Fishin' With Dad On Lake Okeechobee

I was speaking with a friend of mine today about bass fishing and I recalled a time in the past when my father and I went fishing on the famous Lake Okeechobee in Florida. Mom and Dad had gone to the lake on vacation and he invited me to join them on the weekend.

When I arrived at the Lake on Friday evening, Dad was a bit down and told me that neither he or anyone else caught anything all week. He said that he told everyone that I was coming for the weekend and that we would catch some bass when I arrived. Although I know the Lake relatively well, that was quite a burden that he put on me and I hoped to live up to his expectations.

The first day, we headed out to a little spot I knew about and as I neared the spot, I turned off the boat motor and used the trolling motor to quietly approach a little break in the shoreline where water flowed into the main canal leading to the Lake itself.

As we glided into position, I turned the trolling motor off and reached to grab my rod when Dad yelled, "Got one!". Feeling happy for Dad, I netted his bass (about two pounds), put it on the stringer and reached to grab my rod and cast.

Suddenly, Dad yelled, "Got another one!". I put down my rod, netted his bass and put it on the stringer. Before I could even reach for my rod, Dad yelled again. "Another one!" I faithfully netted the bass, put it on the stringer and grabbed my rod.

After repeating this scene for three more bass (all within ten minutes), when Dad yelled for the sixth time, "Got one on!", I said "Great, get it in the boat and put him on the stringer. My turn to fish!" Dad just laughed.

We caught the limit (twenty bass) both Saturday and Sunday and Dad walked around that fish camp telling anyone that he could corner about how we "tore 'em up" on the Lake. I felt kind of proud of myself that I could make my Dad and Mom so happy.

Mom and Dad have since passed on but I can still fondly recall those good times in the past and especially that weekend on Lake Okeechobee.

The News As I See It: Next month, the movie "Titanic" will be re-released in 3-D. In this version, the captain doesn't see the iceberg coming because he's not wearing the special glasses.

The new iPad went on sale this week. The picture's so fantastic, you can see with amazing clarity just how obsolete the iPad you got for Christmas is.

A new study shows that 30 million China citizens live in caves. A spokesperson for the citizens said, "Hey, it beats making iPads."

A Massachusetts medical clinic is trying to entice men to get a vasectomy by offering a free pizza. The disturbing part is for both the pizza and the vasectomy, they use the same rolling wheel knife.

The Denver Broncos have signed Peyton Manning as their new quarterback. That means Tim Tebow may be traded. There's no telling where he'll end up — you know, like one of his passes. The question, "What would Jesus do?", has now been answered. He'd sign Peyton Manning.

A photo of a shirtless Rick Santorum lounging in a pool is circulating on the Internet. Ironically, the photo has proven to be a very effective form of birth control. Santorum wants to crack down on pornography. Most political analysts say it could hurt him with the "every man in America" vote.

Drug users in San Francisco have formed a drug users union. If you're in the drug users union and you pass the drug test, do they kick you out?

This Date In History: 1556; The Archbishop of Canterbury, Thomas Cranmer, was burned at the stake as a heretic. 1804; The French civil code, the Code Napoleon, was officially put forth. 1871; Journalist Henry M. Stanley began his trek to find the missionary and explorer David Livingstone.

1960; Police fired on demonstrators in Sharpeville, South Africa, after which the African National Congress was banned. 25 years later, a march marking the anniversary was also disrupted by police fire.

1963; Alcatraz Prison in San Francisco Bay, a harsh maximum security jail which once housed gangster Al Capone, closed. 1965; Martin Luther King, Jr., led the start of a civil rights march from Selma to Montgomery, Alabama.

2010; The House of Representatives passes a bill that will overhaul the American health-care system. The bill, called the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, will be sent to President Odumbo to sign into law.

Picture Of The Day: According to Dad, we "tore 'em up!"

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience." 2 Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Damn it Harry, you are an alcoholic! Damn it Harry, you have Lupus! One of those two doesn't sound right. 3) I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 300 houses....or two dumpsters.

4) I have a cheese-shredder, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, but now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips. 5) I find that a duck's opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread. A duck loves bread, but he does not have the capability to buy a loaf. Oh sure, if he works a few odd jobs he could afford bread but, other than Aflack and Walt Disney, who'd hire a duck?.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aries - March 21st: It's hump day and all will be well. Remember that there are two more days until the weekend, so don't overdo it tonight. If you do any grocery shopping today, keep in mind that animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same, except a skunk. Chance of romance is 83.52 percent with a slight chance of wind.

Birthdays: Johann S. Bach, German composer and organist 1685, Jean Baptiste Joseph Fourier, mathematician and physicist 1768, Benito Juarez, statesman 1806, Modest Mussorgsky, composer 1839, Florenz Ziegfeld, theatrical producer 1868, Phyllis McGinley, poet 1905, Matthew Broderick, actor 1962.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the damned wall!"

An old man (not me, Jack or Garnett) goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks his age. The old man says, "I'm 80 years old." The woman says, "80? Don't you realize you've had it?" The old man says, "Oh, sorry. How much do I owe you?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Morris wakes up in the morning. He has a massive hangover and can't remember anything he did last night. He picks up his bath robe from the floor and puts it on. He notices there's something in one of the pockets and it turns out to be a bra. He thinks "What the hell happened last night?"

He walks towards the bathroom and finds a pair of panties in the other pocket of his robe. Again he thinks "What happened last night, what have I done? Must have been a wild party". He opens the bathroom door, walks in and has a look in the mirror. He notices a little string hanging out of his mouth and his first thought is "Lord please let this be a teabag."

Matt's dad picked him up from school to take him to baseball practice. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part. Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. He said, "I play a man who's been married for twenty years." His father replied, "That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her. She pushed him away saying, "Maybe your other models let you kiss them, but I'm not that kind!"

The mad sadly uttered, "Actually, I've never tried to kiss a model before." The model, softening a bit, said, "Really? Well, how many models have there been?" The artist replied, "Four so far. A jug, two apples and a vase."

That's it for today, my little yearlings. Remember, there's no fool like an old fool, but the young ones are coming right along. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

Back In The Day - An Assortment Of Photographs

I've been going through all of my old pictures in an attempt to scan them into my computer before they crumble and disintegrate. Like most people who save pictures, mine usually sit in an album neatly tucked away in the closet. That is, of course, until I can trap someone into a corner and show them my album.

Everyone has their own rhyme or reason why they save pictures and I'm sure that every picture they save has a special place in their hearts or they would have discarded them. Unfortunately, most people don't want to look at your old pictures of Aunt Ethel or Grandfather James, unless they were naked.

Nevertheless, I'm posting some pictures today of "the good old days" before body parts began to fail or fall off. It's a hodgepodge array of different times when I was younger and the fun times I had. A few of them are of my fishing trips in the Florida Everglades with my Mom and Dad and other old fishing pals. The others are of those days at Disney World with Brother Kirt and family, when all the kids were young and the adults had the patience and ability to stand in those endless, beerless lines.

The News As I See It: The White House said they are working even harder now to try to find Osama bin Laden. In fact, they’ve put his picture on the side of cartons of goat’s milk. President Obozo met with the heads of all 16 intelligence agencies try to correct the intelligence failures surrounding the Christmas day bombing attempt. Unfortunately, two of the agencies were late and the CIA locked their keys in the car.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is under fire for discussing whether or not President Obama has a "Negro dialect." Reid is also in trouble for saying Joe Lieberman "talks all Moses-y." Reid spent most of the day on the phone apologizing to prominent Black leaders. Later, at a press conference, he said, "I hope this doesn't leave a black mark on my record." That may explain why Reid is the majority leader and not the minority leader.

NBC has it's share of woes as it tries to decide what to do with Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno. In the interim, it will use some pilots to fill the 10 p.m. time slot. They are talking about bringing back "All in the Family," with Harry Reid as Archie Bunker. Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the Nigerian asshole who ignited his underwear in a failed attempt to blow up a jet landing in Detroit, plead not guilty to six federal charges, while his testicles pled guilty in absentia.

And finally, Tiger Woods has not been seen since Thanksgiving. He's so hard to find, people are speculating that he may be working in customer service at Home Depot.

This Date In History: 1898; French writer Emile Zola published his "J'Accuse" letter, accusing the French of a cover-up in the Alfred Dreyfus treason case. 1941; Novelist James Joyce died in Zurich. 1990; Douglas Wilder of Virginia became the first elected Black governor in the United States.

1999; Michael Jordan announced his second retirement from the NBA. He would "unretire" again in 2001. 2002; After 17,162 performances, The Fantasticks ended its almost 42-year off-Broadway run. 2004; Joseph Darby, a U.S. soldier at Iraq's Abu Ghraib prison, reported U.S. abuses of Iraqi prisoners to the Army's Criminal Investigations Division..

Picture Of The Day: One of the old pictures that I found was taken by a client who I stopped to see in my brand new Chevrolet Monte Carlo. There are more of these old pictures on my Facebook site if you are a glutton for punishment. You can access the site by clicking the Facebook logo on my sidebar.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Archaeologists in Egypt now say it’s not true that the pyramids were built by slaves. They say the pyramids were built by paid workers. You know how they financed it? A pyramid scheme 2) I have yet to figure out why someone believes you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet. 3) Money can't buy happiness but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai. 4) My cat, Possum, is one of the few who I amaze on a daily basis. 5) I wonder who was the first person to think one day, "I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of that chicken's ass.".....and that's five !

Birthdays: Jan van Goyen, landscape painter 1596, Salmon P. Chase, public official and jurist 1808, Horatio Alger, American writer 1832, Elmer Davis, radio commentator 1890, Gwen Verdon, dancer, actor 1925, Charles Nelson Reilly, actor, theater director 1931, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, actress 1961, Patrick Dempsey, actor 1966, Orlando Bloom, actor 1977.
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The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: An old man and his wife went to the doctor's office and the doctor asked the man for a blood, urine, and feces sample. The old man was slightly deaf and said, ''What?'' Again, the doctor said, ''I need a blood, urine and feces sample." The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear, ''Murray, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear!''

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and, with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, "What's your name?" The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."

The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name." The man said, "I will not change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old. I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."

The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years. You will never go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis Van Lesbian. I`m telling you, you will have to change your name, or I will not be able to represent you." The man said, "So be it! I guess we will not do business together," and he left the agent's office.

Five years later the agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck. Who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed.

Dear Sir,

Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood. You told me to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis Van Lesbian.

After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice.

Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Vivian for her contribution to today's stories.

The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids. The teams performance soars. They win the county and state championship until one day they are favored to win the nationals easily. The coach decides to have a meeting with each athlete before the nationals to discuss strategy.

Penelope, a sixteen year old hurdler visits her coach and says, "Coach, I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest." The coach says, "What? How far down does it go?" Penelope replies, "Down to my balls. That's something else I want to talk to you about."

A lady is golfing with some friends. After sinking her first putt, she's on her way down the path to the second tee when she gets stung by a bee. She rushes the short distance back to the clubhouse, hoping to find a doctor. She bumps into the resident golf pro.

The pro says, "What can I help you with?" The woman tells him she's been stung by a bee. The pro asks, "Oh really, where?" The lady replies, "Between the first and second hole." The golf pro says, "Well, first of all, your stance to way too wide!"

A woman goes to a surgeon to get rid of her wrinkles. He tells her there is a new invention called "the knob" that gets installed in the back of the head. Any time you get more wrinkles, just turn the knob to tighten up the skin. She has it installed and everything is great for a year.

Then one day she comes back to the surgeon and complains about the bags under her eyes. He says "Let me take a look." The surgeon looks and says,"Those aren't bags, those are your boobs!" The woman replies. "Well, I guess that explains the goatee!"

That's it for today my little carrier pigeons. Remember, if you lived in your car, you'd be home by now. As soon as I finish defrosting my testicles, I'm going to AREA 51 for Happy Hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !