Remember Those Who Have Served !

Today is a special day to remember the men and women of the armed forces, both past and present, who have sacrificed themselves to insure that Americans continue to be free. Please take the time to remember these soldiers, not only today, but each and every day each year.

On a more personal note, I take the time today to appreciate my father who served his country in World War II and the small fact that he and my mother managed to raise three children past the age of 21 with no apparent shortcomings.

I would also like to recognize my brother Kirt and all of my friends and fellow soldiers who have done their part in serving this nation. 

The News As I See It: Time magazine released a picture of a 17-year-old Obama with his prom date. They would've published a picture of Joe Biden with his prom date, but Biden's mom didn't want to be photographed.

During recent congressional hearings, Senator John McCain asked Apple CEO Tim Cook why the apps always need to be updated. McCain also wanted to know how often he should feed Siri.

A woman in New Jersey found her missing dog after she grilled pork in her backyard and he came home because of the smell. Unfortunately, he was immediately shoved out of the way by Governor Chris Christie.

Former Congressman Anthony Weiner officially announced in an online video that he is running for mayor of New York. Nothing says "I put my sleazy past behind me" like showing a video on the Internet at midnight. Weiner said, "Nobody will work harder to make it better", as opposed to his first campaign promise, which was "Nobody will work better to make it harder."

Everything is going bad for Obama with Benghazi and all the other controversies. He's trying to turn things around. He's sending in SEAL Team 6 to bring back Justin Bieber's monkey and if SEAL Team 6 doesn't work, he's sending in Dennis Rodman.

When planting cats, make sure you plant them six inches apart to grow

This Date In History: 1647; The first recorded execution of a witch reportedly took place in Massachusetts when Achsah Young was hanged. 1703; St. Petersburg was founded by Czar Peter the Great. 1936; The Queen Mary left England on its maiden voyage, arriving in France four hours later.

1937; Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco opened. 1941; British ships sank the German battleship Bismarck off the coast of France, resulting in the loss of 2,300 lives. 1994; Nobel-prize winning dissident, Alexandr Solzhenitsyn returned to Russia after 20 years in exile.

1996; After a year and a half of bloodshed, Russian President Boris Yeltsin met with the leader of the Chechen rebels and negotiated a cease-fire. 1999; Slobodan Milosevic was indicted by the International War Crimes Tribunal at the Hague for crimes against humanity.

Picture Of The Day: A soldier's misfortune not only effects his life on Memorial Day, but each and every day for the rest of his life.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) It may have looked like I was doing crunches but I was just trying to get up. 2) My electric toothbrush broke so now I have to use my acoustic one. 3) Quit blaming your smart phone's auto correct. You meant to say "furbenglurbrn." 4) Nobody in this grocery store thinks I'm a good bowler. Also, clean up in aisle four. 5) Women who draw in their eyebrows are making a serious decision about what mood they're in for the rest of that day.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - May 27th: Live like you want and you will part this world a happier person, although there's a chance that you may spend a good deal of your life in jail. Your lucky horse for today is Sombrero's Lid.

Birthdays: Cornelius Vanderbilt, industrialist, financier 1794, Julia Ward Howe, author and social reformer 1819, Wild Bill Hickok, frontier marshal 1837, Dashiell Hammett, writer 1894, Rachel Louise Carson, biologist, author 1907, John Cheever, novelist 1912, Henry Kissinger, American political scientist and U.S. Secretary of State (1973–77) 1923.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: The young reporter was interviewing a woman who had just reached her hundredth birthday. He asked, "To what do you attribute your remarkable good health?" She said, thoughtfully, "Well, I've always eaten moderately and worked hard. I don't smoke or drink and I keep good hours."

The reporter asked, "Have you ever been bedridden?" The elderly lady replied, "Well sure, but don't put that in your newspaper."

Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it." Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really screwed up now.”

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex and she was not sure that it was such a good idea. The doctor said, "Do you enjoy it?' The woman shyly replied, "Actually, yes, I do." The doctor said, ''Does it hurt you?" The woman answered, "No."

The doctor continued, Well, then there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. She said, "What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The doctor replied, "Sure, where do you think people like Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Debbie Wasserman Schulz come from?"

Last summer, John met a woman while on vacation and fell head over heels in love with her. On the last night of his vacation, the two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how they would continue the relationship.

John said, "It's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I eat, sleep, think and breathe golf, so if that's a problem, you'd better say so now."

The woman says, "Well, as long as we're being honest with each other, here goes.....I'm a hooker." John was quiet for a moment, then he replied, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your left wrist straight on your follow-through."

A woman is golfing with some friends. After sinking her first putt, she's on her way down the path to the second tee when she gets stung by a bee. She rushes the short distance back to the clubhouse, hoping to find a doctor.

She bumps into the resident golf pro, who says "What can I help you with?" The woman tells him she's been stung by a bee. The pro asks, "Oh really, where?" The woman replies, "Between the first and second hole." The golf pro says, "Your stance is probably too wide!"

I'm all in for today, my little hootin' nannies. Remember, whenever a bird craps on your car, eat a plate full of scrambled eggs on your front porch just to send out a warning of what you're capable of......

That's it for now. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !