Buy One (Cheap) Suit And Get Two (Cheap) Suits Free

What do you get when a clothier offers the deal, "Buy one, get two free" every weekend? Three cheap suits. If you listen closely to the almost daily bombardment of clothing commercials, you will read or hear the phrase "On most suits"

This means the "off the rack" cheap suits are the "suits on sale". That's the hook that brings the customer in and the realization that they're cheap suits is the lure to pay a higher price for a better suit.

Meanwhile, Men's Wearhouse is purchasing JAB and will pay $65 per share in cash. Both brand names will continue to operate after the deal and the companies did not announce plans to close any of the 1,700 stores they have between them.  Both sell basically the same low to low-mid level stuff.

Jos A Bank commercials are amazing. In a parody, I read the commercial as really saying, "Buy 1 suit, get 100 ties, 13 dress shirts, 3 more suits and a set of cufflinks free. Call girls not included."

Logically (and mathematically), if a $300 suit with the tag "buy one, get two free" is on television every weekend, then it stands to reason that you're buying three $100 suits or the company is not making money. And you know that's not going to happen.....

Someone browsing through the 40th Anniversary Issue of Reader's Digest, (dated Feb. 1962), came across this reprint from the Washington News and found it quite interesting considering our current debates!

The Quote: Vice President Lyndon Johnson received the following message from an Indian (Native American) on a reservation: "Be careful with your immigration laws. We were careless with ours."

The News As I See It: Vladimir Putin signed a treaty this morning that formally absorbs Crimea into the Russian Federation. So if you felt bad because you didn’t know where Crimea was, don’t worry, it’s gone.

Vice President Biden said that the U.S. is considering sending troops to the Baltic states bordering Russia. According to Biden, the Baltic states are the territories located just past Boardwalk and Park Place.

Two million people turned out for New York City's annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade. It’s the one parade where the horses are the ones that have to watch where they step.

A new poll found that two-thirds of Americans are following the situation in Ukraine, which is impressive. Usually, you can't find two-thirds of Americans who are following the situation in America.

In a highly debatede lection, 95 percent of Crimea voted to secede from Ukraine and join Russia. 95 percent!. Even Kim Jong Un said, "Yeah, right."

There was a small earthquake in California on Monday, Here's a little-known fact. The Richter scale measures the number of local news anchors who dive under their desks.

A professor at Virginia Tech claims he can turn woodchips into food. However, still no luck with kale.

Courtney Love thinks she found the missing Malaysian plane. It's like God doesn't trust me to write my own jokes.

This Date In History: 1853; During the Taiping Rebellion in China, the rebels captured Nanking and renamed it T'en-ching (Heavenly Capital). 1920; The United States Senate voted down signing the Treaty of Versailles for the second time.

1931; Nevada state legislature legalized gambling. 1953; The Academy Awards were first televised. 1996; Sarajevo became a united city again after four years when Moslem-Croat authorities took control of the last district held by Serbs.

2003; Operation Iraqi Freedom is launched with air strikes on Baghdad, the beginning of the war with Iraq (March 20 in Iraq). 2003; Mahmoud Abbas became prime minister of Palestine. He would later succeed Yasir Arafat as head of the PLO and president of the Palestinian Authority.

Picture Of The Day: Rest In Peace David Brenner

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbor's house is genius. 2) Student loans: Because you should know what it's like to be one of the poor people you're always preaching about. 3) I predict that Obama's next move is to threaten to hold his breath until Russia leaves the Crimea. 4) My girlfriend told me to take my phone and stick it where the sun don't shine, so I sent it to Seattle. 5) (Doctor): "Are you sexually active?" (Me): "Depends on what you mean by active. There are plenty of active volcanoes that haven't gone off in years.".....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Pisces - March 19th: The odds are that you'll see something today that you physically and desperately desire. However, it is similarly likely that you will fall flat on your ass trying to achieve it. Seek solace in the bosom of a loved one. If your loved one has a particularly ample bosom, be aware that there might be others already in there. Help the small ones.

Birthdays: Grover Cleveland, 22nd and 24th President of the United States 1837, Rudolf Diesel, engineer and inventor 1858, Neville Chamberlain, statesman 1869, George Plimpton, writer, editor, actor 1927, John Updike, writer 1932, F.W. de Klerk, political leader 1936, Bonnie Blair, speed skater 1964, Queen Latifah, actress 1970.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Sasquatchia, a pregnant woman, was involved in a car accident and while in the hospital, she fell into a coma. When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child and asked, "Doctor, what happened to my baby!"

The doctor replied, "Ma'am, you've had twins! You're the proud mother of a handsome baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. Also, you should know that while you were in a coma, your brother Tyrone named the children for you."

Sasquatchia shrieked, "Lordy, not my brother! He's not really very bright." The doctor replied, "Well, ma'am, your brother named your daughter Denise." Sasquatchia smiled and said, "Oh, that's no so bad. What's the boy's name?" The doctor grinned and said, "Denephew."

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?" The second man replied, "No, it's Thursday." The third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."

Chris Brown jailed again.....

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A blind man us being interviewed for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him.

The manager asks, "What is it without touching it?" The blind man replies, "That's a good piece of fir." The manager says, "Correct, now try this one." The blind man says, "That's a bad piece of willow." The manager answers, "Correct."

With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He get his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face. The blind man says, "I'm confused. Can you turn it around?" The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face.

The blind man says, "Oh, you're trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. It's the outhouse door off a tuna boat!"

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.

So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, "We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed the R!" His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.

The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?" With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was celebrate"

That's it for today, my little tater tots. Remember, to err is human, to arr is pirate. AREA 51 is my destination tonight for happy hour.

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !</