Come Visit And Please Bring Cash !

Have you noticed the recent tv ads for Michigan and New York? You know why they're advertising? Because they tax everything and everyone is leaving! High state and local taxes along with rampant crime is motivating those who still have a little money and a job to high tail it.

Michigan officials appointed lawyer, Kevyn Orr, a partner in the Jones Day law firm, as an emergency manager to oversee operations in Detroit, one of the largest cities to ever receive such intervention.

Orr described Detroit’s problems, which include annual cash shortages, about $14 billion in long-term liabilities, $300 million in short term debt, complaints by residents that broken streetlights are not replaced and that the police do not respond to calls.
 

New York State is battling an "image of having one of the worst business climates in the nation" after many businesses have left the area and job losses have devastated towns and smaller cities.

As former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher once said, "The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money."

And it doesn't stop there.The city of Stockton, California has filed for bankruptcy and Detroit, Michigan is well on it's way to the same fate. Why? Here's some reasons:

#1 - For the past four years, American taxpayers have paid nearly $400,000 so that Yale University could study the sexual conflict of waterfowl and "plasticity in duck penis length"....and we can't afford to keep the white house tours open to visitors.

#2 - The U.S. Navy had to cancel fleet week for the first time in 29 years due to sequester cuts yet Obama could afford to have a "Memphis soul" night at the white house. Hell, Obama even sang with Justin Timberlake. It's being called the blackest thing Obama has ever done....and we can't afford to keep the white house tours open to visitors.

#3 - The IRS spent $60,000 on a film parody of "Star Trek" and a film parody of "Gilligan’s Island."  Internal Revenue Service employees were the actors in the two parodies, so as you can imagine the acting was really bad.

#4 - The National Institutes of Health has given $1.5 million to Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston, Massachusetts to study why "three-quarters" of lesbians in the United States are overweight and why most gay males are not.

#5 - The National Institutes of Health has also spent $2.7 million to study why lesbians have more "vulnerability to hazardous drinking."

There are many more outrageous stories like this yet no one does nothing about it. Moreover, either the Obama administration approves this waste of money or sadly, doesn't seem to care. It's time to wake up and smell the coffee, America.
 

The News As I See It: The North Korean conflict is starting to get serious. China has warned North Korea flat out, "Do not fire any missiles at the United States at least until after we get our money. They owe us $16 trillion. Wait until then."

Some experts believe that North Korea has a missile that could reach Los Angeles. And of course, if North Korea did attack Los Angeles, that would start a war with Mexico and the whole damn thing would escalate.

A new report claims that almost half of Justin Bieber’s 37 million Twitter followers are fake. Even more disturbing, the other half is real.

Just a week after naming the color of a plus-sized dress "Manatee Grey," now Target is having to rename a pair of sandals called "Orina" because "orina" means "urine" in Spanish......while the name "Target" is just Spanish for "Fancy Wal-Mart."

Dick Cheney told House Republicans that the U.S. is in "deep doo doo" with North Korea. Incidentally, "deep doo do" is the color of the suit I just got at Target.

Look at the difference between the border of Grosse Point and Detroit. A picture is worth a thousand words

This Date In History: 1861; The Civil War began when Fort Sumter was attacked. 1862; James J. Andrews led the raiding party that stole the Confederate locomotive "The General," inspiring the 1926 Buster Keaton movie. 1945; President Franklin Roosevelt died.

1955; The polio vaccine of Dr. Jonas Salk was called "safe, effective, and potent." 1961; Soviet cosmonaut Yuri A. Gagarin became the first human in space and also the first human to orbit the earth in a spacecraft.

1981; The first space shuttle, Columbia, took its first test flight. 1983; Harold Washington was elected Chicago’s first African-American mayor. 1999; Arkansas federal judge Susan Webber Wright found President Clinton in contempt of court for lying about his relationship with Monica Lewinsky.

Picture Of The Day: Looks nice, but you'd better hope you don't have to go through Detroit to get there.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Although I've never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several. 2) They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love. After marriage, it is self-defense. 3) If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. 4) Lately I've had the "Midas touch." Everything I touch turns into a muffler. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom! 5) Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aries - April 12th: Be aware that waiting in line may not necessarily be for amazingly happy things like roller coasters. Some are for terribly bad things like the renewing your driver's license. Timid creatures are often those to find first love. Be less brash, learn to control your flailing arms and try not to fart in crowded places or intimate situations.

Birthdays: My pal Marc - Rest in peace, my friend 19XX, Henry Clay, American statesman 1777, William Martin Conway, English explorer, art historian 1856, Otto Meyerhof, physiologist 1884, Lily Pons coloratura soprano 1904, Montserrat Caballé, singer 1933, Herbie Hancock, jazz musician 1940, Tom Clancy, novelist 1947 David Letterman, talk show host 1947.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, his wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The husband picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.

In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight. The mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife said, ''What are we going to do?'' The husband said, ''Nothing, the lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.''

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world." Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world." Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the most disgusting person in the world."

So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified. Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy, "It's official, I am the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now officially the smallest person in the world." Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says, "Who the hell is Rosie O'Donnell ?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: An old man, very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well-looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady.

The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

A man receives a phone call from his friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border.  The friend says that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force.

His friend says, "My wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. If it gets much worse, I may have to let her in."

On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and walked from his bunk on the floor of the Alamo up to the observation post on the west wall. William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were up there already.

The three gazed at the hordes of Mexicans moving steadily towards them. Davy turned to Bowie with a puzzled look on his face and said, "Jim, are we landscaping today?"

That's it for today, my little mushrooms. Remember, it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. By the same token, it is wiser to fight a bear than argue with a woman with PMS. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour and maybe some karaoke.

That's it for now. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !