Did I Tell You That I Hate Politicians?

Republicans won two important Gubernatorial races yesterday with Bob McDonnell sweeping in Virginia and Chris Christie winning in New Jersey. It's probably too early to know if this is an "Obama reaction", but we'll know a lot better in the upcoming 2010 elections.

The most digesting win was for mayor of New York City. Mayor Michael Bloomberg was reelected four four more years after spending over 100 million dollars of his own money in his campaign. It's not unusual to see wealthy politicians buying their own seats, but this little man with an obvious "Napoleon complex" evidently has an agenda.

The obvious political bonuses of bribery and graft notwithstanding, Mayor Bloomberg has strong ideas on what is "disgraceful" or "a disgrace." But they don't necessarily jibe from one year to the next. His words from Nov. 22, 2005, shortly after he was reelected were, "The public wants term limits and while there may be — it may be that the City Council has a right to override them, deliberately saying to the public ‘we don’t care what you think’ is, I would use the word 'disgraceful.'"

Fast-forward nearly four years to May 28, 2009 and Bloomberg, who cannot run for Mayor again due to term limits, announces that if the City Council decides to change term limit laws and allow him to run again for an unprecedented third term, he would not protest.

Bloomberg later calls reporter Azi Paybarah "a disgrace" for asking him if, in the light of the "improved" economy, he should readjust his rationale for running for a third term. Evidently, to Bloomberg, "disgraceful" is a relative term, except when applied to people who disagree with him.

The News As I See It: Afghanistan elections are over and Hamid Karzai has been declared the winner because his opponent, Abdullah Abdullah, pulled out of the race. Abdullah says he wants to spend more time with his wife, Paula Abdullah. He may be out of the race, but they say in four years his idiot son, Abdullah W. Abdullah, will be on the ballot.

George "Dubya" Bush is now working as a motivational speaker. If you want to be motivated, who better to turn to than the guy who invaded the wrong country and started a depression. Bush will be a great motivational speaker. Look how many people he motivated to vote Democrat. According to a report on Edmunds.com, the real cost of the Cash for Clunkers program was $24,000 per car. Every car that was traded in cost us, the taxpayers, $24,000. I wonder how many people would have rather kept their old car and just get a check for 20 grand from the government.

Barack Obama has approved a new plan to pay members of the Taliban to switch sides and support the United States. Apparently he's promised them 72 virgins and full dental coverage. The White House also approved a new plan to pay the Taliban fighters to switch sides and join the U.S. The program is called Moolah for Mullah.

In a new interview. Obama admitted that he has had "bumps in his marriage." After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, "Bumps? I would kill for bumps!" The White House grounds are a looking better this week. Obama planted a tree on the north lawn of the White House in a spot where Bush planted one that did not take. Apparently, nobody had the heart to tell Bush that his tree was actually a coat rack.

Americans saved money this Halloween by wearing the same costume they wore last year. Huh... ! So that's why there were so many trick or treaters dressed as a lady astronaut in a diaper. That brings back memories, doesn't it? The White House also gave out treats to the kids, but most of those that came with their hands out were the children of ACORN employees and auto company executives.

And, finally CNN reported yesterday that colleges are offering degrees in Hip Hop. Yep, you heard me, Hip Hop. Companies are actually pursuing these graduates as soon as they graduate. The companies include Burger King, Wendys and McDonalds.

This Date In History: 1918; Wilfred Owen, one of the finest war poets of modern times, is killed by machine-gun fire a week before the end of World War I. 1922; Howard Carter discovers the tomb of Tutankhamen in the Valley of the Kings, Egypt.

1942; At the Second Battle of El ‘Alamein, the British 8th Army, led by General Bernard Montgomery, defeats the Axis forces after a grinding battle of attrition, forcing them into a long retreat. 1952; Dwight D. Eisenhower is elected the 34th president of the United States.

1956; The Soviet Union invades Hungary in order to crush the Hungarian Revolution. 1979; The Iran Hostage Crisis begins when student followers of Ruhollah Khomeini storm the US Embassy in Tehran. 1995; Israeli prime minister Yitzhak Rabin is assassinated by a Jewish extremist.

Picture Of The Day: Political pictures and cartoons are today's theme and with all the laughable, sleazy politicians around, these cartoons are easy to find.

Additionally, on a good day, you can get cartoons of the politicians with their ambulance chasing attorneys receiving kickbacks and bribes from the lobbyists who were promised to be banned by "da prez." Ah, politicians, attorneys and lobbyists, ya gotta.....shoot them!

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Brother Kirt had a lot of emotional problems as a child. I remember he used to think he was a chicken. We didn't say anything about it because we needed the eggs. 2) The trouble with life is there's no background music. 3) There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot." 4) My mom never really learn to swear until she learned to drive. 5) This week's Psychics meeting has been canceled due to unforeseen events....and that's five !

Birthdays: Father Joseph, French priest and statesman 1577, Will Rogers, American humorist, actor, and writer 1879, Walter Cronkite, American broadcast journalist, renowned as the long-standing anchor of the CBS Evening News (1962-1981) 1916, Robert Mapplethorpe, American photographer 1946.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A 65 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow. The next day the old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my girlfriend for help. She tried with her right hand, and then her left, still nothing. We even called up Maude, the lady next door and she tried too, but still nothing.

The shocked doctor said. "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get that damned jar open."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt, and my pals Garnett and Victor for their contributions to today's stories.

A rather confident man walked into a bar and took a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gave her a quick glance, then casually looked at his watch for a moment. The woman noticed this and asked, "Is your date running late?" The man replied, "No, I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman said, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" The man said, "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," She say, "What's it telling you now?" He says, "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."

The woman giggled and replied, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!" The man replied, "Damn, this thing must be an hour fast."

A dietitian, addressing a large audience in Chicago, said to the crowd, "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful, soft drinks erode your stomach lining and Chinese food is loaded with MSG. None of us even realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water."

The dietitian continued, "There is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet. She cried out, "Hello?" There was no answer. She cried out again, "Is there anyone here?" Still, no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared. She yelled at the top of her voice, "Hello? Is there anyone here?" Then, a faint voice from far, far away called out, "We're down here!"

That's it for today my little goslings. Remember, chastity is curable if detected early. It's Hump Day and I'm going to AREA 51 for Happy Hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !