Junior Wins The Daytona 500

Seeing Dale Jr leading the pack with a handful of laps to go made me think, "Maybe this time." Then, as if by Nascar script, some also-ran crashed and there we were...it was going to be a "Green-White-Checkered" finish.

Dale had dominated the race while leading, so I'm already in strategy mode to figure how to win the race. Twelve hours earlier, the race had begun. Then, typical February weather kicked in and we were under a 6 hour rain delay.

During the clean-up after the also-ran wreck, everyone was analyzing what would happen. Suddenly, it seemed like the racing gods had dealt "Little E" another piece of bad luck when he inadvertently ran over a piece of "Two hundred mph" tape used to repair crashed cars.

Trash on the grill can be removed if you move the race car close to the next car's back bumper and create a vacuum. In Dale Jr's case, he was the leader, so theoretically, all he had to do was snuggle up to the pace car. It wasn't going to happen. The sticky tape would not come off and Dale Jr was just going to have to live with it.

The accident that occurred with seven laps to go was triggered by pole-sitter Austin Dillon, driving the No. 3 (Earnhardt's father's number making its return to the Daytona 500 for the first time since 2001), set up a final two-lap shootout to the finish.

Earnhardt got a great jump past Brad Keselowski on the restart, and had teammate Jeff Gordon behind him protecting his bumper. Denny Hamlin came charging through the field and Earnhardt had a challenger with one lap to go.

Then an accident farther back in the field involving former winners Kevin Harvick and Jamie McMurray brought out the caution and the win belonged to Earnhardt. Of course, with the lead "Little E" had coming out of turn four, he was going to win anyway, yellow flag or not.

Hamlin was second in a Joe Gibbs Racing Toyota, followed by Keselowski in a Team Penske Ford. Jeff Gordon took fourth and fifth was taken by last year's race winner, Jimmie Johnson.

It was a good race and the top five finishers ran predictably well. The Nascar season has begun.....

National Security Adviser Susan Rice, appeared Sunday on NBC's “Meet the Press" and answered softball questions from David Gregory. She said she has no regrets about her now-infamous round of TV interviews in 2012 about the the attacks on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya.

In 2012, she appeared on Fox, ABC, CNN, NBC and CBS. On Sunday, she said that nobody in the Obama administration intended to mislead the American people (that is, except to help Barry get re-elected and cover Hillary Clinton's bumbling, fat ass). At the end of the interview, Rice's nose exceeded the length of Pinocchio's nose.

The News As I See It: A new study of online dating profiles reveals that women respond 31 percent better to men who use the word "whom." Frankly, I don't know whom these men are or whom they're trying to impress.

A survey named Vienna, Austria, the world's best city. Vienna came out on top in this survey because it was No. 1 in three important categories: public transportation, clean air and teeny-tiny sausages.

In the college Bowl, Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, was asked if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

This Date In History: 1582; Pope Gregory XIII issued a papal bull introducing the Gregorian calendar reform. 1803; The Supreme Court ruled in Marbury vs. Madison that any act of Congress which conflicts with the Constitution is null and void.

1821; Mexico declared its independence from Spain. 1868; Andrew Johnson, 17th president of the United States, became the first president to have impeachment proceedings brought against him by the House of Representatives.

1903; The lease for Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, was signed. 1920; Adolf Hitler outlined the basic points of the Nazi party at the Hofbrauhaus in Munich. 1968; The discovery of a pulsar was announced. 1980; The U.S. hockey team defeated Finland to win the gold medal at the Lake Placid Olympics.

Picture Of The Day: Dale Earnardt Jr raises the Harley J. Earl Trophy in Daytona Victory Lane.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I ran into my ex-wife the other day. I could have sworn the light was green. 2) Anyone who feels bad about dumping a huge national debt on the next generation hasn't spent a lot of time around teenagers. 3) My friend told the Starbucks waiter that his name is Stephen with a "ph". The cup came back reading "PHEVEN". 4) A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million. 5) Your potato salad recipe is not a "family secret". Your uncle Ray, who cooks meth in his trailer home, is a family secret.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Pisces - February 24th: Your Great Aunt Maude may try to speak to you today through a kitchen appliance. Parts of you feel like giving up the ghost today, but feeding those parts ice cream may revive them.

Birthdays: My friends Danny and Dutch - Happy Birthday! 19XX, Winslow Homer, American painter 1836, Honus Wagner, baseball player 1874, Chester William Nimitz, admiral 1885, Joseph Lieberman, politician 1942, Steve Jobs, entrepreneur 1955, Paula Zahn, TV news reporter, anchor 1956, Billy Zane, actor 1966.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop who says, "Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy." The woman replied, "Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home."

The cop said, "That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his balls. I consider that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away!"

Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop. The husband asked, "Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" The Amish lady replied, "He said the reflector is broken."  The husband said, "I can fix that in two minutes. What else?" The wife replied, "I'm not sure, Jacob..... something about the emergency brake."

 Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both of whom could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.

She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through it.

She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200. They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. They asked, "You are truly a wise Vet. How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?" The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Illinois."

A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory and once all the mess has been cleared up, an inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement. The investigator says, "Okay Simpson, you were near the scene, what happened?"

Simpson replies, "Well, old Charley Higgins was in the mixing room and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up." The stunned investigator asks, "He was smoking in the mixing room? How long had he been with the company?" Simpson answers, "About 20 years, sir."

The investigator says, "20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room, I'd have thought it would have been the last thing he'd have done." Simpson replied, "It was, sir."

That's it for today, my little chicklets. Remember, if you're ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost farther north.

More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !