I Am My Father !

I appreciate my father more and more, each day. Not only for the fact that he served his country in World War II and the small fact that he and my mother managed to raise three children past the age of 21 with no apparent shortcomings, but for deeper reasons as well.

I recall the fact that he wasn't very smart when I was young but acquired a lot more knowledge by the time I was an adult. Go figure! I recall that he seemed un-coordinated and moreover, he talked to himself. I was twelve when I discovered he talked to himself and I told mom! After my mother wiped the tears of laughter off her face, she remarked that I might understand when I got a little older.

Well, I got older. I talk to my cat, Shithead. I talk to the television set. I not only talk to myself, I also answer back. I cannot carry a cup of coffee from point A to point B without spilling a bit. Don't even ask about bathroom marksmanship! If I need to pass gas, I think about it very carefully before doing so (Pardon me, sir, will that be one lump or two?).

I go from my computer to the kitchen for a specific reason. Upon arrival, I have no idea why I'm in the kitchen. When I remember the reason, I'm sidetracked by another flash idea that has entered my head. I act upon the flash idea, resolve two more issues and then return to the computer.

At this point in time I realize I did not my resolve my original mission in the kitchen. It is probably how I get the bulk of my exercise as I wander about the house. Yeah, I appreciate my Dad a lot more now that I've become him.

The News As I See It: There are signs that Newt Gingrich’s campaign is starting to run out of money. He's dropped Tiffany and he's buying all of his jewelry on QVC now.

Mitt Romney's campaign will start getting Secret Service protection this week. That's just to protect him from Newt Gingrich.

It's being reported that California needs to raise $3 billion by March. This according to California State Treasurer Nicolas Cage.

On February 1st, 1887, the founder of Hollywood, Harvey Wilcox, bought the whole area. He envisioned the land as a utopian site for Christians to live highly moral lives, free of alcohol. I'd say that worked about as well as Obama's campaign promises. Talk about hope and change.....

Today's the third day of Black History Month and I've been busy checking my family tree.

The Associated Press reports that China is greatly expanding its state television station. This is really good news for China's No. 1 reality TV show, "Toddlers Making Tiaras." USA Today reports more Chinese tourists are coming to America. They get to see things they've never seen before: the Grand Canyon, the Statue of Liberty and adults working in factories.

An Illinois woman is auctioning Obama’s 2005 Chrysler. You can tell it’s his because it starts off fast, then stalls for the next three years.

The American Medical Association researchers have made a remarkable discovery. It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood. It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.

This Date In History: 1468; Johann Gutenberg, German printer and inventor, died. 1870; The 15th Amendment (black suffrage) passed. 1913; The 16th Amendment, establishing federal income tax, was ratified. 1917; The U.S. broke off diplomatic relations with Germany.

1959; Rock singers, Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and Big Bopper died in a plane crash. 1995; Colonel Eileen Collins became the first woman to pilot the space shuttle when the Discovery blasted off. 1998; Texas executed Karla Faye Tucker, the first woman to be executed in the United States since 1984.

Picture Of The Day: The prodigy, back in the day. Brother Kirt, Sister Jeanne and I.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) An adult is someone who can legally run with scissors, but doesn't have the energy. 2) They say that it's healthier to sneeze into your elbow to avoid spreading the flu virus. That may be true but it's going to wipe out Square Dancing across America. 3) Negligent (adj.), is a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown. 4) Have you have heard of that famous chicken rancher, Buck Buck Buckaw? 5) My friend told me that everyone hates him. I said he was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met him yet.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aquarius - February 3rd: You are in luck! The skies have parted and sunshine will prevail. I'd buy a lottery ticket today if I were you. Hell, I'd buy a lottery ticket if I weren't you. Slow and easy gets it done. Chance of romance is high. I can't give you the exact percentage because my cat, Shithead, is using the calculator.

Birthdays: Felix Mendelssohn, composer 1809, Horace Greeley, newspaper editor and founder 1811, Gertrude Stein, author 1874, Norman Rockwell, illustrator 1894, Alvar Aalto, architect and furniture designer 1898, James Michener, author 1907, Joey Bishop, comedian, ator 1918, Linda Wachner, industry executive 1946, J. Catherine Roberts, science teacher 1953, Isla Fisher, comedian, actor 1976.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An airline pilot hammered his plane onto the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." In light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.

Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" The pilot said, "No Ma'am, what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across a dog sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, "I sure wish I could do that!" The other one looks at him and says, "I think you should pet him first."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A lawyer was on vacation in a small farming town. While walking through the streets on a quiet Sunday morning, he came upon a large crowd gathered by the side of the road. Going by instinct, the lawyer figured that there was some sort of auto collision. He was eager to get to the injured parties but couldn't get near the car.

Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim." The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

Joe Bob, Jim Bob and Billy Bob are greeted in heaven by St. Peter. "We have only one rule," he says. "Never step on a duck" But upon passing through the Pearly Gates, they're surrounded by thousands of ducks, and Joe Bob steps on one. The duck quacks and soon, all the ducks are quacking.

St. Peter admonishes, "I warned you not to step on a duck." He shackles Joe Bob to a ferocious looking 260 lbs Amazon woman for all eternity. Jim Bob steps on a duck and gets tethered forever to a Brute 6 foot 6 redheaded Viking woman.

Billy Bob thinks, poor ole Joe Bob and Jim Bob. And learns to watch his step. So St. Peter chains him to an absolutely gorgeous girl. Billy Bob exlaims, "Wow! What did I do to deserve this?" The buxom beauty says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

A beautiful woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive older man standing alone. She approached him and said, " Hi, my name's Carmen." The man said, "That's a beautiful name. Is it a family name?"

The woman said, "No, I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most, cars and men. What's your name?" The man replied, "B. J. Titsengolf."

That's it for today, my little pinto beans. Remember, mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked. I'm going to AREA 51. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !