A Mystery In AREA 51 At Sabores Restaurant

There's an undercover police horse in my social gang. I've narrowed it down to Iliana, Luly, Michelle, Sandra and Buttermilk. We share brownies, cookies and chocolate, but the other night, someone ate the kale garnish from Paul's plate.

No one in our group is a known vegan but I did smell carrots on Buttermilk's breath. I've passed this information on to Sheriff Roy. Deputy Brady was notified as soon as he came in from patrol driving Nellybelle.

Trigger has an alibi and Bullet merely growled when I asked about the crime. Dale Evans declined comment and suggested I was barking up the wrong tree. This angered Bullet who barked at Ms. Evans.

I hope to solve this mystery tonight when I head over to AREA51 at Sabores Restaurant. I'll keep you abreast of the situation.

Happy Trails.....

What have we learned in 2,066 years?

"The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance." Cicero - 55 BC.

Evidently nothing.

Roy Rogers (center) with Pat Brady (L) and George "Gabby" Hayes

The News As I See It: Obama gave his final State of the Union address Tuesday night. He started by saying he would give a shorter speech, which got the most applause of the night.

In Oakland, California, for the first time, a marijuana company will be publicly traded. It’s the first ever stock that you can buy high and sell high.

This Date In History: 1639; The first constitution of Connecticut, Fundamental Orders, was adopted. 1784; The United States ratified treaty with England ending the Revolutionary War. 1943; President Roosevelt and Prime Minister Churchill meet at the Casablanca Conference.

1953; Tito formally became the first president of the Republic of Yugoslavia. 1954; Marilyn Monroe married baseball legend Joe DiMaggio. 1963; George Wallace sworn in as Alabama's governor, promising "segregation forever."

1973; The Miami Dolphins became the first NFL team to go undefeated and have a perfect season by beating the Washington Redskins in Super Bowl VII. 1990; The Simpsons premiered on television.

2008; Bobby Jindal takes office as governor of Louisiana as the first elected Indian-American governor of the U.S.

Picture Of The Day: Having fun with my childhood hero and company, Roy Rogers, and his wife Dale Evans, pictured here with her horse, Buttermilk.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Ladies, if he leaves the stickers on his dorky, flat brimmed baseball cap and his arms are marked with what seems to be graffiti, that's his way of telling you he won't pay child support. 2) My girlfriend asked me to go deeper so I started quoting Nietzsche. 3) (North West): "Daddy what were you famous for?" (Kanye): "Rapping, Son." (North West): "Mommy what were you famous for?" .....((awkward silence)). 4) Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge, I can't help but wonder how long he was dating my ex..... 5) As I dress for tonight's soiree in AREA 51, I find myself singing those familiar lyrics, "Do a little dance... Drink a lot of scotch... Fall down tonight.".....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Capricorn - January 15th: Although you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, bear in mind that you can catch even more flies with manure.

Take the time to shave closely tonight as the evening is showing signs of becoming memorable. Chance of romance is partly cloudy with a chance of reins, a whip and handcuffs .

Birthdays: R.F. Outcault, cartoonist and illustrator 1863, Albert Schweitzer, Alsatian Medical Missionary 1875, John Dos Passos, novelist 1896, Harold Russell, soldier and actor 1914, Yukio Mishima. writer 1925, Faye Dunaway, actress 1941, Shannon Lucid, astronaut and biochemist 1943, Maureen Dowd, journalist 1952, Steven Soderbergh, filmmaker 1963.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Two old men, Murray and Hiram, are discussing the local gossip at the Shady Elm Retirement Home when eighty-year-old Sadie walks by. Sadie says. "Hiya Boys!"

The old men nod in acknowledgement and Hiram whispers to Murray, "That Sadie's a fox but she has a foul mouth. The other night she used the "F" word."

Murray said, "Sadie, that sweet old lady? When did she say that?" Hiram said, "Right after the old lady sitting next to her yelled, 'Bingo!'"

Thieves robbed and bound a Miami man yesterday. They gagged him with a piece of rope and covered his eyes with masking tape. He was able to chew through the rope after two hours of trying. His inspiration came from remembering his wife's pot roast.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Two Louisiana boys were given a special SAT test to meet their admission requirements to the Military Academy.

Soon after the test began the first guy turns to the second guy and asks, "Old MacDonald had a what?" The other replies, "He had a farm." The first asks, "How do you spell it?" To which the second replied, "E-I-E-I-O."

Obama got out of the shower and was drying off when he looked In the mirror and noticed that he was white from the neck to the top of his head. In a sheer panic and fearing he was turning white all over, he called his doctor and told him what had happened. The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately.

After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid, gave it to Obama, and told him to drink it all. Obama drank the concoction and said,"That tasted like shit!" The doctor replied, "It was...you were a quart low."

That's it for today, my little goobers. Remember, the words, "You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like shit." I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !