Slowly But Surely, Rocky Strayed From His Workout Regimen

Watching TV about 3 am Sunday morning, I happened to see one of those boring fitness infomercials. I started wondering, "Is a fitness instructor a good career path to choose?" What happens to these people when time begins to ravage their bodies and minds? Unless they have some college degree to fall back on, they're pretty much out of work once their bodies go to pot.

I've been fortunate over the years as I have always been able to eat what I want. I've also been able to stay in decent shape considering what I've put my body through. At 6 feet tall and 170 pounds, I'm still within twenty pounds of my high school weight.

I enjoy walking and fishing and between the two, I get enough exercise. I have never been one to go to the gym, not because of the workouts, but because it's so hum-drum. I prefer that my mind be entertained while I'm doing anything that remotely resembles strain, stress or exercise. My personal motto is "No pain, no pain."

Scam Reminders - Don't believe nor buy:

1) Anything hawked by Coach Jimmie Johnson (Extenze) or Joe Theisman (prostate medicine). It's been proven that these products don't work and have not been approved by the FDA. These guys are just whoring the products using their fame.

2) Anything associated with glucosamine, chondroitin and especially Cosequin, relatively new to the Snake Oil science field, and avidly hawked by Jack Hanna for his dog's joint pain.

3) Anything remotely associated with speeding up your computer including Max My Speed (dot) com, My PC (dot) com, Finally Fast (dot) com, Make Your Computer Faster Than A Bitch In Heat (dot) com, et cetera, ad nauseum.

The News As I See It: On the first day of trading, Facebook shares rose less than expected. We were promised that Facebook would take off like a rocket. Apparently it's a North Korean rocket. Facebook started at 38 bucks a share. They thought it would go to 70, 80, 90. Today (5/21) its closed at $34.03 per share. Experts say Facebook did not live up to the hype. Big deal, NBC does that every fall.

Facebook Co-founder Eduardo Saverin renounced his U.S. citizenship because it'll save him millions of dollars of taxes — to which Mitt Romney said, "That's what the Cayman Islands are for."

It's the 85th Anniversary of Lindbergh's solo transatlantic flight. Coincidentally, it's the last time an American was greeted warmly in France.

American Idol is down to its final two contestants. The losing contestant will fade away into obscurity, while the winning contestant won't have that happen until around June.

An aquarium in the U.K. claims that it has the world’s first vegetarian shark. Either that or they’re playing a really mean prank on Nigel the tank cleaner.

The new J.C. Penny catalog features a gay couple. This is historic. It's the first time anyone gay has been spotted wearing clothes from J.C. Penny.

Joe O'Biden criticized Republicans for not understanding the middle class. In response, Mitt Romney said, "That's ridiculous. Some of my best friends' gardeners are middle class.

The Dalai Lama is saying that China trained a woman to assassinate him by putting poison in her hair. Luckily, the Dalai Lama had recently just stopped eating hair.

This Date In History: 1542; Spanish explorer Hernando De Soto died while searching for gold on the banks of the Mississippi River. 1881; Clara Barton founded what became the American Red Cross.

1927; Charles Lindbergh became the first person to fly across the Atlantic (from New York to Paris) in his monoplane, The Spirit of St. Louis. 1932; Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean (from Newfoundland to Ireland).

1956; The first hydrogen bomb to be dropped by air exploded over the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific. 1989; In Hong Kong, approximately one million people took to the streets to show their support for students protesting for democratic reforms in China’s Tiananmen Square.

1991; Rajiv Gandhi, former Indian prime minister, was assassinated by a suicide bomber. 1998; Indonesian President Suharto resigned. 1999; Susan Lucci finally won a Daytime Emmy on her 19th nomination. 2003; Christine Todd Whitman announced her resignation as administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency.

Picture Of The Day: There is a point in time where exercise should only involve an occasional glance out your window.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) When I finish writing a letter, I like to write "P.S. This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated. 2) I think that my lady friend got her hair highlighted, because she felt some strands were more important than others. 3) I went to a doctor and he tried to suck blood from my neck. I would not recommend that anyone go to see Dr. Acula. 4) I had a paper route when I was a kid. Every morning I would go to 300 houses or two dumpsters, depending on the weather. 5) On a traffic light yellow means yield and green means go. On a banana, it's just the opposite. Yellow means go ahead, green means stop and red means this is an apple.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - May 21st: Today won't be very successful, but I see things falling into place for you during the week. Chance of romance is 23.67 percent today increasing to 83.21 percent by Friday. And remember, although women know more about the pains of childbirth than men do, they know nothing of the pain a man goes through when he gets himself caught in a zipper.

Birthdays: Albrecht Dürer, painter, engraver 1471, Alexander Pope, English poet 1688, Elizabeth Fry, prison reformer and philanthropist 1780, Henri Rousseau, painter 1844, Glenn Curtiss, inventor and aviation pioneer 1878, Fats Waller, musician 1904, Andrei Sakharov, human rights advocate 1921.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Murray, age 80, and Rebecca, age 79, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way, they pass a drugstore. Murray suggests they go in.

Murray addresses the man behind the counter and asks, "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes, I am." Murray says, "Were about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?" The pharmacist replies, "Yes we do." Murray asks, "How about medicine for circulation and rheumatism ?" The pharmacist says, "Yep, definitely."

Murray says, "How about Viagra?" The pharmacist answers with a wink, "Of course." Murray asks, "What about medicine for memory problems and arthritis?" The pharmacist says, "Yes, a large variety - the works." Murray says, "What about vitamins, sleeping pills and Geritol?" The pharmacist replies, "Absolutely."

Murray asks, "Do you sell wheelchairs and walkers? The pharmacist replies, "All speeds and sizes." Murray smiles and says, "Great! We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

An old man was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up." He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, "Are you talking to me?" The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!"

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket. Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."

The old man opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: There was a zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on in age so the zoo keeper decided as a treat that she could spend her final years in bliss on a farm. The zebra was so excited, she got to see this huge space with green grass and hills and trees and all these strange animals.

She saw a big fat brown thing and ran up to it all excited, "Hi, I'm a zebra! What are you?" The brown thing replied, "I'm a cow." The zebra asked, "What do you do?" The cow said, "I make milk for the farmer."

The zebra then saw a funny looking little white thing and ran over to it. "Hi, I'm a zebra. What are you?" The white thing replied, "I'm a chicken." The zebra asked, "What do you do?" The chicken said, "I make eggs for the farmer."

Then the zebra saw this very handsome beast that looked almost exactly like her without the stripes. She ran over to it and said, "Hi, I'm a zebra. What are you?" The handsome beast replied, "I am a Stallion." The zebra said, "Wow! What do you do?" The stallion answered, "Take off your pajamas, darling, and I'll show you."

A man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a freakin' checking account." To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?" "Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a freakin' checking account right now." "Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!"

The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?" The man says, "There's no damn problem. I just won $50 million in the lottery and I want to open a freakin' checking account in this damn bank!" The manager said, "I see, sir, and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

That's it for today, my little tweetie pies. Remember, if at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !