It's Hump Day And I'm Going To AREA 51 For Happy Hour !

A Seattle policeman shot and killed Maurice Clemmons in a working-class south Seattle neighborhood about 2:45 a.m Tuesday morning. The remainder of the details are immaterial and the scumbag assassin is dead as a doornail. The City of Lakewood, Washington now has safer citizens and will not have to bother with housing, feeding and prosecuting his low-life ass.

Four people have been arrested for helping the suspect elude authorities during a massive two-day manhunt. Police expect to have six or seven people in custody. A Pierce County sheriff spokesman, Ed Troy, said. "Some are friends, some are acquaintances, some are partners in crime, some are relatives. Now they're all partners in crime."

Authorities in two states were criticized amid revelations that Clemmons was allowed to walk the streets despite a teenage crime spree in Arkansas that landed him an 108-year prison sentence. He was released early after then-Gov. Mike Huckabee commuted his sentence. Additionally, a Washington state judge granted Clemmons parole even though he was awaiting charges of assaulting a policeman and child rape.

Fortunately, there were no governors or judges around this time to save his ass. Justice has been served expeditiously and Clemmons was convicted and sentenced by a police bullet.

The News As I See It: Serena Williams was fined a record $87,000 for profanity laced tirade at the U.S. Open and could be suspended from that tournament if she has another "major offense" at any Grand Slam in the next two years. If she has another outburst, the fine would increase to $175,000 and she would be barred from the following U.S. Open. When interviewed about the size of the fine, she replied, "It's a motherf*cker!

The official Christmas tree was delivered to the White House last Friday. Unfortunately, the Secret Service had already let in three other trees that claimed they were on the list. At the White House state dinner the other night, Nancy Pelosi rolled her eyes and blew off a reporter when they asked her who made her gown. It was a huge deal. Not the question, the fact that Nancy Pelosi changed her facial expression.

University of Arizona law professor, Brent T. White, says stop paying on your mortgage if you owe more than the house is worth and most important, don't feel guilty about it. He suggests that American homeowners who are underwater on their mortgages should stiff their lenders and take a hike. Doing so, he suggests, could save some of them hundreds of thousands of dollars that they "have no reasonable prospect of recouping" in the years ahead.

Banks set the rules during the housing boom, and with visions of unbelievable profits, handed out home loans with no down payments, no income checks and inflated appraisals. Now that property values have dropped 20 to 50 percent in many areas, banks have been slow to modify troubled mortgages and reluctant to reduce principal debts.

Banks are condemning Professor White's remarks while at the same time increasing fees and raising credit card interest rates to 29.99% in order to beat the changes in banking law in 2010. My advice? If your credit is already in the toilet, spend as much money on your credit cards as allowed and stiff the banks. Maybe then, after they finish losing their ass, they'll be more sympathetic to credit card holders. What was good for the goose is now good for the gander!

This Date In History: 1804; Napoleon Bonaparte was crowned emperor of France in Paris by Pope Pius VII. 1823; President James Monroe outlined his famous doctrine opposing European expansion in the Western Hemisphere. 1859; Abolitionist John Brown was hanged for his raid on Harper's Ferry. 1942; The first controlled nuclear chain reaction was demonstrated at the University of Chicago.

1954; The Senate voted to condemn Republican senator Joseph R. McCarthy of Wisconsin for "conduct that tends to bring the Senate into dishonor and disrepute." 1970; The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) was established. 1982; Barney B. Clark became the first person to receive an artificial heart in a transplant operation.

1988; Benazir Bhutto was sworn in as the Prime Minister of Pakistan, becoming the first woman to head an Muslim nation. 1990; Composer Aaron Copland died at age 90. 1999; A Protestant and Catholic cabinet convened for the first time in Northern Ireland. 2001; Enron Corp., under CEO Kenneth Lay, filed for bankruptcy.

Picture Of The Day: Brrrr! Since winter is upon us, I thought I'd show you some winter scenes that I like. It's nice to look at, but much like bullshit, it's hard to shovel without getting angry.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The difference between the Pope and your boss is the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring. 2) My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can. 3) I wish that they would stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. A better description would be "lucky bastards." 4) Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass and it translates to "beef with broccoli." 5) It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.....and that's five !

Birthdays: The lovely Rocio. Feliz Cumpleanos, my amor~! 19XX, My pal, Victor. Happy Birthday my friend ! 19XX, Maria Callas, soprano 1923, Alexander Haig, general 1924, Julie Harris, actress 1925, Gianni Versace, fashion designer 1946, Lucy Liu, actress, model 1968, Monica Seles, tennis player 1973, Nelly Furtado, singer 1978, Britney Spears, pop singer 1981.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: An old man was eating in a truck stop when three bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man's milk and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?" The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A drunk is sitting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful woman sits down next to him. The drunk, seeing opportunity buys the women a beer and proceeds to hit on her. Then, he asks her, "Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?" The woman looks at him and says, "For a million dollars, sure!"

The drunk then asks, "Would you sleep with me for 20 dollars?" The woman is instantly upset and yells, "Twenty dollars, what do you think I am some kind of whore?!" The drunk then looks at her and says, "We have already established that fact, madam, now we're just negotiating the price."

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the ten million bucks he embezzled from me is." The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is. The bookkeeper signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again!" The attorney signs to the bookkeeper, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!" The bookkeeper signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens !"

The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

That's it for today my little jingle bells. Remember, a teenager is God's punishment for having sex. It's Hump Day and I'm going to AREA 51 to see what's jumping. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !