Remember The Veterans !

The USS West Virginia

On December 7th, 1941, the nation of Japan made the fatal mistake of bombing Pearl Harbor killing 2,402 and injuring 1,402 Americans. This deliberate action woke a sleeping giant and Japan surrendered in defeat after two atomic bombs were dropped on the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945.

Please take the time today to remember the dead and wounded in this devastating attack and remember the heroes, both past and present of the United States armed forces.

The USS Arizona

Shades of Deja Vu: Wednesday's journal detailed Forbes 11 financial "death spiral" states and I mentioned that I was surprised that Michigan was not on the list due to the failing ghetto cities of Detroit and Lansing. Last evening, Michigan passed the right-to-work law (which prevents unions from forcing workers to join the union) making it the 24th state in the nation to pass this type of law.

Democrats are complaining that the law was passed by a lame-duck legislature in the "dark of night". Yeah, exactly the same way the democrats passed Obamacare. What goes around, comes around.....

The News As I See It: In Washington, Obama met with leaders of the American Indian tribes and they honored the president by giving him his own Indian name: "Running Deficit." Native Americans are understandably very upset. This country used to belong to them. Now it belongs to the Chinese, so the Indian tribes are furious about that. There was one really awkward moment with the American Indians. In the middle of the meeting, Joe Biden walked in wearing a Redskins jersey.

Mercedes is developing technology to let you look at Facebook on your car windshield. It's perfect for everyone who wants to get hit by an oncoming 18-wheeler.

McDonald's just announced that it's bringing back the McRib later this month or as the Mayans put it, "Hey, we tried to warn you."

Hugh Hefner is engaged. Hefner is 86 years old and his fiancée, Crystal, is 26 years old. It's one of those May-December things. He may not make it until December. Hugh is ready for the honeymoon, though. He is already hooked up to a Cialis drip. Police are already ruling it a suicide.

The CEO of the Olive Garden blames his company's low profits on Obamacare – which is odd because most people won't eat at the Olive Garden until they have health insurance.

The International Olympic Committee has stripped India of its right to participate in the games. In response, India said, "Fine, just try logging on to your computers now."

Hanukkah begins this Saturday. As you know, Hanukkah is the Jewish holiday that lasts for eight different spellings.

This Date In History: 1787; Delaware became the first state to ratify the U.S. Constitution. 1917; The U.S. declared war on Austria-Hungary in World War I. 1941; The Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor.

1972; America's final moon mission, Apollo 17, blasted off from Cape Canaveral. 1975; Indonesia invaded East Timor, leading to a 25-year occupation. 1988; A 6.9 magnitude earthquake hit Armenia, killing 25,000.

2001; Taliban forces fled from Kandahar, their last stronghold in Afghanistan. 2002; Iraq formally declared to the UN that it had no weapons of mass destruction. 2004; Hamid Karzai was sworn in as Afghanistan's first popularly elected president.

Picture Of The Day: Yep, it's a lovely picture during courtship except that once the lioness is out of heat and pregnant, the male disappears leaving mom to take care of the kids.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, call them up later when you’re drunk. 2) If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons. 3) You may think that the human race is advanced, but when was the last time you saw a monkey worrying about his finances? 4) With Obama's economy taking us down the tubes, some people can no longer afford doctors. Here's a tip: Just go to an airport. You'll get a free x-ray and breast exam and if you mention al-Qaeda, you'll get a free colonoscopy. 5) If having dogs has taught me anything, it's how to eat cookies very quietly.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Sagittarius - December 5th: Feel free to share your inner-most secrets with your family and friends. They will adore you for your honesty and may only exclude you from everything they say or do for the next year or two. Seek solace in the bosom of a loved one. If your loved one has a particularly ample bosom, be aware that there might be others already in there. Help the smaller ones.

Birthdays: Richard Warren Sears, merchant 1863, Willa Cather, novelist 1873, Ted Knight, actor 1923, Noam Chomsky, educator and linguist 1928, Ellen Burstyn, actress 1932, Harry Chapin, songwriter, singer 1942, Reginald Lewis, business leader 1942, Tom Waits, songwriter, singer, actor 1949, Larry Bird, basketball player 1956, Aaron Carter, singer 1987.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who are you look" and couldn't remember ever having seen her before.

Noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. She said, "Look, I'm really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children" and walked out of the store.

The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is going on? An attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children?" Then he got a little panicky. He didn't remember her, but maybe during one of the wild parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child!

He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in college and then we got really drunk and had wild crazy sex on the pool table in front of everyone?"

With a horrified look on her face, she answered, "No, I'm your son's second grade teacher."

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.

He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?" She said. "I love it, but I have to stop eating it." He asked, "Why?"  She pointed to her lap and said, "Because I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"

He said, "Let me see." she said, "Okay" and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken."

He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too! "

She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her. She said, "Oh, my God, It's too late for you. You've already got the neck and the gizzards!"

"No, I said there's a lion behind you!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?" Nancy replied tearfully without looking up, "My goldfish died and I've just buried him."

The concerned neighbor asked, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fricking cat."

Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, "Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?" Grandpa looks at him and says, "No Johnny, I will not." Little Johnny asks, "But Grandpa, why?" Grandpa replies, "Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you always have to write to the same person."

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little girl to do the first test. She blindfolded her, put a Hershey kiss in her mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?" The little girl answered, "No, I don't."

The teacher said, "Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your mom before he goes to work." Suddenly, from the back of the room, Little Johnny yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass."

That's it for today, my little buttercups. Remember, be aware of the fact that someone has been inviting a lot of old people to class reunions. I'm going to AREA 51 and see what's happening.

That's it for now. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

December 7th - 1941

On Dec 7, 1941, the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, killing more than 2,300 soldiers and civilians and injuring many more. The unprovoked attack woke up a sleeping giant and came to an end in 1945 when Japan surrendered to America after two devastating H-bomb drops on the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Today is a day to remember the men and women, both past and present, of our armed forces.

In Politics: I'm amazed that no one in the Obama administration or the Department of Justice were aware of Operation Fast and Furious. Obama didn't know, the Attorney General didn't know, Homeland Security didn't know....yet it has come to light that everyone received email and memorandums on the subject. I wonder how much longer the public will stand for these lying, corrupt bastards? Where are the snipers when you need one?

The News As I See It: Obama is getting some flak for his planned 17-day Christmas vacation. That's a long time, 17 days. I mean, even Mary and Joseph only took the day off for Christmas.

Herman Cain has suspended his presidential campaign, but he has asked the Secret Service if they could continue to provide him protection until his wife cools off.

Due to the bad economy, the Queen of England’s salary will be frozen for the next four years. In fact, to make ends meet the queen is thinking of having a yard sale and getting rid of a lot of stuff they don't use anymore, like Canada.

Occupy Wall Street protesters were in the dairy department at the grocery store today protesting the 1 percent milk.

This Date In History: 1787; Delaware became the first state to ratify the U.S. Constitution. 1917; The U.S. declared war on Austria-Hungary in World War I. 1941; The Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. 1972; America's final moon mission, Apollo 17, blasted off from Cape Canaveral.

1975; Indonesia invaded East Timor, leading to a 25-year occupation. 1988; A 6.9 magnitude earthquake hit Armenia, killing 25,000. 2001; Taliban forces fled from Kandahar, their last stronghold in Afghanistan.

2002; Iraq formally declared to the UN that it had no weapons of mass destruction. 2004; Hamid Karzai was sworn in as Afghanistan's first popularly elected president.

Picture Of The Day: The tragedy of Pearl Harbor was a major mistake by Japan. The first law of the jungle is not to screw with a sleeping giant. Two atomic bombs later, the point was effectively made.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Alcohol was illegal in this country from 1919 to 1933. So for 14 long years, not a single person sang karaoke. 2) Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies. 3) My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That's what happens when you haven't been home in eighteen years. 4) If you are asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants. 5) The kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to a man with rugged, masculine features. If she is menstruating, however, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Sagittarius - December 7th: It's hump day so let your hair down and have a good time tonight. Dinner and a date might not be a bad idea. Chance of romance is high but beware of slightly scattered cold showers.

Birthdays: Richard Warren Sears, merchant 1863, Willa Cather, novelist 1873,
Ted Knight, actor 1923, Noam Chomsky, educator and linguist 1928, Ellen Burstyn, actress 1932, Harry Chapin, songwriter, singer 1942, Reginald Lewis, business leader 1942, Tom Waits, songwriter, singer, actor 1949, Larry Bird, basketball player 1956, Aaron Carter, singer 1987.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" The smirking male clerk replied, "One kiss per yard." The girl said, "That's fine. I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package, pointed to a little old man standing beside her, smiled and said. "Grandpa pay the man."

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?" The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?" The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?" The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?" The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!" The woman gave the officer her license.

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen." The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" The priest replies, "Just water, officer." The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

A group of friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to go ask the friars to get out of business. They ignored her.

So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacMurphy, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, the friars did so.

The Moral of the Story: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars !

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly, she spotted the most beautiful car that she had ever seen, and walked over to inspect it. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escaped. Embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed and hoped a sales person didn't pop up right now.

But, as she turned back, there, standing next to her, was a salesman. With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Ma'am, if you farted simply from touching it, you're gonna shit when you hear the price."

That's it for today my little ducklings. Remember, the tea kettle, though up to its neck in hot water, continues to sing. Happy hour in AREA 51 should be fun tonight. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !