Like Screen Names, Your First Name Has been Taken - What Will You Change It To?

Let's suppose that life is comparable to screen names. You have your given name and you've always answered to it. But now, you attempt to use your given name and you're told that it's been taken. You definitely don't want to socialize being called Jimmy33 or Gladys12, so you have to give up your first name and choose another. What name would you chose?

This is not an easy task and a lot of thought should be put into your decision. Take the case of a man named Harry Lipschitz who went before a judge to legally change his name. The judge said, "I can see the reasoning behind your desire to change your name, sir. What would you like to change it to?" Harry said, "Murray Lipschitz."

How about a nifty nickname? I don't mean the obvious uses like "Jimmy" in lieu of "James" or "Kate" in lieu of "Katherine", but a really cool nickname. You know, like "Bugsy" or "Scarface" or even more complex, like "Tony the tiger" or "Eric the red".

I have always liked the name "Michael" for some reason and that is the name I would choose. I haven't rowed any boats ashore but if that job were available, I'd be one of the possible recipients. If I had a nickname, I like the name "Lefty". It wouldn't make much sense since I'm right-handed, but I've never heard of anyone nicknamed "Righty."

Life isn't always kind and some names don't seem to have been well thought out. The Harry Harrisons, Tommy Thompsons, Willie Williams and Johnnie Johnsons are all well aware of that fact. So, here's the deal my wily little journal readers, what would you name yourself if you couldn't have your current first name? Additionally, what would you choose as a nickname?

So let's hear it from DJ Johnny G, Linda the sultry Washington weather reporter, Rose the gorgeous wildflower, Jackie the sexy Alabama schoolmarm, Julie the alluring nurse, Joann the party girl, Paula the Texas Two Stepper, and the rest of you notorious journalists.

This Date In History: 1554; Princess Elizabeth, heir apparent to the throne in England, is imprisoned in the Tower of London for suspected complicity in Wyatt's Rebellion against her half sister, Mary I. 1922; Mohandas Gandhi, the leader of the Indian Home Rule movement, is sentenced to six years' imprisonment.

1962; After eight years of fighting, a ceasefire is signed between France and the Algerian Liberation Front to bring the Algerian War of Independence to an end. 1967; The Beatle's single "Penny Lane" reaches number one in the charts.

Picture Of The Day: It's just so easy to take pot shots at Bernie Madoff although AIG is certainly fighting for spots as a Cat's Ass Trophy Nominee. Nevertheless , I've got my pictoral cross hairs on "Bernie the lowlife" today and maybe we'll concentrate on the assholes at AIG on Friday.

Birthdays: Grover Cleveland, 22nd and 24th US president 1837, Rudolf Diesel, German engineer who invented the diesel engine 1858, Neville Chamberlain, British businessman and politician, British Prime Minister (1937-1940), known for his appeasement policy in the immediate pre-World War II period 1869, Wilfred Owen, English poet 1893, John Updike, American author 1932, Frederik Willem de Klerk, South African prime minister 1936.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My cat, Shithead, usually decides what time we get up each morning. 2) I believe that the most important thing a man can contribute to a relationship is to always be a gentleman. 3) I'm rarely intimidated by a woman...overwhelmed, yes, but rarely intimidated. 4) I detest loudmouths... they're usually belligerent and needy. 5) I'm not impressed that your kid's on the honor role, but I am impressed if he's wise enough to say please and thank you.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a woman with a particularly large diamond ring. As he admired the ring, the bartender came over and said, "That's the Glopman diamond. It's beautiful, but it comes with a curse." The man asked, "What's the curse?" The bartender replied, "Mrs. Glopman."

A drunk sitting at the bar asks the bartender where the bathroom is and the bartender says, "Go down the hall and make a right." All of a sudden, everybody at the bar hears a loud scream coming from the bathroom. A few minutes go by, and again, everybody hears another loud scream.

The bartender decides to investigate, and he goes into the bathroom to see what the drunk is screaming about. He opens the door and asks the drunk, "What's all the screaming about in here? You are scaring all my customers away."

The drunk says, "I'm sitting on the toilet and every time I go to flush it, something squeezes my balls!" The bartender looks in and says, "You idiot, you're sitting on the mop bucket!!"

A man from Spain arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, and giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care and free education!" The passer-by says, "You are mistaken, peasant, I am French".

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!" The person says "I'm not American, gringo, I'm Mexican."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful America!" That person puts up his hand and says "I am from Middle East, infidel, I am not an American!"

He finally sees another man and asks suspiciously, "Are you an American?" He says, "Yes, I am and proud of it!" So he is puzzled, and asks him, "Where are all the rest of the Americans?" The man looks at his watch and says, "Probably at work!"

That's it for today my little dixie cups. I'm off to AREA 51 for Hump Day festivities and I'll have more on Friday. Stay Tuned !