Go Ahead, Make My Day !

Yesterday, I made a one minute video of my overgrown kitten, Scooter, basically because he, my cell phone and I were all next to the computer. I can't upload it because I can't find the right cable and/or one of the cats stole it to play with.

I ordered a new one from Amazon for less than $4.00, but I wanted to find the original one. I searched for it everywhere, thereby causing my back and feet to hurt like hell.

After resting a bit, I decided to look behind the two couches, neither of which have been moved in more than a year. The result was a ton of dirt and cat hair, tops from every medicinal tube or Chapstick that you can imagine and various other objects that Samantha and Scooter found entertaining to play with.

One thing that I found was an unopened pack of cigarettes which blew my mind. That's because I happened to be out and needed to take a quick trip to the store.

My undesired trip resolved, I looked one more time in the hope that I might an unopened bottle of scotch and an old girlfriend or two, but, alas, my free gift exploration fell short.

So, I will either find the original cable or wait until the new one arrives and finish the new video of scooter. I'll keep you apprised.....  

The News As I See It: Congratulations to Mick Jagger, who, at 73 years old,  just became the father of a baby boy....his eighth child. They say the baby looks just like his dad, all wrinkly.

Facebook has filed a patent on a system to automatically identify and remove posts containing fake news and just after the nick of time.

This Date In History: 1941; China declared war against Japan, Germany, and Italy. 1958; The anti-Communist John Birch Society was formed. 1965; "A Charlie Brown Christmas" premiered. 1990; Lech Walesa was elected president of Poland.

1993; U.S. astronauts completed repair work on the Hubble Space Telescope. 1996; Archaeologist and anthropologist Mary Leakey died in Kenya at age 83.

Picture Of The Day: Scooter calculates his next move, ever wary on the cunning, more experienced, Samantha.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) So that you know, I put the "ate" in chocolate. 2) Turns out it wasn't vertigo causing me to run into things, it was vodka. 3) (Me): "I had salmon for lunch." (Her): "The 'L' is silent. (Me): "I know that. I had salmon for unch." 4) I posted a photo of my clean house on Facebook and it was flagged as fake news. 5) It's good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.....and that's Five !

Today's Horoscope: Sagittarius - December 9th: Romantic gestures will flourish forth today from the cup of love you hold in your heart. Destiny will help you discover that you are not intended to be alone. Do not fret or languish, for chastity is curable, if detected early.

Birthdays: Joel Chandler Harris  humorist 1848, Jean de Brunhoff  author and illustrator 1899, Margaret Hamilton  actress 1902, Grace Hopper  rear admiral, computer scientist 1906, Thomas P O'Neill   political leader 1912, Kirk Douglas  actor 1916, John Cassavetes  actor and director 1929, Junior Wells  musician 1934, Dame Judi Dench  actress 1934, Tom Daschle, U.S. senator 1947, John Malkovich, actor 1953, Felicity Huffman, actor 1962, Crown Princess Masako, royalty 1963.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. "Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

Two hunters in Louisiana are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: An elderly man lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died and he went to the parish priest and asked if he would say a mass for his poor departed pet.

The priest replied, "I'm afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane."

The old man said, "I'll go right away, Father. Do ya think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?" The priest exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?"

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world." Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world." Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the most disgusting person in the world."

So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified. Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy, "It's official, I am the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now officially the smallest person in the world."

Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says, "Who the hell is Rosie O'Donnell ?"

That's it for today, my little pine cones. Remember, nothing says "I don't take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More soon.

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Coping With A Growing Kitten

Scooter is now an obnoxious teenager and eats or destroys everything he encounters. Yet, once he tires, he always sits wherever I am, curls up, purrs and takes a nap. When he does, Sam and I nap, as well. It's the only peace we get.

When he awakens, his first trek is to the food dish and then off for his wind sprints around the house, He cares not who (or what) he runs over, he just has fun. Sam hisses and I yell, but to no avail.

Besides breaking glasses and dishes, Scooter also managed to chew through the cable of my web cam, rendering it useless. I got it as a gift from a Nascar executive and, although it isn't very expensive, it worked well.

It won't be long, however, for his visit to the vet to be neutered. Although I'm hoping that this slows him down a bit, previous vet trips with different cats show me that it won't slow him down too much.

Until then, the house will remain in disarray and Sam and I will still be frustrated.....

The News As I See It: Pope Francis met with Mark Zuckerberg at the Vatican, and it was revealed that the Pope doesn’t actually have an official Facebook account. In other words, he wants to connect with millions of Catholics worldwide, just not the ones he went to high school with.

Anthony Weiner is back in the news with another sexting scandal. He's like the Michael Phelps of sexting. He keeps saying he's going to retire, but every four years he's back.

This November, Californians get to vote on whether or not to legalize recreational marijuana. They can either forget to vote in person, or forget to vote by mail.

Kim Jong Un reportedly threw a huge outdoor dance party on Thursday to celebrate the successful test of North Korea's ballistic missile. Residents described the party as fun, exciting, and mandatory.

This Date In History: 1887 Thomas Edison received a patent for his "Kinetoscope," and moving pictures were born. 1888 Mary Ann Nicholls, considered to be Jack the Ripper's first victim, was found murdered in London. 1962 Trinidad and Tobago gained independence from Great Britain. 1980 Poland's Solidarity labor movement had its beginnings when an agreement ending a 17-day strike was signed in Gdansk. 1994 Russia officially ended its military presence in the former East Germany and the Baltic states. 1997 Princess Diana and her companion Dodi al-Fayed were killed in a car accident in Paris. 2012 Armenia severed diplomatic relations with Hungary, after the pardoning of Ramil Safarov. In 2004, Safarov was convicted of killing an Armenian soldier.

Picture Of The Day: The kitten has grown.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Have you ever noticed that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and blaming it on society? 2) Kentucky Hallmark Card: "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad." 3) You know your choice of your HMO is questionable when directions to the doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park". 4) I got a postcard from a blonde girlfriend of mine. It said, "Having a good time. Where am I?" 5) If I take the Ginko, I might be able to remember where I put the Viagra.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Virgo - August 31st: The stars are aligned for you today and if you ever enjoyed the antics of "Soupy Sales", you're in for a treat. Additionally, it's "hump day" so you've got two good reasons to have a great evening. Chance of romance is 64.71 percent. Do not attempt to fry bacon in the nude.

Birthdays: Georg Jensen, silversmith 1866 Wilhelmina, queen 1880 Alan Jay Lerner, lyricist and librettist 1918 Van Morrison, singer, songwriter 1945 Itzhak Perlman, concert violinist 1945 Richard Gere, actor 1949

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A young reporter was interviewing a woman who had just reached her hundredth birthday. The reporter asks, "To what do you attribute your remarkable good health?"

She said, thoughtfully, "Well, I've always eaten moderately, worked hard and I don't smoke or drink." The reporter asked, "Have you ever been bedridden?" The elderly lady replied, "Well, sure, but don't put that in your paper."

Two cows were grazing on the side of a hill and one turned to the other and said, "Mooo." The other cow replied, "Damn, I was just going to say that."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: According to the Knight Rider News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the US Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed.

The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated as "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:

Dear Sirs: "While camping last week, I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg band and I wanted to tell you that it tasted like shit."

The bands are now marked "Fish and Wildlife Service."

Thieves robbed and bound a Miami man yesterday. They gagged him with a piece of rope and covered his eyes with masking tape. He was able to chew through the rope after two hours of trying. His inspiration came from remembering his wife's pot roast.

That's it for today, my little moon pies. Remember, sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Follow Jimmy's Journal on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !