I Love Mysterious Women

The most interesting things about a woman are her mystery, her eyes and her sense of humor. The latter being important because I would be otherwise dateless. There are other obvious qualities that one considers, but the above three qualities do not deteriorate over time.

Without question, all relationships begin with the eyes. Someone catches your fancy and under most circumstances, the relationship begins. It can end abruptly when one may say, "Hi, my name's Jimmy" and the response (among others) is, "You must be very proud."

But sooner or later even a blind squirrel finds an acorn and the relationship continues. The next few dates are are usually of a physical nature (whether in actuality or thought).

Once one has satisfied the inquisitive nature of that natural response, the relationship may or may not bloom (In doggie  speak, this usually is referred to sticking one's nose into another one's business).

Interactions usually determine the theoretical length of the relationship. A commonality in various thoughts and beliefs begin to pare and shape the future of the relationship.

Lauren Bacall

Although one's looks is important to most people, I find myself considering same and looking past that to their mystery. Predictabilty usually bores me over time, in spite of other contributing and attractive (you'll excuse the expression, "assets"), the women in my mind are on par with a Lauren Bacall.

My tastes in women are easily observed by taking a trip down memory lane on the sidebar of my journal. Most of the restraining orders have expired......

Mystery and "those eyes" are usually my cup of tea although, admittedly, my spiritual counselor, Johnnie Walker Black, has encouraged and led me down different paths over the years. Sometimes, it just feels like the right thing to do.

The moral of the story? For every Jack there's a Jill and assuming most things happen with good intentions, my advice is, "Whatever floats your boat......"

The News As I See It: Donald Trump’s new immigration policy would not give automatic citizenship to children born in America if they have foreign parents. Trump said, "Nothing personal, Sasha and Malia." Trump landed his helicopter at the state fair and offered to take some kids on a ride in the helicopter. Twenty kids took the helicopter ride with Trump. He dropped them off in Texas. They're now building a wall on the border.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said that Hillary Clinton's arrogance is "breathtaking." Of course, he also said the same thing about a flight of stairs.

There are reports that if Joe Biden runs for president, he would promise to serve for only one term — because nothing says confidence like promising your presidency would be over quickly.

Starbucks announced that their pumpkin spice latte will now be made with a little bit of pumpkin. Also, their Frappuccino will now be made with a little bit of Al Pacino.

This Date In History: 1812; The U.S. frigate Constitution, Old Ironsides, defeated the British ship Guerriere during the War of 1812. 1934; Germans voted to make Adolf Hitler Fuhrer.

1960; American U-2 pilot Francis Gary Powers was convicted of espionage in Moscow. 1977; Comedian Groucho Marx died in Los Angeles at age 86.

2003; U.N. special representative Sergio Vieira de Mello was one of 22 killed when a suicide car bomb struck the UN's Baghdad headquarters.

Picture Of The Day: Trustworthy?

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Don't eat anything that's served to you out of a window unless you're a seagull. 2) The one good thing about going through foreclosure is that it does get you out of the house. 3) One of the nice things about owning a cat is that a cat will not wake you up in the middle of the night to ask, "If I died, would you get another cat?" 4) It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the fourth or the fifth. 5) I have a doctor friend who worked for 40 years trying to find the cure for Alzheimer's Disease. In the end, he found the cure, but then he forgot it.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Leo - August 19th: Minor changes to your driving style allows you to feel like you're a better driver. You're not, but it's the thought that counts. Today should be good for you but I wouldn't eat any seafood. Come to think of it, I wouldn't go near any body of water.

Birthdays: John Dryden, poet, dramatist, and critic 1631, Orville Wright, aviation pioneer 1871, Coco Chanel, fashion designer 1883, Ogden Nash, poet 1902, Malcolm Forbes, publisher 1919, Willie Shoemaker, jockey 1931, William Jefferson Clinton (born William Jefferson Blythe III) 1946, Matthew Perry, actor 1969.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man took his wife to the doctor and was sitting in the waiting room when the doctor came out to see him. He said, "Mr. Goldberg, I have good news. Your wife is in good health and the only think she needs for her to be better is to have sex on Wednesdays and Saturdays."

Mr. Goldberg said, "Ok, doctor, if you think that will help. I can bring her here on Wednesdays but Saturdays I play golf, so she'll have to take the bus."

A man goes to his doctor's office and says, "I'm sorry doctor, I know this is unusual, but I seem to have lettuce stuck up my ass!" The doctor says, "Good grief! I'd better take a look."

The doctor examines the man and says, "It's even worse and that's just the tip of the iceberg!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A drunk is sitting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful woman sits down next to him. The drunk, seeing opportunity buys the women a beer and proceeds to hit on her. Then, he asks her, "Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?" The woman looks at him and says, "For a million dollars, sure!"

The drunk then asks, "Would you sleep with me for 20 dollars?" The woman is instantly upset and yells, "Twenty dollars, what do you think I am some kind of whore?!" The drunk then looks at her and says, "We have already established that fact, madam, now we're just negotiating the price."

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students and said, "Human beings are the only animals that stutter." A little girl raises her hand and said, "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

The little girl said, "Well, I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

The teacher said, "That must have been scary."The little girl said, "It sure was! My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff' and before he could say 'F*ck', the Rottweiler ate him!"

That's it for today, my little tater tots. Remember, everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have beer. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !