Saturday Night Bar Hopping

I escaped from the musician's retirement home Saturday night and took the opportunity to hang out with my friends Luly and Paul and go bar hopping. Fortunately, Luly did the driving, so I was free to drink and wander amidst the barnyard critters, unyoked.

I left my car at Crackers and we headed down to South Miami to listen to Jim Borgmann's Karaoke show. It was an enjoyable place and the karaoke singers seemed to be well fueled even before the show began.

From there, we returned to Crackers in time to hear Charles Ogden's last set of the evening and take a few pictures. Luly takes great pictures, so I didn't have to fumble with my Blackberry (which takes great pictures when I remember how it works).

Woody's Tavern was our next destination and we went there last because they were celebrating their fifth anniversary. To have gone any earlier would have just been an exercise in frustration (no parking or seats), as I'm sure it was packed. I ordered a scotch and, as usual, Luly began posting our escapades and pictures on Facebook.

There were a few strange people among the remaining audience and the band was finishing their last set. Little by little, the crowd was dispersing and the lights were beginning to dim. At a certain point, the only outside lights burning were the street lights, but I was having a great time with my friends, so I didn't really pay much attention.

The final inkling as to the time of night was when I asked Paul the time and he replied, "around 2 am." The evening was over and another great experience hanging out with my friends.....

I'm a Seenager (Senior teenager).  I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car. I have ID that gets me into bars and the liquor store. Women I hang around with are not afraid of getting pregnant and I don’t have acne. Life is good.​

The News As I See It: Hillary Clinton said she'd love to debate Donald Trump and Bobby Jindal said he'd love to be able to see over the podium. At the beginning of the summer, everyone thought Hillary Clinton was inevitable. But right now, in New Hampshire, she's 11 points behind Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders, proving that even people in New Hampshire can't tell the difference between their state and Vermont.

Ms. Clinton is clearly qualified for the office, but to be elected, that isn't enough. You have to appear genuine. If only there was some way we could get a glimpse into the private side of Hillary Clinton -- I don't know, read her emails or something?

Keurig announced that they are now offering pre-packaged cups that let you make instant Campbell’s Soup in their coffee machines. It's great for the person who wants to enjoy a cup of soup, then enjoy a cup of coffee that tastes a little bit like soup.

It is Fashion Week in New York, which is also known as “watch hungry women walk week.” Fashion Week, for those who aren't familiar, is the week that answers the question: How many emaciated teenagers will it take to convince someone to spend $10,000 on a dress?

A farmer in India is claiming that he’s made over $1 million in the last four years by selling bull semen, though you probably know it by its Hindi name, Mountain Dew.

Luly couldn't resist Crackers' Fried Bread Pudding 

This Date In History: 1814; Francis Scott Key composed the lyrics to The Star Spangled Banner. 1901; President McKinley died of gunshot wounds inflicted by an assassin. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt succeeded him. 1927; Modern dance pioneer Isadora Duncan died in Nice, France.

1940; Congress passed the Selective Service Act, providing for the first peacetime draft in U.S. history. 1959; The Soviet space probe Luna 2 became the first man-made object to reach the Moon when it crashed onto the lunar surface.

1982; Princess Grace of Monaco died from injuries sustained in a car crash the previous day. 1994; Acting commissioner Bud Selig announced the cancellation of the 1994 baseball season on the 34th day of a strike by players.

Picture Of The Day: As you can see, we literally closed Woody's Tavern as the people had gone and we were left with empty seats and an empty parking lot, Our only source of light was appropriately provided by the City of Miami Springs. It didn't matter, Paul and I were steeped in conversation about politics.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) For the person who lost a wallet that contained a number of $20 bills bound by a rubber band, I've got good news. I found your wallet and the rubber band. 2) I tell people that my parents are divorced, but technically, we lost mom in a corn maze years ago. 3) Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange. 4) My next door neighbor just accused me of stealing clothes from her washing line. I nearly shit her pants. 5) My father once told me: "Son, you should never lie. One lie begets another lie, then another lie and before you know it, you're either a lawyer or a politician.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 14th: Tomatoes can be your best friend - go Red for the day (this horoscope is not sponsored by Heinz Ketchup or the Communist Part. Being sexy and being sexist are not one and the same. Avoid low-level lighting this week and any power lines that you might have to pass under.

Birthdays: Alexander von Humboldt, German naturalist and explorer 1769, Ivan Petrovich Pavlov, physiologist 1849, Alice Stone Blackwell, feminist 1857, Charles Dana Gibson, illustrator 1867, Margaret Sanger, feminis 1879, Constance Baker Motley, lawyer and jurist 1921. Amy Winehouse, singer, songwriter 1983.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: The young reporter was interviewing a woman who had just reached her hundredth birthday. The reporter asked, "To what do you attribute your remarkable good health?"

The old woman replied, "Well, I've always eaten moderately, worked hard, I don't smoke or drink and I keep good hours."

The reporter asked, "Have you ever been bedridden?" The elderly lady replied, "Well, sure, but don't put that in your newspaper."

A priest was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.

The priest asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection and a little boy raised his hand. The priest called on him and the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt and my friends Paul and Richard for their contributions to today's stories.

A woman was helping her husband set up a new computer. Once it was completed, she told him to select a password, selecting a word that he'll always remember.

The computer asked him to enter the password. He smiled wryly and typed, "mypenis." He hit the Enter key to input the selection and the computer replied, "Too short! Access denied!"

Charlie and his wife of forty years were lying in bed. Suddenly, his wife felt Charlie begin to massage her in ways he hadn't done in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach.

Charlie proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. He proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As his wife had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, "Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?" Charlie responded, "I found the remote....."

That's it for today, my little mushrooms. Remember, if your wife or girlfriend says that she wants to make a sex movie, do not suggest that auditions be held for her part.

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More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !