Yesteryear

Harken back to 1964. Graduated high school in '63, now more into world matters. The Cuban Missile Crisis was on my mind, I registered for the Draft and a place called Vietnam was in the news. A new group called "The Beatles" were hot and I was performing in a band with Brother Kirt.

The earlier years were great, but 1964 found me torn between my passion for stock car racing, and my music and the rewards that come with it. It had become apparent that guys in bands were almost always surrounded by girls. Moreover, even if you weren't that good (I am), they girls still came around.

My new draft card didn't have much meaning to me until I was called down to take a physical, which I failed (too light for my height). With Vietnam more and more in the news and quite a few of my friends getting drafted or joining the military, I decided I should investigate this problem further and create a plan.

In the interim, my mother advised me that I was to either go to college or get a job. She also advised me that, either way, she was going to start charging me rent. Tell me it ain't so, Ma!

So there I was, dealing with the possibility of going to war, a lusting desire to become more involved in my world of music and it's perks and now Mom's putting on the pressure.

So, I got a job that paid $5 a day and was raised to $6 a week later. I had to take a bus to work. Fortunately, I got laid off (I hated that job) and found a job paying the minimum wage of $1.25 per hour. It was at that job when the owners announced that JFK had been assassinated. They told us to go home (with pay).

Beatlemania grew stronger as more English bands came to America including The Rolling Stones, The Animals and many others. Musically, I was in seventh heaven and my love life was great, but there was other things happening in the world that I didn't like.

1964 was a year that greatly affected my life, mostly good. Thankfully youth was on my side because I had my mind and hands full during that year. Truthfully, the few moments of peace and serenity came when I was either fishing with my father, my brother and other close friends.

Many people who know me and are semi-aware of my past, have suggested that I could write a book. I have considered it and, since the statute of limitations has run out and most the women I knew back in the day either have gotten divorces or their husbands are too old to beat me up, it's still on the table.

The News As I See It: There is a push for American Pharoah to be named Sports Illustrated's "Sportsman of the Year." There’s no word yet if he'll be featured in the next swimsuit issue.

The Women's World Cup is under way again. Soccer, of course, is the sport in which you're only allowed to use your hands if you're the goalie or taking a bribe.

Hillary Clinton has joined Instagram. Meanwhile, her Democratic opponent Bernie Sanders joined telegram. Word has it that Hillary has already deleted thousands of photos.

Olympic figure skater Michelle Kwan is now a full-time paid staffer on Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign and Tonya Harding was hired to take care of any other Democrats who enter the race.

Thieves robbed and bound a Miami man yesterday. They gagged him with a piece of rope and covered his eyes with masking tape. He was able to chew through the rope after two hours of trying. His inspiration came from remembering eating his wife's pot roast.

This Date In History: 1880; John Lee Richmond pitched baseball's first perfect game. A perfect game occurs when no batter reaches a base during a complete game of at least nine innings.

1898; Emilio Aguinaldo, head of the Philippine nationalists, proclaimed independence from Spain. 1939; The Baseball Hall of Fame opened to the public in Cooperstown, New York. 1942; Anne Frank received a diary for her birthday.

1963; Civil rights leader Medgar Evers was fatally shot in front of his home in Jackson, Mississippi. 1997; Interleague play began in baseball, ending a 126-year tradition of separating the major leagues until the World Series.

Picture Of The Day: The Cuban Missile Crisis occurred in 1962. The entire world was on pins and needles fearing nuclear war for 13 days until the Soviet Union backed down. The Opa Locka, Florida Air Base was alive with thousands of armed soldiers, equipment and munitions.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) If you tip the world over on its side, anything and everything that's illegal, loose or useless will land in Los Angeles. 2) Doing word problems as a child helped me in adulthood. "Jimmy doesn't have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?" 3) When I was eight, I saw a picture of myself in one of those strollers for twins. I asked Dad why there were two seats in the stroller. He said I used to have a brother, but he didn't obey. 4) I saw a woman really screaming at her kids at Walmart this morning, but in her defense, the kids were ugly. 5) Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 12th: Someone will attempt to lead you into temptation tonight. Resist! You can find temptation all by yourself and at half the cost. A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any price. Go now, or forever hold your pee.

Birthdays: Johanna Spyri, author 1827, Djuna Barnes, author 1892, George Herbert Walker Bush, 41st President of the United States (1989–93) 1924, Anne Frank, diarist 1929.

The Florida Keys - 1962

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?" She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old."

The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your big fat ass?" She replied, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."

A guy goes into a bar and sits next to an attractive woman. He tries to strike up a conversation, when suddenly the woman says, "Let me save you some time, pal, I like women." Undaunted and a bit miffed, the guy won't take no for an answer.

The lesbian smirks and says, "Tell you what, I'll sleep with you if you can name one thing a man can do for me that my vibrator can't," The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, let's see your vibrator buy the next round of drinks!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my friend Mike for his contribution to today's stories.

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. He mumbles from behind the mask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, sir, they look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now. listen very closely, "Are - my - test - results - back?"

An Italian, a Frenchman and an Englishman were discussing their previous night's lovemaking. The Italian said, "I rubbed fine olive oil all over my wife, then we made wonderful love. She screamed for five minutes."

The Frenchman said, "I rubbed sweet butter on my wife's body, then we made passionate love. She screamed for half an hour." The Englishman said, "I covered my wife's body with lard. We made love and she screamed for six hours."

The others asked, "Six hours? How did you make her scream for six hours?" The Englishman replied, "I wiped my hands on the drapes."

A man goes into Border's bookstore and asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises? She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." The man says, "Yeah that's the one, I'll take a copy please."

That's it for today, my little sesame seeds. Remember, you've never truly appreciated Newton’s laws of motion until you’ve sneezed while going to the bathroom. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !