What If You Had To Change Your Name?

Suppose your name was like an Internet screen name. Your given name must be unique. You attempt to use your given name and you're told that it's been taken. So you have to choose another or add a number like Moe33. What name would you chose?

This is not an easy task and a lot of thought should be put into your decision. Take the case of a man named Harry Lipschitz who went before a judge to legally change his name. The judge said, "I can see the reasoning behind your desire to change your name, sir. What would you like to change it to?" Harry said, "Murray Lipschitz."

How about a nifty nickname? I don't mean the obvious uses like "Jimmy" in lieu of "James" or "Kate" in lieu of "Katherine", but a really cool nickname. You know, like "Bugsy" or "Scarface" or even more complex, like "Tony the tiger" or "Eric the red".

I have always liked the name "Michael" for some reason and that is the name I would choose. I haven't rowed any boats ashore but if that job were available, I'd be one of the possible applicants.

If I had a nickname, I'd like the name "Lefty". It wouldn't make much sense since I'm right-handed, but I've never heard of anyone nicknamed "Righty."

Life isn't always kind and some names don't seem to have been well thought out by some parents. The Harry Harrisons, Tommy Thompsons, Willie Williams and Johnnie Johnsons of the world are all well aware of that fact.

So, here's the deal my wily little journal readers, what would you name yourself if you couldn't have your current first name? Additionally, what would you choose as a nickname?

The News As I See It: Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are more unpopular than ever. So this election is kind of like asking people if they’d rather have chlamydia or gonorrhea.

Donald Trump made a surprise trip to Mexico for a meeting with the country’s president, Enrique Peña Nieto. The Mexican president said that he told Trump that Mexico would not pay for the wall, while Trump says they never discussed who would pay for it. In Trump's defense, who has ever gone down to Mexico and remembered what they did?

A reporter went through Hillary Clinton’s schedule while she was secretary of state and found that she and Bill were often away from each other, and sometimes even on different continents. When asked why they didn’t try to coordinate their schedules, Hillary said, "We did."

This Date In History: 1666; The great fire of London broke out, destroying much of the city, including St. Paul's Cathedral. 1789; The U.S. Treasury Department was established. 1901; Vice President Theodore Roosevelt gave his "speak softly and carry a big stick" speech, regarding foreign policy, at the Minnesota State Fair.

1945; Japan's formal surrender in World War II was celebrated as Victory over Japan (V-J) Day. 1963; Alabama governor George Wallace prevented the racial integration of Tuskegee High School by encircling the building with state troopers. 1969; North Vietnamese president Chi Minh died.

Picture Of The Day: Just think, in a few months, Barry Soetero will just be another Chicago thug.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I childproofed my home but the little bastards are still getting in. 2) Drinking and sex makes you alert and ready to face the world. It's an ideal substitute for a hot breakfast. 3) By the time they had diminished from 50 to eight, the other dwarfs began to suspect "Hungry". 4) Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser. 5) We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 2nd: Live like you want and you will part this world a happier person, although there's a chance that you may spend a good deal of your life in jail. Your lucky horse for today is Sombrero's Lid.

Birthdays: Liliuokalani, last reigning queen of the Hawaiian Islands 1838, Wilhelm Ostwald, physical chemist 1853, Andrew Grove, engineer, technology executive 1936, Peter V. Ueberroth, businessman 1937, Christa McAuliffe, astronaut, teacher 1948, Terry Bradshaw, football quarterback 1948, Keanu Reeves, actor 1964, Salma Hayek, actress 1966.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: One Sunday morning, the priest saw little Davey staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's foyer. The plaque was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

The boy asked, "Father Donovan, what is this? Father Donovan replied, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

They stood together quietly, staring at the memorial plaque. Little Davey softly asked, "Which service? The 9:00 or the 10:30?"

Ernie, an old man says to his doctor, "Doc, I've lost my memory." Doctor Sims asked, "When did this begin, Ernie?" Ernie replied, "When did what begin?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The finals of the National Youth Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a student going to one of the finest private schools in the nation. The other finalist was a boy who was going into the 8th grade for the 2nd time.

The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu."

The private school student went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem: "Slowly across the desert sand, Trekked the dusty caravan. Men on camels, two by two, Destination -- Timbuktu."

The audience went wild! They wondered how the country boy could top that?

The clock started again and the boy sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited: "Tim and me, a-huntin' went, Met three girls in a pop-up tent. They was three, we was two, So I bucked one and Timbuktu."

A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

The man said,"You have so much to live for. I'm a sailor and we're off to Europe tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship and I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small, but comfortable, compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.

Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. The captain asked, "What are you doing here?" She replied, "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He brings food and I get a free trip to Europe." The captain said, "I see."

Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "plus, he's screwing me." The captain said, "He certainly is. This is the Staten Island Ferry."

That's it for today, my little sweet peas. Remember, a true dilemma is when your fifteen-year-old daughter brings home a guy with a rainbow colored Mohawk hairdo, but your garden is already completely full of corpses. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !