The Cat's Ass Trophy: You Make The Call !

The Nascar Talledega 500 was run on Sunday and if you didn't see the race, you missed one mell of a hess. To give you an idea of what it's like, imagine yourself in bumper to bumper, three abreast, traffic on the expressway doing 55 miles per hour on a 500 mile trip. Now, turn off your air-conditioner and speed up to nearly 200 miles per hour. That's how it is!

The final laps of the race was a nail biter and culminated in near catastrophe. On the last lap, race leader Carl Edwards, driving the number 99 car was turned by race winner Brag Keselowski while driving toward the finish and went airborne into the retaining fence. Fortunately, the fence did its job and no one in the crowd was seriously injured. After his wreck, Edwards emerged from his burning wreck uninjured, sprinted the final few yards to the finish line and received a standing ovation from the cheering crowd.

The race was remnant of the 1987 wreck at the same speedway when Bobby Allison blew a left rear tire and went airborne into the retaining fence. The Allison crash prompted Nascar to introduce restrictor plates on the carburetors to lower the top speeds of the race cars, This is the first similar incident since Allison's 1987 crash.

Author's Note You may want to turn off the playlist sound to hear the video commentary.

The Cat's Ass Trophy: You Make The Call

The natives were restless last week and the Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT) Award had many nominees. After discussing the nominees with my co-judge, Possum (aka Shithead, my cat), we were unable to decide who deserved the CAT Award. We then made the decision to let you, the faithful readers of Jimmy's Journal, decide who is most deserving of the Cat's Ass Trophy. The nominees are:

1) Barack Obama, for his ignorant request to Georgetown University to "cover all of the Georgetown University signage and symbols behind Gaston Hall stage" for his speech there. The signage included the monogram “IHS,” an abbreviation for Jesus’ name.

2) Georgetown University, for acquiescing to Obama's demands and not having the balls to tell him to go to hell.

3) Nancy Pelosi, who stuttered and slobbered all over herself while lying that she had never been made aware of or advised of waterboarding. But when confronted with the evidence that she did indeed know, evidence, including a 2007 article referencing a hour long briefing in 2002 where she and three others were told of the waterboarding and given a tour of the detention facility, she used the tried and true excuse, “Well…But” the CIA didn’t tell me they would really use it!

4) Enrique Gonzalez, a 26-year-old Fresno, California father who held down his seven year old son while another man tattooed his belly with a street gang sign. Gonzalez faces six charges including mayhem, child abuse, false imprisonment, battery, participating in a criminal street gang and committing a crime for the benefit of a gang.

5) Miguel Angel Rodriguez, a 20-year-old Albany, New York father who shoplifted more than $1,000 worth of games in his two year old stepdaughter's stroller while pushing the child through a video store. Rodriguez was charged with attempted grand larceny and acting in a manner injurious to a child.

These are the nominees for the CAT Award for last week. You make the call.

This Date In History: 1296; Edward I defeats the Scots at the Battle of Dunbar during the Scottish Wars of Independence. 1521; Ferdinand Magellan, the first man to circumnavigate the globe, is killed in the Philippines. 1828; London Zoo opens in Regent’s Park. 1961; Sierra Leone gains independence from Britain.

Picture Of The Day: The Talladgega 500 dominates today's pictures and these are only a few of the many photographs of the final lap of the race. I've seen some pretty big wrecks in my time and this one rates right up among the worst crashes. Thankfully, Nascar has come up with many measures that protect the drivers and the public from injury. I would assume that there will be some new measures that will come to pass as a result of Sunday's crash.

Birthdays: My daughter, Jeannette - Happy Birthday baby! 19XX, My beautiful pal, Cari, - Happy Birthday, my love 19XX, Samuel Morse, American artist and inventor 1791, Ulysses S. Grant, American general and 18th president of the United States 1822, Walter Lantz, American animator and creator of my pal, Woody Woodpecker. 1900, Cecil Day Lewis, poet and novelist 1904.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I've learned that change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 2) Watching the local news on Saturday morning after my Friday post about Craigslist, I was amused to see that the top story was coverage of a prostitute sting in Miami. They were answering "masseuse" ads from Craigslist. 3) My ex-wife didn't suffer from stress, but she was a carrier. 4) I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. 5) I accept the fact that some days I'm the pigeon, and some days I'm the statue.

My pal, Julie suggested that members of Congress should be compelled to wear uniforms just like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men......" The husband turned to his wife and said, "What did you say?"

When Georgie Dubya was president, Donald Rumsfeld was briefing him in the Oval Office. Rumsfeld says, "Oh and finally, sir, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq today." Bush goes pale, his jaw hanging open in stunned disbelief. He buries his face in his hands and mutters, "This is terrible news!" Bush then turns aside to Vice President Dick Cheney and whispers, "Dick, how many is a brazillion?"

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, eating a snack cake, while her dad gets his haircut. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." The little girls says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs, too."

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man says to the dentist, "Doctor, I'm in a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this sure is a very brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain." So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?" The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and show the doctor which tooth hurts."

That's it for today my little cheese doodles. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !