Possum Thinks I Sing for Him

My cat, Possum S. Hemmingway, thinks that I sing for him. At least that's my assumption. Every time I record a song, he comes over and sits by me as I record. Besides being a bit distracting, he occasionally meows along with me while I'm singing. This, of course ruins the recording session and I have to begin anew.

When I go to my YouTube site to either upload a recording or play one of my songs, he appears out of nowhere to sit beside me. Of course, he may just be interested in looking at the video to see if his picture is in it, as I sometimes feature him. He never comes, however, if I'm playing songs from another singer or group.

As of yet, he has not made any unkind comments or snide remarks while my songs are playing. Furthermore, he has not had the audacity of taking a dump during my recording sessions. As one can plainly see in the picture above, when all is said and done, Possum returns to his job as security guard on the sofa.....

The News As I See It: News Reports are referring to debt ceiling plans by both Democratics and Republicans as "Dueling Debt Plans". I don't know about that new buzzword but I did see "Deliverance" and I'm relatively sure that the kid that played the banjo is now a Congressman and is one of the sponsors of the proposed bills.

It was so hot in Iowa that Michele Bachmann couldn’t tell if her headache was a migraine or a brain freeze from her Slurpee.

Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman has fired his campaign manager, which is kind of sad because the only other person who knew Huntsman was running for president was the campaign manager.

In China they say piracy is so rampant that there are at least three fake Apple stores. It’s hard to put these people out of the business. If China arrests them for selling fake Apple products, they'll be sent to prison where they will be forced to make real Apple products.

A new study found that your personality can trigger weight gain. I imagine that's true, especially if you have the personality of a big fat guy.

This Date In History: 1946; The United States tested the first underwater atomic bomb at Bikini Atoll. 1952; Puerto Rico became a commonwealth of the United States. 1956; The Italian liner Andrea Doria sank after colliding with the Swedish ship Stockholm off the New England coast, killing 51 people.

1978; The world's first test-tube baby, Louise Joy Brown, was born in Lancashire, England. 1984; Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya became the first woman to walk in space. 2000; The supersonic airliner Concorde crashed after takeoff outside Paris.

Picture of the Day: What can I say?

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I went to AREA 51 on Friday night and I told my barmaid I was drinking to forget. She asked me to pay in advance. 2) Drinking and driving is the biggest cause of vehicle damage in the world. Special effects are a close second. 3) 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer equals one lite year. 4) I read about the evils of drinking, so I gave up reading. 5) Always carry a flask of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore, always carry a small snake.....and that's five !

Bonus Sixth: The vagina is its own little person. It gets haircuts from time to time and sometimes, it even has its own lawyer. Everything affects it - kittens, balloon rides, Dave Matthews in concert. What affects the penis? Whiskey and pepper spray, that's it.....!

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Leo - July 25th: Okay, let's get one thing straight right off the bat. A Leo has nothing to do with being a lion. Don't get a big head if someone says you're a lion. They may have said, "You're lying" and that could very well cause problems. Aside from that, today looks pretty good for you. In fact, I'd buy a lottery ticket if I were you. Romance, on a sliding scale of one to ten, is in the high sevens. Romance on a regular scale could cause back problems.

Birthdays: Henry Knox, officer 1750, Arthur Balfour, statesman 1848, Thomas Eakins, American painter, photographer, and sculptor 1844, Walter Payton, football player 1954, Matt LeBlanc, actor 1967.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: TA middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, two months and eight days To live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look even nicer. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that ambulance?" God replied, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you."

An elderly couple was watching television one evening. The wife said, "I am going to get a dish of ice cream now." Kindly, the husband offered to get the ice cream for his wife. She said, "I'll write it down so you don't forget." The old gent said, "I won't forget."

The old woman said, "But, I want chocolate syrup and nuts on it, so, I'll write it down." The old gent said, "I will get you the ice cream. Don't you worry."

A few minutes later, the old man returned with bacon and eggs. His wife said, "See, I should have written it down. You forgot the toast."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

An elderly couple named Murray and Marge live in Miami Beach. Murray always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?" Marge looks him over and says, "Nope."

Frustrated Murray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different now?" Marge looks up and says, "So, Murray, what's different? It's hanging down today it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Murray yells, "And do you know why it's hanging down, Marge?" Marge says, "Nope." Murrays screams, "It's hanging down because it's looking at my new boots!" Marge replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Murray, shoulda bought a hat....!"

Men Are Just Happier People:

NICKNAMES:
· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
· If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.

EATING OUT:
· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
· When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY:
· A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
· A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS:
· A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
· The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS:
· A woman has the last word in any argument.
· Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE:
· A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
· A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS:
· A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
· A successful woman is one who can find such a man..

MARRIAGE:
· A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
· A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP:
· A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
· A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL:
· Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
· Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING:
· Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
· A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

That's it for today my little beanie babies. Remember, summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !