(Red) Moon Over Miami

Like most most lunar / solar events, I missed the Supermoon. I had every intention to watch it, but I was exhausted after racing in the Nascar New Hampshire 300, switching occasionally to the Miami Dolphin game to assure that Miami was still playing like my high school football team.

The Supermoon phenomenon occurs when the moon is full at its perigee - the closest part of its orbit around Earth (226,000 miles), meaning it appears larger in the sky. And those lucky to be in North America, South America, West Africa and Western Europe could also enjoy the blood moon as a total lunar eclipse also occurred.

Yep, after the Nascar race and a few Coronas, my recliner just slipped back into cruise control and I woke up a 2 am. 

Fret not, my little stargazers. For those that missed it, the next Supermoon eclipse is due in 2033 and I've already circled my calendar.

The News As I See It: House Speaker John Boehner announced that he is resigning from Congress. When he heard Congress lost Boehner, John McCain said, “Oh I got a little blue pill for that.' "No, Boehner. We lost House Speaker Boehner!" It's pronounced Bay-ner.

Traffic was really backed up in New York City because of the Pope's visit, but a company called Blade offered $95 helicopter rides around the city. Even the Pope said, "I believe in God, but not enough to take a $95 helicopter ride."

In New York, everyone's ecstatic about a visitor to these shores that is inspiring millions to weep tears of joy and devotion. I speak, of course, of the new iPhone 6s. This afternoon, iPhone fans lined up at the Apple Store as the Catholic faithful lined up to see the Pope's procession through Central Park. It was hard to decide which object of worship you should line up for. I mean, they're both pretty special, and both available in a protective case. I just don't understand why the Holy Father still only comes in white.

This Date In History: 1542; Portuguese explorer Juan Rodríguez Cabrillo arrived at present-day San Diego. 1781; The closing campaign of the American Revolution at Yorktown Heights, Va. began.

1920; Eight Chicago White Sox players were indicted for fixing the 1919 World Series in the "Black Sox scandal." 1924; Two U.S. Army planes landed in Seattle after completing the first round-the-world-flight in 175 days.

1939; A German-Soviet agreement divided Poland between Nazi Germany and the USSR. 1967; Walter Washington became the first mayor of the District of Columbia. 1972; Japan and Communist China agreed to re-establish diplomatic relations.

1989; Former Philippine President Ferdinand E. Marcos died in exile in Hawaii. 1991; Jazz great Miles Davis died. 2003; Althea Gibson, the first African-American tennis player to win at Wimbledon, died.

Picture Of The Day: Selfies can be dangerous.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I knew I was drunk Saturday night when I realized I cooked my pizza for 200 minutes at 18 degrees. 2) I miss the old days when I could say I wasn't around and you couldn't check Facebook  to see if I was lying. 3) It's been 20 years since I've worn a watch. Coincidentally, I haven't poured my drink on the floor when asked for the time in 20 years. 4) You know those movie scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table, throws a woman on top and does her? I did that once with a pizza. 5) I shouted "Run, Forrest, run", but the trees just stood there, frozen with fear. In the end, the flames consumed them all......except for Crazy Larry and Wild Root Cream Oil Charlie.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Libra - September 28th: When faced with life's problems, you generally prefer to stride in with both boots kicking. However, today's "life problem" is that you will step in dog shit. No chance of romance with your boots in that condition.

Birthdays: Michelangelo Caravaggio, Italian painter, (est) 1573, Georges Clemenceau, political figure 1841, Avery Brundage, sports executive 1887, Ed Sullivan, television personality 1901, Al Capp, cartoonist 1909, Alice Marble, tennis player 1913, Marcello Mastroianni, actor 1924, Brigitte Bardot actress 1934.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An attractive young lady, who thought she was overweight, went to see a dietitian. She walked into his office and asked several questions about dieting, exercise and other things.

Her final question to the dietitian sparked interest in him. She asked,"How many calories are in sperm?" The dietitian asked, "Why?" She explained some of the things she liked to do.

After thinking a minute, he said,"I really have no clue, but if you are doing that, no guy is going to care if you are a little chunky!"

Three men are traveling in the Amazon - a German, an American and a Mexican. Suddenly, they get captured by some Amazons.

The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?" The German responds, "I will take oil!"

So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?" The Mexican says, "I will take nothing! He stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.

The Amazons ask the American, "What will you take on your back?" The American responds, "I'll take the Mexican."

Matt Kenseth Wins Nascar New Hampshire race

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood, knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that." The man said, "There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week and sometimes twice on Sundays."

The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

The man said, "Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question." The priest asked, "And what is that, my son?" The man said, "Should I tell her the war is over?"

A rich Arab walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy close by wearing a Jewish cap, a prayer shawl and traditional locks of hair. He doesn't have to be Einstein to know this guy is Jewish.

So he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Jew over there."

Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Jew gives him a big smile, waves at him, then says "thank you" in an equally loud voice. This infuriates the Arab.

He once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Jew. As before, this does not seem to bother the Jewish guy. He continues to smile, and again yells, "thank you."

The Arab asks the bartender: "What's the matter with that Jew? I've ordered two rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all he does is smile and thank me." The bartender replies, "He owns the place."

That's it for today, my little monkey shines. Remember, you know you're getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

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More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !