Guilty !

Jodi Arias was convicted of first-degree murder today in the gruesome killing of her one-time boyfriend in Arizona after a four-month trial that captured headlines with lurid tales of sex, lies, religion and a salacious relationship that ended in a blood bath.

Arias fought back tears, and family members of the victim wept and hugged each other as the verdict was announced in the hushed, packed courtroom.

The jury of eight men and four women took about 15 hours to reach its verdict after four months of testimony, including 18 days on the witness stand by the 32-year-old Arias. The jury will return to the courtroom Thursday to begin the next phase of the trial that could set the stage for her being sentenced to death.

Some court cases are difficult to decide and there will be more difficult cases to decide in the future, but even Helen Keller would have come to the same guilty verdict. Unfortunately, there are cases like the O.J. Simpson murder trial that somehow slip through the cracks, but left to his own devices and character, he tripped up again and now is serving time.

The News As I See It: Chris Christie revealed he had lap-band surgery in February. As a result, 12 animals have been removed from the endangered species list. Christie is now saying that his decision had nothing to do with 2016, which by the way is his cholesterol.

Obama wished Christie well. In fact, Obama is now thinking about having Joe Biden's mouth stapled.

CNN anchor Carol Costello was robbed of her iPhone in broad daylight while walking down the street in Atlanta. Unfortunately it was on CNN, so there weren’t any witnesses.

Mexico's economy has been on the upswing the last couple of years. They're getting investors from companies all over the world. In fact, Mexico is now home to 11 million undocumented Americans.

Taco Bell's chief marketing executive says they are now working on a new low-end menu. Say what? You mean the crap they've been serving is the high-end stuff?

A Texas man has fired the first-ever gun created by a 3-D printer. Which raises the question: Don't you think a gun created by a printer would jam?

Last weekend, Obama gave the commencement speech at Ohio State University. He said, "I dare you to do better" to which the students yelled back, "No, we dare YOU to do better. We need jobs!"

This Date In History: 1794; Antoine Laurent Lavoisier, the father of modern chemistry, was guillotined during the Reign of Terror. 1877; The first Westminister Dog Show was held. 1902; Mount Pelee on Martinique erupted, destroying the town of St. Pierre, and killing 40,000 people.

1945; V-E Day marks the European victory of the Allies in World War II. 1973; The 10-week Wounded Knee occupation ended when members of the American Indian Movement surrendered. 1978; David Berkowitz, a.k.a. the "Son of Sam", plead guilty to killing six people in New York City. 1999; The Citadel in South Carolina graduated its first female cadet, Nancy Mace.

Picture Of The Day: Got the time?

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Tweeting and grocery shopping don't mix. Sunday, I went down every aisle and realized that all I had in my cart was a cabbage and someone's baby. 2) I used to think I was too picky. Then, I watched my neighbors dog look for a place to take a crap. 3) The problem with playing scrabble with my cat while I'm drunk is that I'm not sure who's winning cause he's eaten most of his tiles. 4) I hate getting older. Today it took me 5 minutes to pick up the soap I dropped in the shower. I hope I never commit a felony. 5) I found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend's bedroom. I can't believe she's a super hero.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Taurus - May 8th: He who makes love at awkward angle gets back problems the next day. The smoothness of your bikini area is testament to all your work in that area. A potato salesmen may call today and leave a spud on your doorstep. If it's in a bag and on fire, don't step on it. It's not a spud.

Birthdays: Edward Gibbon, historian 1737, Jean Henri Dunant, founder of the International Red Cross 1828, Harry S. Truman, 33rd President of the United States 1884, Joselito, matador 1895, Thomas Pynchon, novelist 1937, Peter Benchley, novelist 1940.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Old Mrs. Lipschitz went to her gynecologist and after her examination, she told him that she was worried about her husband's health. When asked about the problem, Mrs. Lipschitz said that lately her husband had developed a penchant for eating dog food.

The doctor said, "I wouldn't worry too much about that. As long as he eats other types of food as well, the dog food won't hurt him." The doctor's answer satisfied the old woman and she returned home.

About a month later, the doctor happened to see Mrs. Lipschitz at the shopping mall. He greeted the old woman and asked about Mr. Lipschitz. She said, "Oh, he's in the hospital in intensive care but the doctors say he's going to be fine."

Horrified, the doctor said, "My word, I didn't believe that eating dog food would hurt him. I hope that he didn't have a reaction to the dog food and was poisoned."

Mrs. Lipschitz replied, "No, eating the dog food wasn't the problem. He stepped off the curb to sniff a poodle's ass and got hit by a car."

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. It never smells and it's always silent. As a matter of fact I've passed gas at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was passing gas because it doesn't smell and it's silent."

The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back. She says, "Doctor, I don't know what you gave me, but now my passing gas is still silent but it really." The doctor says, "Good. Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, we'll start working on your hearing."
 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side committal service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns.

He arrived a half-hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight and the workmen were eating lunch. The pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Taking out his book, he read the service. As he was returning to his car, one of the workmen said, "You think we should tell him it's a septic tank?"

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, may we help you?" The man said,  "There's something wrong with my dick." The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."

The man said, "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you." The receptionist said, "We do not use language like that here. Please go outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong with your ear or whatever."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" The man said, "There's something wrong with my ear. The receptionist nodded approvingly and said, "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?" The man said, "I can't piss out of it."

That's it for today, my little rice cakes. Remember, a baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, unless it's 3am, you're home alone and you don't have a baby. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

That's it for now. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !