The Somalis Did It Again! Here's My Answer!

Somali pirates are towing a yacht toward Somalia after capturing the vessel carrying seven Danes, including three children, according to Danish officials. The sailboat was captured Thursday in the Indian Ocean, the Foreign Ministry said, according to news agencies. That was two days after four Americans were killed by Somali pirates.

Earlier today, Somali pirates commandeered a Greek-owned cargo vessel with 23 crew members, the AP reported, citing the European Union Naval Force. It said the MV Dover was hijacked in the northern Arabian Sea, 260 miles northeast of the the Omani port of Salalah, during a planned voyage from Yemen to Pakistan.

Meanwhile, Barack Obozo's administration and all the national news channels flood the air waves with incessant, non-stop coverage of the mideast uprisings. It seems to me that the government is more concerned about oil than the camel jockeys who live there.

The administration needs to take a little time away from the mid-east and worry more about America's problems and the debt crisis. Oh yeah, and send a few drones over to Somalia and blow every armed scum bag in a boat out of the water!

The News As I See It: The latest Libyan rumor is that Moammar Gadhafi is calling other countries to find a place to live in exile. So far, only Chile has offered to rent out an empty mine.

The price of gas is getting so high that a Beverly Hills gas station is selling it by the gram.

George Clooney says he's had sex with too many women to ever run for office. He was immediately made Prime Minister of Italy.

This Date In History: 1784; John Wesley issues "Deed of Declaration" formally establishing the Methodist Church. 1849; The steamship California landed in San Francisco, bringing the first East Coasters to the Gold Rush. 1916; left India. 1983; The final episode of M*A*S*H aired. It was the most watched television program history.

1986; Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palme was shot to death in central Stockholm. 1993; Four federal agents were killed in Waco, Texas, after they tried to serve an arrest warrant for weapons charges on Branch Davidian sect leader David Koresh, starting a 51-day standoff.

Picture Of The Day: The Academy Awards were last night and I found a few movie graphics that you may not have seen yet. Meanwhile, the White House is considering supporting same sex marriage. Experts are attributing the change to shifting public attitudes, recent court cases, and President Obozo catching a recent episode of "Glee". Just thought I'd add the graphic.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) When I was married, we used to go twice a week to a nice restaurant, have some good food and few beverages. She went on Tuesdays and I went on Fridays. 2) I took my wife everywhere, but she always found her way back. 3) Foreign aid is the transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. 4) I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability. 5) Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.......and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Pisces - February 28th: Whether you want to or not, this week will have a journey in store for you. Although it may be true that you are being hunted down by pirates, you may wish to avoid using the name "Long John Silver". Changing your lifestyle and underwear are always a good start. Try to avoid low blows.

Your aim to drink eight bottles of water today may come crashing down on you when you're stuck in traffic later this week. Lunchtime is the best time of day for you today. I can promise that you won't die within the next two days. If you are at all paranoid about webcams being placed around your room, your best bet is to hire a small specially trained monkey from your local gadget shop. They're small, cuddly and really don't poop that much.

Birthdays: Michel de Montaigne, essayist 1533, Rene Antoine Ferchault de Reaumur, physicist and naturalist 1683, Mary Lyon, educator 1797, Ben Hecht, writer 1894, Linus Pauling, American Chemist 1901, Bugsy Siegel, mobster 1906, Zero Mostel, actor 1915, Mario Andretti, auto racing driver 1940.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A man was driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gas station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a gas station and pulls over to the high octane pump. The attendant asks, "What can I do for ya'll?" The man replied, "Fill 'er up with high test."

While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down. He asks the driver, "What kinda car is this?" The man answers, "This is a 2011 Cadillac CTS Sports Sedan." The attendant asks, "What all's it got in it?" The man says "It has everything. It has power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, a 32 valve, fuel injected 4.6 liter Northstar V8 engine."

The attendant says, "Wow, that's really something!" The driver asks, "How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" The attendant says, "That'll be $70.17" The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off three $20's and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees.

The attendant asks, "What are those little wooden things?" The driver says, "That's what I put my balls on when I drive." The attendant says, "Wow, those Cadillac people think of everything!"

Jose and Carlos panhandle in different areas of town. Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day. Jose brings home about $100 a day, drives a Mercedes and lives in a big house. Carlos says to Jose, "I work just as long and hard as you do but you bring home $100 a day. How's that?"

Jose says, "Look at your sign, what does it say?" Carlos' sign reads "I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support." Jose says, "No wonder you only get 2 to 3 dollars a day." Carlos says, "So what does your sign say?" Jose shows Carlos his sign. It reads, "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. Bob says, "No he's in my bowling league."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" Bob answers, "I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it .She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says,"Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time."

Bob's funeral will be on Saturday.....

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Billy Bob that she would send someone out right away. The operator asked, "Where do you live?" Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

A little country boy was sitting on the curb with a quart of turpentine and just shaking it all up; just watching all the bubbles. A priest came along and asked the little boy what he was doing. The little boy replied "Well, I'm a just shakin' the most powerful liquid in the world, it's called turpentine."

The Priest said, "No, son, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water." If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant woman's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby boy." The little boy replied, "Shit, that ain't nothin'. You take some of this here turpentine and rub it on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle."

That's it for today my little licorice sticks. Remember, be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !