The Florida Keys ~ The Party Years

Fishing is fun, but the Keys nightlife is outrageous. Once again, some stories remain private, at least until the statute of limitations expire. But today's stories are a brief look into my yesteryear.

My partners and I bought a condo in Islamorada back in the 80s ostensibly for the fishing and diving. Since I knew the Keys nightlife relatively well, I knew the condo would serve those purposes as well.

I have great pictures of the renovations we made. but unfortunately they are in the Alzheimer's file. I will publish them if and when I find the file.

We usually cooked dinner at our condo because no restaurant had fresher snapper or lobster than we did. My friend Donna was (and still is) one of the best cooks I've ever met and no one prepares seafood better than her!

The parties at the then called "Top Of The Isle" in Islamorada were great. I recall one evening we were having dinner there for about 6-7 couples and I happened to look over and see World Champion boxer Alexis Arguello dining with friends.

Having admired Arguello's skills over the years, I told the group that I was going to ask for his autograph. Everyone said, "no, let him dine in peace" but anyone who's ever seen Jimmy after a couple of scotches knew that was not going to happen.

I walked over, asked his pardon and asked for an autograph for my son. Being the gentleman that he was, I gave me the personalized autograph for Kevin. He told me to come by his boat the next day for pictures and asked if I would like to go fishing with him and his group.

I politely declined and when I returned to my table, all the other guys went over and asked for his autograph as well. A great evening.Some of the parties I went to started out in a speedboat owned by a friend and we went from bar to bar via the speedboat.

It was during this time that my friend Larry and I and our spiritual leader Johnnie Walker Black, who possessed Larry to point out an attractive lady at the bar sitting next to a huge man. I didn't see her at first, but Larry said, It's the cute blond sitting beside that fat ----."

Naturally, the blond repeated Larry's remark word for word and we had to leave hurriedly in a taxi leaving our sons Lance and Kevin at the restaurant. We passed our wives who were joining us and told them to go get the kids and we'd explain later. No  one found it amusing, except for Larry and I. No one got in trouble, except Larry and I.

There are a lot of Keys stories, including my friend landing his helicopter illegally at a restaurant or the time Larry and I rode home in the trunk of a car with the lid up and mooning passersby, much to the chagrin of our wives and their friends who were in a car behind us. Maybe we'll address those subjects on another day.....

Part of our motly crew - Guess which one is Larry?

The News As I See It: Bernie Sanders has now passed Hillary Clinton in the New Hampshire polls. It’s the first time anyone’s ever been passed by a guy in a Prius. Bernie is polling at 44 percent among Democrats in New Hampshire and has passed Hillary Clinton as the Democratic front-runner. In another new poll, zero percent of Hillary's staffers wanted to be the one to bring her that news.

Officials investigating Hillary's email scandal found that two of the four classified emails on her private account had information labeled "Top Secret." That was pretty stupid. Everyone knows if you want to hide stuff on your computer, you put it in a folder labeled "Tax Stuff 2008".

According to a new study conducted by Facebook, the laughter signifier "LOL," or laughing out loud, is barely being used anymore. So, LOL is dead? Actually, nobody was ever actually laughing out loud to begin with. It's just a saying, like "I'm going to the gym" or "It's so great running into you."

Just because LOL is dead on Facebook doesn't mean it’s dead in real life. If it's like any other dying trend, LOL will continue to be used by senior citizens and Christian rock bands for at least a decade. The study goes on to reveal that instead of writing LOL, people are writing "haha," which works in print, but if you ever actually laugh like that in real life you sound like you're being really sarcastic.

A new study claims that first grade students are getting three times more homework than they should be doing. This is coming from the lead researcher, "Timmy."

This Date In History: 1900; International forces entered Beijing, China, in an effort to suppress the anti-foreign uprising known as the Boxer Rebellion. 1935; The Social Security Act became law.

1945; Japan surrendered to the United States, ending World War II. 1947; Pakistan became independent of British rule. 1951; Newspaper publisher William Randolph Hearst died in Beverly Hills, California.

1995; Shannon Faulkner became the first female cadet at the Citadel, the state military college of South Carolina. 1997; Timothy McVeigh was sentenced to death for the Oklahoma City bombing. 2003; The largest blackout in North American history hit the northeast.

Picture Of The Day: The Lorelei Restaurant at Dusk

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Brother Kirt told me that two or three glasses or wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit. 2)  Christian Mingle: Find God's match for you. Because the Lord works in mysterious ways and I'm positive that setting up a website for his people to hook up is a top priority. 3) I don't always drink tequila but when I do, I always wonder where my car and clothes are. 4) My grandma keeps talking about her monthly checks, prescription drugs and how much she loves Miami. I think she's a rapper. 5) A cute bank teller told me she wanted to make love to me in the vault. She's a little kinky, but at least she's into safe sex.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Leo - August 14th: You have romance in your heart, but it needs to be released. Relax all your muscles, with the exception of any sphincters. See, you're already getting mentally prepared for a relationship. Try the new companion website for religious potato chip lovers. It's called Christian Pringles.

Birthdays: Ernest Everett Just, biologist, educator 1883, Russell Baker, columnist 1925, Steve Martin, comedian, actor 1945, Danielle Steel, author 1947, Magic Johnson, basketball player 1959, Halle Berry, actress, model 1966.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a huge buck.

One of the other hunters asked, "Where's Harry?" The man said, "He fell over a log a couple miles up the trail and broke his ankle."

The other hunter said, "You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?" The hunter answered, "It was a tough decision, but I figured no one was going to steal Harry."

A guy is walking along a sandy southern beach when he comes across a brass lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it the proverbial rub.

A genie springs forth in a cloud and tells him, "You have been granted one wish. Not three. That's a myth. One is all you get, so make it count."

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever." The genie says, "Sorry, I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."

The guy says, "OK, then, I want to die right after the Democrats balance the budget and eliminate the national debt."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

How To Start Each Day With A Positive Outlook:

1. Open a new folder in your computer.
2. Name it "Barack Obama".
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. The PC will ask: Do you want to get rid of Barack Obama?
6. Firmly Click "Yes."
7. Feel better? Good! – Monday we’ll do Hillary Clinton.

The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to a group of Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population.

It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting or trapping the predators, these two groups were offering a "more humane" solution.

What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, the males would then be castrated and turned loose again. Thus the population would be controlled.

This was actually proposed to the Wyoming Wool and Sheep Grower's Association by the Sierra Club and the U.S.F.S. The ranchers listened to the presentation and then sat there in a sort of dumb-found silence, trying to make sense of the amazing proposal they had just heard.

Finally, an old boy in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, "Son, I don't think you understand our problem. Those coyotes ain't screwin' our sheep - they're eatin' 'em!"

That's it for today, my little petunias. Remember, the hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hit man you can trust. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !