Friday Ramblings

Peaceful protest is an American right, but violent protest is not. As far as I'm concerned, anyone wearing a mask, carrying a potential weapon or committing violence should be arrested on the spot and jailed. Violence is an insult to all Americans who try to abide by the law.

Personally, if I see someone wearing a mask and carrying a weapon, my first thought is my own safety and the safety of others. If he or she approaches me, they will find themselves looking down the business end of my 38 caliber pistol. It's better to be judged by twelve than be carried by six. 

On another note, users have no idea how many pseudo (fake) news sites are on Facebook. They have important sounding names, but most are just opportunists who use ludicrous headlines to lure people to their sites. So that you are aware, most sites advertise and receive income on a pay per click status. The more gullible ofttimes click the ads, et voila, income for the site. Most are untrustworthy and sometimes dangerous.

The News As I See It: Saudi Arabia has been named to the United Nations’ Commission on Women’s Rights. In a related story, Ireland has been named to the UN Commission on Sobriety and Tanning.

President Trump did an interview the other day where he said he never realized that being president was such a big responsibility. And somewhere far, far away, Hillary Clinton crushed the wine glass she was holding.

Chelsea Clinton recently said that when her mom traveled, she would leave a note for her every day that she was gone. Though every day the note just read, "Keep an eye on your father."

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un warned that he might unleash a "super mighty preemptive strike." When she heard, Mrs. Kim Jong-un rolled her eyes and said, "Trust me, I wouldn’t worry about it."

This Date In History: 1788; Maryland became the 7th state in the United States. 1789; Fletcher Christian led the mutiny aboard the British ship Bounty against Captain William Bligh. 1945 Benito Mussolini was executed.

1947; Thor Heyerdahl and five others began their Pacific Ocean crossing on the raft, Kon-Tiki. 1967; Boxing champion Muhammad Ali refused to be inducted into the Army. 1992; The U.S. Dept. of Agriculture unveiled its first "food pyramid."

2001; Dennis Tito became the first space tourist. 2004; The Abu Ghraib prison abuse scandal first comes to light when graphic photos of U.S. soldiers physically abusing and humiliating Iraqi prisoners were shown on CBS's 60 Minutes II.

Picture Of The Day: A prime example of two thugs who should be arrested and jailed.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) One more missile failure and the Acme Corporation is going to lose their North Korea contract.  2) You can have more degrees than a thermometer and still be dumb as shit. 3) A large rabbit was attacked on a United flight. A chubby little man is a suspect. The media tried to reach him for comment but he's being vewy vewy quiet. 4) No one deals with rejection more than Internet Explorer requesting to be your default browser. 5) When I say "the other day" it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Taurus - April 28th: Hats have always looked good on you. Yep, today is definitely a hat day. Don't trust little birdies, they're renowned liars. Skeletons in your closet are a sign that you have an eventful life and are nothing to be embarrassed about. That is, except that incident with your fourth grade teacher. Keep that one under your hat..

Birthdays: James Monroe, 5th president of the United States 1758, Marie Joseph Chenier, poet and dramatist 1764, Lionel Barrymore, actor 1878, Harper Lee, author 1926 Jay Leno, talk-show host 1950, Penélope Cruz, actress 1974.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Bubba, a Kentucky good old boy, decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He goes to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running, reaches the edge and into the wind he goes.

Meanwhile, Ma and Pa were sitting on the porch swing talking when Ma spots the biggest bird she ever seen. Ma screams, "Look at the size of that bird, Pa." Pa raises up and says," Get my gun, Ma." She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun.

He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops. Ma says, "Pa, I think you missed him. Pa replies, "Yeah, but at least he let go of Bubba!"

A precious little girl walks into a PetSmart store and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, where do you keep the widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks,"Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice. "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man owned a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Work Force Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. The agent demanded "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,"

The rancher replied, "Well. there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.

The rancher continued, "Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board. I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

The agent said, "That's the guy I want to talk to ... the half-wit." The rancher replied, "That would be me."

A chicken farmer went to the local bar. He sat next to a woman and ordered champagne. The woman said, "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne." The farmer said, "What a coincidence, it is a special day for me. I'm celebrating." The woman said, "It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!"

While they toasted, the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?" The woman replied, "My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and today, my gynecologist told me that I was pregnant." The farmer said, "What a coincidence. I am a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilized eggs."

The woman said, "This is awesome! What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?" The farmer said, "I used a different rooster." The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence."

That's it for today, my little pork chops. Remember, if you're a white guy and walk into Home Depot without wearing sunglasses on top of your head, legally, they don't have to sell you anything. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More next week.

Stay Tuned !