2016 Will Be "Politics As Usual"

I hate election time. It starts too soon, lasts too long and the candidates are liars and thieves, padding their accounts with big corporate money, which merits prosecution, not contributions.

Meanwhile Obama, like others before him, is doing his best to create a legacy with smoke and mirrors. He's done nothing of merit and what little he has accomplished was done by lying to the American public.

Obama's foreign policy, especially the Iran negotiations, are so bad that Congress will need to approve the agreement. Obie threatened veto the bill until it was clear that the bill would be veto proof and withdrew his veto threat. A humiliating defeat.

The Republicans are so disorganized, the supposed calm and intelligent party can't even come up with a decent candidate, leaving the email destroying Hillary Clinton licking her lips in anticipation of her coronation and a third Obama presidency.

The election process needs to limit contributions to $1,000 by corporations and $500 per person. This would help to eliminate buying a politician. Anyone who votes would need a identification card with photograph to vote. Of course this may create a problem for dead voters and democrats from south of the border.

And finally, the election process would be six months, with all media prohibited from running political ads and fined for lack of adherence. This may sound crazy, but that's just me......

The News As I See It: Hillary Clinton announced she's running for president. Yesterday in Ohio, Hillary popped into a Chipotle and she ordered a burrito bowl with chips and salsa. On her way out, she said, "That locks down the Hispanic vote."

Hillary is not the first woman to run for president. That title belongs to Victoria Woodhull, who ran for president in 1872. Her running mate was a young, scrappy John McCain.

Jeb Bush welcomed his fourth grandchild. The new Bush grandchild is happy, healthy and will be running for president in 2048.

Olive Garden has announced that it will provide tablet computers at every table. The next step will be to provide Italian food.

This Date In History: 1755; Samuel Johnson published his Dictionary of the English Language. 1817; Thomas Hopkins Gallaudet opened the first free American school for the deaf in Hartford, Conn. 1861; In response to the attack on Fort Sumter three days earlier, President Abraham Lincoln declared a state of insurrection and called out Union troops.

1912; Titanic sank off the coast of Newfoundland on its maiden voyage after it struck an iceberg. 1920; A paymaster and guard were murdered in Braintree, Mass. Sacco and Vanzetti were accused of the crime. 1945 Nazi concentration camp Bergen-Belsen was liberated by Canadian and British forces.

1947; Jackie Robinson made his Brooklyn Dodger debut and scored the game-winning run. On April 15, 1997, his number, 42, was retired. 1955; Ray Kroc acquired McDonald's and opened his first restaurant in Des Plaines, Illinois, today the official McDonald’s Corporate Museum.

1996; The 100th Boston Marathon was won by Moses Tanui of Kenya. 1998; Cambodian despot Pol Pot, leader of the Khmer Rouge, died. 2013; Two bombs exploded at the Boston Marathon in Boston, Massachusetts, killing 3 and injuring at least 170 others.

Picture Of The Day: Jeb Bush listed himself as "Hispanic". Open borders, anyone? Sorry Jeb, you're out!

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I ran into my ex-wife the other day. I could have sworn the light was green. 2) Anyone who feels bad about dumping a huge national debt on the next generation hasn't spent a lot of time around teenagers. 3) My friend told the Starbucks waiter that his name is Stephen with a "ph". The cup came back reading "Pheven". 4) A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million. 5) Your potato salad recipe is not a "family secret". Your uncle Ray, who cooks meth in his trailer home, is a family secret.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aries - April 15th: The evidence for love is staring you in the face but you can't see the forest for the trees. If you find this is true, the best thing to do is to stop wandering into forests and stand toe-to-toe with people you like.

Birthdays: Leonardo da Vinci, Italian painter, sculptor, architect, musician, engineer, and scientist 1452, Henry James, novelist 1843, A. Philip Randolph, labor leader 1889, Bessie Smith, singer 1894, Evelyn Ashford, athlete 1957.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. The first man asks the second, "How did you die?" The second man says, "I froze to death." The first man says, "That's awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?"

The second man replies, "It's very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping."

The second man asks, "How did you die?" The first man says, "I had a heart attack. You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either."

He continued, "I ran as fast as I could to the attic and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head and says, "that's so ironic." The first man says, "What do you mean?" The second man replies, "If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

A little boy was confronted by his irate father who asked, "Johnny, did you push the outhouse over the cliff?" Little Johnny replied, "Yes, father, I cannot tell a lie. I pushed the outhouse over the cliff."

With that, the seething father took off his belt, put little Johnny over his knee and proceeded to give him a good lashing. Little Johnny cried out, "But father, George Washington did not get a lashing when he told the truth about chopping down the cherry tree."

Johnny's father replied, "George Washington's father was not in the cherry tree!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about half of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him. Then he gets an idea.

He calls his daddy and says, "Dad, you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at college that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!"

His father replies, "That's absolutely amazing. How do I get him in that program?" The boy says, "Just send him down here with $1,000. I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000.

About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. His father says, "So how's Ole Blue doing, son? The boy replied, "Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm, but you just won't believe this they've had such good results with this program that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to read!"

His father exclaims, "Read?! No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?" The boy replies, " Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the money. The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So, because he loves the dog, he gives him to a close friend.

When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"

The boy says, "Dad, I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, ' So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street?' "

The father says, "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!" His son says, "I sure did, Dad!" The father replies, "That's my boy!"

A female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview and said, "Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CBS. What's your name?" The old man replied, "Morris Feinberg."

She asked, "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?" The old man said, "For about 60 years." The journalist responded, "60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

The old man said, "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man. I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests and I pray that everyone will be happy."

The reporter asked him, "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" The old man turned and said, "Like I'm talking to a f**king wall"

That's it for today, my little coconuts. Remember, hockey is more tolerable if you pretend they're fighting over the world's last Oreo. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More on Friday.

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