Oscars And Pizza And Tweets.....Oh My

The Academy Awards went off rather well last evening with a few funny moments including host Ellen Degeneres ordering (and receiving) pizza and a picture tweeted by Degeneres that set a retweet record and temporarily froze Tweeter.

One of the things that bothered me in Ellen's opening monologue was her comment about Best Picture. She said, "There are two possibilities this year. Possibility number one: '12 Years A Slave' wins best picture. Possibility number two: You're all racists."

Hey, if a movie is good, it's good and if it's bad, it's bad, skin color notwithstanding. It almost sounded like something that would come from an Obama rally. I thought the remark was in bad taste.

One of the yearly doses of reality for me is when the Academy recognizes actors who have recently passed. It was upsetting for me to reminded of the death of actress and former Mouseketeer, Annette Funicello. 

Some of the major winners were Best Picture: "12 Years a Slave" Best Director: Alfonso Cuaron, "Gravity" Best Actor: Matthew McConaughey, "Dallas Buyers Club" Best Actress: Cate Blanchett, "Blue Jasmine" Best Supporting Actor: Jared Leto, "Dallas Buyers Club" Best Supporting Actress: Lupita Nyong'o, "12 Years a Slave."

I thought the most sincere and moving acceptance speech came from Lupita Nyong'o, who won the Oscar for Best Supporting actress in "12 Years a Slave." Matthew McConaughey also gave a heart warming response in his acceptance speech for winning the Best Actor Award for "Dallas Buyers Club".

 
The News As I See It: The Academy Awards show is that special time of year when celebrities get all done up and dress their best so they can be judged by people at home wearing sweatpants and pajamas.

The Russian government gave all of its gold medalists from the Sochi Games $120,000 plus a brand-new Mercedes SUV. While the silver and bronze medalists all received life in prison. When asked what happened to the athletes who didn't medal, Putin said, “They are getting cars as well, but don't open the trunk.”

Boeing, the airplane manufacturer, is working on a new smart phone that will self-destruct if it's tampered with. Apple also has a smart phone that will self-destruct if you spill water on it, drop it, tap it too hard, forget to update it or just kind of look at it the wrong way.

They've discontinued Moviefone. If this new makes you sad, press 1. If you couldn't care less, press 2. The Moviefone guy is looking for a new job. He's going to be looking at 2:15, 5:00, 7:45, and 10:30.

This Date In History: 1845; Florida became the 27th state in the United States. 1845; The U.S. Senate passed legislation overriding a presidential veto for the first time. 1875; Georges Bizet's opera Carmen debuted in Paris, to cool audience reception and panned by critics.

1879; Belva Ann Bennett Lockwood became the first woman lawyer to be admitted to appear before the Supreme Court of the United States. 1918; Germany, Austria, and Russia signed the Treaty of Brest-Litovsk.

1931; The "Star-Spangled Banner" was adopted as the national anthem. 1991; Rodney King's vicious beating by Los Angeles police officers was caught on videotape.

2000; Former dictator Augusto Pinochet returned to Chile after being detained in Britain on torture charges. 2003; New embassies opened in Kenya and Tanzania, to replace those lost in the 1998 terrorist bombings.

Picture Of The Day: A pizza delivery man got his 15 minutes of fame when he delivered the pizza that Ellen Degeneres ordered.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Do women know that it's perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car? 2) The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses. 3) Ask your doctor if an unnecessary over-prescribed medication so he can get kickbacks from a pharmaceutical company is right for you. 4) For women, the worst part of a breakup is probably that incessant little voice whispering "Do something stupid to your hair." 5) All I want from a woman is for her to hold my hand, look into my eyes and tell me it's ok to get out of her bushes.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Pisces - March 3rd: Love moves in mysterious ways, mostly diagonal. If it upsets you that you just slept with your 3rd cousin, quit counting them.

Birthdays: George M. Pullman, industrialist 1831, Alexander Bell, American scientist, inventor of the telephone 1847 Matthew Ridgway, U.S. general 1895, Jean Harlow, actress 1911, Jackie Joyner-Kersee, athlete 1962.

Lupita Nyong'o - Best Supporting Actress

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A Texas cowboy and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room, telling him they just got married that morning. The clerk says. "Congratulations!"

Looking at the cowboy, the clerk asks, "Would you like the bridal then?" The cowboy replies, "Naw, thanks. I reckon I'll just hold her by the ears 'til she gets the hang of it." 

 A tourist was admiring a Seminole Indian's necklace. She asked, "What is it made of?" The Indian replied, "Alligator teeth." The woman said, "I suppose that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." The Indian objected, "No, anybody can open an oyster."
 

Matthew McConaughey - Best Actor

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt and said "I do. Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside."

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and made him drink it. Soon Silver was starting to feel better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and announces, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again and claims, "I do. What is wrong with him this time?" The cowboy says to him, "Nothin' much, I just wanted you to know you left your Injun running.

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a "Yeehaw" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Yeehaw" and rode off.

The service-station attendant asked the woman, "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" The woman answered, "Nothing, I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off. The attendant replied, "Lady, Indians don't use saddles."

That's it for today, my little Oscar winners. Remember, when someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first. That should tell you everything you need to know about marriage.

More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !