A Television Commercial Done My Way !

Today's television commercials might be a little easier to swallow and possibly generate more revenue if they were made just a tad more believable. It seems that each day, another commercial comes on and at it's finish, you sit there saying to yourself, "Yeah...right! That'll probably happen!

One commercial in particular is the ad for Brinks Home Security. It depicts a young woman whose husband has just left the house and as she turns to do something in the dark house, an intruder breaks into the home. The woman screams loudly, the alarm goes off and the intruder bolts and runs into the night. Before she can even get to the phone, it begins to ring. Lo and behold, it's Brinks telling the woman that they've detected a break-in. The woman says someone broke into the house and Brinks responds by telling her they are notifying the police. Sign me up, guys!

What I imagine would happen differs slightly from the commercial and it goes like this........

Fade In: A woman is sitting in the family room watching a sitcom while drinking a glass of wine. She texts her husband for the fifth time in an hour asking him, "Where in the hell are you?" She finally receives a text from her husband stating that his business meeting is running longer than expected, but he expects to be finished soon.

After making several calls to the local bars to see if her husband is there, she goes to the kitchen for another glass of wine. In the interim, her phone rings and it's her mother-in-law asking what she is going to buy her husband for father's day. This reminds the woman that her twelve year old son has been very quiet in his room, suggesting that he is either building a bomb with his science lab kit or has discovered himself.

Returning to kitchen after checking on her son, she pours herself another glass of wine and notices that the frying pan on the stove would be a perfect adornment for her husband's head if and when he finally came home. Fuming, she sits down in her recliner, armed with the frying pan in one hand and her glass of wine in the other hand.

Suddenly, the sliding glass door opens and an intruder comes in. As he sees the woman get up and come toward him, he turns to run, ducking the flying frying pan that whizzes past his head breaking the sliding glass door. He escapes through the broken door and runs into the night.

The woman goes to the kitchen and grabs a butcher knife, thinking she'll take care of the intruder herself if he dares to return. She stops to pour herself another glass of wine and returns to the family room and waits to see if the intruder comes back.

She considers taking her new pair of handcuffs out to use on the intruder, but decides against it reasoning it would break up her sado-masochistic gift package she bought for her husband for father's day. She thinks, "What's a whip, black boots and a mask without handcuffs?" The woman falls asleep in the chair.....

She is awakened about an hour later when the phone rings. It's Brinks Home Security and the man on the line says, "Senorita, I tink sum one, they break ina you house...Is sumsing ron?"

Fade To Black........

It's a big auto racing weekend with the Indianapolis 500 and the Charlotte 600 scheduled for Sunday. The Indy race will be run Sunday afternoon and the Charlotte 600 will be run Sunday night. Both races should be great.

The recent publicity about "Cougars" amuses me as they have long existed, along with their male counterparts commonly known as lechers, since the beginning of time. As a young man, I always preferred the company of older women. So here's to you Mrs. Robinson, keep up the good work!

This Date In History: 1455; England's 30-year Wars of the Roses begin with King Henry VI's Lancastrian forces defeated by the Yorkists in the Battle of St Albans. 1939; German dictator Adolf Hitler and Italian dictator Benito Mussolini sign the "Pact of Steel", establishing a military alliance between their countries. 1972; Richard Nixon becomes the first US president to visit the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR).

Picture Of The Day: I need to really consider my daily subject matter and the difficulties finding pictures to compliment the stories. Today's thoughts were borne while watching the commercial and I thought it would be humorous to recreate my own story.

Finding suitable pictures, however, was a task in and of itself. It's too bad today's story wasn't about the women of Playboy magazine.

Birthdays: Richard Wagner, composer, conductor, and essayist 1813, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, British writer and doctor, famous as the creator of the most celebrated detective in the history of fiction, Sherlock Holmes 1859, Sir Laurence Olivier, actor, producer, and director 1907, Jean Tinguely, sculptor 1925.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I remember when I was married, my wife sometimes would not cook dinner because she couldn't find the can opener. 2) Been there, done that, can't remember most of it. 3) No one in my high school physical education class ever washed his sneakers. 4) I remember when you actually had to use both hands to eat a Burger King Whopper. 5) My special Mrs. Robinson was an author and writer.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Leroy was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, Tyrone, sitting at his bed side. Leroy asked his brother how his wife was and Tyrone replied, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you."

Leroy thought to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" and said with trepidation, "Well what did you name them?" Tyrone replied, "I named the little girl Denise." Leroy, relieved, said, "That's a very pretty name! What did you come up with for my son?" Tyrone replied, "Denephew."

The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!" and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate. The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."

Ben went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the his wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. Ben picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.

In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight. The mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife said, ''What are we going to do?'' 'Ben said, ''Nothing, the lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
That's it for today my little pedal pushers. I'm off to AREA 51 to see what's happening. Have a safe and great Memorial Day weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !