Noodlin'

There are people who swim in red muddy water and catch catfish with their bare hands. Don't ask me why, there just is. I mean, I can't imagine sitting in my trailer one Saturday morning, sipping a Budweiser and watching cartoons and think......"I'm going fishing"

Okay, been there and done that. But, I didn't jump into a river and tried to catch fish with my bare hands, I used a rod and reel. The sport of hand fishing or "noodling" as it's known has been around for some time now and, incredibly, is becoming more popular.

Noodling involves a spotter finding a catfish hole and the noodler reaches in and either shoves his hand into the catfish's mouth and, through the gills, then pulls him out or uses himself as bait by letting the catfish clamp down on him and then pulls him out.

I'm told that alligators, snakes, beavers, muskrats and snapping turtles sometimes adopt abandoned catfish holes as their new homes. Sounds to me like a recipe for losing some fingers and possibly an arm.

Some people insist that noodling is a survival technique that one might utilize in the case of a major catastrophe. Hell, they elected Obama, so I guess anything's possible.

All in all, to each his own. I have been known to wade into an alligator infested Everglades swamp to fish for bass. I'm not saying that I'm real bright, I'm just saying been there and done that.....

 
The News As I See It: Are you ready for Easter? Back in the day, I used to hide chocolate eggs for my kids and later in the day they would hide my Scotch.

Last Easter, Governor Chris Christie was rushed to the hospital. It was an emergency. It turned out he had an impacted peep. There was also some trouble at last tear's White House's Easter egg hunt. One kid looking for eggs turned up Obama's birth certificate.

Legendary singer Dionne Warwick filed for bankruptcy, claiming she has only $25,000 in assets but owes more than $10 million in unpaid taxes. She's angry with her at her psychics for not giving her a heads up. She owes 400 times what she has. She could end up serving three years — as the White House budget director.

A man has won an $8,000 settlement from Disneyland after he got stuck on their "It's a Small World" ride. The man said he'll use the money to cut out the part of his brain that won't stop playing "It's a Small World After All.

Former CIA director David Petraeus apologized for having an affair with his biographer. He said he hopes this begins a new chapter in his life. It got awkward when he said, "Any of you ladies want to write it?"

Obama told reporters that his NCAA tournament bracket is busted. Obama said they were the worst picks he's ever made — then he looked at his economic advisers and said, "Uh, maybe not."

An "Our Gang" Easter

This Date In History: 1848; For the first time in recorded history, Niagara Falls stopped flowing. An ice jam in the Niagara River above the rim of the falls caused the water to stop. 1867; The North America Act was passed by the British parliament, creating the dominion of Canada.

1951; Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were found guilty of passing atomic secrets to the Russians and were sentenced to death. 1971; Lt. William Calley was convicted of murdering 22 Vietnamese civilians in the My Lai massacre.

1973; The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam. 1999; The Dow Jones industrial average closed above 10,000 for the first time, at 10,006.78. 2002; Israel declared Yasir Arafat an enemy.

Picture Of The Day: Although this is technically a picture of Noodlers, I must admit that my heart is not with the catfish.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I'll bet that when Hugh Hefner dies, no one will say, "He's in a better place." 2) If at first you don't succeed, try playing second base. 3) Duct tape can't fix stupid but it can muffle the sound. 4) I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability. 5) Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aries - March 29th: A romantic excursion to an luxury hotel and casino may be just the thing to spark up your love life this weekend. Cover the bed in rose petals, place some chocolates on your loved-one's pillow and bring some beautiful and flowers. Teepees are a saucy place to hide out and making love but it's really not the same ambiance and the room service is not as good. If you insist on gambling at the roulette table, play $5 on number 38.

Birthdays: My pal Ken - Happy Birthday ! 19XX, John Tyler, 10th president of the United States 1790, Cy Young, baseball player 1867, Eugene McCarthy, politician 1916, Sam Walton, retailer 1918, John Major, politician 1943.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An older couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" The husband replied, "Yep, in-laws."

Obama walks into a New York bar with a frog on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, that's cool ! Where did you get it?" The frog answers, "In Chicago, there's thousands of them up there."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet,the store's merchandise wasn't in -- only a few shelves and display racks set up. One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, "What are you selling here?" One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes." Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You must be doing well. Only two left."

Old Mrs. Lipschitz went to her gynecologist and after her examination, she told him that she was worried about her husband's health. When asked about the problem, Mrs. Lipschitz said that lately her husband had developed a penchant for eating dog food.

The doctor said, "I wouldn't worry too much about that. As long as he eats other types of food as well, the dog food won't hurt him." The doctor's answer satisfied the old woman and she returned home.

About a month later, the doctor happened to see Mrs. Lipschitz at the shopping mall. He greeted the old woman and asked about Mr. Lipschitz. She said, "Oh, he's in the hospital in intensive care but the doctors say he's going to be fine."

Horrified, the doctor said, "My word, I didn't believe that eating dog food would hurt him. I hope that he didn't have a reaction to the dog food and was poisoned." Mrs. Lipschitz replied, "No, eating the dog food wasn't the problem. He stepped off the curb to sniff a poodle's ass and got hit by a car."

That's it for today, my little peeps. Remember, politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

That's it for now. Have a Happy Easter and a great weekend. More on Monday.

Stay Tuned !