleist 3?"
Coroner: "Yes, it was."
Vern: "That was my mulligan."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">An elderly couple were discussing plans to get married and wanted to iron out any potential problems with their particular properties.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The old woman said, "I want to keep my condominium in my name" The old man replied, "That's fine with me."
The woman said, "I also want to keep my Cadillac in my name only." The man said, "that's fine with me."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Then, the old lady said, "I want to have sex six days a week." The old man said, "That's fine with me - put me down for Fridays." </span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife
asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side
of the road and she got out to see if it was still alive.
It was and she said to her husband, “It’s nearly frozen to death. Can
we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?”</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">He says, “O.K., Get in the car with it.” She asks,“Where shall I put it to get it warm?”
He says, “Put it in between your legs. It’s nice and warm there.”</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">His wife asks. “But what about the smell?” Her husband replied.“Just hold its little nose.” The man is recovering nicely and is expected to be discharged from the hospital in a few days.....</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little doodlebugs. Remember, the <u>real</u> 5 second rule is that if you can get to it before the dog does, it's yours. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-80649456312518846722018-01-12T21:23:00.000-05:002018-01-12T22:39:15.145-05:00The Civil War: Brothers Fighting Brothers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1_tes0fg1yYbJ5rZlg_NLMRfY_iXHQ-jtP0yoqfqYgWvmSkQaktptOAioKCTZvpmuQ6tGKZUBYSZU17UFjIjT8TFMaexflKDEcyeGa1S30VonBXRHWhSPViZD3cAUIr7A_7LD8MlZsug/s1600/cw4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="324" data-original-width="562" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1_tes0fg1yYbJ5rZlg_NLMRfY_iXHQ-jtP0yoqfqYgWvmSkQaktptOAioKCTZvpmuQ6tGKZUBYSZU17UFjIjT8TFMaexflKDEcyeGa1S30VonBXRHWhSPViZD3cAUIr7A_7LD8MlZsug/s1600/cw4.jpg" /></a></div>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">In the Civil War, sides were drawn by state politicians and the fighting began. Brother against brother, American versus American. Few soldiers knew why the war began, but they did their duty and over 620,000 Americans died and more were wounded.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The US Civil War was incontrovertibly the bloodiest, most devastating conflict in American history, and it remains unknown - and unknowable - exactly how many men died or were wounded in Union and Confederate uniform. </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">If you are serving or ever served your country in the armed forces, police or firefighters, you are aware that when given an order, you must obey it without question or hesitancy. Though you may or may not know the reasoning, you do what's asked of you.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Approximately one in four soldiers that went to war never returned home. At the outset of the war, neither army had mechanisms in place to handle the amount of death that the nation was about to experience. There were no national cemeteries, no burial details and no messengers of loss.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">After the war ended, poverty and poor relief, especially in times of acute food shortages, were major challenges facing Union and Confederate authorities. Cemeteries and statues began to slowly arise, Both were memorials to the thousands of young soldiers were killed or wounded during the worst war in U.S. history.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The current trend of tearing down or removal statues and memorials are tantamount to plowing up a cemetery. The morons who do these actions have no idea of the severity of the Civil and how many lives it effected. I wonder how they would feel if someone dug up and destroyed their mother's grave over petty politics.....</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>U.S. Immigration agents raided</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> hundreds of 7-Eleven stores to investigate the legal status of store employees. Hey, if you're going to investigate something at 7-Eleven, how about the hot dogs? How long have <u>THEY</u> been in the country?</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>At the Consumer Electronics Show</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> in Las Vegas, there was a party that featured robot strippers. They said the annoying thing about robot strippers is when you give them a dollar, you have to make sure it's not crinkled and facing the right way.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>I read about a company</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> that's working on technology that would let your pet video chat with you. It's fun to get a video chat from your dog, but depressing to watch your cat decline your call. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1773,</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The first public museum in the U.S. was established in Charleston, S.C. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1896;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> H. L. Smith took the first X-ray photograph. It was a hand with a bullet in it. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1915;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a proposal to give women the right to vote.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1932;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Hattie W. Caraway, a democrat from Arkansas became the first woman to be elected to the U.S. Senate. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1991;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> A divided Congress gave President Bush the go-ahead on the Persian Gulf War. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1998;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Nineteen European countries signed an agreement banning human cloning.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>2010;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Haiti is dealt a catastrophic blow when a magnitude 7.0 earthquake strikes 10 miles southwest of Port-au-Prince, the country's capital. It is the region's worst earthquake in 200 years. The number of fatalities were between 46,000 and 85,000 people.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>:</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">I'm going to open a restaurant called "Peace and Quiet" where kids meals cost $150. <span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> My friend's grandmother's name is so Italian you need both hands to pronounce it. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> I ran into a woman as I walked around a corner causing her to drop a pile of papers and we didn’t immediately fall in love as we picked them up so now I’ll never trust movies again. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> Is it considered multitasking if you pee a little when you sneeze? </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> CAT scans are just like regular scans, only the techs push you off the table after your done.....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Capricorn - January 12th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Don't trust little birdies, most of them lie. Love comes in all shapes and sizes. Unfortunately, all the good shapes and sizes are already taken. Bread, lightly cooked and buttered. Today's horoscope was sponsored by Toast.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>: </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Charles Perrault, poet </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1628,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Edmund Burke, political writer and statesman </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1729,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> John Hancock, political leader in the American Revolution and signer of the Declaration of Independence </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1737,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> John Singer Sargent, painter </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1856,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Jack London, novelist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1876,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Joe Frazier, boxer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1944,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Rush Limbaugh, radio personality </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1951.</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> </span><span style="color: #33ccff;"></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door, a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber’s face.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The robber shot the customer without a moment’s hesitation.
He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.
The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak. Then, one old cowboy tentatively raised his hand, and while keeping his head down said, "My mother-in-law got a pretty good look at you."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women from England, Wales and Scotland, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The English woman said "Have you ever had a hug?" The man said "No." So, she gave him a hug and walked on.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The Welsh woman said, "Have you ever had a kiss?" The man said, "No." So she gave him a kiss and walked on.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The Scottish woman came to him and said, "Have ya ever been fooked, laddie?" The man broke into a big smile and said, "No," She said, "Aye, ya will be when the tide comes in."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The donkey later came back and bit the shit out of the farmer who had tried to bury him.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><u>The Moral Of The Story:</u> When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs...enough times till her husband says, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">With a seductive smile, the woman purred, "Yes."
Her husband says, "Thank God, for a moment, I thought the stuffing was coming out of the sofa."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little artichoke hearts. Remember, asking a redhead if you can see her pumpkin patch will get you in trouble (It's not important how I know that). I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-25541764831541367182017-12-29T19:44:00.001-05:002017-12-29T19:44:23.943-05:00Looking Forward To 2018<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">New Year's Eve nears and, as usual, I haven't made any plans yet. But every year I seem to find a way to celebrate the New Year. I usually try to stay close to home as all the amateur drinkers are on the road.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">On top of that, most restaurants and bars raise their prices and I'm not in the mood to have my pocket picked for a glass of bad champagne, a hat and a cheap noise maker. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">But if you've never had the pleasure of being out on New Year's Eve, I guess you have to try it once or twice.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I want to thank my friends, family and especially my readers for a good 2017. May everyone be blessed and safe as we await 2018.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Looking forward to New Year's Eve</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> reminded me of my last sojourn to a restaurant on New Year's Eve where I was put on a waiting list. I left when I heard the Maitre d' announce, "Donner? Party of 89...Donner?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Did you know that</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> years ago this fall, back in 1850, California became a state.
The people had no electricity.
The state had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.
So basically nothing has changed except the women had real tits and the men didn't hold hands.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1179;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Thomas Becket, Archbishop of Canterbury, was murdered by four knights acting under the orders of Henry II. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1845;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Texas became the 28th state in the United States. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1851;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The first Young Men's Christian Association (YMCA) opened in Boston.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1890;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The last major battle of the Indian Wars, at Wounded Knee Creek, took place with hundreds of Indian men, women, and children massacred. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1937;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The Constitution of Ireland, changing the Irish Free State into Eire, went into effect.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1940;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> During World War II, Germany began dropping incendiary bombs on London. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1989;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Vaclav Havel was elected president of Czechoslovakia. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1996;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> A peace agreement was signed, ending 36 years of conflict in Guatemala.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ccff;">Happy New Year to all my family, friends and readers.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">Apparently sitting here on my new lawn furniture, drinking my vodka and minding my business is disturbing to other Target guests.
<span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> Starbucks should have a separate line for people who don't know what they want or how the world works. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> I bought a used UPS truck. It gets poor gas mileage but I can park anywhere. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> According to this bathroom stall, my ex changed her number again. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> My friend's teenage kid said he wanted to go to JFK for some fried chicken. He won't be majoring in history but it's nice to know he is scouting out his career options.....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Capricorn - December 29th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Walk without shoes for a day and you will soon understand the true nature of the soul. Life will throw many things at you over the coming months, including a book-shelf which you will have to assemble yourself because you bought it from IKEA.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>: </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Charles Goodyear, invented vulcanized rubber </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1800,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Andrew Johnson, 17th President of the United States </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1808,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> William Gladstone, statesman </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1809,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Pablo Casals, virtuoso cellist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1876,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> William "Billy" Mitchell, aviator, soldier </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1879,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Vera Brittain, novelist, poet </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1893,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Mary Tyler Moore, actress </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1936,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Jon Voight, actor, director, writer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1938,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Patricia Clarkson, actor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1859,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Jude Law, actor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1972.</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">Mother superior calls all the nuns together and says to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">An elderly nun at the back of the room says, "Thank God, I'm so tired of Chardonnay."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $100,000 for the year.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The deli owner asked, "Why don't you people leave me alone? I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year and you want to know how I made $100,000?"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The agent replied, "It's not your income that bothers us. It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife." The deli owner answered, "Oh, that, I forgot to tell you. We also deliver</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">My thanks to my sweet </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Sandra</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> for her contribution to today's stories.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">I once lost my watch at a party. I looked over to see a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude and punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Old Aunt Clara went to a new doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation. She said to the doctor, "It's terrible! I haven't moved my bowels in more than a week."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The doctor said, "I see. Have you done anything about it?"
Aunt Clara replied, "Oh, yes. I sit in the bathroom for a good half of an hour in the morning and then again at night."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The doctor said, "No, I mean do you take anything?" Aunt Clara answered, "Just a magazine...</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little New Year's revelers. Remember, women don't consider it chivalrous when you open bathroom stall doors for them. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-72539662725249822182017-12-22T18:03:00.000-05:002017-12-22T18:03:25.811-05:00As Christmas Day Nears.....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Santa has begun his yearly trek to deliver his gifts. He's checking his list to see who's been naughty or nice. I'm usually nice but the naughty thing is normally my downfall. I'm relatively sure I won't be one of his stops.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I feel sorry for any man who hasn't yet purchased a present for his wife or girlfriend (or both). Smart women have already learned how to get the gift they really want.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">They simply hand the man a list with the name of the store, the department location, a picture and pertinent details of the present complete with a GPS tracking device. A copy of the note is also pinned to the man's shirt so the sales woman knows what the man wants.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Mens wants are very basic. If they truly want it, they've already purchased it. Anything else along the lines of food, drink, sports equipment or electronics will usually suffice.
Fortunately for men, their spouse, girlfriends, sisters or mother always makes sure that their men receive their annual re-supply of underwear, T-shirts and socks.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Although these things are not very flashy, they always come in the Saint Nick of time as men never purchase these items for themselves.
So that's the basic shopping plans for the weekend. I wish a safe, Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday to all of my family, friends and readers!</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Omarosa,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> former apprentice contestant and recent White House aide, has been fired. Omarosa is out of a job. So now she'll be doing, well, pretty much the same thing she was doing at the White House. Absolutely nothing.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Do you feel the Holiday spirit enveloping you</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> like a blanket right now? Christmas is 3 days away, which means we only get to hear that Mariah Carey song 7,000 more times.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Nancy Pelosi</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> said that the tax plan is "an all-out looting of America, a wholesale robbery of the middle class" which incidentally, is also the slogan for Whole Foods.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;">N<u>ew York Mayor Bill de Blasio</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> recently visited Iowa. He meant to visit Queens but the F Train got rerouted. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>:</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"> </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1732;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Benjamin Franklin began publishing Poor Richard's Almanac. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1776;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Thomas Paine published his first American Crisis essay, in which he wrote, "These are the times that try men's souls."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1843;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Charles Dickens published "A Christmas Carol." </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1946;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> War broke out in Indochina when Ho Chi Minh attacked the French. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1972;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Apollo 17 splashed down in the Pacific, ending the Apollo program of manned lunar landings.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1984;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Britain and China signed an accord returning Hong Kong to Chinese sovereignty on July 1, 1997. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1998;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> President Bill Clinton impeached on two counts by the House of Representatives.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ccff;">Merry Christmas</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">I hate it when I mix my metaphors and all hell breaks wind.
<span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> As I get older and I remember all the people I've lost along the way I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> My daughter once asked me what marriage was like, so I threw out all her Barbie and Ken dolls, except for Fat Barbie and bald, drunken Ken. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> A liter of Johnnie Walker Black scotch......when you absolutely, positively need to wake up underneath your neighbor's swing-set. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> I saw a large bear eating a big lunch from the dumpster at Taco Bell. Then he ran off into the woods, ostensibly to prove a point.....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Sagittarius - December 22nd</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">You may become trapped in a cave with a panther and a sound system playing Michael Bolton's greatest hits this week. You can avoid the panther's attack by simply singing along with Michael Bolton but there's no cure from the lingering effects of Bolton's music.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>: </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">James Oglethorpe, founder of the American colony of Georgia </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1696,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Thomas Wentworth Higginson, abolitionist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1823,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Giacomo Puccini, composer of operas </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1858,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Connie Mack, baseball player and manager </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1862,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Edwin Arlington Robinson, poet </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1869,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Dame Peggy Ashcroft, actress </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1907,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Lady Bird Johnson, Businessperson, First Lady and Wife of President Lyndon Johnson </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1912,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Diane Sawyer, television journalist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1945,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Ralph Fiennes, actor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1962.</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span><span style="color: #ffcc00;"> </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">Louisiana Highway Department employees stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. The man in charge told the farmer, "We need to inspect your farm for a possible new road." The old farmer said, "OK, but don't get out in that pasture over there."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The Highway Dept. employee flashed out his identification card and said, "I have the authority of the State of Louisiana to go anywhere I want. See this card? I will go wherever I wish." </span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">So the old farmer went about his chores. It wasn't too much later when the farmer heard loud screams and yelling.
He looked over and saw several Highway Department employees running for their lives and right behind was the farmer's huge prize bull. The bull was madder than a hornet's nest and was gaining on the Highway employees at every step.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The old farmer yelled out, "Show him your card, Asshole....!"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A man's small grandson got lost at the shopping mall. The child approached a uniformed security guard and said, "I've lost my grandpa!" The guard asked, "What's his name?" The tyke answered, "Grandpa"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The guard smiled, then asked, "What's he like?" The little tyke hesitated for a moment and then replied, "Jack Daniels whiskey, and women with big tits."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">One morning, a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says, "Wow that is one ugly baby."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The woman deeply hurt just continued on the bus and found a seat next to an elderly man. The man asks, "What's wrong you look mad?" She replied, "I am. That bus driver just insulted me."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The man replied, "You shouldn't take that from him. He's a public worker and should give you respect. If I was you I would take down his badge number and report him.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The woman said, "You're right sir. I think I will report him." The elderly man says, "You go on up there, get his badge number and I'll hold your monkey for you."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Little Johnny's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Johnny's father said, "Now, son, that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home." Little Johnny said, "I promise not to mention his ears at all."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at it's mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby." The mother said, "Thank you very much, Johnny."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Then, Johnny said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Just look at his pretty little eyes. Did his doctor say that he can see well?"
The mother said "Why, yes Johnny, his doctor said he has 20/20 vision. Little Johnny said, "Well, that's great, 'cause he sure as hell couldn't wear glasses!!" </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little elves. Remember, God created marriage so death wouldn't come as such a complete disappointment. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<br />Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-84555871370536669562017-12-08T19:58:00.000-05:002017-12-08T19:58:26.789-05:00Family Tree DNA Tests As Christmas Gifts?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqnaERP1fP6yZEt0MSAJt__FCcl4Xj8h2MXYAoShP8I_YImBBo5Z2bDw_TPhYXDQ0DnCbA05t3tec2GTEpqZT4mwOASVKa8dSk7H4Rcie4PYfSusbjr2COR49rFEmvwRHBjJBcaS5QrUI/s1600/zz3c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="540" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqnaERP1fP6yZEt0MSAJt__FCcl4Xj8h2MXYAoShP8I_YImBBo5Z2bDw_TPhYXDQ0DnCbA05t3tec2GTEpqZT4mwOASVKa8dSk7H4Rcie4PYfSusbjr2COR49rFEmvwRHBjJBcaS5QrUI/s1600/zz3c.jpg" /></a></div>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The usual garbage is being hyped as Christmas gift ideas. You know, pajamagrams and the like. But, I'm fascinated by the company who is selling family tree DNA tests for Christmas gifts. Yeah, I'd love to see the look of your darling when they open that gift.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Here's a hint or two for your ancestral consideration: Don't pay anyone for searches. Family search (familysearch.org) is free, run by the Morman church and trustworthy. That notwithstanding, most family trees can be traced via the United states Census which began in 1790. Pursuing any information in years prior to the first census becomes more difficult.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Family trees and one's roots can be fascinating to explore but keep one thought in the back of your mind. Remember, you can't pick your relatives and there's always that possibility of what you might find in the proverbial woodpile..... </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>An Italian winery</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> is releasing five limited-edition bottles of Hello Kitty-themed wine for the holiday season. It’s the perfect gift for your alcoholic niece.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Ireland</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> will be collecting $15 billion from Apple in a settlement over back taxes. Ireland will receive the money on Friday and Guinness will have it all by Monday. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1854;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate Conception. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1886;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The American Federation of Labor was founded at a convention of union leaders in Columbus, Ohio. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1941;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Congress declared war on Japan and the U.S. entered World War II.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1949;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Communist attacks forced the Chinese Nationalist government to flee to the island of Formosa (Taiwan). </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1978;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Former Israeli prime minister Golda Meir died. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1980;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> John Lennon, former member of the Beatles, was shot and killed in New York City by a deranged fan.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1987;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> President Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev signed the first treaty to reduce the nuclear arsenals of the two superpowers. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1993;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> President Bill Clinton signed The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) into law.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ccff;">Then again, I'd like to try the test on some people I know..... </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">My Shetland pony was all black and we called him Midnight. His sister was not quite as dark so we named her Eleven Thirty.
<span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> I wonder how people that drink Starbucks every morning decide which kid isn’t going to college? </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> Condoms cannot guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> My girlfriend gave me her Christmas list. I said, "Isn't my undying love and affection enough?" We laughed and laughed. Now I'm at the purse store trying to locate a French guy named Louis Vuitton.....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Sagittarius - December 8th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Dogs can be a man's best friend or a woman's best friend. They could also be a child's best friend or a cat's best friend. Actually, dogs are totally flexible.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The post office is going to be lucky for you today as a mystery package arrives for you that, for once, is neither ticking nor covered in mysterious powder.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Love will no longer be just another four-letter-word to you today as you will start to understand why birds suddenly appear every time someone nears.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>: </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Mary, Queen of Scots, queen </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1542,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Christina, queen of Sweden </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1626,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Eli Whitney, American inventor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1765,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Diego Rivera, painter </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1886,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> James Thurber, humorist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1894,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Lee J. Cobb, actor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1911,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Sammy Davis, Jr., singer, actor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1925,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> David Carradine, actor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1836,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Jim Morrison, rock musician </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1943,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Kim Basinger, actress </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1953,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Teri Hatcher, actress </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1964.</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">There's a new study about women and how they feel about their asses. The results are very interesting. Thirty percent of the women feel that their ass is too fat. Ten percent of the women feel that their ass is too skinny.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The remaining sixty percent say they don't care. They love him, he is a good man and they wouldn't trade him for the world. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">An Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face and asks, "Mother, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm"?
His mother replied, "Because he was conceived during a storm."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Then the boy asked "Why is my sister named Cornflower?" His mother answered, "Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">He then asked "And why is my other sister called Moonchild"? His mother said, "We were watching the moon-landing when she was conceived."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The mother paused and said to her son, "Tell me, Two Dogs Humping, why do you ask?"
</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">A little boy gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. As he passes his parent's bedroom he peeks in through the keyhole.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">He watches for a moment, then continues on down the hallway, saying to himself, "Boy, and she gets mad at me for sucking my thumb"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The finals of the National Youth Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a student going to one of the finest private schools in the nation. From an upper-crust family, he was well-bred, well-connected and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a Detroit boy who was going into the 7th grade for the 3rd time.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The private school student went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem: "Slowly across the desert sand Trekked the dusty caravan. Men on camels, two by two Destination -- Timbuktu." The audience went wild!
They wondered how the Detroit boy could top that?!</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The clock started again and the Detroit boy sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited: "Tim and me, a-huntin' went. Met three girls in a pop-up tent. They was three, we was two, So I bucked one and Timbuktu" </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little Missile Toes. Remember, 77 percent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 percent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-85043328168139024442017-12-01T18:26:00.000-05:002017-12-01T18:26:09.870-05:00Remember When ?<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Remember when you turned 16 and got your driver's license? Yeah, me too. Remember when you turned 21 and could finally go to nightclubs. Yeah, me too. Remember when you came home late from </span><span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> and decided to make breakfast, but you forgot it was unwise to fry bacon naked? Yeah, me too!</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Remember when you used to say say the check is in the mail and then you remembered it really was? Yeah, me too. Remember when you told your little brother that George Washington’s brother, Murray, was the Uncle of our Country? Yeah, me too. Remember when you finally got your dream job as a life guard and that blue kid got you fired? Yeah, me too!</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Remember when you got your first phone? Yeah, me too. Remember when got your first cell phone? Yeah, me too. Remember when you called that woman you met at the bar and her mother said she was at her probation officer's office because she broke her probation by staying out all night with a really old dude? Yeah, me too!</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Remember the good times we had in school? Yeah, me too. Remember all the fun times we've had with family and friends? Yeah, me too. Will you always cherish those memories? Yeah.......me too!</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>American Airlines</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> American Airlines has experienced a computer glitch that has allowed all their pilots to take vacation at the same time, meaning that thousands of flights in December have no one to fly them. This is all part of American Airlines’ new campaign to make the rest of their services seem less awful. "Okay, fine. I’ll pay extra for my bags, but only if I get a pilot."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Bernie Sanders</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> has been nominated for a Grammy Award for best audiobook. Of course, Bernie supporters are already complaining that the Grammys are rigged so that Hillary will win.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Arby's</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> has acquired Buffalo Wild Wings for $2.4 billion. They didn’t mean to, but like a lot of us, Arby’s got drunk and bought too many wings.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>MTV announced</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> it's bringing back the original cast of "Jersey Shore." Can you believe it? Every single cast member was available! </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1824;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The presidential election between John Q. Adams, Andrew Jackson, William Crawford, and Henry Clay was turned over to the House of Representatives due to the lack of an electoral-vote majority. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1887;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes appeared for the first time in print in the story "A Study in Scarlet."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1955;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Rosa Parks was arrested for refusing to give up her front-section bus seat to a white man in Montgomery, Alabama. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1959;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Twelve nations, including the United States, signed a treaty setting aside Antarctica as a scientific preserve free from military activity.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1997;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Representatives from more than 150 countries gathered at a global warming summit in Kyoto, Japan, and over the course of ten days, forged an agreement to control the emission of greenhouse gases. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1998;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Exxon and Mobil agreed to merge, creating the world's largest corporation.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ccff;">This useless piece of garbage, Jose Zarate (L), who killed Kate Steinle, was found innocent of every charge filled against him with the exception of a felon in possession of a firearm. Zarate had been deported five times and had prior felony convictions. One would think Zarate would have at least been convicted of involuntary manslaughter, which, by definition, is killing someone accidentally. Residents of San Francisco, a sanctuary city, must be very proud.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">You can either expect me to work well with others or pass a drug test.
It can't be both.
<span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> I react to the UPS guy delivering my Amazon package the way geese react to people with bread. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> When I lock eyes with a spider, I don't kill him. I run away and hide so he can spend the whole night stressing and wondering where I am. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> Politicians should be limited to two terms: One in office and one in prison. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> When a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak at the knees and he begins to think irrationally? Ever wonder why? It's because she smells like a new golf bag on leather car seats.....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Sagittarius - December 1st</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Look left and right before taking your next step. What you believe to be a good idea will prove to be wrong, especially if it involves a billy goat. Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day, assuming you don't go with me to happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>: </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Marie Tussaud, modeler in wax </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1761,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Walter Alston, baseball manager </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1911,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Minoru Yamasaki, architect </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1912,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Mary Martin, singer, actress </span><span style="color: red;">1913,</span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Woody Allen, actor, writer, and director </span><span style="color: red;">1935,</span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Lee Trevino, golfer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1939,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Richard Pryor, comedian, actor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1940,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Bette Midler, singer, actress </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1945.</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">Old Jack sat in his garden, sunbathing in the deck chair, when he noticed his grandson kneeling on the lawn with a worm. When he asked his grandson what he was doing, he found that he was trying to push the worm down the hole from which it came.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">Jack said, "If you can get that worm back in that hole I'll give you ten dollars." His grandson sat and thought for a moment, then rushed into the house. A few minutes later he returned with his mother's hair spray.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">He picked up the worm by one end and, as he let it hang down, he sprayed it all over with the hair spray. The spray set and the worm became stiff and hard. It was now easy to push the worm back in the hole. Jack was amazed. He gave the boy ten dollars, picked up the hair spray and went indoors.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">About an hour later Jack came back into the garden and gave his grandson another ten dollars. The boy said, "But grandpa, you've already given me the ten dollars you promised." Jack said, "That's from your grandma."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Bubba Ray shows up at the bar all out of breath so Dewey asks him, "What the hell is wrong with you?" Bubba Ray says "I've been running from the cops but I finally lost them."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Dewey then asks. "What the hell did you do?" Bubba Ray replied, "I was pissing in the shower and the cops showed up to arrest me!" Dewey says, "That's not against the law."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Bubba Ray says, "That's what I thought too, but those guys at Home Depot didn't see it that way!"
</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Three priests were in a train station on their way home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely, well endowed woman wearing a very tight sweater. She made the three priests very nervous so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The first priest approached the window and said, "Young lady, I would like three pickets to titsburg." He completely lost his composure and scurried away.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The second priest goes to the window and says, "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." Mortified, he too hurried away.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The third priest moves to the window and says, "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And, I must say, if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger is going to shake his Peter at you."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A woman realized that her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
The woman goes to the drug store and to get some "Nair" hair remover.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">At the register the druggist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days." The woman says, "I'm not using it under my arms." The druggist says, "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The woman says, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer." The druggist says, "Stay off your bicycle for at least a week."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little broccoli sprouts. Remember, people who say "mayo" instead of "mayonnaise" live 12 yrs longer because of the time they save. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-10913255359267131332017-11-24T18:47:00.001-05:002017-11-24T19:15:06.766-05:00Black Friday Mania<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I don't get up at 5 am for anything unless it's fishing or to pee. I also made a promise to myself in the Army that I'd never stand in line for anything. Finally, I don't stand in line at 5 am with morons trying to save 20% off a sale item unless I have my gun.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I realize there are those who need these sales because of a limited budget and small children. I defer to them and their reasoning. Unfortunately, there are also the nitwits who try to make a killing on these sales, come hell or high water.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Moreover, the traffic to and fro is horrible and you need to carry your weapon to keep street thugs from robbing you. If you make it safely without a car accident or being robbed, you face the stampede of idiots who would trample their mother or children to get to the treasured sale item.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Probably the worst store is Walmart whose slogan is "lets have 24 cash registers but only open two". Personally, I'd rather take my chances at the running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Both CBS and PBS fired</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Charlie Rose after allegations of sexual harassment. Yep. They told him to clear out his desk, put on some pants and leave.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Starbucks</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> recently released a limited edition juniper latte. Juniper, or as Betsy Devos calls it, the biggest planet. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1642</u>;</span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Abel Tasman discovered Van Diemen's land, later renamed Tasmania. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1859;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Darwin's Origin of Species was published. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1871;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The National Rifle Association was incorporated.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1874;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Joseph Farwell Glidden patented barbed wire. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1963;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Jack Ruby shot Lee Harvey Oswald, JFK's accused assassin, in the garage of Dallas police headquarters. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1971;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> D. B. Cooper parachuted from a Northwest Airlines flight with $200,000.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ccff;">I'd rather run with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain, than go to the stores on Black Friday.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">The only time I get anxiety is when I’m picking up a prescription for my girlfriend and the pharmacists asks me for her birth date.
<span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.
</span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> Every time I walk into a bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!" </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> "Latte" is Latin for you paid too much for your coffee. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> The reason fish come wrapped in newspaper is because the easiest way to catch them is to sneak up on them when they’re reading.....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Sagittarius - November 24th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Today doesn't look very promising but the good news is that report you were waiting for from your doctor is negative. Take life with a grain of salt ...plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Remember, there's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>: </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Zachary Taylor, 12th President of the United States </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1784</u>,</span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Frances Hodgson Burnett, author </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1849,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, painter and lithographer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1864,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Scott Joplin, American ragtime pianist and composer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1868.</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">An elderly couple were discussing plans to get married and wanted to iron out any potential problems with their particular properties.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The old woman said, "I want to keep my condominium in my name" The old man replied, "That's fine with me."
The woman said, "I also want to keep my Cadillac in my name only." The man said, "that's fine with me."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">Then, the old lady said, "I want to have sex six days a week." The old man said, "That's fine with me - put me down for Fridays."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A Chinese couple gets married and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he is none too experienced either. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring, "My darring, I know dis u firs time and you frighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting, jus anyting you want. Whatchu want?"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I want...numba 69"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone, he asks, "You wanna Kung pao chicken wif broccori?"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">The owner of small business was confused about how much he should pay for an invoice, which included a volume discount. So he decided to ask his blonde secretary.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from college, and I need some help. If I were to give you $7,525 minus 12.5% for a discount, how much would you take off?" She paused briefly and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married fifty years and there's something I have to know. In all of these fifty years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these fifty years, but always for a good reason."
Henry asked, "Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reason'?</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home. But, what about the second time?"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Martha said, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Henry said, "I recall that and you did it to save my life so, of course, I can forgive you for that. Now, tell me about the third time."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Martha said, "Alright, do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club and you needed 37 more votes?"
</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little drumsticks. Remember, Hell hath no fury like a woman who told you to kill a spider then realized you used her shoe. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-27331405496049187532017-11-17T16:01:00.001-05:002017-11-17T16:01:15.132-05:00Do You Have A Church Key?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Few of today's youth know what a "church key" is and not too many know what a pen knife is. Almost everybody carried a pen knife back in the day. Too little for use as a weapon, it's a small knife that can be quite useful in many instances.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The pen knife was usually a three bladed, foldable knife, but subsequent knives sported such additional tools as screwdriver heads and the all important cork screw. The Swiss Army knife was a nifty invention, but the weight and bulk of it negated the simplicity of the pen knife.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Before the advent of the pop-top, sodas and beer were opened with an opener affectionately referred to as a "church key". The "church key" term came about because the bottle opener resembled a key. Subsequently, the advent of the tool for opening beer and soda cans was also given the "church key" moniker.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The tool is named for several reasons. The original openers used on bottles (before beer cans existed) looked similar to a large old fashion keys used by monks to open the church, as well as keep the precious beer they brewed safe.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The name was then adopted to all tools used to open beer–with an ironic twist–for it is said if you used a church key opener (i.e. if you drank beer) you would be less likely to open the door of a church to attend service. At least that's what Dad always said......</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: lime;"><u>This is NASCAR Championship weekend</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> and will be hosted by Homestead Miami Speedway. The final four drivers vying for the championship are Kyle Bush, Kevin Harvick, Martin Truex and Brad Keselowski.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">For those of you who have never watched a NASCAR Race, it's very exciting. The Truck Series Championship is tonight, The Xfinty Championship will run Saturday with the Monster Energy Championship on Sunday. Check you local listings for times. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Astronomers announced</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> that they have discovered an earth-sized planet in our corner of the galaxy that is potentially habitable by humans. Yeah, they think the planet may have breathable air and drinkable water, which is impressive because they barely have those things in Los Angeles. The planet in question orbits a star called Ross 128. It's part of a larger solar system that includes Chandler, Joey and Monica 128. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>The FDA has approved</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> the first pill with a digital sensor that signals doctors when patients have taken their medicine. Doctors say they invented the pill to make sure that their patients are taking their medication. I still think it would be more effective if they went with my plan of making all pills taste like Cool Ranch Doritos. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1558;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Queen Elizabeth I of England ascended to the throne upon the death of her half-sister Queen Mary. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1800;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Congress met in Washington, DC, for the first time. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1869;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The Suez Canal opened in Egypt. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1917;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Sculptor Auguste Rodin died in Meudon, France.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1968;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Night of the "Heidi bowl:" NBC switched from football to movie of Heidi. In the missing 42 seconds, the lagging Raiders scored two touchdowns, defeating the Jets. </span><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1973;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> President Nixon said "I am not a crook." </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1989;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The beginning of the "Velvet Revolution," which led to the downfall of communism in Czechoslovakia.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ccff;">The Swiss Army Knife</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Science Tip:</u> you can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or after a while.
<span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> I forgot my cell phone at home and had to write my grocery list on a piece of paper bag. I walked around Publix like some kind of a carrier pigeon. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> If you add a touch of olive oil to your pan of kale, it will help slide it into the garbage. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> Kim Kardashian is more popular than Congress. And, like Congress, Kim's maximum capacity is 500 members. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> Dyslexia means never having to say that you're yrros.....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Scorpio - November 17th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">The odds are that you'll see something that you physically and desperately desire. However, the risk may not be worth the reward. I know this to be true as I have been married twice. Relax, have a beer and a slice of pizza and if you still have that feeling, smash your ring finger with a hammer. Trust me, you'll thank me for this advice once your finger heals.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>: </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Louis XVIII, king of France </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1755,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Lee Strasberg, stage director </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1901,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Eugene Paul Wigner, physicist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1902,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Isamu Noguchi, sculptor </span><span style="color: red;">1904,</span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Rock Hudson, actor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1925,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Martin Scorsese, film director </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1942,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Danny DeVito, actor, director, producer </span><span style="color: red;">1944.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband.
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter and lines up his putt.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. "I'm dying over here and you're putting?" The husband answers calmly,"Don't worry dear, they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">His wife asks, feebly, "Well, how long will it take for him to get here," Her husband replies, "No time at all, Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Sophie was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with her boyfriend Murray, when she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Murray, "Hurry! grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband is home early!"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Murray looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there." Sophie cried, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!"
So, Murray grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">When he landed outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race, so he started running along side the others, only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?" Murray answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Then another runner asked, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?" Murray answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Then another runner asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" Murray answered, "Only if it's raining."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">A loving grandfatheralways made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time, just he and his granddaughter.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she'd take their granddaughter for the drive.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. He asked, "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" The little girl said, "Oh, yes, Grandpa, it was really wonderful. We didn't see one single asshole, blind bastard, dipshit or son-of-a-bitch anywhere we went!"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">On his 70th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby Indian reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.
The old medicine man slowly and methodically produced a potion, handed it to the old and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is powerful medicine and it must be respected."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">He continued, "You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3.' When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?" The medicine man replied, "Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and as she began throwing off her clothes she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition or one could end up with a dangling participle!</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little magpies. Remember, the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-67771403046071247072017-11-10T21:11:00.000-05:002017-11-10T21:11:37.823-05:00Boycott The NFL On Veteran's Day Weekend<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX3oTgjj4VLP5ncWmbygjszNmUJqiLX32_AlQp1g2EL8m4hzfm8vvtzSCGIi2u7ngXdHC8TWvJpvlFZinUL18iWj3PxOLqyyLIDYuwcSDhwIX9jm-zYvoRgd6ud0zRa0qAfh-KvD7JRwM/s1600/veterans+02.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="420" data-original-width="560" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX3oTgjj4VLP5ncWmbygjszNmUJqiLX32_AlQp1g2EL8m4hzfm8vvtzSCGIi2u7ngXdHC8TWvJpvlFZinUL18iWj3PxOLqyyLIDYuwcSDhwIX9jm-zYvoRgd6ud0zRa0qAfh-KvD7JRwM/s1600/veterans+02.jpg" /></a></div>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Tomorrow is Veteran's Day, a day to remember the scared young soldier who was wounded or gave his or her life while serving America. Please remember all the soldiers and their families, both past and present, who sacrificed their youth serving their country.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">My father served in World War II and my brother Kirt and I served when we were called. As a personal protest, I do not watch any National Football League games, especially this weekend. I also refuse to buy any product with a NFL logo on it or any services offered by companies involved with the NFL.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Whie I like the game of football, I respect our flag and national anthem more and refuse to watch the morons who disrespect the anthem or the flag.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Uber</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"> signed a deal with NASA on Wednesday to develop "Uber Elevate", a new type of Uber that will use flying cars. They’re developing a flying Uber. Los Angeles apparently will be one of the first cities to get flying Ubers. L.A. is perfect, because who is more qualified to fly you through the sky at 5,000 feet than an illegal alien or an out-of-work actor-deejay-dog walker?</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Twitter</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> doubled the amount of characters you can use from 140 to 280 characters. In theory, this means Twitter is now Facebook, right? They're basically the same thing — or is it possible there is anyone on the planet who thought, "You know what this year needs? More Twitter." </span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Woody Allen's newest movie</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> features a middle-aged man who is sleeping with a 15-year-old girl. The movie will premiere at Cannes in May and be entered into evidence in June.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>A Japanese Company</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> created a $150 noise-canceling ramen noodle fork to cover up slurping noises. So, if you’ve got 150 bucks to spend on a fork. why are you eating ramen noodles? </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1871;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Journalist and explorer Henry Stanley found the missing David Livingstone in Central Africa and made his famous comment, "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?" </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1928;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Hirohito was crowned Emperor of Japan.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1951;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The first long distance telephone call without operator assistance took place.
1969
Sesame Street premiered on PBS TV. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1970;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The Great Wall of China opened to the world for tourism. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1982;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The Vietnam Veterans Memorial opened in Washington, DC.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ccff;">Remember our soldiers</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaqIsXH3E5w_AklBdwJamBAYxjp4zfx9VvKA2iTlY6Yew9Wp-TG6g_h_YaLd7VIQ8__UCfr3OVbEkJUTP2xQhxu4GzlWwgpDt2AZZ9n79kocrfgzAdIfObbyBRvRrMsLa89w5VRH0Qos4/s1600/veterans+01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="347" data-original-width="486" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaqIsXH3E5w_AklBdwJamBAYxjp4zfx9VvKA2iTlY6Yew9Wp-TG6g_h_YaLd7VIQ8__UCfr3OVbEkJUTP2xQhxu4GzlWwgpDt2AZZ9n79kocrfgzAdIfObbyBRvRrMsLa89w5VRH0Qos4/s1600/veterans+01.jpg" /></a></div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">If you serve a toddler pancakes, they’ll stay sticky until just after college.
<span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> I missed two of my mom's calls, so I assume the helicopter that just flew over my house is part of the search crew she called. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way
much faster now. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> After having lived in terror all these years, Gloria Estefan's threat finally came true. I turned on my car radio and was brutally attacked by the rhythm. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Scorpio - November 10ty</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Don't embarrass yourself this week when the dentist puts that paper bib on you. They will not bring you lobster. You will have a lucky weekend. Remember, serendipity is looking in a haystack for a needle and discovering the farmer's daughter.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>: </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Martin Luther, German leader of the Protestant Reformation </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1483,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> William Hogarth, painter, satirist, engraver </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1697,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Oliver Goldsmith, author </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1730,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Samuel Gridley Howe, reformer and philanthropist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1801,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Claude Rains, actor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1889,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> J. P. Marquand, novelist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1893,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Richard Burton, actor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1925,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Russell Means, activist, actor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1939,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Donna Fargo, singer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1945,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Ann Reinking, dancer, choreographer and actress </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1949,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Roland Emmerich, filmaker </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1855,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Neil Gaiman, writer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1860,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Brittany Murphy, actress </span><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>1977.</u></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife
asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side
of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">It was, and she said to her husband, “It’s nearly frozen to death. Can
we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?”
He says, “O.K., Get in the car with it.”</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The wife asked,“Where shall I put it to get it warm?”
He says, “Put it in between your legs. It’s nice and warm there.” The wife asked, “But what about the smell?” The mad replied, “Just hold its little nose.”</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with
died at the scene.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Vegetables can be disastrous and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. Yet there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to?.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A man in the front row raised his hand. The dietitian said, "You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."
The man in the front row lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake." </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying. "Hi, how are you?" I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom, but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The other guy says, "So what are you up to?'
What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say, "Uh, I'm like you, just traveling." At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The guy says, "Can I come over?" Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No, I'm a little busy right now."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Then I hear the guy say nervously, "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks, "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" He replied, "Definitely not!" His wife asked, "Why not? Don't you like being married?" He answered, "Of course I do." </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The wife said, "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The husband said, "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." With a hurt look, she said, "You would?" His wife inquired, "Would you live in our house?" He answered, "Sure, it's a great house." She asked, "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" The husband replied, "Where else would we sleep?" She continued, "Would you let her drive my car?" He said, "Probably, it is almost new."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The wife asked, "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" He said, "That would seem like the proper thing to do." She asked, "Would you give her my jewelry?" He answered, "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." His wife asked, "Would she use my golf clubs?" Her husband replied, "No, she's left-handed."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little pollywogs. Remember, all barbers are not the same. What I said was, "Just a trim, please." What the barber must have heard was,"Give me the Kim Jong-un." I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-49296933767705752292017-10-27T21:52:00.003-04:002017-10-27T21:52:57.191-04:00Want A Spam Sammich?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUbB-kj2mvVdQkk1XJerERrXEnxF5Bu4PZQCOO3yH9Xk1QhgzAkfVySY8L_dkQZyYwH1vD9ZXSFKL-6FvTI60QMhyphenhyphenQSxU-2yv8rVEY__s3i8QVY8DWR4_nh6r0J6Ze2It_uPhTAntln2Y/s1600/zsp1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="186" data-original-width="570" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUbB-kj2mvVdQkk1XJerERrXEnxF5Bu4PZQCOO3yH9Xk1QhgzAkfVySY8L_dkQZyYwH1vD9ZXSFKL-6FvTI60QMhyphenhyphenQSxU-2yv8rVEY__s3i8QVY8DWR4_nh6r0J6Ze2It_uPhTAntln2Y/s1600/zsp1.jpg" /></a></div>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Spam, the canned meat - not the annoying email - has always been very, very popular in the state of Hawaii. So much so, in fact, that it is now being stolen repeatedly and sold on the black market for what officials believe is drug money.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Some thieves just sell it out of their cars.
The shoplifters get the stolen goods for free, so they are able to make a 100 percent profit reselling them.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Retail Merchants of Hawaii some stores require customers to call a clerk when they want their Spam. Others keep it up front under the watchful eyes of the cashiers. Canned beef is also a hot item for thieves because it can fetch $5-6 a can.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The state’s love affair with Spam began during World War II and Hawaii was a war zone during the war. They had government mandated blackouts, food rationing and food restrictions, which they felt the pressure of even more because they were away from the mainland. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Rationing created just the right conditions for the rise of a meat that needs no refrigeration and has a remarkably long shelf life.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Ann Kondo Corum, who grew up in Hawaii in the 1950s and has written several Spam-inspired cookbooks, has attributed Spam’s popularity partly to Hawaii’s large Asian population. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Spam was one of those scarce food rations and it was something that Hawaiians lived on during the war. There's even a name for it: Spam currency.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I like Spam and have eaten many a Spam sandwich in my day. When sliced thinly, it is comparable to bacon and goes well with breakfast.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>In the past week,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> several prominent men have been fired for sexual harassment and it’s being called "The Harvey Effect." Of course, none of them will see any jail time and that’s being called "The Cosby Effect."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Red Lobster announced</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> that it will start delivering its food in New York City through a partnership with Grubhub. Yeah, because if there’s one thing that will make crappy discount seafood even worse, it’s 20 minutes on the back of a bike.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Developers</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> are working on a hyper loop that could get you from Washington, D.C., to New York City in just 29 minutes. And once you are here, you can take a subway from Penn Station to Times Square in just four hours. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1787;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The first of the Federalist Papers, which called for the ratification of the U.S. Constitution, was published. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1904;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> New York City's first rapid transit subway, the IRT, opened.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1938;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Du Pont announced that it would name its new synthetic yarn nylon. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1978;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Egyptian President Anwar Sadat and Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin were named winners of the Nobel Peace Prize for their work toward a Middle East accord.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1997;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The Dow Jones industrial average fell 554.26 points, forcing the stock market to shut down. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>2004;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> After an 86 year wait, the Boston Red Sox finally captured a World Series trophy.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ccff;">The charm of Spam. I offtimes buy but usually it gets pushed to the back ground, That us, of course, until Mother Hubbard's Cupboard becomes a bit bare and you espy your secret little treasure that will provide for a hearty sandwich...... </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat right next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?" <span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> You don't know what real fear is, until you've been cornered by a Mariachi band playing a rendition of Hotel California. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> When I was a kid, I suffered from depression. My teacher suggested that my father take me to the zoo. He did, but I found my way home. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> Remember, lust is not real love and Domino's is not real pizza, but both are fine when you're drunk. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> I remember the day when my ex-wife and I decided not to have children. The kids took it pretty hard.....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Scorpio - October 27th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">You may hear a voice in your ear saying that you are here for a purpose. Don't pay any attention to the voice, they meant to say porpoise. That is, unless you're from Miami, in which case, take heed. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>: </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">James Cook, explorer and navigator </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1728,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Theodore Roosevelt, 26th president 9f the United States </span><span style="color: red;">1858,</span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Emily Post, etiquette writer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1873,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Dylan Thomas, poet </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1914,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Roy Lichtenstein, painter </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1923,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Sylvia Plath, poet </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1932,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> John Cleese, actor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1939,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Roberto Benigni, actor and filmmaker </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1952.</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">An older man went to a job interview. The Human Resources manager asked him, "What is your greatest weakness?" The man replied, "Honesty."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The Human Resources manager said, "I don't think honesty is a weakness." The older man said, "I don't really give a shit what you think."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A priest was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The priest asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection and a little boy raised his hand. The priest called on him and the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you're supposed to call the doctor."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">A Jewish man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing genie. He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish. He says, "Peace in the Middle east, that’s my wish."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The genie looks concerned, then says, "No, I’m sorry, that’s just not possible. Some things just can’t be changed. Do you have another wish?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The guys says, "Well, my whole life I’ve never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says, "How would you define peace?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked, "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?"The cowboy said, "Well, I can think of one thing."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">He continued, "On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?" The Cowboy replied, "A couple of minutes ago."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little goblins. Remember, remember that water dissolves alien beasts and witches. This information may or may not affect your balance when handing a glass of water to your mother-in-law. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-37970304788155014862017-10-20T18:04:00.000-04:002017-10-20T18:04:25.357-04:00My First Camera<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBNLc81KimseT0f4bWwumnD5YFqxoCvbNnRIKDPyqeKsUneu6Z_hhGhQGoyj-bQ0cT4ZQZN9N4SiV6oP-33a5YaK3aRRv4_lWJ74Llcg4VV1enUipPgGFsTFdNDl_aPiZANPJUt71vxXg/s1600/zzcam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="242" data-original-width="545" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBNLc81KimseT0f4bWwumnD5YFqxoCvbNnRIKDPyqeKsUneu6Z_hhGhQGoyj-bQ0cT4ZQZN9N4SiV6oP-33a5YaK3aRRv4_lWJ74Llcg4VV1enUipPgGFsTFdNDl_aPiZANPJUt71vxXg/s1600/zzcam.jpg" /></a></div>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I remember loading film into my new camera, then searching for the flash bulbs. For some reason, we licked the poles of the flash bulb prior to insertion (Freudian?). After the film was used, I took it to the drugstore to have it developed. Black and white, of course.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I was around eleven years old when I got my first camera. I remember seeing an ad in my comic book that said if I sold a certain amount of 8"X10" religious cards, I would "win" a camera.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">So, the materials arrived and off I went going house to house trying to sell my product for ten cents each. That may not sound like much but back in the day, you could buy a week's groceries for $5-7 dollars. It took me about two weeks to sell everything and then I mailed in the money and awaited my camera.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT1iorqghyphenhyphencqFFatPwLCOIIXaTAfwFWhJcLDp8q0F173CwNO7Z5EK1rcShkXkGXUSkshRsb_MbLslet1aNiJV6TkOWRFJWy4o12-72CvgyDKTCD4iK_gQEb_Rv_OxCoio4sbEx3VD2sH4/s1600/zcam1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="518" data-original-width="497" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT1iorqghyphenhyphencqFFatPwLCOIIXaTAfwFWhJcLDp8q0F173CwNO7Z5EK1rcShkXkGXUSkshRsb_MbLslet1aNiJV6TkOWRFJWy4o12-72CvgyDKTCD4iK_gQEb_Rv_OxCoio4sbEx3VD2sH4/s1600/zcam1.jpg" /></a></div>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">My camera finally arrived around two weeks later and it was then I realized that I would have to buy </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">film and flash bulbs. I don't remember the cost or what development would cost, but I do recall that I had to go searching for soda bottles to cash in so I could pay for it.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">No one in the family had a camera and I couldn't wait to finish my first roll of film. Most of the pictures "came out" (a term today's youth would not fathom). It was important to save the negatives for future reprints.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Over the next few years, I took mostly family pictures and stock car racing pictures. Oddly enough, most of the family pictures, including my grandfather, aunts, uncles and cousins were taken with my camera.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">In retrospect, I'm happy I got my camera or I wouldn't have the few cherished pictures from my early childhood.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Google</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> has developed image-recognition software that can accurately capture what’s happening in a photo. But it still has some bugs. It described Kim Kardashian's recent photo as "Woman being chased by two Butterball turkeys."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>A new study found</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> that women have better memories than men. Also, a new study found that women have better memories than men. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1803;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The Senate ratified the Louisiana Purchase. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1944;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Gen. Douglas MacArthur returned to the Philippines, 30 months after he said "I shall return." </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1947;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The U.S. House Un-American Activities Committee opened meetings about alleged Communist infiltration in the Hollywood film industry. </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1964;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Herbert Hoover, the 31st president of the United States, died in New York at age 90.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1968;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Jacqueline Kennedy married Aristotle Onassis. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1973;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> During the Watergate scandal, Attorney General Elliot L. Richardson and Deputy Attorney General William B. Ruckelshaus resigned and special prosecutor Archibald Cox was dismissed by President Nixon in what came to be known as the "Saturday Night Massacre." </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>2011;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi is killed by rebel troops in Surt, Libya, his hometown.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ccff;">My camera looked somewhat like this and I was thrilled when it arrived.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6C4E1sJx4Zyy5ztjKKRPY3Qbn5I5vnYcfcNDRFcSE2hmrZgj1KVVVLJRtX0WcirCVVxkQd8vzQGQwuo4nQDOWoJdCfKWrdEelIeALBegLuJ_3dZmaw-fAMZF1Cvy9l-Hpp3cKCzreepQ/s1600/zcam3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="494" data-original-width="583" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6C4E1sJx4Zyy5ztjKKRPY3Qbn5I5vnYcfcNDRFcSE2hmrZgj1KVVVLJRtX0WcirCVVxkQd8vzQGQwuo4nQDOWoJdCfKWrdEelIeALBegLuJ_3dZmaw-fAMZF1Cvy9l-Hpp3cKCzreepQ/s1600/zcam3.jpg" /></a></div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">I hope my ship comes in before my dock rots. <span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> The doctor said working puzzles would keep Grandma's mind sharp. She's been in the corn maze going on four days, so that remains to be seen. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> Back in the day, every TV had a remote control. In my house, it was usually me or my brother. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> Today I learned that wolves are not ticklish. Tomorrow I learn how to tie my shoes with one hand. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> It is said that the only difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is one degree in the normal reading. Personally, I think the main difference would be in the taste.....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Libra - October 18th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">The evidence for love is staring you in the face but you can't see the forest for the trees. I think the best thing to do is to stop wandering into forests and stand toe-to-toe with the one that attracts you. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>: </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Arthur Rimbaud. poet </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1854,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> John Dewey. philosopher, educator </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1859,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Charles Ives. composer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1874,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Bela Lugosi. actor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1882,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Jelly Roll Morton. musician </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1890,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Arlene Francis. actress, TV personality </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1907,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Art Buchwald, humorist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1925,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Mickey Mantle, baseball player </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1931,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Tom Petty, musician </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1950,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Viggo Mortensen, actor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1958.</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">If your child needs a last-minute Halloween costume, you can wrap him like The Mummy with your CVS receipts.
You can also scan him for $2 off Advil.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in an adult community. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger here?" He replies, "I lived here years ago." The old lady continued, "So, where were you all these years?" The man says, "In prison."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The old lady asked, "Why did they put you in prison?" He looked at her, and very quietly said, "I killed my wife." The old woman said, "Oh! So you're single...?!"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. It never smells and it's always silent."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">She went on, "As a matter of fact I've passed gas at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was passing gas because it doesn't smell and it's silent." </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The next week the lady goes back and says, "Doctor, I don't know what you gave me, but now my passing gas, although still silent, smells terribly." The doctor says, "Ok, now that we've cleared up your sinuses, we'll start to work on your hearing.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A mother of five decides to get plastic surgery on her privates so her husband can enjoy the snugness she had in her youth. So, she heads off to the doctor for the procedure.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Once the procedure is done, she wakes up to find three roses on her bed and asks the nurse who sent them.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The nurse says, "The doctor wanted you to know he appreciates the business, so he left you a rose. Then your husband came in with a rose, stating that he can't wait to feel the results of the surgery, so he left a rose, too."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The woman asks, "What about the third rose?" The nurse says, "Oh, that's from Ed in the burn unit. He wanted to say thanks for the new ears."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little tater tots. Remember, anchovies or jalapenos added to jokes upon request; your mileage may vary; no substitutions!. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-2708568984288114612017-10-13T19:09:00.001-04:002017-10-13T19:09:24.296-04:00Be Vewy Vewy Careful Today<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2OchU_HPQc_vdFogfODVDhhcUQd9t0J7uWonVRWMeDim3ryZBbtyUJwezD-Hd3MGHPthoS6tKBiE8xxiLsEzddivx2Wx7Q1odLYWb4mcE60oGLFBFN6nA9xh6bJOTCIx_ApnZ69_rm8I/s1600/z10a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2OchU_HPQc_vdFogfODVDhhcUQd9t0J7uWonVRWMeDim3ryZBbtyUJwezD-Hd3MGHPthoS6tKBiE8xxiLsEzddivx2Wx7Q1odLYWb4mcE60oGLFBFN6nA9xh6bJOTCIx_ApnZ69_rm8I/s1600/z10a.jpg" /></a></div>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">At least it's Friday. People were yelling warnings at movie screens long before Jason's escapades. Scary movies keep people on the edge of their seats and once that eerie music begins, everyone knows not to leave that cabin or go up those stairs. But noooo.....!</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Friday the 13th is considered an unlucky day in Western superstition. Realistically, any day you step in dog shit is bad luck, as well, so everything is relative. Of course you can make matters worse by making bad decisions.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Take into consideration the Canadian man and his family who were just released by the Taliban after five years because he thought taking a hike in Afghanistan was a good idea. But, I digress.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Friday the 13th ( the movie) had a long run and produced many sequels (ad nauseum). Of course, the older crowd might remember Frankenstein, The Werewolf, Dracula and The Mummy as nail-biters as well.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">One of my favorites as a kid was The Blob and The Creature From The Black lagoon, the latter being the first horror film produced in 3-D.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">My suggestion for today is to take things in stride and bad luck be damned. This particular thought was seconded by my black cat, Samantha, who suggested that things could be worse. You could be married to Bill or Hillary Clinton.....</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>The big story this week is</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> the Harvey Weinstein scandal. Some very serious allegations came out about his sexual misconduct. You can tell they’re bad because Anthony Weiner just unfriended him.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Reports say Netflix</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> is raising its prices next month. Wow, that's gonna be quite a burden on whoever’s password I’m using.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>A man from Italy</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> just set a Guinness World Record by putting on 13 pairs of underwear in 30 seconds. On the downside, he’s now banned from Victoria’s Secret.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1775;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The Continental Congress authorized the construction of a naval fleet. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1792;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The cornerstone of the White House was laid. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1843;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The Jewish organization B'nai B'rith was founded. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1903;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Boston defeated Pittsburgh in the first World Series.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1943;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Italy declared war on Germany, its former Axis partner, during World War II. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1974;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Ed Sullivan died in New York City at age 72. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1981;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Egypt's vice president Hosni Mubarak was elected president, one week after Anwar Sadat's assassination.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ccff;">The Creature From The Black Lagoon.....</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;"> When I was born, I was given a choice - to be well hung or have a good memory. I can't remember what I chose.
<span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> At six, I was left an orphan. What the hell is a six year old supposed to do with an orphan? </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> In an intellectually equal society, who will be the busboys? </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> I found out my girlfriend was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam and we're stoning her in the morning! </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> I wish that Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Libra - October 13th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Temptation is everywhere, especially if you're willing to look for it. The best places to look are wedding receptions and class reunions.
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>: </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Yves Montand, actor, singer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1921,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Margaret Thatcher, British political leader </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1925,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Paul Simon, musician </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1941,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Jerry Rice, football player </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1962,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Nancy Kerrigan, figure skater </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1969,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Ashanti, singer, actress </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1980,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Ian Thorpe, swimmer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1982.</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">A man goes to visit a fortune teller. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic said, "You complain about your wife's constant nagging and yelling, yet you still remain married. There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your wife will die a violent and horrible death this year."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">Visibly shaken, the man stares at the fortune teller's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. He took a few deep breaths to compose himself. He simply had to know. He met the fortune-teller's gaze, steadied his voice, and asked, "Will I be found guilty?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I do?"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Mabel reached up to her ear, pulled out the suppository and stared at it. Then she said, "I think I know where to find my hearing aid."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for'small, $6,500 for medium and $14,000 for large.
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The doctor came back into the room and found the man looking dejected.
The doctor asked, "Well, what have the two of you decided?' The man replied, "She said she would rather remodel the kitchen."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A man and woman were in divorce court awaiting the judge's ruling on the financial and property settlement. The judge said, "Mr Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $750 a week."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Mr Clark said, "That's very fair, your honor, and every now and then, I'll try to give her a few bucks, myself."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little turtle doves. Remember, there's nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-40578836882333533862017-10-06T18:27:00.000-04:002017-10-06T18:27:45.802-04:00"It's The Latest Style"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4e56CZOv8VZO9w-lWOxp2ZqgZJ2455c_IAkX535YzKC3WB6xr0n0vLbSq552HyL0hMtMw7AprbUbzCD4aEvubf0WCd_TAndr1sH383qnHxoq7s6Jx4sFbzyCxEVYmg-lqH4kdFeVFUwc/s1600/zz3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="351" data-original-width="566" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4e56CZOv8VZO9w-lWOxp2ZqgZJ2455c_IAkX535YzKC3WB6xr0n0vLbSq552HyL0hMtMw7AprbUbzCD4aEvubf0WCd_TAndr1sH383qnHxoq7s6Jx4sFbzyCxEVYmg-lqH4kdFeVFUwc/s1600/zz3.jpg" /></a></div>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Yeah and for a fleeting moment, it was the style. Then, you see old pictures and you think, "What the hell was I thinking?" Big hair, flat tops, bell bottoms, mini skirts, wide lapels, leisure suits. Kids today poke fun. Laugh it up, Bozo, you'll get your chance.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">At some point during my formative years, I recall surfer shirts, the madras era, boat necks, turtle necks. I was in a band and we wore matching suits, skinny ties, ascots, and dare I say, dickies? Shades of Howard Wolowitz.....</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Remember the Nehru jacket? I bought one about a month before they went out of style. The era of the leisure suit with Nik-Nik shirts that were so loud and colorful they screamed of fashion faux pas. And they were expensive! We didn't care. They were "in style".</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">As I became wiser, I learned to buy more conservative suits, shirts and pants that were always in style, This of course allowed me money to do silly things like pay rent and buy groceries.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">As I became more successful, I must admit a penchant for Armani suits, coats, shirts and, of course, Florsheim shoes. Then again, sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do...... </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan; font-size: 130%;"><u>Nike</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"> announced their solidarity with the NFL </span><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 20.8px;">protesters</span><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"> who kneel during the "Star Spangled Banner" and the American flag, They then </span><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 20.8px;">announced</span><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"> the debut of their new $400 kneeling shoes.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger </u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> will speak at a rally against gerrymandering. Admission is free, but I would still pay $1,000 just to hear him say "gerrymandering."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Last weekend</u>,</span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> a truck carrying 40,000 bottles of vodka overturned in North Carolina. The driver is fine. He said he’s shaken, but not stirred.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>The local news</u>,</span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> while advising the public in preparation for the arrival of Hurricane Irma, advised that you could download their app so you can tell there's been a power failure. Call me old fashioned but the lack of lights usually tips me off.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Sorry Canada</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> but most Americans think "Vancouver" is a big tarp for your VW microbus.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1927;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> "The Jazz Singer," the first full-length talking picture, starring Al Jolson, debuted. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1949;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Japanese-American broadcaster, Iva Toguri D'Aquino (Tokyo Rose), was sentenced to 10 years in prison and fined $10,000 for treason.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1973;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The Yom Kippur War began when Syria and Egypt attacked Israel.
</span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1979;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> President Jimmy Carter received Pope John Paul II, the first pope to visit the White House.
</span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1981;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Egypt's President Anwar Sadat was assassinated in Cairo. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1989;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Bette Davis died in France at age 81.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ccff;">I had a burnt orange Nik Nik similar to this one (only sharper) worn with darker burnt orange pants that were so tight it wasn't necessary to guess my religion. So there i was, onstage performing in a night club and looking like a white pimp. Thankfully, it was prior to the advent of cell phones. </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">A month ago I gave my cell number to a beautiful girl. She said "I will text you when I get home". She hasn't texted me yet. She's probably homeless.
<span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> The last time my computer crashed, all the other computers slowed down so they could see what was happening. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> In 2008, the entire staff of the Canadian Oxford Dictionary was fired. To this day, I still don't know if it's moustache or mustache. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> I've learned a lot about women over the years. For example, if you're going to the hospital for a gunshot wound and she asks for tampons, you'd better stop on the way. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> My cat Samantha ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles and now I gotta follow her around the house because it's her turn.....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Libra - October 6th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Become as the rabbit. All will become clear as the moon begins its wane. There are lots of ideas screaming to be let out of your head. Let them free and they'll scream in other people's heads too!</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>: </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Jenny Lind, soprano </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1820,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> George Westinghouse, inventor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1846.</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Carole Lombard, actress </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1908,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Thor Heyerdahl, explorer and anthropologist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1914,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Amy Jo Johnson, actress </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1970,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Rebecca Lobo, basketball player </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1973,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Taylor Hicks, singer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1976.</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">A man and wife are in bed and the wife says, "Honey, if I die would you get married again? Her husband replied, "No dear." His wife said, "I'm sure you would." The annoyed husband said, "Okay, I would."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The wife asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" Her husband answered, "Yeah, I guess so." The wife asked, "Would you let her wear my clothes?" Her husband replied, "No, she's taller than you."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A farmer goes in half with a friend to buy a bull so he can increase his stock. A couple of weeks later the friend comes by to see how his investment is doing.
The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't look at the cows. His friend suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The following week his friend returns to see if the vet helped.
The farmer looks delighted and says, "The bull has taken care of all my cows, broke through the fence and has even serviced all my neighbor's cows!</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">His friend says, "Wow! What did the vet do to that bull?"
The farmer said, "He just gave him some pills'." His friend asked, "What kind of pills?" The farmer said, "I don't know, but they taste like peppermint."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">The police department in the small town in Nebraska reported finding a man's body last Saturday in the early evening in the Platte River near the State Highway 30 bridge.
The dead man's name was not released pending family notification.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The victim apparently drowned due to excessive alcohol consumption while visiting "someone" in Central City. He was wearing fishnet stockings, spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string and an Obama T-shirt.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a woman with a particularly large diamond ring. As he admired the ring, the bartender came over and said, "That's the Lipschitz diamond. It's beautiful, but it comes with a curse."
The man asked, "What's the curse?" The bartender replied, "Mrs. Lipschitz."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little sweet potatoes. Remember, chin up and best foot forward, that is, assuming you know which foot is best. If not, give it your best guess. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-44001651818593169172017-09-22T19:01:00.000-04:002017-09-22T19:01:53.144-04:00Sometimes I Talk To Myself<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I have to because sometimes I need expert advice. Being a night owl, I'm subjected to stupid attorneys doing their own TV commercials. I listen to politicians and media types start their sentences with "So...", which is today's substitute for "Um". I sit through moronic commercials that insult my intelligence.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Even a sixth grader knows that "so" indicates the continuation of a thought, not the beginning. They then continue answering every question or beginning new sentences with "So.....".</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Yes, I talk to myself. I also answer myself, Some of my best conversations have been with me. I watch General Motors doing commercials using theoretical unknowing participants whose "canned" comments are believable if you're five-years-old.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The news is a joke and every headline or story varies to suit the networks political views and affiliations. The only thing they can't fake is catastrophes because most are obvious. That is, excepting weather reporters who make sure they wade into water to emphasize the situation when dry land is twenty yards away.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Just once, I'd like to see a chicken cross the road without someone questioning his motive. But, that's just me.....</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: lime;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: lime;"><u>My heart and prayers go out</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> to the people of Texas and Florida who continue to recover from catastrophic hurricanes and to the people of Puerto Rico and Mexico who are currently experiencing hurricane and earthquake woes respectively. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Some 7-Eleven stores </u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;">are now offering what they are calling "restaurant quality" dishes. Olive Garden representatives said, "We're going to try that too."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Target</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> is letting customers download an indoor map to help them find their way around the store. If you get lost at Costco, they just tell you to forget your old life and move in.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Taco Bell</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> said it will start serving alcohol at some locations. So the next time you think that <u>you're</u> having a bad day, imagine the guy who gets cut off by the cashier at Taco Bell.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Happy Rosh Hashanah</u> to my Jewish readers.
Of course, Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year. So happy 5778, everybody! I'm so glad it's 5778 because 5777 sucked. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1901;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Queen Victoria of England died after reigning for 63 years (the 4th longest among longest-reigning monarchs and the longest for queens). </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1905;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> 500 workers were killed by the Czar's troops in "Bloody Sunday" in St. Petersburg.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1938;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Thornton Wilder's play Our Town first performed publicly in Princeton, N.J. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1973;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The Supreme Court legalized some abortions in Roe v. Wade. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1997;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The U.S. Senate confirmed Madeleine Albright as the first female secretary of state.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ccff;">Yosemite Sam's pissed too..... !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">Parenting is having your kids reject everything you cook and then watching your 2-year-old eat a dog treat from off the floor and then ask for another.
<span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> My girlfriend told me she had an epiphany last night, which surprised me because that wasn't even my "A" game. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> What North Korea really needs is some decent barbers who know how to cut hair. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> Knowing when to keep opinions to yourself is, apparently, a skill that I do not possess. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> My father once told me: "Son, you should never lie. One lie begets another lie, then another lie and before you know it, you're either a lawyer or a politician.....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Virgo - September 22nd</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Your weaknesses may turn out to be your strengths today and you'll find yourself easily swayed by nonsense that you read on Facebook. Don't confuse dumb waiters with Afghani asylum seekers. They're normally taxi drivers. Sex on the beach is not an act, it's a drink.....most of the time.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>: </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Michael Faraday, English scientist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1791,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Theodore Clement Steele, artist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1847,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Babette Deutsch, poet </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1895,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Tommy Lasorda, baseball manager </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1927.</u></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10 speed bicycle.
His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job.
There's no way we can afford it."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase.
So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">Little Joseph told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out.
Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.
And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no friggin' bike!"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Calvin Rickson, an engineer from Texas A&M University, has designed a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and stops nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.
After a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of Texans took Mr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him. </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">There was a blonde who was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheep herder over.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The woman said, "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you. If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" The sheep herder said, "Sure." So, looked at the herd for a second and then replied "382". The herder said, "Wow! That's exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.
Then, the herder said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you". The woman asked, "What is it? The herder said, "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, cleaning my barn, working on tractors and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The woman said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women." </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The two sat sipping in silence.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little tumbleweeds. Remember, poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<br />Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-56260486945568508132017-09-15T19:56:00.000-04:002017-09-15T19:56:47.346-04:00Irma Devastating But Not Without Quirky Moments<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">During the last trying weeks, the nation suffered through the heartbreaking ravages of Hurricanes Harvey and Irma. But even in the worst of times, little rays of humor managed to surface and I'd like to tell you some of my trials and errors.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Time erases memory, but Irma wasn't my first rodeo. I filled every receptacle I had with water and put them in the freezer. I precooked meats and put them in Tupperware. I was sure I had candles, and I was right. I had three candles, each about 5 inches long.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">No worries, the weather people indicated the brunt of the storm would hit the west coast. I completely forgot that the "dirty" part of the storm was in the northeast portion. The hurricane was moving at a good pace and then it slowed. I still had power and a functioning cell phone.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Around 1:00 pm Sunday, I lost power but I still had a positive attitude.The night moved in, the winds increased and the son-of-a-bitch upstairs turned on his generator, clearly in violation of the law. I lit candle number one, had some iced tea and a snack. My cats, usually aloof, now seemed to feel I was their best friend, each curling up next to me.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Over the following hours, I cannot tell you how many times </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I turned on the light when I entered the bathroom. It never came on once (because, you see, I had no damned electricity,). At first, I tried to go to the bathroom using the ancient art of mental imaging and target location by sound. But, as I said earlier, time erases memory and when I didn't hear the "sound" of success, I realized that candle number two was going to be needed in the bathroom.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Scooter, my faithful companion who feels the necessity to accompany me on all my bathroom treks wholeheartedly agreed as he was the recipient of the poorly plan mental imaging and sound experiment.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I cursed myself over putting off buying an emergency radio, so there I sat, listening to the mind numbing staccato of the generator and watching my candles get smaller and smaller. I fell asleep sometime in the wee hours, only to be awakened by the howling winds but no generator sounds. It seems the generator had been shut off at first light.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Still sleepy, the winds roared as I prepared something to eat. I was sure the damned storm must be in Tampa by now, but my sister called and said it was in Naples. Candle number one burnt out and conservation of the final candle was a priority.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">That evening, as darkness fell, the cats remained in a crouched position mainly due to the various loud noises. Right on time, shit-for-brains turned on his generator. Conserving the remaining candle, I sat in the dark plotting how to destroy the annoying generator and the owner, if necessary, as well. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Peanut butter and bread became my go to snack. Sleeping off and on, the sun finally arose and dumb ass turned his generator off, so I tried to catch up on some badly needed sleep.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I woke to a conversation coming from my living room. Since I live alone, I assume I had unwanted guests. As it turned out, it was the television and I had electricity again. Although food was low and I was out of ice, I knew that it could only get better, </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Hollywood's hurricane relief telethon</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> turned political with many stars using the opportunity to share their liberal platforms. Originally conceived as a benefit for victims of Hurricane Harvey in Texas, the "Hand in Hand" telethon was expanded to help people in Florida and the Caribbean devastated in recent days by Irma.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Stevie Wonder opened the one-hour televised event with a monologue about coming together, regardless of race, religion, political affiliation or sexual preference to help those devastated by the storms. However, he then closed the speech by taking a shot at those who deny climate change, saying "Anyone who believes there’s no such thing as global warming must be blind or unintelligent.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">But the event was a potentially polarizing and alienating move at a time when, even as images of the powerful storms and monumental wreckage they caused literally flooded our screens, the impulse, especially from politicians, to call for prayers in lieu of recognizing science has become an exasperated meme.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">To wit, after Wonder’s quote was tweeted out, responses came in chiding the singer for “undermining the objective of the telethon by alienating half the country in the first 30 seconds.”</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Houston native Beyonce said in a video message aired on the telethon that hurricanes Harvey and Irma were a big blow following the recent "violence and racism in this country. She added she thought times "couldn't possibly get worse," but then the hurricanes hit.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">All things considered, the event raised more than 44 million dollars for the victims of Hurricanes Harvey and Irma, so I guess one has to overlook the moronic, blatant politicalization and be content that the monies ostensibly will help millions of people.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Hillary Clinton</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> is promoting her new book, "What Happened?" She told Anderson Cooper that a lot of people come up to her now to apologize for not voting. And when they do that, she says she doesn’t forgive them. I guess she used all her forgiveness up on her husband, Slick Willy.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> was asked about Clinton’s book. She said she thought it was sad. Which is true. I mean, it is — I don’t want to spoil it for anyone who’s planning to read it, but at the end of the book, Donald Trump becomes president.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Huma Abedin</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> and soon-to-be ex-husband Anthony Weiner say that they want to keep their divorce proceedings private. Weiner, however, insisted he’s still going to keep his (private parts) public.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>It's official </u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> - Pro Football has begun! I saw that the Patriots will play a game in Mexico this November. The U.S. border Patrol will be checking the returning team for anyone with a mustache and wearing a serape.</span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Then again, the Patriots could sign Colin Kaepernick and then trade him to Mexico for two day laborers to be named at a later date.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Meanwhile,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> the New York Jets are 1000-to-1 long shots to win the Super Bowl. That means if you bet just one dollar...you will lose just one dollar.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Kim Kardasian and Kanye West</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> have announced they are expecting their third baby. And this time, they’re going to name the baby something normal. That’s the name. Something Normal West.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Target annoinced</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">announced that it will hire 100,000 seasonal employees during the holidays. Ten of them will be on the register; the rest will wander around saying, “I don’t work in this department.”</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1789;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The U.S. Department of Foreign Affairs changed its name to the Department of State. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1821;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua, and El Salvador gained independence. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1835;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Charles Darwin and the HMS Beagle reached the Galapagos Islands.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1917;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Alexander Kerensky proclaimed Russia a republic. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1935;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The Nuremberg Laws deprived Jews of their citizenship and made the Swastika the official emblem of Nazi Germany. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1963;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> A church bombing in Birmingham, Alabama, killed four young black girls.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1989;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Pulitzer Prize-winning author Robert Penn Warren, the first poet laureate of the United States, died. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>2004;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The National Hockey League lockout began. The 2004-2005 season would ultimately be canceled.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ccff;">Yep, I figured by 2:00 p.m., I figured Irma would be nearing Tampa, Wrong, hurricane breath!</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">Men reach their sexual peak around age 18 while women reach their sexual peak around age 35. Just about the time women reach their sexual peak, men are beginning to realize they have a favorite chair.
<span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> One year, I couldn't afford to take the kids to a corn maze, so I took them to an IKEA instead. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> Forrest Gump's Facebook account has been hacked. His password was "1Forrest1". </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> If you play a game with your girlfriend where you pick one person you’d be allowed to sleep with, choose a celebrity and not "Liz from Accounting." </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> Starbucks should have a separate line for people who don't know what they want or how the world works.....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Virgo - September 15th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Your footsteps will seem louder today as you break in new shoes. Everything you've ever felt about anything will be tested today during some troubling moment in which you'll learn something about anything or everything.
When gazing upon the face of a loved one, close your mouth and stop babbling on about how much you wish that restraining order had been quashed.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>: </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">James Fenimore Cooper, American novelist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1789,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> William Howard Taft, 27th president of the United States </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1857,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> 1857 Bruno Walter, conductor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1876</u>,</span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Agatha Christie, writer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1890,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Jean Renoir, film director, writer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1894,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Oliver Stone, filmmaker </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1946,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Dan Marino, football quarterback </span><span style="color: red;">1961.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">A farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what’s that under your arm?" The old farmer said, "That’s my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes." </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The ticket agent said, "We don’t allow animals in the theater."
The irritated old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">Mildred whispered, "Marge, I think this guy next to me is a pervert." Marge replied, "What makes you think that?" Mildred whispered, "He unzipped his pants and is exposing himself."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">Marge said, "Well, don’t worry about it, At our age we’ve seen them all." Mildred said, "Yeah, but this one is eating my popcorn."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">In California Unleaded gas went to $4.00 a gallon last Thursday.
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. Fortunately, an Exxon station was just a block away.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.
The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait, and walked back to her car.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas, and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptist ladies watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband. At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Finally, after she had crossed her legs enough times, her husband asks, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?" She answered with a seductive smile, Yes." Her husband replied, "Thank God. For a moment, I thought the stuffing was coming out of the sofa." (He never heard the gunshot.)</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">An older woman is shopping in a supermarket when she notices this handsome muscular boy doing the bagging at one of the checkouts. Making sure she goes through his line, she leans over and asks if he'll carry her groceries out to which he responds, "Sure lady."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">No sooner than they get out of the store, she leans over and says to the boy, "You know I've got an itchy pussy." The boy responds, "You'll have to point it out, lady, all those Japanese cars look alike to me."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little tinker toys. Remember, if your smart phone gets wet, put it in a bag of dry rice. Then at night, the rice will attract Asians and they will fix all your electronics for you. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-73088905179013478092017-08-25T20:26:00.001-04:002017-08-25T20:26:30.086-04:00Have You Experienced Haboobs? Ha Yes!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtzxvGIB2XS4nt-osgp57-DqRx_exa5pIhqjFy8cuEg21_VBfv1lawMirFJN0R2OymURU0FnBKHmVoVtVyXXommBt3fTuqrB4YxqPrBpKoetAJuwnczCkb1p_rkfB8HkEfxsn5-21e32A/s1600/Haboob+02.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="397" data-original-width="541" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtzxvGIB2XS4nt-osgp57-DqRx_exa5pIhqjFy8cuEg21_VBfv1lawMirFJN0R2OymURU0FnBKHmVoVtVyXXommBt3fTuqrB4YxqPrBpKoetAJuwnczCkb1p_rkfB8HkEfxsn5-21e32A/s1600/Haboob+02.jpg" /></a></div>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">In the interest of keeping my friends and readers aware of scientific information that affects America, I would like to make you aware of a phenomenon that occasionally plagues Arizona, along with the normal infestation of illegal aliens and drug smugglers.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Giant dust storms sometimes inundate the cities. Scientists refer to the phenomenon as a haboob, an Arabic word meaning.....uh, giant dust storm. Phoenix is the only city in the southwest that has had to face a large pair of haboobs.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Yes, it's true. Giant haboobs cab take the Phoenix Area by storm and scientist are still unsure how to warn residents of the severity of the storm. Hurricanes, for example, are rated as category one, two, et cetera.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Tornadoes are referred to as F1, F2 and so on. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Leading meteorologists are considering rating the severity of the haboobs as A, B, C, D and the dangerous Double D.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">While reporters are "embedded" in war situations and weather reporters "hunker down" during hurricanes, I feel it would only be natural for weather reporters to be "implanted" in the larger haboobs. But, that's just me.....</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Hillary Clinton</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> is coming out with a book called "What Happened"(?). Out of habit, Bill Clinton immediately came out with his own book called, "Baby, I Can Explain."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>In the book,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Hillary calls Donald Trump a "creep" who "made her skin crawl." If Trump is a "creep" for merely being near Hillary, one wonders how she feels when she thinks about Bill and Monica Lewinsky's escapades in the Oval Office.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1718;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> New Orleans was founded by French settlers and named after the Duke of Orleans. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1825;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Uruguay declared its independence from Brazil. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1875;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Matthew Webb became the first person to swim across the English Channel. It took him 21 hours and 45 minutes.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1916;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The Department of the Interior created the National Park Service to manage and preserve national parks and monuments for future generations. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1944;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Paris was liberated from Nazi occupation by Allied forces.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1984;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Author Truman Capote was found dead in Los Angeles. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>2001;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Singer and actress Aaliyah died in a plane crash in the Bahamas. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>2003;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> NASA launched the infrared Spitzer Space Telescope.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>2009;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Edward "Ted" Kennedy, who served as a Democratic senator from Massachusetts since 1962, dies. He was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor in 2008. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>2012;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The first human to walk on the moon, Neil Armstrong, died after suffering complications from a heart bypass.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ccff;">A Haboob engulfs a city. </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">Politicians should be limited to two terms: One in office and one in prison.
<span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> Vanna White has been very sick. She hasn't had a vowel movement since Wednesday. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> I was getting amorous with one of my lady friends and just as the moment drew near, she said, "Please practice safe sex". So, I locked the truck door. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> Miami's a wonderful city although some of its citizens are very rude. I went to the library yesterday and said, "I'd like a card." The librarian said, "You have to prove you're a citizen of Miami", so I stabbed him. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> I told my doctor I had been noticing a burning sensation in my eyes and difficulty breathing after sex. He told me it was just the Mace.....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Virgo - August 25th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Someone will attempt to lead you into temptation tonight. Resist! You can find temptation all by yourself and at half the cost. A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any price.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>: </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Allan Pinkerton, detective </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1819,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Sir Hans Adolf Krebs, biochemist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1900,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Leonard Bernstein, American composer, conductor and pianist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1918,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> George Wallace, governor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1919,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Althea Gibson, tennis player </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1927,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Sean Connery, actor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1930,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Regis Philbin, TV personality </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1934,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Tim Burton, director </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1958.</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing, "Freeze a jolly good fellow" and then they kick him in the ice hole....</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Three priests were in a train station on their way home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely, well endowed woman wearing a very tight sweater. She made the three priests very nervous so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The first priest approached the window and said, "Young lady, I would like three pickets to Tittsburg." He completely lost his composure and scurried away.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The second priest goes to the window and says, "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." Mortified, he too hurried away.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The third priest moves to the window and says, "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And, I must say, if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger is going to shake his Peter at you."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Four married men were golfing. While at the fourth hole, the first man said, "You have no idea what I had to go through to get to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The second guy said, "That's nothing. I had to promise my wife that I would build her a new deck for the pool."
The third guy said, "Man, you guys have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">They continued to play several more holes when they realized that the fourth guy had not said a word about how he managed to get out of the house.
So the first guy said, "You haven't said a word about what you had to do to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The fourth guy smiled and said "Well, I just set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. When it went off, I shut off the alarm, gave my wife a nudge and said 'Golf course or intercourse?' and she said, 'Wear your sweater'."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused, looked down the fairway and began to sob uncontrollably. The other three gathered around him and asked, "What's wrong?"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Bob looked down at his feet, sniffed and dried his eyes, Bob said, "I'm sorry, I always get emotional at this hole. It holds very difficult memories for me."
One of his buddies asked, "What happened? What could have gotten you so upset?"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Bob stared silently off in the distance, then said in a low voice, "This is where my wife and I were playing 12 years ago when she suddenly died of a heart attack; right at this very hole."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">One of the other golfers said, "That must have been horrible!" Bob said, "It was worse than that! Every hole for the rest of the day, all the way back to the clubhouse it was hit the ball, drag Alice, hit the ball, drag Alice..."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little rose buds. Remember, alcohol was illegal in this country from 1919 to 1933. So for 14 long years, not a single person sang karaoke. Speaking of karaoke, I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-83689637476316561872017-08-19T13:29:00.000-04:002017-08-19T13:29:30.009-04:00Free Speech Doesn't Justify Armed Thugs<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrK9bpKV8UIbN-kdMvu8GGl2S5vXyuFIoLLOSAufNAsOXwucqEt1tX9LaMy6zsg5ZAWqsbtoz7rL-iwNhHbTb8w5zPY-82Pv9abGSZiA_Yc_U7utCxNZ1Hnj_Rd9_KBvptzoSFyf3bmx8/s1600/z01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="392" data-original-width="576" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrK9bpKV8UIbN-kdMvu8GGl2S5vXyuFIoLLOSAufNAsOXwucqEt1tX9LaMy6zsg5ZAWqsbtoz7rL-iwNhHbTb8w5zPY-82Pv9abGSZiA_Yc_U7utCxNZ1Hnj_Rd9_KBvptzoSFyf3bmx8/s1600/z01.jpg" /></a></div>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Armed and masked Antifa thugs should be arrested on sight. The same people would be arrested immediately entering a bank. Why authorities don't put a stop to this escapes me. The right to protest ends when innocent bystanders are threatened or injured.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Peaceful protests are a right and should be encouraged, but helmets, masks, bats and arms are not peaceful and should not be tolerated.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The Democrats seem to have left their Russian Conspiracy theory for a racism and white supremacy theory, verbally indicting the White House and by implication, all Republicans, as racists.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Democrat Nancy Pelosi called the recent firing of Steve Bannon "welcome news" but said that it "doesn't disguise" where President Trump stands on white supremacy.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">So, at the end of the day, are the far left and far right lunatics going to be allowed to create hysteria for the majority of the nation using the crutch of free speech to propagate their goals? </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>An Alabama woman,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> missing for nearly a month said she was able to survive in the woods on mushrooms. Officials said, "Ma’am, you were out there for 45 minutes."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Reports say</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> that the U.S. has a plan to launch a cyber attack on North Korea. It’s pretty serious. They say it could affect both of North Korea’s computers.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>News organizations</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> are actually telling people what to do in case of a nuclear attack. They say people should immediately stay inside and keep watching Netflix.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Wal-Mart</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> is testing out an app that would allow shoppers to skip the checkout line. Currently that service is known as shoplifting.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Football stadiums</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> are going to get a delivery system that will bring food right to your seat. However, if you’re a Rams fan, your food will most likely be intercepted and returned for a touchdown. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1227;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Mongol conqueror Genghis Khan died in China. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1587;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Virginia Dare became the first child of English parents born in North America. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1894;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Congress established the Bureau of Immigration, forerunner of the Immigration and Naturalization Service.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1920;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> When Tennessee ratified the 19th Amendment to the Constitution, the three-quarters of the states necessary was achieved and American women got the right to vote. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1936;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Spanish poet and playwright Federico Garcia Lorca was shot and killed by Franco's soldiers during the Spanish Civil War. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1958;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Vladimir Nabokov's novel Lolita was published.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ccff;">This is not a peaceful protest. It is people looking to cause trouble.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">I was once pulled over in Miami because the police officer thought I had been drinking. He asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in the state was. I said, "I don't know, re-election to Congress?"
<span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> I know, some people are against drinking and driving, but you know, sometimes you've just got no choice. Those kids gotta get to school.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> Sex is not that important. It's the afterward part when you're naked, it's warm and you watch the sun come up through the windshield. You look in her good eye and you help strap on her leg and you realize that you probably just screwed a pirate.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> When you are dating, farting is never an issue. When you are married, you make sure there’s nothing flammable near your wife. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> My friend went to CVS pharmacy and asked for Viagra. The pharmacist said, "I need medical proof that you need it." My friend said, "Will a picture of my wife do?".....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Leo - August 18th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Destiny will help you discover that you are not intended to be alone. Destiny might play with your mind though and take you to a pet store.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Love is a wonderful thing that can truly change your life for the better. However, the chances of this happening to you anytime before lunch tomorrow are remote so you might as well quit, go home and eat ice-cream until your brain freezes.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">You may find love in unexpected places, however, it is equally likely that you'll find love on Ebay. There's a great sale on shoes, though.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>: </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Virginia Dare, first white child of English parents to be born in America </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1587,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Meriwether Lewis, explorer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1774,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Vijaya Lakshmi Pandit, diplomat </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1900,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Shelley Winters, actress </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1920,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Rosalynn Smith Carter, first lady </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1927,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Roman Polanski, film director </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1933,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Roberto Clemente, baseball player </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1934,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Robert Redford, actor and director </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1937,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Patrick Swayze, actor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1952,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Christian Slater, actor </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1969.</u></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">A woman had bags under her eyes and wanted to get them removed. She went to a plastic surgeon and asks the doctor, "I can't get rid of these bags, can you help me?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The doctor told he is willing to try a new experimental technique on her. He will put a crank in the back of her head and when she sees bags under her eyes, she is to use the crank and the bags will go away.
She gets the crank put in her head and leaves.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">It works for a while until one day, she can't get rid of the bags under her eyes. She cranks and cranks as hard as she can, but they just wont go away. So she goes to the doctor.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">She says to the doctor, "This was working for a while, but I can't seem to get rid of these bags under my eyes." The doctor replies, "Those aren't bags....those are your boobs." The woman replied, "I guess that explains this goatee."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A woman was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, "Hey, lady! You’re really ugly!" The lady was furious and continued on her way. On the way home, she passed by the pet store again and the parrot once more said, "Hey, lady! You’re really ugly!"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">She was incredibly ticked now, so she went into the store and said that she would sue the store. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn’t say it again.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. The parrot said, "Hey, lady!" The woman said, "Yes?" The parrot said, "You know...."
</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">A woman was at the doctor's office with her husband. She took the doctor aside and said, "I don't want to say anything in front of my husband, but, lately, he's been buying Purina Dog Chow at the grocery store and eating it as a snack."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The doctor said, "That's unusual. Is he doing anything else that seems strange?" The woman says, "Yes, when I'm driving, he likes to stick his head out of the window for the fresh air."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The doctor says, "This sounds like he may have Canus Complexus. In layman's terms, he may think that he's a dog."
The woman lamented, "That sounds serious, doctor. Is there anything you can do for him?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The doctor replied, "Yes, it could kill him. But there's a new drug that I can give him that should help. You mix it in with his food along with some wet dog food. After a while the drug and dog food mixture will begin to make him sick when he eats the dog chow and it should return him to normal."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Six months passed and the doctor happened to see the woman at the shopping mall dressed in black. The doctor greeted the woman and asked, "How is your husband?" The woman sadly told the doctor, "He passed away two weeks ago."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The doctor was deeply moved and said, "My sincere condolences. I really thought that the dog food and drug mixture would have cured him, not killed him"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Then woman said, "Oh, no doctor. The dog food and drugs mixture didn't bother him at all." The doctor asked, "Then, how did he die?" The woman replied, "He was sitting in the middle of the road licking his balls and a dump truck ran over him."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">At a cocktail party, the host asked the attractive blonde if she would like another drink. The blonde bowed her head slightly and said, "No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The host asked, "Why is that?" The blonde replied, "Because after one drink I can feel it. After two drinks, anyone can!"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little foxes. Remember, water dissolves alien beasts and some witches. This information may or may not affect your balance when handing a glass of water to your mother-in-law. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-25780100568071749652017-08-11T16:29:00.000-04:002017-08-11T16:29:48.626-04:00Commercials For the Hard Of Understanding<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVfk6vGQqDjqUvnwrCitDUwjCOoCnjTf-8fr63S1DgFEg3gSBKvXE4EumwVlwc214nP8JOxgB35lF1DwJSfW6kdtyMSdqtLto0ZwCgRxwlgvc49SKrrH9hbBJ7EXzkTA6KplUb6_cUAlc/s1600/but+wait.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="320" data-original-width="500" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVfk6vGQqDjqUvnwrCitDUwjCOoCnjTf-8fr63S1DgFEg3gSBKvXE4EumwVlwc214nP8JOxgB35lF1DwJSfW6kdtyMSdqtLto0ZwCgRxwlgvc49SKrrH9hbBJ7EXzkTA6KplUb6_cUAlc/s1600/but+wait.jpg" /></a></div>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">How many times have you been watching a television commercial for some piece of crap and they say, "A $200 value." Really? Valued by whom? Then, they cut the price of the item from $200 to $19.95. The next thing you hear is, "But wait! There's more!"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Well, they're right, there is more.
They proceed to tell you that they will give an additional product for the same price. Then comes the hook, "Just pay separate shipping and handling." By the time you finish, you're paying through the nose.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Sometimes, they give you a guarantee. Guess what? It costs less than $200 to form a corporation and your guarantee dies the same day the corporation is abandoned.
The old "Not sold in stores" line is used a lot. It's not sold in stores because the product is usually a piece of crap the store wouldn't sell anyway.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The trick to discovering the "hooks" in advertising is to listen to or read the information carefully.
One of my favorites is the many clothing stores which always run ads touting "buy one suit and get one free." The hook is the offer is on "most suits".</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Translation? Suits and clothing manufactured by Armani, Gucci, Givenchy, Pierre Cardin and other designers are not part of the sale. The reason? The designer suits cost between $500 to $1,500 dollars. Your sale suit designer will be Roy Rogers. You can get the same quality level of the "buy one, get one free" suits by going to Sears or JCPenney.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I don't trust attorneys who advertise. You rarely see advertising by any attorney worth his salt on TV. One of the TV hooks is "you don't pay unless we win your case." Big deal! Any attorney listed in the yellow pages goes by the same rule. It's not an isolated nor exclusive offer.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Attorneys say you can come in for a free consultation. This is true, but it helps the attorney determine if he'll make money with your case. If not, they show you the door. The real hook? They get 33 and 1/3 percent if they settle out of court and 50 percent of the proceeds if they win. Such a deal.....!</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Oh, and before I forget, any site that claims to speed up your computer (PCmatic, My Clean PC, Rotorooter your PC, Kiss my Lily White PC, et al) are out and out ruses and scams aimed at the hard of understanding.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The bottom line? As advertisement goes, don't believe anything you hear and half of what you see and chances are, you'll save yourself a lot of time and money.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I have to confess that parts of today's post have been re-gifted from a previous post in 2013.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: lime;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: lime;"><u>On A Sad Note,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Stock car champion racer Bruce "Pee Wee" Griffin passed away in his sleep this week. Pee Wee raced at many venues during his career including Nascar and many northern tracks. He began his career racing locally at Hialeah Speedway, Palmetto Speedway and West Palm Beach Speedway. He will be missed.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>The owner of a clown motel</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> in Nevada is looking to sell it. The clown motel is like any other motel, except it only has one parking spot.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>President Trump</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> is being criticized for his conversation with the president of Mexico, where he called New Hampshire "a drug-infested den." New Hampshire is furious, while Colorado says it has to find a new nickname.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>ABC</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> is dropping plans for a live musical of "The Little Mermaid" because of budget issues. Also, because nobody can hold their breath underwater for two hours. </span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1854;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Henry David Thoreau's Walden, recounting his experiment in solitary life on the shores of Massachusetts' Walden Pond, was published. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1956;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Jesse Owens became the first American to win four gold medals in one Olympics.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1945;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The United States exploded a nuclear bomb over Nagasaki, Japan, killing an estimated 74,000 people. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1965;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Singapore proclaimed its independence from Malaysia. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1974;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Vice president Gerald Ford was sworn in as president following Nixon's resignation. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1995;</u></span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Jerry Garcia, lead singer and guitarist of the Grateful Dead, died.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ccff;">Bruce "Pee Wee" Griffin feature winner at Palmetto Speedway circa 1960. Rest in Peace, my friend.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">My son, Luke, loves how I named all my kids after Star Wars characters.
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
<span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> Whenever I get a "Final Notice" letter from a bill collector, I assume this concludes our business transaction. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> I don't think the Swiss were ever overly concerned about war. They included a corkscrew in their army knife. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> A man started choking in the line at Walmart today. Luckily the manager jumped into action and opened another register. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> I'm ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Leo - August 9th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Horoscopes have always had a tendency to be wrong for you, but today's will be a peach. The partner of your dreams will realize you are worthy of attention, today. Stock up on alcohol and remember to change the sheets.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>: </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Izaak Walton, writer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1593,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Amedeo Avogadro, physicist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1776,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> William Fowler, nuclear astrophysicist </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1911,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Bob Cousy, basketball player </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1928,</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Whitney Houston, singer </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1963.</u></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">He found a Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a "Vote for Hillary" hat and a "Save the Trees" shirt.
The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 800-pound grizzly bear.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing "Go Trump" shirts came racing up.
One quickly fired a .44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest. The two men pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">Four of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while another placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of them over to him and proclaimed, "I give you my blessing for your brave actions! I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who the heck was that guy?" Another replied, "Dude, that was the Pope. He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The logger said, "Well, he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn't know shit about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to Chicago and get another one?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A couple of women moved into a small house on a quiet street. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a lovely social worker in her mid twenties.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Maude and Thelma, two old spinsters, are watching from the front porch swing across the street when Maude says to Thelma, "These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">A blonde female motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">He walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" She replied, "Sure,do you need a lift?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The man said, "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already, so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble.”</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The blonde replied, "I'd be happy to." The two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's SUV. They were carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street holding hands with the two chimps much to the amusement of a big crowd.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde and said, "What are you doing here?" I gave you $100 to take these monkeys to the zoo!" The blonde said, "Yes, I know you did, but we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">A man was on a plane waiting to take off when he noticed a beautiful woman coming down the aisle towards him. His heart raced when she took the vacant seat beside him. Nervously, he said hello and the woman told him she was going to Las Vegas to a nymphomaniac convention.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">She said, "I'm a lecturer and I'm going to debunk a few misconceptions of sexual behavior. The man said, " Really? What kind of myths?" She said, "Everyone thinks that African men are the most endowed, when in fact, it's the Native Americans who have that distinction."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">She continued, "People think that Frenchmen are the best lovers and it's really Jewish men who are the best. I also discovered that Southern Rednecks have the best stamina.".</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Suddenly, the woman became uncomfortable. She said, " I'm sorry", I shouldn't be telling you all this. I don't even know your name." The man answered, "Geronimo,...Geronimo Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba !" </span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little tiddly winks. Remember, if you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side of the bed. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5304891601802456765.post-39868825627687461362017-07-30T14:47:00.000-04:002017-07-30T14:47:55.007-04:00Useless Morons In Congress Continue To Resolve Nothing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Each day, I'm amazed at the growing number of newspaper articles, television reporters and politicians who seem to just speak totally out of their asses without any knowledge or proof. Even worse, half of America believes this garbage is true.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The fun part is when one of these morons gets cornered without crib notes or a teleprompter and they turn in to babbling idiots. One would hope they studied in college but I'm guessing that many of them graduated with a Bachelor of Arts degree, which is as useful as tits on a bull.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Most have no grasp on the English language and make fools out of themselves every time they speak, While there are dimwits in both parties,My three favorites are Maxine Waters, Debbie Wasserman Schultz and Nancy Pelosi.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I'm also not overly fond of the snarky, pseudo intellectuals whose only goals are self promotion. I sure when they go the kitchen to get a glass of water from the refrigerator, when the light hits them, they break into speech.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I don't profess to be a Rhodes Scholar, but I did pay attention in high school and college, I can defend myself well and verbally fence with best,</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">I.Q. tests and term limits would help solve these problems because tar and feathering them is against the law......</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"><u>The News As I See It</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>The publisher of Hillary Clinton's upcoming memoir announced</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> that the title of her book will be the statement "What Happened." Well, that’s the censored version.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>Taco Bell announced</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Taco Bell announced it will begin selling a potato-rito, which is beef, cheese, potatoes, and chipotle spice wrapped in a tortilla for $1. Or, for the same nutritional value, just eat the dollar.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>WebMD is being sold</u></span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> for $2.8 billion. The owner said he was just getting tired, but WebMD says it could either be gout, polio or scurvy.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>This Date In History</u>: </span></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1540</u></span><span style="color: cyan;">;</span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> King Henry VIII of England's chief minister, Thomas Cromwell, was executed and Henry married his fifth wife, Catherine Howard. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1750</u></span><span style="color: cyan;">;</span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The great baroque composer Johann Sebastian Bach died. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1794</u></span><span style="color: cyan;">;</span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Robespierre, one of the leading figures of the French Revolution, was sent to the guillotine.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1821</u></span><span style="color: cyan;">;</span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Peru declared its independence from Spain. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1868</u></span><span style="color: cyan;">;</span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> The 14th Amendment to the Constitution, which established the citizenship of African Americans and guaranteed due process of law, was ratified. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1914</u></span><span style="color: cyan;">;</span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Austria-Hungary declared war on Serbia, precipitating the start of World War I.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: cyan;"><u><br /></u></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: cyan;"><u>1932</u></span><span style="color: cyan;">;</span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Herbert Hoover ordered Douglas MacArthur to evict the Bonus Marchers from their camps. </span><span style="color: cyan;"><u>2002</u></span><span style="color: cyan;">;</span><span style="color: #33cc00;"> Nine Pennsylvania coal miners were rescued after 77 hours of being trapped in a mine shaft.
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Picture Of The Day</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ccff;">Poor Maxine - She's very rich on a congresswoman's salary. She'll be investigated soon.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>Printable Things I Never Told You</u>: <span style="color: #ffd966;">1)</span> <span style="color: #33ccff;">There is no "we" in "bacon"!
<span style="color: #ffd966;">2)</span> Monday was National Cousins Day and if you're a democrat, happy anniversary! </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">3)</span> Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance? </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">4)</span> Three out of four voices in my head want to sleep. The other voice wants to know if penguins have knees. </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffd966;">5)</span> It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom.....<span style="color: #ffd966;">and that's five !</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><u>Today's Horoscope</u>: </span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: lime;"><u>Leo - July 28th</u>:</span> </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Dogs can be a man's best friend or a woman's best friend. They could also be a child's best friend or a cat's best friend. Actually, dogs are totally flexible.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">The post office is going to be lucky for you today as a mystery package arrives for you that, for once, is neither ticking nor covered in mysterious powder.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Love will no longer be just another four-letter-word to you today as you will start to understand why birds suddenly appear every time someone nears.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: red;"><u>Birthdays</u>: </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Beatrix Potter, author </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1866</u></span><span style="color: red;">,</span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Marcel Duchamp, painter </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1877</u></span><span style="color: red;">,</span><span style="color: #33ccff;"> Jacqueline Onassis, wife of former President John F. Kennedy and First Lady (1961-1963) </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1929</u></span><span style="color: red;">, </span><span style="color: #33ccff;">Bill Bradley, basketball player </span><span style="color: red;"><u>1943</u></span><span style="color: red;">.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><u>The <span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: magenta;">AREA 51 </span></span>Retirement Home Bar And Grill</u>:</span> </span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">A customer asked the clerk, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?" The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? </span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">If I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?"
He continued, "If I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;">The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't." The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?" The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">Two men are talking and one man says to the other, "I went for my routine checkup today." His friend asked, "Is everything okay?" </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The man said, "Everything was going fine until he stuck his finger up my ass."</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">His friend smiled and said, "That's normal procedure." The man replied, "So you don't think I should change dentists?"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33ff33;"><u>The Hits Just Keep On Coming</u>: </span><span style="color: #33cc00;">Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world." Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the most disgusting person in the world."
So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy, "It's official, I am the most beautiful girl in the world."
Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now officially the smallest person in the world."</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><br /></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;">Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says, "Who the hell is Rosie O'Donnell ?"</span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">About 200 dead crows were found dead near Boston and there was great concern about the possibility of "Avian Flu". They had a Bird Pathologist examine the remains of all the crows and he confirmed the problem was definitely not Avian Flu.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">However, he did determine that ninety-eight percent of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks and only two percent were killed by impact with cars.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">The city of Boston hired a Ornithological Behaviorist to determine why there were such disproportionate percentages for "truck versus car" kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in very short order.</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #33cc00;"><span style="color: #33ccff;">He said, "When crows eat road kill, they always post a 'look-out crow' in a nearby tree, to warn of any impending danger. His conclusion was that the lookout crow could easily say 'Cah', but he could not say 'Truck'!"</span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">That's it for today, my little sweet peas. Remember, sixty percent of all pit bull attacks occur when tying the bandanna around its neck and putting the sunglasses on its face. I'm heading over to <span style="color: magenta;"><u>AREA 51</u></span> for happy hour.</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><u>Follow Jimmy'</u></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: magenta;"><u>s Journal</u></span> on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"></span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">More next week.</span></span></span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #33ccff; font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: #ffcc00;">Stay Tuned !</span></span></span></i></b>Jimmy's Journalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03041064932971014718noreply@blogger.com2