It's Never Just News....It's "Breaking News!"

I follow the news virtually all day long, mostly following FOX News and CNN. For the most part, they do a good job, each giving their own political slant and spin. I realize and understand that there's only so much news to report. Since their news programs runs in increments of 30 minutes, there's bound to be repetition. Thus, "Breaking News" only breaks once for me and then it's "Repeated Breaking News".

Some stories, however, continue to break for two and three days in a row and at some point in time it should be reported as "Breaking News For The Hard Of Understanding" or "We've Got Nothing Else So We're Just Gonna Beat This Story To Death".

Then, in almost every city, we have the hometown sensationalist channel, whose motto seems to be "Everything We Report, Whether Shitty Or Not, Is Breaking News" There's always a reporter on the weather scene, usually standing in knee deep water when, if he were to walk a mere 15 feet to his left or right, he'd be on dry ground.

Of course, there's the poor reporter, usually young, who's sent to the scene of an accident or crime seven hours after the fact, so that he can report "from the scene" at 5:00 in the morning with nothing but darkness as his backdrop.

One of the most frustrating "Breaking News" routines comes with the dreaded words, "We interrupt your regular programing........." Usually it's some insipid, inane speech from Obama about something which is usually untrue, or slanted and spun, to prop up his lame record and broken 2008 campaign promises.

I miss the old days when news about President Bush interrupted my favorite program. It still pissed me off when my program was interrupted, but I could always count on Bush to entertain me by butchering the English language, usually throwing in a few "Newk-kew-lar" references for entertainment.

Maybe this weekend, we'll get lucky and be able to watch our favorite television programs without any "breaking news."

The News As I See It: Down in Louisiana, Republican Governor Bobby Jindal said he's just going to refuse to implement Obamacare, "That's it, screw it. I'm just not doing it." So if you need an operation in Louisiana, you're going to have to pay for it the old-fashioned way.....stand on a balcony, flash your tits, and hope someone throws you money.

Obama has revealed his new re-election slogan....."Forward." That's a good message for Obama. He's telling voters, "Whatever you do, don't look back at all those campaign promises I made."

Many Republicans want New Jersey Governor Chris Christie as Mitt's second in command. I'm not too sure about that but, then again, It's hard to look at Christie and not think.......number two.

Conservatives are criticizing Obama because in Indonesia, he sometimes ate dog meat. On the plus side, Obama is now polling very well among cats.

Mitt Romney also unveiled his new election slogan, "My money might be offshore, but my heart's right here in America."

This Date In History: 1535; Sir Thomas More was beheaded after refusing to join Henry VIII's Church of England. 1885; Louis Pasteur successfully treated a patient with a rabies vaccine.

1942; Anne Frank and her family sought refuge from the Nazis in Amsterdam. 1944; A fire caused by inept fire-eaters in the main tent of the Ringling Brothers Circus in Hartford, Conn., killed over 160 people.

1957; Althea Gibson won the Wimbledon women's singles tennis title. She was the first black person to win the event. 1997; The Mars rover Sojourner rolled onto the Martian surface. 1998; Roy Rogers, the King of the Cowboys, died.

Picture Of The Day: That's just the tip of the iceberg.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about? 2) They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. It may be true. The night before that last earthquake hit in California, my cousin's dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona. 3) George Washington’s brother was the Uncle of Our Country. 4) Political correctness is a useless theorem that allows the few to endanger the many. It is only applicable when being polite to ugly babies, men and women. 5) She said that she had been married three times. I could tell it was more than that by the rice marks on her face.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Cancer - July 6th: It's Friday and time to return to the party you left behind on Wednesday. Of course, if your still at the party, you might want to think about going home for a shower. 

Birthdays: My pals Bobby and Richard - Happy Birthday guys 19XX, John Paul Jones, American naval hero 1747, Frida Kahlo, painter 1907, George Walker Bush, 43rd American president 1946, Sylvester Stallone, actor(?) 1946, Valerie Brisco-Hooks, track and field 1960.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"

Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" Mabel pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Now I know where to find my hearing aid."

A farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what’s that under your arm?" The old farmer said, "That’s my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes." The ticket agent said, "We don’t allow animals in the theater."

The irritated old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.

The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.

Mildred whispered, "Marge, I think this guy next to me is a pervert." Marge replied, "What makes you think that?" Mildred whispered, "He unzipped his pants and is exposing himself."

Marge said, "Well, don’t worry about it, At our age we’ve seen them all." Mildred said, "Yeah, but this one is eating my popcorn."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really pissed. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds and it better be there".

The next morning Eddie got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Funeral services for Eddie have been scheduled for Friday.

A blonde was tired of hearing all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road. She asked, "Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd looked puzzled but agreed.

Out of the blue, she blurts out “57!” He was stunned but kept his word and allowed her to pick out a sheep. She picked out the cutest one. He looked at her and said, “If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back?"

Once upon a time a man asked a woman to marry him. She said, "No!", and the man drank beer and caroused with women and stayed out late and used the guest towels and farted at will and didn't put the toilet seat down and lived happily ever after.  

That's it for today, my little beanie babies. Remember, the problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour. Have a great weekend and more on Friday.

Stay Tuned !