Intellectual Breakthrough: Sneakers That Order Pizza

Scene: Executives at Pizza Hut are in a think tank to deal with sagging sales. VP John says, "How about two for one sales." VP Mark replies, "Been done." VP Tyrone says, "How about basketball sneakers with a button on the shoe to order pizza?" Whaaa...???

Okay, maybe it didn't go down exactly like that but that's the gist of what happened. Moreover, it's a ruse; it's not true. Yeah, the ad is real, the shoes are real, but the average person will never see the product. It's just a publicity stunt and a stupid one, at that.

In an interview with Ad Age, Pizza Hut VP of advertising, David Daniels, said the company will only be giving away 64 pairs of their new Pie Tops and very few of those will find their way to the general public. Sorry, Basketball Jones......

Most people wouldn't be caught dead in those crappy shoes, but for those who like basketball, it may seem like a good idea. I don't like basketball and I don't buy $200 sneakers.

On the other hand, I'd be interested in a button on my cellphone for ordering a scotch on the rocks. But, that's just me.....

The News As I See It: Disney World has agreed to pay $3.8 million to workers who were making less than minimum wage and had to pay for their own costumes. That works out to around $238 per person, which is almost enough to buy a bottle of water at Disney World.

Hillary Clinton is reportedly still considering a run for mayor of New York City. Weirdly, this time she IS campaigning in Michigan and Wisconsin. Fool me once, right?

In Monroe, Washington, there’s a mystery to be solved. Someone made a very unique donation to the Goodwill store up there — a cooler containing five large bags of marijuana, weighing a total of 60 ounces. Almost four pounds, like $20,000 worth of pot, was left in. They assume it was left in there by mistake. What are the odds a pot smoker would forget he stashed weed in a cooler?

This Date In History: 1603; Queen Elizabeth I died at age 69 after ruling England for more than 40 years. 1882; Robert Koch announced the discovery of the tuberculosis bacillus. 1949; Laurence Olivier's Hamlet became the first British film to win an Oscar.

1958; Rock 'n' roll star Elvis Presley joined the U.S. army for two years. 1989; In one of worst oil spills in recent history, the tanker, Exxon Valdez, ran aground and released 240,000 barrels of oil into Prince William Sound.

1999; NATO begins launching air strikes in an attempt to force Serbia to cease hostilities against ethnic Albanians in Kosovo. 2002; Halle Berry became the first black actress to win a best actress Oscar and Denzel Washington became the second black actor to get the best actor award.

2004; The notorious Bird family's more than half-century stronghold on the nation of Antigua and Barbuda came to an end when Baldwin Spencer won the post of prime minister in the general election.

Picture Of The Day: Pizza Boy.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My body keeps saying, "Go to sleep" and my brain keeps saying, "I wonder what country has the largest population of goats?" 2) Grapefruit juice tastes like orange juice that just found out it has to work on it's day off. 3) I don't want to brag, but I always go to the hottest cashier at Publix and she always checks me out. 4) The Red Cross knocked at my door asking if I could help towards the floods in Pakistan and Yemen. I said I would love to, but my hose only reaches the bottom of the driveway. 5) When I ask my girlfriend if she wants sex, she changes the subject and asks if a bear shits in the woods, like I'm some sort of bear scientist or something.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aries - March 24th: Congratulations may be in order this week. Much of your body weight tends to be distributed in a specific place - but that may start shifting today. "Saucy" should not be used as a synonym for sweaty.

The crystal ball which I sometimes use for divining fortunes for those like yourself was knocked off the table by my cats and is smashed. I can see bits of your future and they look bloody. But, I can't tell whether it's your blood. Actually, it might not be blood at all, but a red sock. I'm not sure. Get back to me tomorrow.

Birthdays: Georgius Agricola. father of mineralogy 1494, William Morris, designer 1834, John Wesley Powell, geologist and ethnologist 1834, Harry Houdini, American magician and writer 1874, Edward Weston, photographer 1886, Thomas Dewey, politician 1902, Steve McQueen, actor 1930 , Peyton Manning, football player 1976.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An elderly couple were discussing plans to get married and wanted to iron out any potential problems with their particular properties.

The old woman said, "I want to keep my condominium in my name" The old man replied, "That's fine with me." The woman said, "I also want to keep my Cadillac in my name only." The man said, "That's fine with me."

Then, the old lady said, "I want to have sex six days a week." The old man said, "That's fine with me - put me down for Fridays."

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

The Director said, "Well, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

The visitor said, "Oh, I understand. A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

The Director said, "No, a normal person would just pull the plug. Do you want a room with or without a view?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A police officer in Pennsylvania was interviewing an old man who was a witness to a murder. The cop asked, "Did you see what happened?" The old man said, "No but I heard it and I know who did it"

The cop, a bit dubious, said, "What did you hear?" The old man said, "Clip-clop, clip-clop, Bang!, clip-clop, clip-clop." The cop said, "And from that you know what happened?" The old timer said, "Yep, it was an Amish drive-by."

A man and woman were in divorce court awaiting the judge's ruling on the financial and property settlement. The judge said, "Mr Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $750 a week."

Mr Clark said, "That's very fair, your honor, and every now and then, I'll try to give her a few bucks, myself."

That's it for today, my little pizza pies. Remember, today's humor does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself or my cats. Anchovies or jalapenos added to jokes upon request; your mileage may vary; an equal opportunity joke employer; no shoes, no shirt, no jokes: if a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More next week.

Stay Tuned !