The Sky Is Falling, The Sky Is Falling !

The Swine Flu. To the uninformed, you'd think that Armageddon has arrived, especially if you listen to the daily news, and especially CNN. The phrase "I don't want to panic anyone" must have been muttered a hundred times this week by broadcasters. Hey, if you don't want the masses to panic, quit auto-suggesting it every five minutes.

Overkill? As an example and per CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer on the Tuesday 4:00 pm Situation Room, "the Swine Flu is 'racing' across America." Uh, Wolf? If the swine flu could possibly become a pandemic and is "racing across America" with less than 100 confirmed cases, how would you describe 12 million illegal aliens entering the United States? A lightspeed epidemic?

The Swine Flew? Before you get all atwitter about the Swine flu, keep in mind that an average of 36,000 people die every year from common influenza. The Swine flu will affect the infirmed, senior citizens and children more than anyone else. Although this particular strain is also affecting ages 5 through 35 as well, it makes excellent sense to use all precautions. The current consensus of most doctors however, is that the flu will run its course with or without seeing a doctor. Common sense, avoiding public places and good health habits such as washing one's hands often, are normally all one needs to do to avoid the "pending doom" of the Swine Flu.

As statistics go, the Swine flu only ranks 15th on the scale of how one can die in Mexico. The number one statistic is the "bullet flu," followed closely by the "hostage for ransom flu." Montezuma's revenge was not included in the study as it is accepted as a "given" when visiting Mexico.

Congratulations to the White House assholes who ordered an Air Force One jet to fly at low level over New York City, accompanied by an Air Force F-16 fighter, so that they could get a photo-op. The leadership must have really thought this one out well and I assume it never dawned on them that there was a similar incident that took place on SEPTEMBER 11, 2001.

My thinking is that it was probably that dufus, Vice-President Joe Biden, who probably stole the keys to the family Air Force One jet and took it on a joy ride, pretending to be the president. As for the photo-op, after a two year campaign for the presidency and all of the tricks and ruses they learned during that period, one might think that they might have just used photoshop and imprinted Air Force One over the Statue of Liberty. It's not like they haven't used photoshop before.

Aside from the obvious panic that it caused, the chance of injuring many people and the obvious ramifications could have been far worse. Fortunately, people used care in evacuating the buildings. Obama, in a new conference, said he had no prior knowledge of the orders and learned about it at the same time everyone else did. Way to be in charge, Barry!

The Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT) Award had many responses and judging from your comments, Enrique Gonzalez, the 26-year-old Fresno, California father who held down his seven year old son while another man tattooed his belly with a street gang sign qualified him as the number one asshole.

I thought the overall opinion was that most of the nominees were in a position to be nominated again in the future and Gonzalez's ignorant actions warranted the top spot. The CAT Award goes to Enrique Gonzalez. With any luck, maybe a group of his future cellmates will hold hm down and tattoo a gang sign on his johnson.

This Date In History: 1429; Joan of Arc leads a French army into the besieged city of Orléans and thereafter is known as the Maid of Orléans. 1980; Alfred Hitchcock, best known for psychological suspense films such as Psycho, dies aged 80. 1984; Britain announces that its administration of Hong Kong will cease in 1997, when it will return the colony to China. 1992; One of the worst riots in American history erupts in Los Angeles, California, when a jury acquits four white police officers of beating black motorist Rodney King.

Picture Of The Day: I was fortunate to acquire these select pictures of cases of the Swine flu which is "racing across America." These detailed and grizzly pictures were taken around Mexico and the Southwestern United States.

The Obama administration is considering a nation-wide vaccine for the Swine Flu. The vaccine, which could be ready in as early as six months, would be administered for an influenza that will runs its individual course in seven days. The side effects of such a vaccine is Guillain-Barre syndrome (GBS) affecting the immune system and often resulting in death. Personally, I'll take my chances with the Swine Flu.

Birthdays: Alexander II, emperor of Russia 1818, William Randolph Hearst, American publisher 1863, Duke Ellington, American jazz musician 1899, Hirohito, emperor of Japan 1901, Zubin Mehta, Indian-born conductor 1936.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. 2) The caliber of the "customer service" telephone employee seems to be dropping drastically, especially with banks and cable companies. While it's better than being "shipped" to India to resolve a problem, I find it a bit disconcerting when the "voice" behind the phone either butchers the English language or doesn't understand it very well. 3) Although you might find this difficult to believe, I occasionally go off on a rant. 4) I once shot Brother Kirt in the ass with a BB rifle. 5) I've found that I can have the body of a twenty-five year old, providing I buy her a few drinks first.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed. He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the traffic camera flashed yet again. He tried a fourth time with the same result. The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

My thanks to my pal, Garnett, for the following ditty:

During a commercial airline flight an Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible. The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related paraphernalia.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!" Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.

The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed, "And all these years, I've been chewing gum."

An big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him.

She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. The nurse said, "No, I'm sorry, but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."

The attorney began complaining and insulting the nurse, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out! He continues cursing at the nurse as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After a half hour, the man's doctor comes into the room and says "What's going on here?" The attorney snottily answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken before?" After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Not with a carnation."

That's it for today my little piglets. Today's Hump Day and AREA 51 is my destination for happy hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !