A New Washer And Dryer? Now That's Romantic !

Okay, maybe I'm a bit too cynical, but some of the recent commercials just irritate me. I saw a Rent-A-Center commercial of a woman who had just rented a washer and dryer and she went crazy. Hey, a new washer and dryer is nice but I've been with a few women in my time and a new washer and dryer never did it for any of them.

You don't have to trust me on this. The next time you think of buying a gift for that special woman in your life, take a video of her reaction to her new washer-dryer and watch it several times.

The thing that drives me up a wall is that whoever creates these ads have to be complete idiots. Do they actually believe that most people can't see through the hype?

Have you seen the recent commercials lately? Since 2008, it seems to me that the ad creators really don't have any idea of the percentages of people who make up the population (or do they?). That is, not according to the relationship of the actual populous percentages compared to the overabundance of the same populous featured in today's commercials.

I wonder what group will be featured in the 2016 commercials? I'm thinking a bunch of stodgy old white women in pant suits......

Obama claimed during a press conference that he was "unaware" of Benghazi whistle blowers being prevented by his administration from coming forward with valuable information about the terrorist attack on September 11, 2012.

Obama's response prompted Charmain of the House Oversight Committee Darrell Issa to issue the following statement:

"The lawyer for Benghazi whistle blowers has publicly stated that the State Department is blocking her client’s ability to talk freely with counsel. Over the past two weeks, I have sent four letters requesting that this Administration make information available about how lawyers, who already have security clearances and are representing Benghazi whistle blowers, can be cleared to fully hear their clients’ stories. I have yet to receive any response from the Obama Administration."

Obama has found the time to address Planned Parenthood and apparently found the time to call gay basketball player Jason Collins to congratulate him on "coming out". One would think that after seven months of ongoing unresolved Benghazi questions and lack of answers thereof, Obama would have an inkling that possible "whistle blowers" are claiming that they are being threatened.

"I'm not familiar with this notion that anybody is being blocked from testifying......" Really Barry?

A beautiful octopus

The News As I See It: There's talk in California of letting non-citizens serve on juries. The bad news is that if you're ever on trial for underpaying your nanny, you could get the death penalty.

Obama said that the prison at Guantanamo Bay needs to be closed. To make sure it closes quickly, he's going going to declare it a small business and tax it out of existence.

Former Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'o did not get picked in the first round of the NFL draft, but his imaginary agent told him he was, so it's all good.

We have a new $100 bill. Do we really need a newly designed $100 bill? Hey, in this economy, most people don't even remember what the old one looked like.

New York City is testing a new plan that would make the average school day longer by over two hours. Parents haven't commented on the plan yet because they're busy high fiving everyone they know.

This Date In History: 1707; The Act of Union joined England and Scotland to form Great Britain. 1931; The Empire State Building opened in New York City. At 102 stories, it would be the world's tallest building for the next 41 years. Click to see the current tallest.

1941; Orson Welles's Citizen Kane, considered by many the greatest film ever made, premiered in New York. 1948; The Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North Korea) was established with Kim Il Sung as president.

1960; The Soviet Union shot down an American U-2 reconnaissance plane over Soviet territory. 1967; Elvis Presley married Priscilla Beaulieu. (They divorced in 1973.)

1991; 44-year-old Texas fireballer Nolan Ryan hurled his seventh and final no-hitter in a 3-0 victory over the Toronto Blue Jays. That same day, Oakland's Rickey Henderson broke Lou Brock’s stolen base record.

2003; President Bush made a speech aboard an aircraft carrier proclaiming “major combat operations in Iraq have ended.” 2009; For the first time in 341 years, a woman is appointed as poet laureate of the United Kingdom. Carol Ann Duffy, 53, will take over the post from current poet laureate Andrew Motion.

Picture Of The Day: These beautiful alpacas belong to my friend, Nancy.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Sometimes it may look like I'm doing crunches, but most of the time, I'm just just trying to get up. 2) Arguing with a woman is like being attacked by a bear. You're better off playing dead and hoping they get bored and walk away. 3) A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I'm dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant. 4) I joined our neighborhood watch program. There's 30 of us though, so I only get to wear it once a month. 5) I can only handle so much of a bunch of screaming kids on a long car ride before I pull over, take them off the roof and let them back in.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Taurus - May 1st: The light is coming closer and soon you will see exactly what the future holds with a special someone. The light is a little bit blinding though, so you might want to duck out of the way when it gets within touching distance or possibly even turn around. But don't turn around for too long or the light will be gone. I'm pretty sure it's a light. I've discussed it with a other astrologers and it's either a light or a locomotive. Just in case, get out of the tunnel.

Birthdays: Joseph Addison, writer 1672, Mary Harris Jone,s labor agitator 1830, Calamity Jane, frontier character 1852, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, philosopher 1881, Joseph Heller, writer 1923, Wes Anderson, filmmaker 1969.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die, you will have my remains cremated." His friend asked, "What do you want me to do with your ashes?"

The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope, 'Now, you have everything'."

A local man was found murdered in his home in California over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his bathtub. The tub had been filled with milk and corn flakes and the deceased had a banana protruding from his ass. Police suspect a cereal killer.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

She asked, "Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd looked puzzled but agreed. Out of the blue, she blurts out, "57". He was stunned but kept his word and allowed her to pick out a sheep.

She picked out the cutest one. He looked at her and said, "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back?"

A young couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an unfortunate incident occurred. Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet to pee and neglected to notice that the seat was up. When she sat, she kept going! She was just the right size and shape so that she became jammed into the toilet past her waist with her legs sticking straight up in front of her.

She cried for her husband, who rushed in and for the next hour tried desperately to free her. In this process, they removed her sleeping gown, but this only left her naked and still stuck, with a particular part of her anatomy prominently visible between her splayed legs. Finally, the couple resolved to call a plumber, despite the embarrassing nature of their problem.

When the plumber arrived, the young man let him in, but as they were walking to the bathroom, the young man realized that his wife was exposed in a very compromising and humiliating way. Thinking fast, he ran ahead of the plumber, grabbed a stuffed bunny rabbit that was on the bed and placed it over his wife's exposed privates.

The plumber walked into the bathroom, took a long look and said, Well, I can save your wife, Buddy, but the rabbit's a goner.

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

That's it for today, my little cotton pickers. Remember, be an optimist....at least until they start moving animals in pairs to Cape Canaveral. I'm going for a scotch in AREA 51 for happy hour.

That's it for now. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !