Listen To The Music

Brother Kirt, Sister Jeanne and I began singing together when we were kids, usually while going on vacation with our parents. Both Mom and Dad sang well and I guess most of our musical ability came from them.

In the 1950's, Brother Kirt and I would sing songs that we learned from the radio. Since neither of us could play guitar, we would grab the old straw broom and strum to it, pretending it was the guitar. Our parents bought us hard plastic four stringed guitars that could be played by strapping a gismo on the neck and pressing different buttons which would play the chords.

Later, in the sixth grade, I took my plastic guitar to school and performed two songs for my class. My teacher, Mr. Hall, took me aside and said that he played the guitar and would show me how to play. I was elated and every lesson that Mr. Hall taught me, I would later show to Brother Kirt.

The rest is history as Brother Kirt and I later formed a band and played many venues through our teenage and young adult years. We were even asked to perform on a local television music show at ages eleven and twelve, but we chickened out. The Draft and subsequent Vietnam era caused the eventual end to our musical plans. Brother Kirt moved and got married. I continued playing solo and in groups in various nightclubs but as a young man, I spent as much time chasing skirts as I did practicing my music.

I did return to music as I got older and learned to play the piano and keyboards, as well. I still perform at different places now and then and I enjoy performing at many of the karaoke venues. My current project is singing and recording some of my favorite songs with my new home studio program.

One of the musical influences in my life was the great Les Paul.....

Guitar great Les Paul died Thursday of complications from pneumonia in White Plains Hospital, New York. Paul was married to Mary Ford and the two singer-guitarists fascinated the music world with a barrage of top ten hits including five top ten hits within nine months. Their memorable recordings include "Tennessee Waltz", "Mockin' Bird Hill", "How High the Moon" ( #1 for nine weeks) and "Vaya Con Dios" (#1 for 11 weeks).

Les Paul was a pioneer in the development of the solid-body electric guitar which made the sound of rock and roll possible. His many recording innovations included overdubbing (also known as sound on sound), delay effects such as tape delay, phasing effects, and multitrack recording. His innovative talents extended into his unique playing style, including licks, trills, chording sequences, fretting techniques and timing, which set him apart from his contemporaries and inspired many of the guitarists of the present day.

Les Paul and Mary Ford had their own radio show and later moved to television with "The Les Paul and Mary Ford Show." In 1978, Les Paul and Mary Ford were inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame. A two time Grammy Award winner, Paul was inducted into the Rock and Roll hall of Fame in 1988.

Les Paul was still performing in clubs prior to his illness and subsequent death. Les Paul was 94 years old. Here's a clip form Les Paul and Mary Ford that I hope you enjoy (remember to turn off the music from my playlist on the left sidebar).

I always admired the talents of Les Paul and have played many of the guitars that he designed. I'm sure he'll be playing guitar for the angels. Rest In Peace, Les.

This Date In History: 1880; Construction of Cologne Cathedral is completed, 632 years after it began, making it for 4 years the tallest building in the world. 1834; Britain passes the Poor Law Amendment Act, thus abandoning the centuries-old system of outdoor relief by which parishes looked after their poor and replacing it with the workhouse.

1941; Prime Minister Winston Churchill and President Franklin D. Roosevelt sign the Atlantic Charter, a joint declaration of common principles in Anglo-American policies to be followed in the post-war period. 1945; Japan announces its surrender, ending World War II.

1951; American publisher and political figure William Randolph Hearst dies at the age of 88 in Beverley Hills, California. 1969; At the start of The Troubles, British troops are sent to Northern Ireland in to restore law and order and support the government.

Picture Of The Day: Most of my pictures of my earlier teenage and young adult years are hiding in a secret place that I have not yet been able to locate. The top picture was taken by Sister Jean while Kirt and I were performing at a party at the Holiday Inn Hotel. The second picture was taken by a lady friend when I performed at Skywalkers Penthouse Restaurant and Lounge.

Above, that's Brother kirt, myself and our dog Beannie rehearsing at home. Finally, below right is Sister Jean and I aboard a Carnival Cruise Line ship that was used to host the Carnival employee Christmas party. I ended up performing several songs with the piano player in one of the lounges on board the ship.

Birthdays: Pius VII, pope 1742, Hans Christian Oersted, Danish physicist and chemist 1777, John Galsworthy, English novelist and playwright, who was one of the most popular English novelists and dramatists of the early 20th century 1856, Gary Larson, American cartoonist 1950.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I've often wondered why psychics have to ask you for your name. 2) My friend, Paula in Texas defines laughing stock as cattle with a sense of humor. 3) Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? 4) I remember being amused at all the weird and funny noises my father made when he first woke up from a nap. I no longer find it amusing as I now make the same weird and funny noises. 5) If you're going to choose between the lesser of two evils, chose the one you haven't tried before....and that's five !

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: I wrote and mailed a check last week and it arrived today. The only minor problem is that I mailed it to myself. I hope you call or visit me when they put me in the new AREA 51 home.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt and my pal, Jerry, for their contributions to today's stories.

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" The boy replied, "Eight."

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?" The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."

One morning little Johnny woke up and went down stairs for breakfast. His mother told him that he would have to feed the chickens, pigs, and cows before she gave him anything. Stomping and mumbling he headed to the barn. First, he began to feed the chickens and as they came close he kicked as many as he could. Then he went over to the pigs and fed them.

As they were finishing, Johnny getting even hungrier, kicked as many pigs as he could. Finally, Johnny got to the cows. Fed them and out of anger once again kicked them. When Johnny got back inside there was a bowl of dry cereal waiting for him.

Johnny asked his Mom, "Why only dry cereal!" His mother said, "I saw you kick the chickens, so no eggs for a week. I also saw you kick the pigs, so no bacon for a week. I saw you kick the cows so, no milk for a week".

As she was finishing, Johnny's Dad came in apparently frustrated, slammed the door and kicked the cat which was in his way. Johnny looked up and said, "Mom, do want to tell Dad or do you want me to tell him"

That's it for today my fruit loops. Remember that while swimming in the ocean, most people discover that they scream the same way whether they are about to be devoured by a Great White shark or if a piece of seaweed touches their foot.

Thank God it's Friday! I'm going to AREA 51 to follow the president's wishes that we socialize. Have a great weekend and more on Monday,

Stay Tuned !

Someone Has Hacked My Computer

For some reason, I cannot upload pictures to my journal today, yet pictures are appearing. I think that there maybe someone who has hacked into my computer. I have run several spyware programs in an effort to ascertain what the problem is but so far, I haven't found anything.

My suspicions are that it's someone close to me and I have an idea who it is, but thus far, I have no proof. I have two clues that I'm working on. A clandestine message was sent to Possum S. Hemmingway (Shithead) via my cell phone asking him if the sender could meet him at Litter Box Area 51 this evening. I showed the message to Possum and he said he did not know who it was from, yet that same little female has been hanging around lately.

The second clue is that Possum had been watching a lot of Bush Beans commercials lately and he seems to be very interested in what Jay Bush's dog, Duke, has to say. I explained to Possum that Duke can't really talk and Possum said that I didn't know what I was talking about. I need to investigate this further!

For those who care, I think Obamacare is just another attempt at socialized medicine. I do not care to accept a change to our current health care programs for a bill which doesn't even exist in the Senate. The House version has over 1,000 pages which most of congress have not read nor understand.

I certainly am not in favor of any bill which would cover anyone who is not an American citizen or does not have verifiable proof of legal residency and proof of registration with the Social Security Administration. When asked where he would get the funds to provide free universal health care coverage for all 43 million uninsured Americans, including the full 40% of whom simply did not bother to work last year, Obama boasted that he would cut Medicare and Medicaid by more than $500 billion, completely gutting those long-established programs.

Additionally, it proposes a panel of government-ordained "experts" to ration out health care to those they think deserve it most. Obama pulled no punches in pronouncing that his rationing police would have to take a long, hard look at "the chronically ill and those toward the end of their lives who are are accounting for potentially 80% of the total health care bill out here."

I would like to see a worthy and well thought out national health care plan. Electronic record keeping, for example, would definitely expedite the care of patients and reduce the cost of insurance claims. It would insure that the poor and indigent community would have access to doctors and medicine, among other things.

What I will not stand for is to be hustled into a vague and poorly thought out health care plan so that Barack Obama or any other president can use to add to his list of accomplishments so to insure his place in history.

In The News, President Obama met with the leaders of Mexico and Canada. He said would work with Mexico to solve the immigration problem, and he would work with Canada to solve the Celine Dion problem.

Obama and Mexican President Felipe Calderon discussed the immigration problem at the Mexican president’s home, which is now in Los Angeles.

Former President Clinton gave a speech to a group from Haiti and he urged them not to give up hope. Clinton said, “Things can start to look bleak and then all of a sudden you’re on an airplane with two hot Asian chicks.”

This Date In History: 1898; The United States formally annexes Hawaii. 1944; Operation Pluto sees pipelines under the English Channel start transferring vital fuel from England to Allied forces in France, two months after D-Day. 1949; The Fourth Geneva Convention is signed, providing for the protection of civilians in war.

1953; The Soviet Union tests its first thermonuclear weapon, or H-bomb, only the second country to do so after the United States the previous November. 1981; IBM announces the introduction of the world's first personal computer, or PC.

Picture Of The Day: I suspect that a certain seven-toed feline has been on my computer while I was in AREA 51, but I can't prove it....yet! In the interim, while I'm trying to find out why I couldn't load my choice of pictures to Jimmy's Journal today and someone else could, please enjoy the pictures. Although they're a little biased in favor of the animal kingdom, they're pretty good.

Birthdays: Thomas Bewick, engraver 1753, George IV, king of Great Britain and Ireland 1762, Robert Southey, poet 1774, Cecil B. DeMille, American film director and producer 1881, Erwin Schrödinger, physicist 1887.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) In the old days, young people safely hitch-hiked and I was one of them. On my way to the stock car races on evening, a car screeched to a halt and I got in. The guy said to me, "What Are you doing in my car?" I said, "You stopped to pick me up." He said, "I stopped for the red light, get out of the car!" Oops! 2) I suffer from Frisbee-tarianism, the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there. 3) Last night, I decided to stir fry some string beans in butter, garlic and olive oil. While eating them, one slipped from my fork and fell on the floor. My cat, Shithead, ate it. Imagine that, a cat that likes string beans. 4) A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 5) If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.......and that's five !

Jimmy's AREA51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Wednesday is Hump Day and it's a tradition to go out and celebrate the apex of the work week with a glass or two of your favorite spirits. Methinks this tradition could be easily incorporated into retirement years, the understanding being that there will be no drinking and driving. Of course the definition of "drinkin and driving" would be expanded to include residents in wheel chairs who have drunk too much prune juice. Accidents happen, you know.....

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city. The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama." The second said, " I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house." The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it." The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me and expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed. "Grandson I wanna you lisin to me. I want for you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me." His grandson said, "But grandpa I really don’t like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead."

The Mafia Don said "You lisina to me, soma day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambino. Soma day you goina coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man. What do you do than? Point to your watch and say, times up?"

That's it for today my turtle doves. Remember some people are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some you stand behind and kick them in the ass. The key to management is knowing which mules are which.

It's Hump Day and I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

Why Men Are Happy Creatures

For the most part, men are happy creatures. When you think about it, a man's world is largely uncluttered and simple. What more would you expect from a gender who knows down deep inside that, in an extreme emergency, the whole world is a urinal? No man has ever had to drive to another gas station restroom because the one you were in was just too "icky."

Brother Kirt sent me an email which detailed the mind of the male animal. After deleting a few phrases that I though were a bit graphic, I arrived at the following thoughts.....

No matter what happens, your last name stays the same. Most men have never even thought about or considered what happens when women marry and take their husband's surname. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear no shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life . One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a beard or a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. Sure, men can be complex at times and occasionally actually have deep thoughts. But when it gets down to basics, men are merely boys in a larger body.....

On a very sad note, Debbie, my friend Garnett's wife, was rushed to the hospital on Friday and passed away Sunday afternoon. My sincere condolences to John and his family. Please stop by John's blog and leave a kind word in his hour of need. http://garnett109.blogspot.com/

This Date In History: 1792; In one of the bloodiest episodes of the French Revolution, the Palais des Tuileries is stormed by the Parisian populace, and documents discovered there lead to the trial and execution of Louis XVI. 1846; President James K. Polk signs legislation creating the Smithsonian Institution, in Washington D.C., now the largest museum complex in the world.

1897; At the outset of motoring, the Royal Automobile Club is founded as the Automobile Club of Great Britain. 1920; The Treaty of Sèvres is signed by Britain, France, and others at Sèvres, France, initiating the end of the six-century-old Ottoman Empire. 1952; The European Coal and Steel Community, the forerunner of today’s European Union, comes into being.

Picture Of The Day: My choice of photographs for today was changed when I learned of the death of Debbie, my friend Garnett's wife. The choices reflect the peace and serenity that I wish for John and his family. Rest In Peace Debbie.

Birthdays: Camillo Cavour, Italian statesman, the chief architect of Italy's unification. His full name was Camillo Benso, Conte di (Count of) Cavour 1810, Aleksandr Glazunov, Russian composer 1865, Herbert Hoover, 31st president of the United States 1874, Alfred Döblin, German novelist 1878.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My Friday jaunt to AREA 51 started simply enough with a couple of drinks with my pal Hector. We ended up at a bar-b-cue party that ended sometime in the a.m. 2) Since I'm a glutton for punishment, I continued on Saturday night playing dominoes until the wee hours. 3) When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. 4) I'm at the age where I want two women so that in case I fall asleep, they will have someone to talk to. 5) My pal Victor emailed me and asked if I'd add some more songs by Alabama, Hank Williams, Toby Keith and Willie Nelson. So, I dood it............and that's five !

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: I keep seeing these advertisements in all the media hawking the retirement condominium communities. Some of the commercials show all the amenities but I have yet to see one that has a bar. The way I see it, the idea behind retirement is to lay back and enjoy the good life, not play bingo. I want a community that has a bar and grill, a casino and a sign on the wall stating that there is a $100 fine for anyone over 60 walking around naked.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt and said, "I do, why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside."

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and made him drink it. Soon Silver was starting to feel better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver.

Not able to do anything but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and announces, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again and claims, "I do. What is wrong with him this time?" The cowboy says to him, "Nothin' much, I just wanted you to know....you left your Injun running."

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree. As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."

She boldly walked over to the sleeper, raised his kilt, and saw that he wore nothing at all. Her friend said, "Well, the mystery is solved! Let's thank him for sharing!" She took off her pretty blue hair ribbon and gently tied it around the Scotsman's endowment.

A while later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature. He raised his kilt and was bewildered at the sight of the neatly tied blue ribbon. He stared for a minute, then said, "I don't know where y'been laddie... but it's nice ta see you won first prize!"

That's it for today my little furry friends. Remember the true way to soften one's troubles is to solace those of others. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

You Don't Send Me Flowers Any More (Yes I Do !)

Women like receiving flowers and for the most part, men enjoy sending them. It's just that the male species doesn't quite understand the attraction. Yes, we send flowers, but it's probably more likened to the same type of conditioned response that you get from a mouse when it pushes a pellet into a cup and receives a reward. Imagine, if you will, Pavlov's dog's mouth watering when Pavlov turned on the light. He knew what what was coming next and so do men.

Men can't even imagine receiving flowers. We'd rather receive $100 worth of anything except flowers. It's not that men don't think flowers are beautiful. It's just the idea of purchasing and sending something for $100 that can be found next door in your neighbor's yard.

Chocolates, on the other hand serve a two fold purpose. Most women like receiving chocolate and, for men, that serves purpose "A". The reasoning behind purpose "B" is obviously the fact that men can join in the consumption of the chocolates. The only minor drawback to purpose "B" is that the chocolates are usually offered to you after the premium pieces have been eaten by the lady. That, of course, is combined with the fact that some of the pieces may already have been bitten into, were undesirable and placed back in the box.

Nevertheless, men are normally happy to get what they're offered and for the price of a dozen roses and a box of chocolates, you can certainly make your lady very happy. Moreover, the tedium of daily life takes a toll and puts a strain on everyone. I think that it's especially important to stop every once in a while to smell the roses.

President Clinton flew all the way to North Korea under the cover of night to rescue two beautiful women from the clutches of an evil dictator. What’s amazing is, that’s the exact same alibi he used on Hillary last week.

This Date In History: 1858; Queen Victoria proclaims Ottawa as Canada’s capital. 1941; Rabindranath Tagore, the Indian poet, novelist, and visionary, dies at the age of 80. 1942; US Marines land on Guadalcanal, in the Solomon Islands, in the first of the amphibious assaults against Japanese-held positions in the Pacific Ocean.

1947; Hoping to prove that Native South Americans could have migrated to Pacific islands, Thor Heyerdahl lands the Kon-Tiki, on Polynesia after a 4,300 mile journey from Peru. 1961; Soviet cosmonaut Gherman Titov completes 17 orbits of the Earth in 25.5 hours in Vostok 2, becoming the first person to spend more than a day in space.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill is officially being introduced to Jimmy's Journal today. Tired of hearing threats and innuendo about your senior future? We'll have a place to go and rock 'til we drop or are at least catheterized. Hopefully, an amusing little section of my journal for future senior citizens.

Picture Of The Day: Flowers, more specifically roses, are one of nature's greatest gifts. While scouring the Internet for photographs, I became aware of the fact that there were a plethora of flower pictures, especially roses, to choose from. The serenity and beauty of these flowers certainly make writing today's entry very easy.

Birthdays: Emil Nolde, German Expressionist painter 1867, Sir Granville Bantock, composer, conductor, and educationalist 1868, Mata Hari, professional name of Margaretha Geertruida Zelle, Dutch courtesan and spy during World War I 1876, Ralph Bunche, American diplomat 1904, Nicholas Ray, American film director 1911, Garrison Keillor, American writer and broadcaster 1942.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My Tuesday night dinner and subsequent trip to AREA51 with my pals Joe and Linda was great fun and reminds me of how much one can miss seeing good friends. 2) I think it's important to practice safe eating. Always use condiments. 3) There's a good chance that this weekend will be very busy. I'm going to AREA 51 on Friday with my pal Hector and possibly sitting in this weekend with The Mercy Silva Band in Calle Ocho. 4) The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. 5) Scientists say because of global warming they expect the world's oceans to rise four and a half feet. The way I calculate it, this means that Gary Coleman is going to drown.......and that's five!

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's stories.

While going through potty training, young Tommy managed to hit everything but the toilet. After two weeks, his mother had enough and took Tommy to the doctor. After the examination, the doctor said, "His unit is too small. An old wives' tale is to give him two slices of toast each morning, and his unit will grow so he can hold it and aim straight."

The next morning Tommy jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen. There on the table, are twelve slices of toast. Tommy said, "Mom, the doctor said I only had to eat two slices of toast." His mother said, "I know, the other ten slices are for your father."

The new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday, he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. Still nervous after a few words he took another drink. He then proceeded with his sermon. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note from the monsignor on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
8) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
9) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say 'Eat me'.
10) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

That's it for today my little pickle packers. Remember the original point and click interface was a .38 caliber Smith & Wesson. It's Friday and I'm going to AREA 51 and see how much trouble I can stay out of. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

I Searched All Day For My "Get Up And Go" - There's A Good Chance That I May Have Left It In AREA 51 Last Night !

I must admit that over the years, I've seen and done quite a bit. I've been married, have my real estate business, traveled, and been very fortunate to know quite a few people. Musically, I've been blessed and I have performed at many different venues, playing the guitar, keyboards and singing. I've dated a variety of lovely women and, for the most part, am in good health (normal wear and tear excepted). Yet, it dawned on me last evening that there are still a number of things that I've yet to do.

For example, I'm not sure if I have gallivanted. I have been accused of same, but I really don't know if I have actually "gallivanted." What's more, there are other things I don't know if I did. I think I've moseyed and I'm relatively sure I've ambled. On the other hand, I don't know under what conditions one would mosey as opposed to amble. I think John Wayne probably moseyed quite a bit.

I recall my mother asking me why I traipsed all over the house creating havoc. I didn't know how to answer or whether to take offense to her words as I didn't know what "traipse" and "havoc" meant.

I've ranged, roamed and roved and I'm not sure which one I liked the best. Moreover, maybe there where times when I roamed when I should have roved. Maybe I should have roamed, then meandered for a bit, then roved.

Buffalo's roam.....of this I'm sure because of the song "Home On The Range." I'm a little puzzled as to the lyrics though. It goes, "Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam, where the deer and the antelope play." I don't know about their home but I imagine my lyrics would have been, " Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam and I'll show you a house full of shit."

I don't gad! Flies gad! Besides, it doesn't sound too masculine. I don't tramp either...don't like the sound of it. There's a Civil War song called "Prisoner's Hope" and the words are, "Tramp, tramp, tramp, the boys are marching..." Methinks that if there are a bunch of soldiers and three tramps..... Well, you do the math.

Congratulations to President Bill Clinton and all of the other American representatives who successfully secured the release and freedom of media reporters Laura Ling and Euna Lee from North Korea. In a time where world wide tension seems to be an every day occurrence, it is nice to see an occasional pause in the name of humanity to allow reason and compassion to prevail.

I went to dinner last evening with my long time friend Joe and his lady, Linda. Joe and I have been friends since junior high and over the years, we've had some great times and experiences, some printable, others, not so much. To give you an idea of Joe's size, I'm 6 feet tall and weigh about 170. He's a big'un! We had dinner a a great Nicaraguan restaurant in Miami lakes called El Novillo which I enjoy very much.

Although my intentions were to dine indoors, we initially sat on the terrace for cocktails and it was so pleasant, we dined outside as well. Anyone who knows Miami in the summer is aware that the humidity normally is not suitable for outside dinning but a rare but refreshing breeze made the experience quite nice.

A laid back, leisurely dinner and great friends made the evening very special and we reminisced and traded stories for almost two hours. After dinner, we had coffee, Joe and Linda opting for American coffee and I had my usual cup of Cafe Cubano.

The night being quite young and our party now armed with cocktails, we went to AREA 51 to continue the evening. Tuesday nights are not normally a very active night for most bars, but Joe wanted to go to a place we always frequented in the past now called The Alibi Martini Bar. I was aware that they had a good jazz band playing on Tuesday nights but I certainly wasn't prepared for what happened next.

We entered the bar and I went to my favorite corner. The band was playing and we ordered drinks. The lead singer happened to look my way and lo and behold, it was my former postman, Everett. He's the Black dude with the glasses and I had not seen him in a few years. I definitely had no idea he was a singer and performer, and an excellent one at that! During his break, we chatted and he invited me up to sing.

Since I had already been musically influenced by my sidekick and musical director, Johnnie Walker Black, it took me less than a second to accept the invitation. I sang "Georgia In My Mind" and during the song, Everett joined in with harmony and we had a great time. I must say that I thought it turned out very well. The audience seemed to indicate that as well with their applause. Johnnie Walker Black told me that I should think about recording a new CD, but you know how Johnnie is after he's had a few drinks.

All in all, it was a fun evening and I have absolutely no idea of what time I got home. Hell, I was just happy I found the right apartment.....

This Date In History: 1305; Scottish national hero Sir William Wallace is captured near Glasgow by the Scottish knight Sir John de Menteith. Wallace will later be executed in London for treason. 1583; Explorer Sir Humphrey Gilbert founds the first English colony in North America, near Saint John's, Newfoundland.

1925; The Welsh nationalist party Plaid Cymru is formed to disseminate knowledge of the Welsh language, which is in danger of dying out. 1962; Film star Marilyn Monroe is found dead of a barbiturate overdose at her home in Los Angeles, California. 1963; The United States, Soviet Union, and United Kingdom sign the Nuclear Test-Ban Treaty.

Picture Of The Day: Talk about eclectic, my first photo selections for today's pictures were related to the ambling, moseying, gallivanting theme. I normally begin writing my posts one day before publication because, believe it or not, it takes a few hours to put each post together.

Then, of course, my pal Joe called me to go to dinner and that, in and of itself, produced more stories and photographs as well. So if today's post reminds you a little of the writings of Margaret Mitchell (you'll have to think about that one), at least you'll get to see the portions of my sidebar you may not have read......

Birthdays: Mary Beard, American historian and feminist 1876, Naum Gabo, Russian-born sculptor 1890, John Huston, American film director 1906, Neil Armstrong, first man on the Moon 1930.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I've been searching Facebook for my old pal, John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. I've been unsuccessful so far, but I did get an email from a man who wrote, "That's my name too." 2) My friend had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture. 3) These occasional impromptu excursions to AREA 51 really leave me spent. My doctor told me I should relax and do more reading, but it's so hard to read at the bar. 4) My friend told me he punished his dog for being a little too frisky with his guests. I felt bad for the pup and went outside to his doghouse to console him. When I looked inside I saw an inflatable, blow-up leg. 5) One of the reasons I stopped dating an old flame was over our choices of charity. She liked donating money to the homeless, and I prefer donating money to the topless..... and that's five!

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? They can also track her calves to their stalls. With all this technology, they are still unable to locate 12 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. I think the solution is to give every illegal alien a cow.

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn. The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer told him he had buried them. The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they all dead?" The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."

A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack and pours some into a glass. He drinks it and says, "In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world, nowhere in the world you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukrainia. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away." Saying that, he opens the window and throws the rest of the bottle through it. All the others are quite impressed.

The Cuban takes out a box of fine Havana cigars, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying, "In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world. Nowhere in the world are there so many and so good cigars and we have so much of them, that we can just throw them away." Saying that, he throws the pack of Havanas through the window. One more time, everybody is quite impressed.

The American smiles, stands up, grabs the lawyer by the neck and throws the him through the window.

That's it for today my little pea pickers. Remember a clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. It's Hump Day and I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned!

1988: "Read My Lips, No New Taxes" - 2008: "No tax increases for 95% of the American public" Does That Sound Familiar?

How do you pay for a one trillion dollar national heath care program for the entire nation? You can certainly rule out any taxes paid by illegal aliens, welfare recipients and the wealthy. So, do the math......

Barack Obama has maintained that his health care plan would not affect the middle class, yet two of his advisers stated on national television that they can not rule that out. To get the economy back on track, will President Barack Obama have to break his pledge not to raise taxes on 95 percent of Americans? Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, on ABC's "This week with George Stephanopoulos " said, "We’re going to have to do what’s necessary.”

Geithner was clear that he believes a key component of economic recovery is deficit reduction. When given him several opportunities to rule out a middle class tax hike, he wouldn’t do it.

White House senior adviser David Axelrod has also said the president won't rule out a health care reform bill that includes a tax hike on people making less than $250,000 a year.

The bottom line? Obama's socialistic attitude and views are continuing to surface and sooner or later, we will all know the real Barack Obama and his actual views and beliefs that are not his teleprompter. His initial gut reaction to the incident between professor Louis Gates and Cambridge police Sgt. James Crowley showed his true colors and was only the tip of the iceberg.

Remember "Read my lips, no new taxes", the now-famous phrase spoken by then presidential candidate George H. W. Bush at the 1988 Republican National? Once he became president, Bush raised taxes as a way to reduce the national budget deficit.

Obama's campaign phrase "No tax increases for 95% of the American public" should have been, "Watch my nose, 95% of Americans won’t have their taxes raised" (Unless you count cigarettes, fast food, sodas, allowing the Bush tax cuts to expire or the new tax that we’re going to pass to raise money for my national health care plan). Well, Obama was elected and........

This is the inherent problem with Democratic Socialism. At some point, you run out of other hard working people’s money to spend. It took less than 6 months into Obama’s first year to run out of 100% of the people’s money. If your entire platform is spending and giveaways, how does this bode for an administration with 3 and a half years left?

On an even sadder note, if Obama's health care plan passes, It will be signed by a president who secretly smokes, supervised by an obese surgeon general and paid for by a country that's broke.

This Date In History: 1492; Three ships commanded by Christopher Columbus depart from Palos de la Frontera, on a voyage that leads to the creation of a Spanish Empire in the New World. 1829; William Tell, the final opera of composer Gioacchino Rossini, has its premiere in Paris. 1916; Irish patriot Sir Roger Casement is hanged at the Tower of London for high treason

1954; Celebrated French writer Colette, most famous for her 1945 novel Gigi, dies in Paris, aged 81. 1958; The world’s first nuclear-powered submarine, USS Nautilus, developed by Hyman George Rickover, makes the first submerged crossing of the North Pole.

Picture Of The Day: It didn't take long to find photoshopped pictures of Barack Obama, especially after the remarks of two of his most trusted advisers the past week. The one continuing thing that remains unchanged about all politicians, both democrats, republicans and independents, is that the lying, thieving bastards will tell you anything you want to hear to get elected.

Birthdays: Hamilton Fish, American lawyer and statesman 1808, Elisha Graves Otis, American inventor 1811, Stanley Baldwin, British prime minister 1867, Habib Bourguiba, Tunisian president 1903, P. D. James, writer 1920.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My new music studio recording equipment is even better than I expected. It was a little difficult to work with at first, but I'm quite pleased with the results. I've recorded six songs so far. 2) Since some of the people flying to the mid-east might be terrorists, the flight attendants usually ask, "Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?" 3) Rectitude is the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. 4) I remember when one of my girlfriends took her drivers test. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear. 5) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Willie was taking his pregnant wife to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, Tyrone, sitting at his bed side. Willie asked his brother how his wife was doing and his brother said, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you.

Willie thought, "Oh no, what has he done now?" Willie said, "Well, bro, what did you name them?" Tyrone replied, "I named the little girl Denise." Willie was relieved and said, "That's a lovely name! And what did you come up with for my son?" Tyrone replied, "Denephew."

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Mexico. 150,000 Mexicans have died and over a million are Injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.

Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots. The European community (except France) is sending food and money. The United States, not to be outdone, is sending 150,000 replacement Mexicans.

A man fell asleep on the beach and when he woke up several hours later and suffered a severe sunburn to his legs and was taken to the closest hospital, which happened to be a U.S. Naval Hospital. His skin had turned a bright red and was very painful and had started to blister. Anything that touched his legs caused agony.

The lead on the medical staff at the naval hospital, that night, was a Chief Corpsman, in the emergency room. The Chief checked him out and then prescribed continued intravenous feedings of water, electrolytes, a mild sedative, and Viagra.

Rather astounded, the 3rd class corpsman, who was with the Chief inquired, "What good will Viagra do him in that condition?" The Chief replied, "It'll keep the sheet off his legs."

That's it for today my little moon pies. Remember that there are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !