What Happened To The Aflac Duck?

Gilbert Godfried was the voice for the Aflac duck. Godfried recently made insensitive comments on Twitter about the recent tragedy in Japan and consequently, Aflac fired Godfried as the duck's voice. Now personally, I don't give a shit about Godfried, but I do like the duck.....and he may be in danger.

Aflac recently aired a commercial on prime-time television, a silent movie featuring the duck in a classic damsel-in-distress storyline. Aflac says it’s "committed to the duck" and the insurer is holding an open casting call for the mascot's voice.

Word has it that Donald Duck is considering auditioning for the voice, but most people in the know assure me that Daisy Duck has put her webbed foot down and will not allow Donald to audition. Nevertheless, someone will be hired to give the duck it's new voice and I think the president could handle the job well.

The News As I See It: Dennis Kucinich wants to impeach President Obozo over Libya. There’s a very good case against impeachment. It’s called "Joe O'Biden." For Lent, some people give up meat, and some people give up drinking. President Obama gave up conferring with Congress.

The Eiffel Tower was evacuated after a suspicious package was found. French investigators were baffled by this object for hours. It turns out it was just a can of deodorant. They had never seen anything like that.

According to a new report, 65 million Americans have a criminal record. So in the event of a continued lockout, NFL owners will have plenty of replacement players.

In another report, medical marijuana sales in this country are now approaching $2 billion a year. I had no idea that so many people had glaucoma. Apparently this is an epidemic.

The two passenger planes that landed in Washington, D.C. with no assistance from a sleeping air traffic controller were lucky, the pilots were too drunk to notice.

ABC is not pressing charges against Chris Brown for smashing the window in his dressing room. Unfortunately though, Microsoft is suing him for violating their patent on crashing Windows.

I read about a three-year-old boy in China who weighs 132 pounds. In fact, he’s so overweight that he can barely walk to work in the morning.

This Date In History: 1797: Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine. 1930; The cities of Constantinople and Angora changed names to Istanbul and Ankara, Turkey. 1939; The Spanish Civil War ended. 1941; Author Virginia Woolf drowned herself.

1979; Nuclear power plant accident at Three Mile Island, near Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. 2000; Supreme Court rules unanimously that an anonymous tip does not justify a stop-and-frisk action against a person.

Picture Of The Day The Aflac Duck is a gold mine for the Aflac company and it was a pretty good deal for comedian Gilbert Godfried. I've never quite understood what sparks the thought to kill the goose,...er duck, that laid the golden egg but a lot of people do just exactly that.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. 2) Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it. 3) I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've already experienced pain and bought jewelry. 4) Even though a marriage is made in heaven, the maintenance work has to be done here on earth! 5) Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.....and that's five!

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Aries - March 28th: Any satisfaction you had about not having a police record, may be undone today. Just as small peppers are supposed to be the hottest, there may be a small person who's ready to heat up your life. Watch out for the seeds though - they can cause problems. Temptation is everywhere, especially if you're willing to look everywhere for it. However, you will discover that temptation itself is not as harmful as running the streets naked. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and are you ever gonna need some beholdin' today.

Birthdays: Fra Bartolommeo, artist 1475, Maxim Gorky, writer 1868, August Busch, brewer 1899, Rudolf Serkin, pianist 1903, Dirk Bogarde, actor 1920, Nydia Velázquez, politician 1953, Reba McEntire, country singer 1955.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A builder and a priest are out for a game of golf one afternoon. Unfortunately the builder wasn't very good at the game and every time he missed a shot would shout "Shit, missed." The game went on and after several outbursts from the builder, the priest could hold his tongue no longer and said, "Don't swear like that or God will punish you." The builder apologized and the game continued.

As soon as he missed another shot the builder shouted "Shit, missed", and continued to do this every time he missed a shot for the next three holes. The priest was starting to get really angry by now and said, "I must insist that you stop swearing this instant, otherwise God will hear you and punish you!"

Once again, his pleas made no difference as the builder missed an easy putt on the seventeenth green and shouted out "Shit, missed".

Immediately the heavens parted and a bolt of lightning flew from the sky, hitting the priest and killing him stone dead. Suddenly, a booming voice was heard in the clouds, "Shit, missed!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt for his contribution to today's stories.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing, "Freeze a jolly good fellow" and then they kick him in the ice hole....

Two bees met in a field. One said to the other, "How are things going?" The second bee said, "Really bad. The weather has been cold, wet and damp, and there aren't any flowers, so I can't make honey." The first bee said, "No problem. Just fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit." The second bee said, "Thanks for the tip," and flew away.

A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again. The first bee asked, "How'd it go?" The second bee said, "Great! It was everything you said it would be. There was plenty of fruit and, oh, such huge floral arrangements on every table." The first bee said, "Uh, what's that thing on your head?" The second bee said, "That's my yarmulke. I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."

Authors Note: Blogger recently had a malfunction which makes posting very difficult. The problem is being addressed and will hopefully be fixed soon. I hope to be posting more timely when the problem is corrected.

That's it for now my little whipper snappers. Remember, a good marriage is like a casserole: only those involved actually know what goes into it. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !