The Daytona 500 - Video And Pictures

It was a great Nascar weekend and Jaime McMurray won the Daytona 500 in a fantastic green-white-checkered finish with hard charging Dale Earnhardt Jr finishing in second place and Greg Biffle capturing third place. It was an emotional win for McMurray who lost his ride with Rousch Racing last year when Nascar mandated that teams cut to a maximum of four cars.

The race was red flagged twice for more than two hours while officials repaired a pot hole in the track. The finish was the first test of NASCAR's new policy of green-white-checkered finishes, allowing for up to three overtime periods. McMurray led only the final two laps in the No. 1 Bass Pro Shop Chevrolet -- the fewest number of laps led by a Daytona 500 winner in the 52-year history of the race. And his team co-owner Chip Ganassi now joins Roger Penske as owners with wins in both the Indianapolis 500 and the Daytona 500.

Here's the two lap finish. There is an additional video at Jimmys Journal - The Original of Dale Earnhardt Jr's flip and crash during Saturday's Nationwide race. You can see the video at this link: http://jimmysjournal-theoriginal.blogspot.com/

(Note: Go to the left sidebar and mute the music playlist).

In Saturday's Nationwide season-opening race, Tony Stewart won for the fifth time in his last six tries. Carl Edwards finished second, Kevin Harvick third, Justin Allgaier fourth and Brian Vickers fifth. Danica Patrick, who raced well and finished sixth in her ARCA debut three days earlier, was involved in an early crash. She was running in the middle of the pack when several cars wrecked in front of her, and Patrick tried to duck low to avoid them. But she couldn't dodge everything, slammed into the outside wall, and then spun through the grass and did not finish.

The News As I See It: Members of the Senate are considering a tax on face lifts and cosmetic surgery. When they brought it up, you should have seen the look that Nancy Pelosi's face tried to make. Washington D. C. still has tons of snow and the city has come to the biggest standstill they've had since the Democrats got the supermajority.

Former Miami Dolphins Coach Jimmy Johnson is now the spokesperson for Extenze, a penis-enlarging scam product currently facing many civil suits and being investigated for false advertising and fraud. You would think it would be embarrassing to shill for a non-FDA approved herbal "male enhancement" remedy. Apparently, Jimmy Johnson doesn't think so. I wonder if he's broke or something? Then again, Jimmy Johnson has never had any class, so it's really not a major change for him.

Now that we know that Jimmy Johnson's johnson is a teeny-weenie, reports now say about one in 200 men who take Viagra report blurry vision, a side effect that rarely occurs with Levitra or Cialis. Some Viagra users also experience blue or green tinted vision which can be permanent. Now that's all we need. Horny old men walking around with an enlarged johnson on Viagra who see the world through blurry emerald-colored glasses.

This Date In History: 1764; St. Louis, Mo., was founded as a French fur-trading post. 1879; President Rutherford Hayes signed a bill allowing female attorneys to argue cases before the Supreme Court. 1898; USS Maine blew up in Havana harbor, touching off the Spanish-American War. 1913; The New York Armory Show opened, introducing America to Picasso, Duchamp, and Matisse.

1933; Chicago Mayor Anton J. Cermak was killed in an assassination attempt on president-elect Franklin D. Roosevelt in Miami. 1965; The Maple Leaf Flag officially became the new national flag of Canada. 1989; More than 100,000 Soviet troops withdrew from Afghanistan almost 10 years after the USSR invaded the country.

2002; Olympics officials resolved the judging scandal by awarding Canadian pairs figure skaters Jamie Sale and David Pelletier a gold medal while allowing the Russians, Elena Berezhnaya and Anton Sikharulidze, to keep their medal. 2003; Millions of protesters around the world demonstrated against the threat of a U.S. war on Iraq.

Picture Of The Day: Shots from Sunday's Daytona 500 and Saturday's Nationwide series race. From top to bottom: 1) Jaime McMurray is ecstatic as he emerges from the cockpit in Victory Lane 2) Video: The checkered flag falls on McMurray and Dale Earnhardt Jr in the season opener 3) Danica Patrick is unable to avoid the crash that happens directly in front of her. 4) Tony Stewart wins his fifth Nationwide Daytona race 5) Tony Stewart poses with the winning trophy. 6) Jaimie McMurray waves the checkered flag in Victory Lane. 7) McMurray wins the Daytona 500.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Don't try to make your children grow up to be like you. They may do it. 2) If "con" is the opposite of "pro", then Congress is the opposite of progress. 3) I have a mind like a steel trap -- rusty and illegal in thirty-seven states. 4) If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? 5) Confidence is the feeling you have right before you really understand the problem.....and that's five !

Birthdays: My ex-wife, Susie. Happy Birthday Baby! 19XX, My pal and fantastic singer and musician, Carlos Oliva, founder of the salsa group, Los Sobrinos Del Juez. Happy Birthday my friend! 19XX, My pals Kay and Missie. Happy Birthday ladies! 19XX, Pedro Menendez de Aviles, colonizer 1519, Galileo Galilei, Italian astronomer 1564.

John Sutter, pioneer 1803, Cyrus McCormick, inventor 1809, Charles Lewis Tiffany, merchant 1812, Susan B. Anthony, reformer 1820 Elihu Root, cabinet member and diplomat 1845, Alfred North Whitehead, mathematician and philosopher 1861, Ernest Henry Shackleton, antarctic explorer 1874, John Barrymore, actor 1882, Jane Seymour, actress 1951.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Two elderly folks, Murray and Rose, lived in a nursing home wanted to get married. Their doctor took each one into his office separately to try and talk them out of it. He called in Rose and said, "Rose, you know Murray has already suffered two heart attacks." Rose said, "I don't care. I love him and I want to get married."

The doctor called in Murray and said, "Look, Murray, I know you want to get married, but I must tell you that Rose has acute angina." Murray said, "I know. She's got great tits too!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's stories.

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and placed his hand on her thigh. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." The woman yelled, "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable asshole!" The drunk muttered, "You sound like her too!"

A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered, "Barbender, I would like a Martuni." The bartender brought her a martini, which she drinks in one gulp. Again the woman says, "Barbender, I would like another Martuni." The bartender brought her another martini.

By this time the lady is leaning heavily forward, barely able to hang on. She called, "Barbender, your martunis are giving me heartburn." Patiently, the bartender came near her and said, "Lady, I am not a barbender, but a bartender, and what you have been drinking is not a martuni, but a martini, and finally, you do not have heartburn, your tits are in the ashtray."

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional box, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk just sits there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knocking, there's no toilet paper on this side either".

That's it for today my little chickadees (you knew that one was coming sooner or later). Remember, five out of four people have trouble with fractions. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !