You Rang?

Well, I received my new 3G cell phone yesterday. It's an LG Vu and I have no idea how it works. It has television and Internet access, you can download Mp3 songs to it like an I-Pod and you can plug it into your computer to download music and photographs. So far, the only thing I can do is turn it on and make phone calls.

It has a touch screen and one of the first things that I did was accidentally call Bum%#!&, Egypt or some other godforsaken place. I don't even know anyone in Egypt. Every time I touched a help button, the stupid phone went online.

The main reason I got the new phone was that it has a larger screen, a better camera and takes longer videos. Since I have been with AT&T for over 20 years, I paid nothing for the phone and I got all the accessories free, as well. As I began assembling the phone, the first thing I noticed was that the car charger was not the correct one and later on it took me a number of attempts to explain and correct the problem with AT&T.

Instead of a manual, they sent me a CD to explain how to operate the phone. So I sat there yesterday, like a monkey humping a football, trying to figure out how to make the damned thing work. Logically, one should watch the CD completely and then work with the phone, but logic sometimes has a way interrupting the way I do things.

It dawned on me during yesterday's lesson in cell phone 101 that just about the time I master the use of my current phone, I get a new one and begin remembering all of my favorite curse words. My "old" phone works perfectly well and realistically, the only reason I got the new phone was for the camera.

Like everything else, I'll get the hang of it sooner or later and hopefully you'll at least see some better pictures of my exploits in AREA 51. We'll see.....

My other task today (besides possibly going to AREA 51) is to go get my new tag, which entails standing in line for an hour. It's a pleasure watching the tag agency employees gossip with each other as they do their job at a pace that makes a snail look like it's driving a corvette. I can't wait.......

If I haven't stopped by your journal lately, please forgive me. The past two weeks have been rather hurried and I hope to make my way around J-Land by the weekend.

This Date In History: 1506; Christopher Columbus dies in poverty in Spain. 1927; US aviator Charles Lindbergh takes off from New York in his single-engine aircraft Spirit of St. Louis heading to Paris, France. 1969; US and South Vietnamese troops capture Hamburger Hill after one of the bloodiest battles of the Vietnam War. 1980; In a referendum, the largely French-speaking province of Quebec votes to remain part of Canada.

Picture Of The Day: Cell phones (what else?) are today's theme and I had some problems finding anything remotely interesting. I do like the ones I was able to find and I hope you enjoy them as well.

Birthdays: Honoré de Balzac novelist 1799, John Stuart Mill, philosopher-economist 1806, James Stewart, American actor, born in Indiana, Pennsylvania, known for his distinctive drawl and endearing sincerity 1908, Moshe Dayan, Israeli general and statesman 1915.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I've always wondered why psychics have to ask you for your name. 2) I abhor waiting in line.....any line! After my service with the U.S. Army, I swore I would never wait in line again and for the most part, I don't. 3) The new politically correct way to say he or she has "been around" is a "previously enjoyed companion." 4) Sister Jeanne used to have a horse named Rocky. While visiting the ranch one day, she let me take him for a ride. Rocky took me for a ride, wouldn't stop and tried to knock me off him by running under low hanging branches. When I was able to stop and dismount the horse, I left him standing right in his tracks and walked back. Sister Jeanne wasn't pleased but apologized saying, "I forgot to tell you that Rocky was jealous of other men." 5) Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax,,,, Oh Crap...!" Then silence.

Soon, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of very hot coffee and she spilled it in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on it's final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto".

The Captain forgets to switch off the intercom and the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, whatcha gonna do in Toronto?" The skipper says, "First I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap. Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge boobs out for dinner. Then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and make love to her all night."

Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle trying to get a look at the new stewardess. Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane. She's so embarrassed that she starts to run to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes. The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta take a sh*t first."

That's it for today my little dewdrops. I'm not real sure if AREA 51 is in my plans for tonight as I'm still recovering somewhat from the weekend. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !