With Any Luck, This Time Joran van der Sloot Will Be Convicted Of Murder !

Joran van der Sloot, the douche-bag who escaped indictment in the murder of Natalee Holloway due to an inept and possibly corrupt Aruban prosecutor, is again a murder suspect in the horrendous murder of Stephany Flores in Lima, Peru. Ms. Flores was found brutally stabbed to death in Van der Sloot's hotel room Wednesday morning.

Ms. Flores (left) was reportedly seen (video and eye witnesses) with van der Sloot on Saturday at a Lima casino, where he was said to have been participating in a poker tournament, and on Sunday, at the hotel where the victim's body was found. Hotel employees also reported seeing Van der Sloot and Ms. Flores entering the room.

Van der Sloot, a longtime suspect in the disappearance of Natalee Holloway (below, right), was been sent to Peru to face possible charges in the killing of a 21-year-old Peruvian woman. The 22-year-old Dutchman who had been a suspect in the 2005 disappearance of Holloway in Aruba, was handcuffed and placed aboard a police plane in the Chilean capital of Santiago this morning and was expected to arrive in Peru this afternoon.

While all suspects should be presumed innocent until proven guilty, this is the second time that Van der Sloot has been involved in a murder case. Officials will once again have the opportunity to prosecute and convict him. Personally, I believe that if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably a f**king duck! I hope they hang the bastard by his balls!

The News As I See It: The Gulf oil spill is now officially the worst in U.S. history. In fact, they're calling this the biggest environmental disaster since the State of New Jersey. As you know, BP tried a process called the "top kill." It sounds like some bad Steven Seagal movie from the '80s. BP said the "top kill" failed, so they'll tried something called the "junk shot" which didn't work either. In their defense, BP said they tried it because it worked for the Los Angeles Lakers.

The new scandal is that the news media is said that President Obozo had Bill Clinton offer a job to Pennsylvania's Joe Sestak in exchange for dropping out of the Pennsylvania Senate race against Arlen Specter. It's complicated, but it's an impeachable offense. Republicans are comparing it to the Clinton impeachment. Close, but no cigar.

It's been rough in the stock market lately. It has gotten so bad that President Obozo had to lay off two teleprompters.

I recently received an email from a Jimmy's Journal reader:

Dear Jimmy:

My husband is a liar and a cheat. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. Since he lost his job a few years ago, all he does is smoke cigars and bullshit with his buddies. Now, since our daughter graduated from college he doesn't even pretend to love me and hints that I am a lesbian, What should I do?

Signed,
Clueless

Dear Clueless:

Dump him! You're a grown woman and you don't need him anymore! You're the United States Secretary of State! Act Like it!

This Date In History: 1892; The Sierra Club, led by John Muir, was incorporated in San Francisco. 1896; Henry Ford took his first car out for a test drive. 1942; The Battle of Midway, a decisive Allied victory in World War II, began. 1944; The U.S. Fifth Army entered Rome, leading to the liberation of the city during World War II.

1968; Dorothy Gish, American actress who starred in many silent-film classics, died. 1989; People's Army of China opened fire on crowds of pro-democracy demonstrators in Tiananmen Square, killing thousands. 1992; The U.S. Post Office announced that in a poll people preferred the "young Elvis" stamp to the "old Elvis" stamp.

2001; King Dipendra of Nepal died, three days after shooting most of his family and himself. 2003; Martha Stewart was indicted on charges of insider trading.

Picture Of The Day: Unfortunately, another young woman is dead and both were seen with Joran van der Sloot prior to their deaths. Hopefully, police officials and prosecutors will get things right this time and put Van der Sloot away.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2) Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise. 3) To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 4) Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children. 5) They now have luggage stores in airports. How late do you have to be for a flight where you're like, "F**k it - just grab a pile of shit. We'll get a suitcase at the airport".....and that's five !

Birthdays: François Quesnay, economist 1694, George III, king of Great Britain and Ireland (1760–1820) 1738, son of Frederick Louis, prince of Wales, and grandson of George II, whom he succeeded.Natalie Goncharova, painter and designer 1881, Robert Merrill, singer 1919, Bruce Dern, actor 1936, Cecilia Bartoli, mezzo-soprano 1966, Angelina Jolie, actress 1975.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The other replies, "Oh sure I do." The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver." After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

An old gentleman walked into court and told the judge he wanted to change his name. The judge told him that that was an important decision and that he should carefully consider the change. The man insisted that he still wanted to change his name.

The judge said, What is you name, sir?" The man replied, "Hiram Schitz." The judged smiled knowingly and asked, "And, what would you like to change you name to?" The man replied, "Murray Schitz."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man looked down at the end of the bar and saw a monkey with a hat on, sitting in the last seat. The man ordered a martini and after the drink was set in front of him, the monkey promptly got upon the bar, walked up to the drink and gentle lowered his balls into the man's martini. He abruptly stood and scampered back to his seat.

The man called the bartender and told him what happened. The bartender apologized and replaced the martini, whereupon, the monkey rose and did the same thing again.

The man was infuriated and got up to whack the monkey. The monkey ran over to the piano player and sat down beside him. The man thought, this must be the piano player's monkey. The man approached the piano player and said, "Do you know you're monkey's been putting his balls in my drink?" The piano player replied, "No, but if you hum a little bit of it, I'll try to play it."

While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife, Grace, listened to the instructor. He said, "It is necessary that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

He addressed the husband, "Tom, Do you know your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, gently touched his wife's arm and asked, "It's Pilsbury, isn't it?"

A polar bear cub, sitting on an iceberg, turned to it's mother and asked, "Mom, Am I really a polar bear?" The mother said, "Yes dear, of course." A few minutes later the cub said, "Mom, Are you sure I'm a polar bear?" Annoyed, the mother bear said, "Your father is a polar bear, I'm a polar bear and you're a polar bear. Why do you ask?" The little cub replied, "Because I'm freezing my ass off."

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and she would be called woman.

God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.

She will never have a headache, and will freely give "love" and compassion whenever needed." Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?" God said, "An arm and a leg." Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?" The rest is history...

Author's Note: Due to some recurring spam, comments will be published subject to my approval. Please continue to feel free to make any comments and they will be published as soon as I am notified.

That's it for today my little kidney beans. Remember, always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila. Thank God it's Friday! Happy Hour in AREA 51...here I come! Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !