I've Become My Father

There's an old adage that sooner or later, one becomes just like one's parents and it seems to ring true. I've become my father. I've become a bit more grumpy as I age and now, I also tend to wake up at 5 am on any given morning, just like Dad. The only times that I don't wake up by 5 am is when I get home at 4 am from a night in AREA 51, just like Dad......

I've also noticed that a lot of my friends that I've known since childhood also have begun to look like his or her parent. Hopefully, your parents looked good in their older age and chances are you will be a decent looking old codger, as well.

If not, the only redeeming factor in ultimately resembling you parents in your golden years is having the satisfaction of knowing that your father wasn't the milkman.

Sorry to hear that veteran actor Harry Morgan passed away recently at the age of 96. I can remember watching Harry on Dragnet on black and white TV, back in the day. His role as Colonel Potter on the television series "MASH" was also a memorable role. Rest In Peace Mr. Morgan.

The News As I See It: The White House held its annual Hanukkah celebration. It was a traditional Jewish ceremony, except for the part where it was hosted by a black guy from Hawaii.

Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was sentenced to 14 years in prison. His barber got the death penalty. This is the most disgraceful thing to happen to an Illinois governor since their last governor went to jail. To give you an idea how long that is, take Kim Kardashian's marriage and add 14 years. Blago was convicted of trying to sell Barack Obama's vacant senate seat. If he had waited a few years, he could probably sell it back to Barack Obama.

According to reports, one of Moammar Gadhafi’s sons had an elaborate plan to sneak into Mexico. Authorities broke up the plan before it took place. Believe me, if there's one thing Mexico will not stand for, it’s people sneaking over their border.

On December 7th, there was an embarrassing moment for Rick Perry. He announced that it was the anniversary of the Japanese attack on Pearl Jam.

India has suspended its plans to let a Wal-Mart open in its country. The prime minister's exact words were "India will make your crappy clothes, but we won't buy them."

Congressional Idiot Department: When asked about Operation Fast and Furious by Fox News, Congresswoman Nydia Velazquez (Dem-NY) had a quizzical look on her face. The reporter subtly asked, "You've heard about it?" The congresswoman replied "No." These are the people representing the public in Congress, my friends.

It's a shame that Herman Cain suspended his campaign. He touched so many people.

This Date In History: 1941; China declared war against Japan, Germany, and Italy. 1958; The anti-Communist John Birch Society was formed. 1965; "A Charlie Brown Christmas" premiered. 1990; Lech Walesa was elected president of Poland. 1993; U.S. astronauts completed repair work on the Hubble Space Telescope. 1996; Archaeologist and anthropologist Mary Leakey died in Kenya at age 83.

Picture Of The Day: Can any say eclectic? Festivus is coming.....prepare!

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) A bird in the hand makes blowing your nose difficult. 2) Dyslexia means never having to say that you're yrros. 3) Miami's a wonderful city although some of its citizens are very rude. I went to the library yesterday and said, "I'd like a card." The librarian said, "You have to prove you're a citizen of Miami" so I stabbed him. 4) If it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. 5) I told my doctor I had been noticing a burning sensation in my eyes and difficulty breathing after sex. He told me it was just the Mace.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Sagittarius - December 9th: It's a great Friday so make the best if it. Dress up and go out! Chance of romance is high and chance of inebriation is low. Don't try the karaoke, liquor always makes you think you can sing.

Birthdays: Joel Chandler Harris, humorist 1848, Jean de Brunhoff, author and illustrator 1899, Margaret Hamilton, actor 1902, Grace Hopper, rear admiral; computer scientist 1906, Thomas P. (Tip) O'Neill, political leader 1912, Kirk Douglas, actor 1916, John Cassavetes, actor and director 1929, Junior Wells, musician 1934, Dame Judi Dench, actress 1934, Tom Daschle, U.S. senator 1947, John Malkovich, actor 1953, Felicity Huffman, actor 1962, Crown Princess Masako, royalty 1963.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. Saint Peter said, "In honor of this holy season, you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on and said, "It represents a candle." Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied, "They're Carol's."

A 2010 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another recent study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year. That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per gallon. Of course, your mileage may vary.....

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?" The Mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve. They had children and, so all mankind was made."A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."

The confused girl returns to her mother and says, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and Papa says we developed from monkeys?" The Mother answers, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."

A man woke up with a bad hangover after a long evening of partying. As his girlfriend was coming out of the bathroom, she asked him how he was feeling. He replied, "Well, I think I'll be ok. Did you enjoy last night?"

She replied sarcastically, "Well, if you consider having your boyfriend fall asleep during reciprocation as fun, what do you think?" The boyfriend answered dejectedly, "Well, I guess that explains why I dreamed I was kissing Abraham Lincoln."

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it.

The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo. He's really worried but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice.

A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his Grandmother. It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hairstyle...it makes your nose look too short." Love, Grandma.

That's it for today my little turtle doves. Remember, in 1872 the Arabs invented the condom using a goat's lower intestine. In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first. I'm going to AREA 51 tonight for some partying. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !