The Alabama Gang At Sunday's Talladega 500

The Nascar Talladega 500 is Sunday and so is my birthday. Brother Kirt and Sister Jeanne sent a much appreciated gift. So, pizza and beer to go with the race and I'm a happy camper. I've known the above champion racers more than 50 years.

The adventure began as a kid watching stock car racing at Hialeah, Medley, Hollywood and West Palm Beach speedways. Later on, we kids became more and more involved with the sport, The featured picture is (from left to right) Nascar Champions and race winners Bobby Allison, brother Donnie Allison and Red Farmer.

Our group of former bike racers produced driving champions Gary Balough, Skip Gibson, Billy Barnwell, Teddy Barnwell, Randy Barnwell, Pete Rintell, Danny Maddox and more. I, myself, drove a couple of times but the discovery of wine, women and song soon ended any thoughts of a racing career.

So Sunday will be a relaxing day watching the exciting Talladega 500 on a 2.66 high bank oval with speeds approaching 200 miles per hour. The sentimental favorite has to be Dale Earnhardt Jr., son of seven time champion Dale Earnhardt Sr, who died in 2001 in a crash at Daytona International Speedway on the last lap of the race.

The News As I See It: An Australian family managed to save the life of a lizard they found at the bottom of their pool by performing CPR on it. Can you imagine putting your lips on a lizard? Then Bill Clinton said, "Yeah, I can." That family revived the lizard by performing CPR for 30 minutes. I give up looking for the TV remote after 25 seconds.

American Airlines announced that they plan on cutting leg room in economy class, while United Airlines announced they’ll be cutting legs. "We are coming down with the beverage cart! Get your legs out of the aisle!"

This Date In History: 1809; Mary Kies of South Killingly, Conn., became the first woman to be granted a patent. The patent was for the rights to a technique for weaving straw with silk and thread. 1821; Napoleon Bonaparte died on the island of St. Helena.

1891; 1891 Carnegie Hall (then known as Music Hall) opened in New York City. Peter Tchaikovsky was the guest conductor. 1925; John Scopes was arrested in Tennessee for teaching Darwinism.

1961; Alan Shepard became the first American in space. 1981; Bobby Sands of the Irish Republican Army died in a prison hospital on the 66th day of his hunger strike  2004; Pablo Picasso's "Boy with a Pipe" became the most expensive painting ever sold.

Picture Of The Day: ThDale Earnhardt Jr.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) 75% of parenting is repeating the same set of instructions over and over using a different kid's name. 2) Every time my girlfriend wakes me up to tell me I'm snoring, we end up having sex. I'm beginning to question whether or not I snore. 3) Just when I think I have my absent mindedness and feeble mind together, I find my missing shoe in the microwave. 4) Never underestimate the power of positive thinking and also never underestimate the power of waving a tire iron or a gun around. 5) It was all fun and games until she noticed that the "rocket" in her five-year-old son's Lego launchpad came from the drawer in her nightstand.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Taurus - May 5th: The legend of baked beans may trouble you as last night's meal begins to catch up to you today. Avoid crowded elevators and other close places where an accidental cough or sneeze may cause people to shun you and otherwise create mass panic.

Birthdays: Soren Kierkegaard, philosopher and religious thinker 1813, Nellie Bly, journalist 1867, Tyrone Power, actor 1914, Arthur L Schawlow, physicist 1921, Tammy Wynette, country singer 1942, Adele, singer 1988.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An angel visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and sex if she wants to get into heaven. The woman said she would try her best.

The angel visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on. "Not bad," said the woman, "I've given up smoking and drinking but then I bent over to get some stuff out of the freezer and my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs, pulled up my skirt, pulled my panties to one side and made love to me right then and there."

The angel said, "They don't like that in heaven" The woman replied, "They're not too happy about it in Walmart either!"

As I was getting into bed, she said, "You’re drunk". I said, "How do you know?" She said, "You live next door."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray that read, "Take only one. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

A pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Asking questions during children's sermons is crucial. Asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.

After the pastor asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."

That's it for today, my little chicklets. Remember, lust is not real love and Domino's is not real pizza but both are fine when you're drunk. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More next week.

Stay Tuned !