I'm Back !

Due to a recent hospital stay, I have not posted. Fear not, as I feel better and look forward to receiving a hospital bill which I will be unable to pay. I'm sure, however, that Obamacare will gladly pick up the tab.

On a serious note, my thanks to all my Facebook and Blogger friends for their well wishes. I had planned to keep the news within the family, but Sister Jean would have none of that and kept people apprised on Facebook. Both Sister Jean and Brother Kirt were there when I needed them and for that I am thankful.

As for Samantha and Scooter.......well, they're cats and as long as there's food and water, they're happy. Gonna keep it short today but I'm back at it and will have more in the next post.

The News As I See It: A recent security purge by Facebook has unintentionally gotten rid of millions of "likes." Just think... all those wasted hours, wasted.

In New York, a Southwest Airlines pilot was arrested for having a loaded gun hidden in his carry-on bag. The pilot was fired from Southwest and immediately hired by United, so we’re all set now.

Door Dash is a food delivery service testing out a new method of delivery that uses robots to bring you your food. They’re offering it in California and Washington, D.C., right now. You use your app, you order food and a robot in some cases will bring it right to you. It even acts surprised when you answer the door naked. It’s an amazing technology.

Former White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest recently said that former President Obama is genuinely concerned about how things are going in the country. In fact, today there was just a hint of sadness in Obama's eye, as he swam up to the bar to smoke a cigarette and order another beer.

This Date In History: 1836; Texan army under Sam Houston defeated Mexicans in the Battle of San Jacinto. 1910; Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain), author of the novel Huckleberry Finn, died at the age of 74.

1918; Baron Manfred von Richthofen, the notorious World War I German flying ace known as the "Red Baron," was killed in action today. 1960; Brazil inaugurated its new capital, Brasilia. 1975; South Vietnamese President Nguyen Van Thieu resigned.

1980; Rosie Ruiz was the first woman to cross the finish line at the Boston Marathon. She was later disqualified for cheating. 1995; Timothy McVeigh was arrested in connection with the Oklahoma City bombing. 1997; The ashes of Timothy Leary, Gene Roddenberry, and 22 others blasted into space for the first space funerals.

Picture Of The Day: Here's Jimmy !

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I had a weird dream last night. I dreamed that God sneezed and I didn't know what to say. 2) She wanted to name her new baby boy, Greg. The doctor, who once worked as a Barista at Starbucks wrote down "Grork". 3) I've now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I put my glasses. 4) I smoke cigars occasionally. I don't know a lot about cigars. Yesterday, at a cigar store, the guy behind the counter says, "What kind of cigars do you want?" I said, "Uhhh...Give me a dozen 'Itsaboys'."  5) I once got into trouble on a date. I didn't open her car door. Instead, I just swam to the surface.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Taurus - April 21st: Minor changes to your driving style allows you to feel like you're a better driver. You're not, but it's the thought that counts. Today should be good for you but I wouldn't eat any seafood. Come to think of it, I wouldn't go near any, either.

Birthdays: Charlotte Brontë, novelist 1816, John Muir, naturalist 1838, Anthony Quinn, actor 1915, Queen Elizabeth II, English Monarch 1926, Tony Romo, football player 1980.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." The Italian says, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek says, "We had great Mathematicians." The Italian says, "We had the Roman Empire."

They went on and on, then the Greek says, "We invented sex." The Italian says, "That's true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."

An older woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of her old blue jeans. Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked her husband, "Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of the house?" Her husband replied,"No, dear, not at all. Our house isn't blue."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Two brothers, aged four and six, are talking and the six year old says, "You know, it's about time we started to swear." The four year old says "OK." The six year old says "From now on I'll say 'hell' and you say 'ass.'" The four year old says "OK."

So they go downstairs and their mother says "What would you boys like for breakfast?" The six year old says "Oh what the hell, I'll have corn flakes." WHACK! The kid goes flying across the room.

The mother turns to the four year old and asks "And what would YOU like for breakfast?" The four year old says "I don't know, but you can bet your sweet ass it's not corn flakes."

A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives to be civilized and kind to each other when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.

So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree." The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them both. The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way? The chief replied, "That my bike."

That's it for today, my little sweet potatoes. Remember,when the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More next week.

Stay Tuned !