There's a chance we can go from one president that had no qualifications for the job to another candidate who may not be qualified, as well. This amuses me to some extent. Moreover, how much worse can the new candidate do?
I'm not satisfied with any of the current democrat and republican candidates, nor the last two administrations. I am as dissatisfied with the republican congress as when it was held by democrats.
The bottom line, career politicians and neophytes are useless. We need to find someone who can help pull this country out of the toilet.
This morning, from somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohamed Omar, warned the United States and Canada that if military action is taken against Syria, Taliban authorities will cut off America's and Canada's only supply of convenience store managers.
If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Bell, Comcast and Visa customer service representatives. It's getting ugly.....
The News As I See It: According to a new poll, almost half of Florida voters think their own candidates, Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio, should drop out of the race. While the other half of Florida keeps asking what happened to Eisenhower.
A conservative super PAC just announced that they plan to spend $1 million on campaign ads attacking Donald Trump. Trump responded, "Make it $2 million and I'll star in them!"
In China, people are selling their kidney to buy an iPhone 6. What's going to happen when the iPhone 7 comes out?
Facebook - Why stop at "like" and "dislike?" I need more buttons to sum up the broad spectrum of emotions I feel while on Facebook. For instance, I'd like to see "eye roll" and "oh no you dit-ent" buttons.
This Date In History: 1759;
French Quebec surrendered to the British after the Sept. 13 battle on the Plains of Abraham, the last battle of the French and Indian Wars. French general Montcalm and British general Wolfe died in the fray. 1810;
Chile declared its independence from Spain.
1850;
Congress passed the Fugitive Slave Act, which required the return of escaped slaves to their owners.
1851;
The first edition of The New York Daily Times, which later became The New York Times, was published. 1947
The National Security Act, which unified the Army, Navy, and Air Force, was passed.
1961;
Secretary-General of the UN Dag Hammarskjold was killed in a plane crash in Northern Rhodesia (Zambia).
1970;
27-year-old rock star, Jimi Hendrix, died in London.
1999;
Sammy Sosa became the first player in major league baseball history to hit 60 homers in two seasons.
Picture Of The Day: The picture says it all.....
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you're probably holding the Taser wrong.
2) "Latte" is Latin for "You paid too much for that coffee." 3) Don't think you're immune. We're all just a whim away from singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight." Yes, a whim away...a whim away...a whim away. 4) Don't be afraid of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states. 5) Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I'm not sure what it means.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 18: Long walks, cold showers and playing with the puppies. All these will soon be a distant memory this week as you will receive a call to arms. Unfortunately, those arms belong to someone else, which could cause you physical pain if you accept the beckoning, luring embrace. Don't even think about those beautiful puppies.
Birthdays: Samuel Johnson, English author 1709, Joseph Story, jurist 1779, Leon Foucault, physicist 1819, Greta Garbo, actress 1905, Frankie Avalon, singer 1939, Lance Armstrong, cyclist and drug user 1971.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room.
Finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there." The doctor said calmly, "No, he'll quiet down when he gets to the poisons."
A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different.
Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan." The teacher asked, "Why aren't you an Obama fan?" Johnny said, "Because I'm a Independent."
The teacher asked him why he's an Independent. Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's an Independent and my Dad's an Independent, so I'm an Independent."
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Little Johnny's class was on a trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, "The 10 Most Wanted."
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. The policeman said, "Yes, the detectives want him very badly."
Little Johnny asked, while tugging on the man's belt, "Um, mister, why didn't you keep them when you took their pictures?"
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.
The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.
Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!" The man said, "No matter, observe!", and he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.
But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered round the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?" The Bishop sadly replied, "I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell."
That's it for today, my little gargoyles. Remember, don't make fun of old people. Making fun of some one's age is like mocking them for getting hit by a train because you're standing a little further down the same tracks. If I feel better, I'll be heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !
Univision reporter and immigration advocate Jorge Ramos jumped a line of reporters and began asking questions of Donald Trump. Trump told him to sit down because he had not been called to ask a question. Ramos persisted and Trump had him deported him from the venue.
Ramos claimed that he had a "right" to ask his question. No, he didn't. Ramos certainly had a "right" to wait in line with the other journalists at the event, and he might even have had a "right" to be vexed if he’d been obviously passed over.
But he certainly didn’t have a right to stand up and make a scene, nor to disrupt the proceedings for everybody else. Having a press credential in your pocket does not entitle you to behave like Code Pink.
So, just as people illegally cross the southern border daily without regard to the many people who go about applying for citizenship legally, Trump said, "Go back to Univision.
The liberal media, ABC, CBS and obviously NBC all reported that Ramos was singled out and some reporters seemed to object (citing the day when during a white house press conference, when a FOX News reoorter was snubbed.
Interestingly, ABC is owned by Disney who also owns Univision, who is being sued by Trump for breach of contract over Univision's decision not to air the Miss America pageant which Trump owns.
The News As I See It: It is rumored that the new iPhones are going to use facial recognition technology to unlock your phone. Of course, if you live in Los Angeles the iPhone will store up to six of your previous faces.
South Korea has agreed to stop broadcasting insulting propaganda over the North Korean border. They've agreed to stop doing it. They've also canceled their Comedy Central roast of Kim Jong Un.
A 108 year-old message in a bottle washed up on a beach in Europe. Actually, it wasn't a message, it was Larry King's to-do list.
This Date In History: 1847;
Liberia was proclaimed an independent republic.
1920;
The 19th Amendment giving women the right to vote went into effect.
1939;
The first televised major league baseball game was televised: a double-header between the Brooklyn Dodgers and the Cincinnati Reds.
1974;
Aviator Charles Lindbergh, the first man to fly solo, nonstop across the Atlantic, died.
1978;
John Paul I became Pope of the Roman Catholic Church. He died one month later.
Picture Of The Day: A gunman shot and killed news reporter 24-year-old Alison Parker and her 27-year-old photographer Adam Ward and shot another woman in Moneta, Virginia, this morning. The shooter, Vester Lee Flanagan of Roanoke, reportedly shot himself after authorities confronted him on Interstate 66
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Have you ever wondered why they use sterilized needles for lethal injections? 2) I've been holding my stomach in for about 3 years now, so don't talk to me about dedication. 3) A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been robbed and beaten yet. 4) Honk if you love Jesus and text while driving if you want to meet him.
5) I've been banned from a particular store that sells adjustable beds. I was lying on the bed when an attractive sales woman walked up and asked me what my favorite position was. I'm thinking I should have said "missionary" instead of "doggie style.".....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Leo - August 26th: Life can be as romantic as you wish to make it. Like the old saying goes, "A man with three fish has enough in his heart to help him build a picnic table." I have no idea what that means, but it's in the stars.
Birthdays: Antoine Laurent Lavoisier, chemist 1743, Peggy Guggenheim, art patron and collector 1898, Albert Sabin, physician and microbiologist 1906, Mother Teresa, Roman Catholic missionary 1910, Julio Cortázar, writer 1914, Macaulay Culkin, actor 1980.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: In the Olympic trials heat for the 200 meter Olympic women's breaststroke, eight women entered the race. After approximately 2 minutes and 10 seconds, the swimmer from Australia won the race. 5 seconds later, the swimmer from France was declared the second place finisher.
Nearly 40 minutes later, Rose, the blonde American swimmer finally completed the race. When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the breaststroke race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms."
I was walking down the road and saw my Afghanistan neighbor Abdul standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's wrong, Abdul? Won't it start?
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing and would therefore never have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about the missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is." The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?" Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!" The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
Little Johnny's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby.
Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors.
Johnny's father said, "Now, son, that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home." Little Johnny said, "I promise not to mention his ears at all."
At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby's hand He looked at it's mother and said, "Oh What a beautiful little baby." The mother said, "Thank you very much, Johnny."
Then Johnny said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Just look at his pretty little eyes. Did his doctor say that he can see well?"
The mother said "Why, yes Johnny, his doctor said he has 20/20 vision. Little Johnny said "Well, that's good, 'cause he sure as hell couldn't wear glasses!!"
That's it for today, my little kittens. Remember, if you take the Ginkgo, you might be able to remember where you put the Viagra, I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
Follow Jimmy's Journal on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.
More on Friday.
Stay Tuned !
