Politicians Are Just Snakes With Reptile Dysfunction

Federal lawmakers are to blame for the current problems in the relief bill for victims of Hurricane Sandy because they insert "Pork" (things that are totally extraneous) into bills such as this. The legislation has been criticized for being "packed" with 60 billion dollars for funding for unrelated items.

The pork-barrel feast includes more than $8 million to buy cars and equipment for the Homeland Security and Justice departments. It also includes a whopping $150 million for the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration to dole out to fisheries in Alaska and $2 million for the Smithsonian Institution to repair museum roofs in DC.

An eye-popping $13 billion would go to "mitigation" projects to prepare for future storms. Other big-ticket items in the bill include $207 million for the VA Manhattan Medical Center; $41 million to fix up eight military bases along the storm’s path, including Guantanamo Bay, Cuba; $4 million for repairs at Kennedy Space Center in Florida; $3.3 million for the Plum Island Animal Disease Center and $1.1 million to repair national cemeteries.

Only $1 out of every $6 — $9 billion of the $60 billion will be spent in 2013. That means 85 percent doesn’t come until 2014 and beyond. Show me how in hell would this crap provide immediate relief for Hurricane Sandy victims?

No bill should ever be allowed to pass that contains pork. If a Congressman has a "pet project", it should stand and be voted upon solely on its merits, not neatly tucked and hidden onto the back of important legislation.

An example of how disasters can sneak in pork spending and other types of fraud is relayed by The Heritage Foundation: "Fraud related to Hurricane Katrina spending is estimated to top $2 billion. In addition, debit cards provided to hurricane victims were used to pay for Caribbean vacations, NFL tickets, Dom Perignon champagne, 'Girls Gone Wild' videos and at least one sex change operation."

What do you think about the antics of Congress now that you know about the pork spending stuffed into the Sandy relief bill? My suggestion is that every damn one of the, from Barry Obama to the newest 2013 members, should be run out of town on a rail (right after they're tarred and feathered).

The News As I See It: Al-Jazeera has purchased Al Gore's old TV network, Current TV, for $500 million. This is a little something Al Gore has come up with called "global fleecing."

Some people are concerned that 2013 will be an unlucky year because of the number 13. As compared to those lucky years like 2012 and 2011.

Congress has approved some version of this fiscal cliff bill thing. Well, taxes are going up, and now, they're looking to make cuts just about everywhere. In fact, oil companies today had to lay off 15 senators.

Obama signed the new fiscal cliff tax increase into law while vacationing in Hawaii. He used an autopen, an electronic way of signing your name when you're not even there. Politicians can now raise your taxes while they're on vacation in Hawaii. This is a Democrat's dream come true.

John Boehner was re-elected speaker of the house, which is pretty amazing — a Republican winning anything these days.

Chris Christie lashed out at Congress for doing nothing for the victims of Hurricane Sandy. But in their defense Congress says, "Hey, we don't do anything for anybody."

The National Journal says that Joe Biden may be the most influential vice president in history. Joe Biden got this exciting news while he was walking Barry Obama's dog, Bo.

Members of the 113th Congress were sworn in at the Capitol. After which, they were like, "Well, that's enough work for the year."

The Senate swore in a record 20 female senators. Yep, the women said they’re very excited, and look forward to proving they can accomplish just as little as male senators.

This Date In History: 1885; Dr. William W. Grant of Davenport, Iowa, performed what is thought to be the first appendectomy. 1896; Utah was admitted as 45th state in the United States.

1904; In Gonzales v. Williams, the U.S. Supreme Court decided that citizens of Puerto Rico are not aliens and can enter the U.S. freely. 1948; Burma (Myanmar) gained independence from Great Britain. 1951; During the Korean War, North Korean and Communist Chinese forces captured the city of Seoul.

1965; President Johnson outlined his "Great Society" in his State of the Union address. 1999; Former wrestler Jesse Ventura was sworn in as Minnesota's governor. 1999; The U.S. Mint began distributing the 50 State Quarters.

Picture Of The Day: On Wednesday, I complained about photographers taking unauthorized pictures of my summer condo. I'll be damned if they didn't do it again, taking a shot of my winter home.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I always thought by 2013 we would have flying cars. Instead, we have blankets with sleeves. 2) The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem. 3) Hide and go pee is one of the favorite games at my Uncle's retirement home. 4) My friend has been on so many blind dates, he got a free seeing-eye dog. 5) All men see in only 16 colors, just like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Capricorn - January 4th: People will begin to question your penchant for lime-green clothing which, oddly enough, is the color of this paragraph. You are a carrier bag and life is one big supermarket. Now you're fully engrossed in that analogy, I want you to think of me as the store announcer: "Clean up in aisle 12."

Birthdays: My pal Linda in Washington State - Happy Birthday Baby ! 19XX, Sir Isaac Newton, mathematician, scientist 1643, Benjamin Rush, physician, signer of the Declaration of Independence 1746, Jakob Grimm, German folklorist and co-author (along with his brother) of Grimm's Fairy Tales 1785, Louis Braille, inventor of Braille system 1809, Sir Isaac Pitman, inventor of phonographic shorthand 1813, Tom Thumb, entertainer 1838, Jane Wyman actress, producer 1914, Floyd Patterson, boxer 1935.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and walked from his bunk on the floor of the Alamo up to the observation post on the west wall. William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were up there already. The three gazed at the hordes of Mexicans moving steadily towards them. Davy turned to Bowie with a puzzled look on his face and said, "Jim, have we scheduled landscaping today?"

The latest poll taken by the office of the Governor of Texas asked whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious problem. 30 percent of all respondents answered, "Yes, it is a serious problem." 70 percent of respondents answered, "No es una problema serio."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: This week, as Obama got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes, and said, "Nice pigs, Sir."

Obama replied, "These are not pigs. These are authentic Illinois Porkers. I got one for my wife and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."

The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes, and said, "Excellent trade, sir."

Rachel was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?" Max, smiling broadly, answered, "You'll know at midnight."

At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Rachel and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled, "The meaning of dreams." Max never heard the shot...

Murray and Sadie were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning and Murray said, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."

Sadie said, "Now why would you want me to do something like that?" Murray said, "I figure that you would eventually remarry, and I don't want some asshole using my stuff."

Sadie looked at him and said, "What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"

That's it for today, my little cupcakes. Remember, I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts (Will Rogers). Barring any unforeseen circumstances, I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

That's it for now. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !