The Running Of The Bulls - No, Not Congress, It's Pamplona, Spain

Yes, it's that time of year again my friends. It's time to go to Pamplona, Spain for the annual Running of the Bulls and, my favorite, the Culling of the Stupid.

Yes, boys and girls, seemingly normal, everyday citizens of the world, line the crowded streets of Pamplona wearing red and white. Red, the favorite target of the bulls, also blends well with blood. Unfortunately, white, does not hold up well against blood stains.

When the bulls are released, the red and white clad throng of idiots and morons attempt to outrun the charging bulls through the crowded narrow streets. People cheer as the slow and dimwitted are trampled and gored. This unique thinning of the herds of idiots helps control the overcrowding problems throughout the world, not to mention entertaining the bulls.

Another place where the have the annual culling of the stupid is the Cooper's Hill Cheese Rolling Contest in Gloucester, England. The goal of the contest is to see who can get to the cheese first, risking their limbs doing so. You'd think that, considering the risks involved (18 racers suffered injuries, including broken bones and head trauma, in a melee in 1997), the first-place prize would be great, but all the winner gets is, oddly enough, the very cheese he or she was chasing.

Then there's the Calgary Stampede in Alberta, Canada, where amateur bull riding takes center stage as cowboys and cowgirls try to hold on for dear life to a bucking, hopping-mad bull. Participants are frequently tossed like rag dolls onto the turf and then face the prospect of being trampled by the hulking beasts. With only a rope as leverage, these crazy "athletes" have little chance and usually hold on for five seconds, at the most (they need to hold on for about eight seconds to be declared a winner).

Of course, here in America, you can have the same or worse problems as the runners in Pamplona if you happen to make an accidental wrong turn into neighborhoods in Detroit, Chicago, Philadelphia or Los Angeles. The only difference is that in Pamplona, you can't shoot the bulls.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Great! The guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear!

Latoya Jackson, speaking out for the first time, says she thinks "a shadowy entourage" led to the death of her brother, Michael, accusing them of "murdering" him. She sais that Michael was an isolated figure, making him easy prey for greedy associates. She accused these people, whether it be doctors, handlers or assistants, of feeding Jackson drugs to control his moods in order to get what they want.

The death of Michael Jackson has spawned a lot of free press and notoriety. Look for Papa Joe Jackson to keep on trying to get on the money train as well. Of course, let's not forget the omnipresent and portable podium carrier, Al Sharpton. And the spectacle goes on and on and on.......

Fittingly, you can stop by Long John Silver's on Tuesday, July 14 to score a free Baja Fish Taco on, what else, Baja Fish Taco Day. Stop by before 2:30 p.m. to get your free taco!

This Date In History: 1863; Four days of rioting against the Civil War military draft begin in New York City. More than 1,000 people are killed, including many African Americans, who are attacked by rioters as the cause of the war. 1865; Edward Whymper, an English artist and pioneering mountaineer, becomes the first person to climb the Matterhorn, in the Alps. On the descent, four of his companions fall to their deaths.

1973; White House aide Alexander Butterfield reveals to members of the Senate Watergate committee the presence of a secret taping system installed in the White House by President Richard Nixon. 1985; Bob Geldof organizes the Live Aid concerts held in London and Philadelphia to fight famine in Africa. Performers include Sting, U2, Dire Straits, Queen, David Bowie, Elton John, Madonna and the Beach Boys.

Picture Of The Day: Bulls.....the horned creatures that are having a field day in Pamplona. These beautiful shots are indicative of the atmosphere in the quaint streets and alleys of the festival. The young lady in this picture was really an afterthought, butt I admired her asspirations to join in the many colored festivities.

Birthdays: Sir George Gilbert Scott, British architect 1811, Sidney Webb, economist and reformer 1859, Alfred Hitchcock, film producer and director 1899, Wole Soyinka, playwright, poet, and novelist 1934, Ernö Rubik, inventor of the Rubik's Cube puzzle 1944, Harrison Ford, American film actor 1942.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Maybe it's just me, but I think that the vials of childproof medicines that are sold in today's marketplace should come with a kid to open them for you. 2) I'm really getting fed up with the politically correct, hyphenated descriptions used today. Now when you refer to someone who's slept around you have to refer to them as previously used companions. 3) Shamwow Vince should be saying, "Boycott shampoo! Demand the real poo!" 4) All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. 5) I really think the Mars Rover is scouting for the next Wal-Mart Superstore site.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, were sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?" Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I don't know, Abe, but let's make a deal. If I die first, I will come back and tell you, and if you die first, you come back and tell me if there is baseball in heaven."

They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...." Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?" The spirit of Abe says, "Yes it is."

Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?" Abe says, "Well, I've got good news and I got bad news." Sol says, "Gimme the good news first." Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven." Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?" Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it. God says no and explains that she has another 30 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she's got another 30 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and is struck and killed by an ambulance.

She arrives in front of God and complains: "I thought you said I had another 30 years!?" God replies, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you."

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the present time, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed .Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully in his sleep at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, and that's when all the trouble started.....

That's it for today my little brussels sprouts. Remember that not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !