Pope Francis the 1st

Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Buenos Aires, Argentina is now Pope Francis I and is the 266th pope of the Catholic church. Francis is the first Jesuit and the first from the Americas to be elected Pope. He is the first non-European pope since Syrian-born Pope Gregory III, who died in 741. My hopes are that the new Pope will help the Catholic church and all religions to live in more in harmony.

Cardinal Bergoglio with Argentinian President Fernandez de Kirchner

On another note: A group of unicorns are called a blessing. Although I have never seen a unicorn, methinks that I would not name a group of horse like animals with sharp horns on their heads and a penchant to stampede, a "blessing." 

The News As I See It: In the Vatican, Cardinals have chosen Pope Francis from Argentina. The cardinals release black smoke if they don't reach a decision and white smoke if they do. Of course, blue smoke means they're working on the Vatican Oldsmobile.

A judge overturned Mayor Bloomberg's ban on large sugary drinks. The judge made his decision after testimony from a prominent physician. I believe it was a Dr. Pepper, if I'm not mistaken.

McDonald'sannounced they are dropping its fruit and walnut salad from the menu. The two people who go to McDonald's for fruit and walnuts are really upset about this.

In Venezuela they held the funeral for dictator Hugo Chavez. Many world leaders were there. Iran sent their president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Cuba sent Raul Castro and we sent Dennis Rodman and Sean Penn.

The former mayor of Detroit has been convicted of racketeering and extortion charges. The sentence is pretty hard. He has to serve another term as mayor of Detroit.

China is opening its own Disneyland, which Disney says will be both "authentically Disney and distinctly Chinese." Which explains why the parents of Huey, Duey, and Louie had to pick just one.
 

This Date In History: 1639; Cambridge College was renamed Harvard University. 1781; The German-born English astronomer Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Georgium Sidus, later known as Uranus. 1852; "Uncle Sam" cartoon appeared for the first time in N.Y. Lantern weekly.

1868; The Senate began President Andrew Johnson's impeachment trial. 1906; Suffragist Susan B. Anthony died. 1925; Tennessee passed a bill prohibiting the teaching of evolution in public schools. 1930; Clyde W. Tombaugh announced the discovery of the planet Pluto.

1972; Britain and China resumed full diplomatic relations after 22 years; Britain withdrew its consulate from Taiwan. 1996; A man shot dead 16 children and a woman teacher in a school in Dunblane, Scotland. He then shot himself. 2012; The Encyclopedia Britannica discontinued its print edition after 244 years.

Picture Of The Day: Baby giraffe

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) If your happy and you know it, share you meds..... 2) Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. 3) Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is. 4) I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want? 5) Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Pisces - March 13th: You will have the option of either being trapped in a cave with a panther or subjected to a very loud sound system playing Michael Bolton's greatest hits. What do you do? Yeah, I know. I'm torn as well.

Birthdays: Joseph Priestley, English theologian and scientist 1733, Percival Lowell, astronomer 1855, William Casey, public official 1913, William H. Macy, actor 1950.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are, so they decide to feel each other.

The rabbit says, "You feel me first." The snake says okay and he starts feeling the rabbit. He says, "Well, you have fur all over, and a little cotton tail, and two long ears, and big back feet..." The rabbit says, "I know! I'm a rabbit! Yippee!"

Then the rabbit feels the snake. He says, "Okay, you're long and thin, and slimy all over, and there's a little forked tongue..." The snake says, "Oh God, I'm a lawyer."

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?" "Nancy replied tearfully without looking up, "My cat died and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was very concerned and asked, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fricking cat."
 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" The old man replied, "No, arthritis."

A little boy was playing with a worm one day at his grandpa's house. Grandpa jokingly tells the young boy that he'll give him ten dollars if he can stick the worm back into the worm hole.

After a few minutes of trying the boy leaves then returns with a can of hair spray. He sprays it all over the worm and when the worms becomes stiff he pokes it back down in the hole.

A few days later the boy is at his grandpa's house again when grandpa wheels out a shiny new bike and gives it to his grandson along with ten dollars.

The boy says, "but grandpa you only promised me ten dollars." The grandpa replies, " I know, the bike is from your grandmother."

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the present time, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey".

Larry died peacefully in his sleep at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in,and that's when all the trouble started.....

That's it for today, my little kittens. Remember, if you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. I'm going to AREA 51 for a few cocktails.

That's it for now. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !