Another Weekend On Injured Reserve !

Have you ever had an itch in that very special place on your back that is impossible to reach? When God created Earth and mankind, I'd like to think that there must have been times during that hectic work week that he had mental lapses. I mean, six days straight days of non-stop work, he must have gotten a bit giddy at times. After all, he did create the platypus, a creature that is a mammal, has a duck-like bill, webbed feet and lays eggs! Think about it!

I'm relatively sure God had a "platypus lapse" when he made that area of the human body. Obviously no foresight was involved as to future accessibility and maintenance. Located between and just below the shoulder blades and teasingly above the small of the back, this area is the spawning area for terrorist itches. Much like the remote mountains of Pakistan where terrorists find safe haven, this is where the itches flee to while trying to escape the ever aggressive assault of attacking fingernails.

Thoughts like these came into my head today as I struggled to reach an itch that had been bothering me all morning. At first, I kind of awkwardly reached for it and managed to get to the edge of the itch and derive a minor amount of relief. Being a creative person, I then tried to get closer to the stubborn area by reaching for it with one arm and pushing my elbow with the hand of the other arm. This worked better but, again, I was unable to reach the center of the itch. As one well knows, you have to get to the center to completely relieve the itch.

Normally, this area is easily reachable by using a back scratcher, but I divorced the old one and none of the new ones were available. Finally, I used an old trick which I discovered years ago. I used the roller brush normally used when blow drying one's hair to eradicate the terrorist itch.

There will be no journey to AREA 51 this evening. I went out on Hump Day and spent a relatively short time having a few drinks with my pals and enjoying the evening. Armed with a few Advils, I spent the evening free of pain but Thursday morning the swelling and pain returned, an obvious sign that it was too much, too soon. So, this evening I will once more be assigned to the bench and be forced to watch the games from the sidelines. Well, at least the NFL playoffs are on this weekend.

On a personal note, I am way behind in my visits to my fellow journalist friends and I'm trying to catch up. I am hopeful to be caught up by this weekend, so expect a visit.

This Date In History: 1547; Ivan the Terrible is crowned tsar of Russia. 1804: French physicist Joseph Louis Gay-Lussac ascends to a height of 7,016 m (23,018 ft) in a hydrogen balloon, a record that lasted 50 years. 1909; Ernest Shackleton's expedition reaches the magnetic South Pole.

1910; The Hawaiian monarch Queen Liliuokalani (Lily-you-kah-lani) abdicates the throne as pressure from white sugar planters and businessmen intensifies. Her sister, Princess Kamoniwanalayu (Come-on-eye-wanna-lay-you), was the head master at the missionary. She was a unanimous choice by businessmen, but decided to remain in the missionary position.

1920; Prohibition, the legal ban on the manufacture and sale of intoxicating drink, goes into effect. 1979; Muhammad Reza Shah Pahlavi, the shah of Iran, flees to exile.

Picture Of The Day George Dubya Bush gave his farewell address to the nation for the last time yesterday paving the way for the anointed one's inauguration next Tuesday. I guess it's been easy to laugh at such an easy target, especially with his "Bushisms", but I don't think I would want his job. Nevertheless, the Bush era is over and we have a new president and potentially new fodder for humor in the form of Barack H. Obama. It won't be any easier for the new "Prez" so let's see what happens. My only hope is that he doesn't put security bars on the White House windows.

Birthdays: Ian Hamilton, British general 1853, Fulgencio Batista, Cuban leader 1901, Eduardo Frei Montalvo, Chilean statesman 1911, Susan Sontag, American writer 1933.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's stories.

One winter morning a husband and wife were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer Say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through. "So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time."

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Startled the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another. Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

She stopped, looked skyward and said, "Is that you Lord?" The voice replied, "No, this is the Ice Skating Rink Manager."

That's it for today my little chickadees. Have a safe and great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay tuned !