A Work Of Art

I enjoy art. I don't profess to know very much about it, but it was part of my college studies. I have dabbled in oils over the years, completing about 50 paintings, mostly landscapes. But once I got the hang of it, my interests waned due to the set up and eventual clean-up process.

I admire artists who can just sit down with pencil or pen and create an image. Moreover, those who have the patience to use oils are also among artists I admire. My tastes are a bit eclectic in that while I readily admire Rembrandt's "The Night Watch", Cezanne and Monet are also inspiring.

There's a flair to any form of art and some artists held in high regard by some, are "pooh-poohed" by others. I look for the realities in a painting, while at the same time, the subject and the theme are also important to me.

Renoir for example is considered to be one of the masters, yet I find most of his paintings to be rather elementary. Edvard Munch's "The Scream" is undoubtedly one of the worst paintings I've ever seen.

I must admit I don't have much regard for the "creative" artists like Andy Warhol, Jackson Pollock or even Picasso, who methinks was smoking weed when he created some of his work. Some of the "Masters" paint the same way an Italian chef determines when spaghetti is "al dente". They merely throw a bunch of crap against the canvass and hope it sticks.

No, I don't need a pseudo member of the avante garde to explain a work of art to me. The piece usually speaks for itself.

Frida Kahlo

There are a few artists who have drawn my attention, one being Frida Kahlo de Rivera, a Mexican painter perhaps best known for her self-portraits. Kahlo married fellow artist Diego Rivera and led an interesting life, but she was plagued for most of her life by problems caused by a bus-trolley accident at the age of 18.

Salma Hayak played the title role in the 2002 movie "Frida" and the role of Diego Rivero was played by Alfred Molina. I found the movie intriguing, further piquing my interest in the artist. Hayak was nominated for an Academy Award.

I have several friends are are good artists, including my friends Ileana and Monique, both of whom have their own styles and techniques. Their abilities only show me that my artistic efforts with oils, while invigorating to me, were amateurish, at best. Then again, one never know until one tries......do one?

The News As I See It: The government released hundreds of documents seized from Osama bin Laden's compound. Among the items is a job application for al-Qaida. It's like a regular job application except it asks questions like, "Where do you see yourself exploding in the next five years?

Three Southwest Airlines baggage handlers are accused of smuggling drugs in luggage. The officials became suspicious when every single one of the Southwest bags made it to its destination.

This Date In History: 1765; Patrick Henry bitterly denounced the Stamp Act in the Virginia House of Burgesses. 1790; Rhode Island became the 13th state in the United States, the last of the original colonies to ratify the Constitution.

1848; Wisconsin became the 30th state in the United States. 1917; John F. Kennedy was born in Brookline, Massachusetts. 1942; Bing Crosby recorded his version of "White Christmas." It would go on to sell over 30 million copies.

1953; Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay became the first to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 1990; Boris Yeltsin was elected president of the Russian republic by the parliament.

Picture Of The Day: Rembrandt's "The Night Watch".

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I'm nearing the age where my train of thought sometimes leaves the station without me. 2) I fall in love too easily. Wait...it's ditches, I fall in ditches too easily. I gotta quit drinking. 3) The secret to enjoying good wine is to open it and let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth. 4) I'm not against half naked women....at least not as often as I'd like to be.  5) Why did I post on Facebook at 5:52 am? Because my lady friend had to get up to pee which apparently requires two lights and a conversation.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - May 29th: Calm your social fears about dating and give Match.com a chance. How bad can it be when all these people lack the same social graces that you do and have to advertise for a date? By the way, the good news is it wasn't a bug. The bad news is that you beat the shit out of a black bean on the floor with your shoe.

Birthdays: Patrick Henry, statesman 1736, Bob Hope, American comedian 1903, T. H. White, author 1906, John F. Kennedy, 35th President of the United States 1917, Al Unser, Sr., Indianapolis 500 champion auto racer 1939, Melissa Ethridge, musician 1961.

"The Card Players" - Paul Cezanne

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: In honor of the 44th President of the United States, Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor: Barocky Road.

It's a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate and surrounded by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow.

The cost is $92.84 per scoop, so out of a hundred dollar bill you are at least promised some change. When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but after you pay for it, the ice cream is taken away and given to the person in line behind you at no charge.

A precious little girl walks into a PetSmart store and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, where do you keep the widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks,"Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice. "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

"Lunch On The Grass" - Claude Monet

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my friend Tommy for his contribution to today's stories.

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said, "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are to sing what comes to mind."

The pastor shouted out "Cross". Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "The Old Rugged Cross." The pastor hollered out "Grace". The congregation began to sing, "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound."

The pastor said, "Power", The congregation sang, "There Is Power In The Blood". The Pastor said, "Sex". The congregation fell into total silence. Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything.

Then suddenly, from way in the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing, "Precious Memories".

A couple decided to Alaska for a romantic weekend. When they got to the cabin, it was cold, so the wife asked her husband to go chop some wood for the fire place.

He came in after 5 minutes and told his wife that his hands were cold, so she said, "Put your hands between my thighs to warm them." So he did, they fiddled around and then he went back outside to finish chopping wood.

He came in after another 30 minutes and said, "Honey my hands are cold again." So she tells him again to put his hands between her thighs to warm them. He did, they fiddled around and then he went back out to chop some more wood.

One hour passed and he went in again and said, "Honey my hands are cold again." His wife said, "Damn, don't your ears ever get cold?"

That's it for today, my little Hershey bars. Remember, if you're a white guy and walk into Home Depot without wearing sunglasses on top of your head, legally, they don't have to sell you anything. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !