Dad's Fried Chicken

I've tried many times, but I just can't make fried chicken like my mother and father used to make. Just a big black cast iron skillet, lard, flour, chicken and seasoning. Seems simple enough, but it ain't. There's something about the seasoning I just can't recreate.

This was before teflon pans and the many so-called seasonings sold today. Nope, this was a hot fire underneath a large skillet of boiling lard where one carefully placed the chicken or risk scalding burns and/or one hell of a kitchen fire.The more I think of it, though, I can't make any of the tasty dishes they made.

Back in the day, the fried chicken came off the fire and onto a brown paper bag to absorb the grease. The grease was then drained into a Maxwell House Coffee can, (what else?), next to the bacon grease, for future use.

The meal was usually served with mashed potatoes topped with chicken gravy and a vegetable. All meals were served with iced tea and corn bread made in a small cast iron skillet.

All portions were served by Dad, directly from the pan or pot, onto a hodgepodge of mismatched Melmac plates complimented by variously sized glasses which once held jelly (back in the day some jelly glasses had cartoon characters on them and advertised as reusable).

Dad was a cook in the U.S. Coast Guard during World War II and he taught my Mom to cook. Mom cooked well but Dad was the best. Dad's skills rubbed off on we kids and we can all cook relatively well. Of the three of us, Brother Kirt is the better all around cook.

One might think that my memories of the fried chicken were due to my being hungry at dinner time, but this is not true. Once, I came to dinner hungry and my father had made an exquisite fried liver and asparagus plate which my parents and Brother Kirt thoroughly enjoy. Sister Jean and I, on the other hand, can't stand the sight of liver

Since the rules of our house required that we "clean our plates" (translation: eat all your food), my only salvation was the family dog, Beannie.

I taught Beannie to catch food in the air when he was a pup. He would devour the food in one gulp. Beannie loved liver, but hated asparagus (as he should). When Dad wasn't looking, I would toss Beannie a piece of liver. The next toss was a piece of asparagus which he gulped down, as well. It almost made him gag, but alas...too late, he had swallowed it.

Then, I had to coax him near and let him sniff the liver before the game ensued. He gulped down the next piece of liver and then, another piece of asparagus. Et voila! That was how I ate my liver and asparagus.

Yep, you've never seen this on a cooking show but I guarantee you've never had a better county meal than my Dad's fried chicken!

The News As I See It: The International Olympic Committee is officially recognizing ultimate Frisbee, which means it might actually be in the next Olympics. They say ultimate Frisbee will be the first Olympic sport where athletes are disqualified for NOT testing positive for drugs.

Ben, from Ben and Jerry's, has endorsed Bernie Sanders for president. After hearing this, Chris Christie said, "After all we've been through together?"

This Date In History: 1861; For the first time, the U.S. government levied an income tax. 1884; The cornerstone for the Statue of Liberty was laid on Bedloe's Island. 1914; The first electric traffic lights were installed in Cleveland, Ohio. 1962; Marilyn Monroe died.

1963; The United States, Britain, and the Soviet Union signed the limited Test Ban Treaty, which prohibited nuclear weapon tests in the atmosphere, in outer space, and underwater. 1969; The U.S. space probe Mariner 7 transmitted pictures of Mars.

1984; Joan Benoit won the first Olympic women's marathon. 2002; The gun turret of the Civil War ironclad USS Monitor was raised from the ocean floor. 2003; The Rev. Gene Robinson was approved as the first openly gay bishop by the U.S. Episcopal Church.

2012; The plutonium-powered rover Curiosity successfully lands on Mars. Larger than earlier rovers, Curiosity will spend two years examining the land, looking for evidence that conditions on Mars are fit for life.

Picture Of The Day: Everyone liked my Dad's fried chicken.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) In 1850, California became a state.The people had no electricity. The state had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets. So, basically nothing has changed except the women had real tits and the men didn't hold hands. 2) I can't begin to tell you how happy I will be when the new school year starts. 3) Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended. 4) My cat was dreaming last night. Based on the noises and twitches coming from him, I think she was fighting off a Korean Chef. 5) Sometimes, when I think things could not be worse, I console myself with the knowledge that I'm not married to Nancy Pelosi or Debbie Wasserman Schultz.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Leo - August 5th: You may become trapped in a cave with a panther and a sound system playing Michael Bolton's greatest hits this week. You can scare the panther and avoid his attack by simply singing along with Michael Bolton, but there's no cure from the lingering effects of Bolton's music.

Birthdays: Guy de Maupassant, author 1850, Conrad Aiken, author 1889, John Huston, filmmaker 1906, Neil Armstrong, American astronaut, first man on the moon 1930, Patrick Ewing, basketball player 1962.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home, reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers, and demonstrated with her hands the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, then demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.

The third old lady chipped in with, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."

A drunk in a bar throws up all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in. He says, "Damn it! I threw up on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me."

The bartender says, "Don't worry" and sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. He tells the drunk, "Just tell her someone threw up on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill."

So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. His wife asks, "Why are there two twenties?" The drunk replies, "Oh, yeah, he shit my pants, too."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.''

The man said, I see. Whose clock is that?'' St. Peter said, "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.''

The man said, "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln 's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.''

The man then asked, "Where's Obama 's clock?" St. Peter said, "Obama's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him.

He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. The lady said, "I'm on the 7th hole she and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request. She said, "I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?'' She replied, "I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh." The man said, "No, I won't."

She answered, "Well, if you must know, I work for Tampax." With that, he laughed so hard he lost his balance and fell off the bar stool. She said, "See, 'I knew you'd laugh!''' The man said, "That's not what I'm laughing at. I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you."

That's it for today, my little whipper snappers. Remember, if I offer you a bite of my calamari, you're obligated to offer me a bite of your food. Legally, it's known as Squid Pro Quo. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More on Friday.

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