Perhaps I Should Have Said " More On Monday * "

I normally end my blog with the phrase "More on _____ (weekday)." I now realize that the phrase should have an asterisk, i.e., "More on Monday* "

* Assuming that the author did not hook up with an old friend on what seemed to be an 11 am, non-paying, meeting with a non-English speaking client for the sole purpose of aiding said friend and translating the dialogue."

** Come to think of it, there should be an additional double asterisk explaining what actually occurred in said meeting. In this particular instance, after a two hour "freebie conference", my friend suggested we have lunch.

We went to a local watering hole and ordered lunch. In no particular order and within two hours entered: A very dear real estate friend of 30 years and his co-worker ( last seen five years ago); My family doctor of 30 years and his lady friend; Another close friend (last seen 45 days ago); an old real estate associate (last seen 20 days ago) and most importantly, an intriguingly attractive female bartender I'll call Miss M.....

In my humble opinion, no further explanation is necessary as most of you know me and for those don't, use your imagination. Four scotches later and after a nice nap, I am now making my Monday* entry.......

I'm befuddled when I hear the words "eye witnesses" use to recount their stories while interviewed on television. Take the case of the Nigerian piece of shit identified as Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab, who attempted to blow up Northwest Airlines Flight 253 from Amsterdam. A young woman passenger on that flight was explaining what she saw and heard and said, "I smelled smoke and saw a 'gentleman' who was grabbed by passengers when he tried to ignite........"

A "gentleman?" Nay, fair maiden, no gentleman would act in such an animalistic manner! Such is the act of an ignorant heathen whose probable existence could only be possible if his mother was bred with a common jackal. Although the young woman was probably not an experienced speaker, it is quite common for the average person to parrot "politically correct" television reporters that they hear on television.

I'm also troubled by the fact that the terrorist Mutallab was able to board two different airplanes without being thoroughly checked for any explosive or incendiary device. Moreover, I'm extremely troubled that Mutallab was issued an American Visa while, at the same time, being on a watch list of known or suspected terrorists.

The only way to isolate these assholes is profiling. This may or may not further delay or offend the people who fit the profile and cause possible friction. At the same time, the flying public is fed up with having to remove their shoes, limit what they can or cannot take with them and spend hour upon hour in delays and inspections, all caused by terrorists. It is better to isolate and delay people identified by profiling than to isolate and delay the entire flying public.

White House Press secretary Robert Gibbs in a CNN interview Sunday stated that there are tens of thousands of people on that watch list data bank and it is difficult to monitor. Hmmm...Bank of America has millions of people in its data bank and you can access your account online, deposit a check at any ATM and spend the money within five minutes. You can also be denied credit within the same five minutes. Maybe the government should use Bank of America to screen passengers.

To My Perfect Martini: Hace tiempo no te veo, mi amor. Tenemos que salir!

The News As I See It: Congratulations to Indianapolis coach Jim Caldwell and president Bill Polian, who, in their infinite wisdom, colluded to pull starting quarterback Peyton Manning and other starters from the Colts-N.Y. Jets football game on Sunday, effectively denying the team's chance to make football history by having an undefeated season. It is one of the few times a home team has been booed off the field.

The winter blizzard that hit Washington is a big story. It actually paralyzed Washington more than Joe Lieberman. In fact, there was so much white powder in D.C., people thought Marion Barry was mayor again.

This Date In History: 1065; Westminster Abbey consecrated. 1832; John C. Calhoun became the first vice president in U.S. history to resign from office. 1846; Iowa became the 29th state in the United States. 1869; William F. Semple patented chewing gum.

1895; The Lumiere Brothers gave the first commercial movie show at the Grand Cafe in Paris. 1937; Composer Maurice Ravel died in Paris at age 62. 1945; Congress officially recognized the Pledge of Allegiance. 1981; Elizabeth Jordan Carr, the first American test-tube baby, was born in Norfolk, Virginia.

Picture Of The Day: With all due respect, I gathered as many pics that my feeble little mind could find that were somewhat pertinent to today's rambling post.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I got what I wanted for Christmas. Balloon Boy's dad is going to jail. 2) A friend of mind who was temporarily incapacitated once asked, "I need you to be my eyes and ears." I told him, "Ok, if you can be my liver and prostate." 3) I have come to the conclusion that "on the cusp" has nothing to do with astrology. In actuality, and not being overly specific, it refers to that period of time that, for the fifth time in two hours and after completely perusing two newspapers, one patiently awaits a nagging reminder from one's bodily warning system, that a bowel movement is in order, but has yet come to "pass." 4) Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains? 5) The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.....and that's five !

Birthdays: Woodrow Wilson, 28th President of the United States 1856, Earl "Fatha" Hines, jazz pianist 1903, Stan Lee, writer, editor 1922, Simon Raven, writer 1927, Dame Maggie Smith, actress 1934, Denzel Washington, actor 1954, Ray Bourque, hockey player 1960, Linus Torvalds, computer scientist 1969, John Legend, singer, songwriter, pianist 1978.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: An old man goes to a wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Joe for his contribution to today's stories.

A week after their marriage, the country newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor. The husband said, "I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried. My testicles are turning blue." The doctor said, "That's pretty unusual, let me examine you." The doctor takes a look and sure enough, the husband's testicles are blue.

The doctor turns to the wife. "Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed?" The wife said, "Yes, I am." The doctor asked, "And what kind of jelly are you using with it?" The wife replied, "Grape."

The finals of the National Youth Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. Biff was going to one of the finest private schools in the nation. Tyrone was going into the 10th grade for the 3rd time. The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu."

Biff went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem: "Slowly across the desert sand, Trekked the dusty caravan, Men on camels, two by two, Destination---Timbuktu." The audience went wild!

The clock started again and Tyrone sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited: "Tim and me, a-clubbin' went, Met three girls in a tenement, They was three, we was two, So I bucked one and Timbuktu"

How Smart Is Your Right Foot? This will confuse your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It is pre-programmed in your brain!

1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.

That's it for today my little carrot sticks. Remember, in preparation for New Year's Eve, a fool and his money can throw one hell of a party. More on Monday

Stay Tuned !